Title: Note to self: don't die(1/?)
Author: Jessica
Email: jrothenyahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....jrothenyahoo.se
Pairing: Gibbs/Other, Gibbs/Kate
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Ten years ago Gibbs life fell apart. Now a ghost from his past has come back to haunt him....
AUTHORS NOTE: This is the story that came to me one day at work...It will centre around his first wife...I didn't know her name so...I kind of made it up.
Okay with everyone..:) English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar mistakes may occur.
I'm still looking for a beta reader? Want to? Email me!
"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.
You can't ever put them back the way they were."
(From the episode "Entropy", Buffy)
Washington D.C, August, 1994
She stood by the window with her back towards me.
A small suitcase sat beside her marking her purpose tonight.
She didn't move as I entered the room.
"Sam?"
My voice pierced the silence of the room.
She didn't answer.
"What are you doing?"
She turned towards me and our eyes met.
"I'm leaving."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm going to my stay with my mum for a while."
"For how long?"
That was all I was able to say.
I knew that I couldn't hold any longer.
I wasn't allowed to.
I haven't touched her for so long.
"I don't know."
"Sam, look..."
I moved towards her but she moved away.
"Don't."
Her eyes begged me to let go.
But I didn't know how to.
"What do you mean, don't? You are still my wife."
"I don't want to fight anymore. I'm so tired of it."
"Tired? Don't you think I'm tired. But.."
"No, Jethro. You can't fix this. You can't make it right. Not anymore."
"So you're just going to leave? Just like that."
"I can't stay in this house anymore. He's everywhere, for God's sake."
Her blue eyes was filled with tears as they met mine.
"Sam.."
I reached out for her but she turned away from me.
"When I close my eyes all I see is him. When I dream...I don't dream anymore."
"We can make it through together..If you.."
"No! You don't understand! I don't want to. I don't want to forget. You think if I just let go of him. If I just give it some time then I will be fine. But I can't! He was our son, for God's sake. How can think that I can let go of our son!? How can you be so cold?!"
"I'm cold...You think I'm cold. All I'm doing is trying to survive. But he's gone.
I wish I could bring him back. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. I wake every morning and his name is the first thing that comes into my head. You think I have forgotten about him. You really think I'm that cold, Sam? He was my son. And I loved him more and my life. I would have given it gladly if I could have saved him. But I couldn't. I failed him...I failed you both..I know that."
She turned towards me.
Tears marked her face.
"Jethro...I just can't take this anymore. I'm weak..I know that. I walk around this house and I try to not fall apart. But every day I fall. Every day I fall apart a little more. I thought I could survive this. I thought if I just gave it a little time then I might be able to breathe again. But it feels like I have lost a big piece of me when we burried our son."
"What about me? What about us, Sam? Are you just going to give it up? You're just going walk away..."
"I just..."
"He was my son also. I was there, remember. I held his hand when he passed. You think you're the only one that is breaking? Then you're wrong."
"Don't make me stay here. Please, Jethro."
"Make you stay here. How can you say that? All I want is to be with you. You're the only thing I have left now. Don't you understand that?"
"I can't. I can't do this anymore."
"So you're just going to run away? You're really think it will make anything better."
"I have to try."
"Then..let's go away together. We can take a trip somewhere. Just the two of us."
"No, Jethro. I can't."
"Why?"
"I just..."
"It's me."
"No."
"Don't lie to me, Sam."
"I just can't..."
"You think I killed our son. You think I killed, Max."
"I.."
"Say it."
"Don't."
"SAY IT! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT!"
I grapped her arm and made her look at me.
I saw the truth in her eyes as our eyes met.
And I fell.
I fell so hard.
I let go of her and backed away.
"He was your son...And you just...If you just had been in time then he would be here today. But no..Work got in the way. It always gets in the way. If you just had been there to pick him up then he might not.."
"It was an accident."
"He ran right into the street..."
"I know that. I was there."
"He was running to his daddy...If you had just been on time..If you had just.."
"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT! When I dream he's the only thing I see. That day, that moment keeps playing over and over in my head like a broken record and I don't know how to make it stop."
"All you had to do was to be on time to pick him up."
"You think I don't know that. I know all of this! But I can't change what happened.
It happened so fast and I couldn't stop it. That car came around the corner and...."
I almost stumbled as I made myself remember that day when I lost him.
Her face twisted in pain as she continued:
"I have tried so hard to forgive you. But I can't. And eventually I stop fighting it.."
"What do you want from me, Sam? I can't take it back. If I could bring him back then I would. If I could give my life to bring him back then I would. But I can't."
"I know."
She started to move away from me.
I reached out and took her hand.
"Please, don't touch me."
"Sam."
"I have tried...I have tried for so long now to not hate you. But if I stay in this house a minute more then I'm afraid I might.."
I let go of her hand and surrendered.
I had nothing left now.
Nothing.
Silence settled between us like a huge wall.
I had no strength left to fight anymore.
She wiped away her tears, picked up her suitcase and said:
"Goodbye..."
Then she walked away from me.
