One Slip

A Momentary Lapse of Reason: Pink Floyd

One slip, and down the hole we fall,

It seems to take no time at all

A momentary lapse of reason

That binds a life for life

A small regret, you won't forget.

There'll be no sleep in here tonight

Kirsten headed towards the pool house. As she approached it, she saw the flicker of a cigarette at the end of the yard. Veering off towards the lawn chairs set up to take advantage of the ocean view, she found Ryan.

"Hey" he muttered, looking up at her. "Sorry, I just felt like a smoke. I needed to think a bit."

Kirsten settled into a chair next to him "I know. You've had a lot to think about." Silence covered the next ten minutes. Neither felt like talking, yet neither felt like leaving. Ryan finished his cigarette. He didn't try and light another; he just laid on the lawn chair, staring into the distance.

Kirsten pointed out over the ocean "See that, a storm out there. It should hit here in a few minutes." She settled back in her chair "I used to love to sit here and watch the storms come in. It helped me cope when my mother was dying. Sandy, his life was different. He didn't understand how I felt about Caleb and my mother. I needed to think things through by myself. "

Ryan grunted. He wasn't really un-interested in what Kirsten was saying. But he wasn't really interested in anything right now. His grunt was more an acknowledgement of her voice, not a response to the actual words she spoke. Moments went by, Kirsten's words rumbled through his brain, finally settling down to where he could notice them.

"Hey. Um, the counselor today, well he told me I needed to think about some stuff. I'm supposed to write letters to people. I don't have to send them, but he wanted me to start thinking about people that I hurt." Kirsten almost didn't hear "....and those that I love."

It was Kirsten's turn to grunt. She didn't need to respond, Ryan had to work on this by himself. Just sitting there if he needed her was enough for the moment. Minutes went by, yet she wasn't restless for the conversation to continue. He'd start talking whenever he needed to add something.

"He thought I'd find writing easier. He said no one has to read them, not even him. Unless I want them to."

"That sounds reasonable. It also sounds like you'll need more time for yourself. I don't want you to lock yourself away from the rest of the family, but you will need to do this yourself." She turned to look at him "Ryan. I love you like a son- but I also know you have problems that you need to deal with. This family will help you however it can. But it comes down to you."

Ryan lifted his legs off the chair, turning to face Kirsten "What if I can't do it?" He dropped his head into his hands. Kirsten could hear him speaking, but couldn't understand the words.

She reached for him, but Ryan had sprung up. He started pacing between the chairs. She could hear him mumbling to himself again. Finally he dropped back into the chair facing her. His face was anguished, blue eyes showing pain, hurt and confusion.

"He also said I need to start taking control of my own life. I can't just go along with someone else's plans. I have to be responsible." He looked off into the distance. "I just got in a fight with Seth yesterday; today I'm supposed to tell him to bug off."