-------------
Author: Jessica
Email: jrothenyahoo.se
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....jrothenyahoo.se
Pairing: Gibbs/Other, Gibbs/Kate
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Ten years ago Gibbs life fell apart. Now a ghost from his past has come back to haunt him....
AUTHORS NOTE: This is the story that came to me one day at work...It will centre around his first wife...I didn't know her name so...I kind of made it up.
Okay with everyone..:) English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar mistakes may occur.
I'm still looking for a beta reader? Want to? Email me!
"Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard.
You can't ever put them back the way they were."
(From the episode "Entropy", Buffy)
Washington D.C, August, 1994
She stood by the window with her back towards me.
A small suitcase sat beside her marking her purpose tonight.
She didn't move as I entered the room.
"Sam?"
My voice pierced the silence of the room.
She didn't answer.
"What are you doing?"
She turned towards me and our eyes met.
"I'm leaving."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm going to my stay with my mum for a while."
"For how long?"
That was all I was able to say.
I knew that I couldn't hold any longer.
I wasn't allowed to.
I haven't touched her for so long.
"I don't know."
"Sam, look..."
I moved towards her but she moved away.
"Don't."
Her eyes begged me to let go.
But I didn't know how to.
"What do you mean, don't? You are still my wife."
"I don't want to fight anymore. I'm so tired of it."
"Tired? Don't you think I'm tired. But.."
"No, Jethro. You can't fix this. You can't make it right. Not anymore."
"So you're just going to leave? Just like that."
"I can't stay in this house anymore. He's everywhere, for God's sake."
Her blue eyes was filled with tears as they met mine.
"Sam.."
I reached out for her but she turned away from me.
"When I close my eyes all I see is him. When I dream...I don't dream anymore."
"We can make it through together..If you.."
"No! You don't understand! I don't want to. I don't want to forget. You think if I just let go of him. If I just give it some time then I will be fine. But I can't! He was our son, for God's sake. How can think that I can let go of our son!? How can you be so cold?!"
"I'm cold...You think I'm cold. All I'm doing is trying to survive. But he's gone.
I wish I could bring him back. Not a day goes by when I don't think about him. I wake every morning and his name is the first thing that comes into my head. You think I have forgotten about him. You really think I'm that cold, Sam? He was my son. And I loved him more and my life. I would have given it gladly if I could have saved him. But I couldn't. I failed him...I failed you both..I know that."
She turned towards me.
Tears marked her face.
"Jethro...I just can't take this anymore. I'm weak..I know that. I walk around this house and I try to not fall apart. But every day I fall. Every day I fall apart a little more. I thought I could survive this. I thought if I just gave it a little time then I might be able to breathe again. But it feels like I have lost a big piece of me when we burried our son."
"What about me? What about us, Sam? Are you just going to give it up? You're just going walk away..."
"I just..."
"He was my son also. I was there, remember. I held his hand when he passed. You think you're the only one that is breaking? Then you're wrong."
"Don't make me stay here. Please, Jethro."
"Make you stay here. How can you say that? All I want is to be with you. You're the only thing I have left now. Don't you understand that?"
"I can't. I can't do this anymore."
"So you're just going to run away? You're really think it will make anything better."
"I have to try."
"Then..let's go away together. We can take a trip somewhere. Just the two of us."
"No, Jethro. I can't."
"Why?"
"I just..."
"It's me."
"No."
"Don't lie to me, Sam."
"I just can't..."
"You think I killed our son. You think I killed, Max."
"I.."
"Say it."
"Don't."
"SAY IT! I WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY IT!"
I grapped her arm and made her look at me.
I saw the truth in her eyes as our eyes met.
And I fell.
I fell so hard.
I let go of her and backed away.
"He was your son...And you just...If you just had been in time then he would be here today. But no..Work got in the way. It always gets in the way. If you just had been there to pick him up then he might not.."
"It was an accident."
"He ran right into the street..."
"I know that. I was there."
"He was running to his daddy...If you had just been on time..If you had just.."
"DON'T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT! When I dream he's the only thing I see. That day, that moment keeps playing over and over in my head like a broken record and I don't know how to make it stop."
"All you had to do was to be on time to pick him up."
"You think I don't know that. I know all of this! But I can't change what happened.
It happened so fast and I couldn't stop it. That car came around the corner and...."
I almost stumbled as I made myself remember that day when I lost him.
Her face twisted in pain as she continued:
"I have tried so hard to forgive you. But I can't. And eventually I stop fighting it.."
"What do you want from me, Sam? I can't take it back. If I could bring him back then I would. If I could give my life to bring him back then I would. But I can't."
"I know."
She started to move away from me.
I reached out and took her hand.
"Please, don't touch me."
"Sam."
"I have tried...I have tried for so long now to not hate you. But if I stay in this house a minute more then I'm afraid I might.."
I let go of her hand and surrendered.
I had nothing left now.
Nothing.
Silence settled between us like a huge wall.
I had no strength left to fight anymore.
She wiped away her tears, picked up her suitcase and said:
"Goodbye..."
Then she walked away from me.
-------------