Chapter 01

Damaged

Now—

There were dirty looks everywhere he went. At meetings with other captains, around his division where everyone has been gossiping none stop, even just walking to the bathhouse. His lieutenant and best friend would hardly look at his face. They would briefly talk to him if he asked a question. Other than that, it felt like complete isolation from Soul Society as everyone tried to rebuild what was destroyed in the accident. His mind processed that one of Kurotsuchi Mayuri's experiments went out of control, but the amount of destruction did not make sense. Too much was destroyed for it to be a single experiment; every division was struck hard by whatever happened two months ago. In his opinion, it looked like all the Shinigami went on vacation and allowed a group of Hollow to watch over Seireitei.

A Hell butterfly appeared in front him to deliver a message that he was being summoned by the old Commanding-General. It was the first time that the codger acknowledged him since the incident around Soul Society happened, making him quicken his pace a step faster. Eyes of disgust and hate was everywhere. Even the bubble Kusajishi Yachiru scowled at the sight of him. He did now know why all of these people hated him suddenly when he has done nothing but attempt at rebuilding his division.

"You will have no choice but to make things right between you and Hitsugaya-Taichou!" He heard the old man yelling at someone. His reiatsu dropped so that he would have a chance to listen in before he made himself present. "Granted, it was his fault for the cause, but you did the physical damages here."
"I understand, but I'm the one to blame for all of this, not him." Eyes nearly rolled at hearing the voice of the once Shinigami Substitute, but listened at his unreadable tone. "It wasn't his fault I chose a bad time to approach him, and it's not his fault that I nearly destroyed Seireitei when I was upset."
"Don't attempt to lessen his punishment! It was Hitsugaya-Taichou that drove you to your destructive behavior that night. The only reason why he is still a Taichou is that you begged for his pardon and suggested that he lose his memory of that night instead of being locked up!" The old man was furious.
"I'm not trying to lessen anything." It was amazing that Kurosaki Ichigo was still calm. "It was my fault that he lashed out, and it's my fault that I lost control of myself. All he did was speak his mind and tell the truth about—" Crap, the captain knew he was sensed. "Why were we summoned anyway?

Choosing now, Hitsugaya Toushirou knocked and entered the office. To his surprise, all the captains and lieutenants were present, but Ichigo was the only one standing in front of the old man. It looked as if it were a courtroom, so he attempted to be next to the rest of the captains. The Commanding-General scolded him and told him to step forth for his mission that he was going to receive. After hearing the two talking, he was getting closer to the truth about the day that was supposedly a bad experiment.

"The Fukutaichou had come up with an idea to bring things to normal," the grumpy elder started. "The idea has been considered by all captains, myself included." His attention went to the small captain. "You are discharged from your duties until further notice. From now until further notice, you will be living under Kurosaki Ichigo's roof." Toushirou nearly winced at the venom dripping from the elder's lips before looking at Ichigo to see that he was not affected by this. "Once you arrive, you are forbidden to leave your gigai or use any Shinigami abilities unless you are sensing Kurosaki Ichigo's location. Although I would allow you permission to contact others in Soul Society, I will also forbid this, unless, Kurosaki Ichigo is present for face-to-face conversations. Otherwise, he will be talking for you through phones."

Toushirou cringed at the demands but tried to speak, "I'm sorry, but I don't see how this is a mission—"

"Silence!" Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni spat furiously. "You are to follow his orders as well. If you fail to obey any of these orders, and it will be Kurosaki Ichigo that takes your position!" The little captain could not believe that he was being humiliated like this in front of everyone. "Kurotsuchi-Taichou will be watching for you Shinigami activities intently. The moment you leave your gigai, you will be brought back to Soul Society, and stripped from your position. You need to learn some respect for others!"

"B—" Toushirou was interrupted.

"That's unfair for him. What if I'm in the middle of classes and a Hollow is after him? He needs to defend himself." Ichigo tried to lighten the restriction, but the glare he received said otherwise. The Strawberry sighed softly before looking at the others. "If I agree, will the rest of you stop treating him like trash?"

The captains and lieutenants were silent at first.

Hinamori Momo looked at Toushirou to a second before looking at Ichigo. "Shi—" She started over before she could call Toushirou by the childish name. "Hitsugaya-Taichou hurt you, Kurosaki-kun. All the things he said were really painful to hear." The Peach tried to explain. "Also… since then… you… um…"
"You haven't been yourself." Renji scoffed as he crossed his arms. "Ever since he was a jerk to you and caused you to go ballistic, you haven't once showed any emotion, and you can't hide the fact that you're hurting deep down." He teeth clenched, seething now. "The fact that you try hiding it is painful enough."
"What Renji's trying to say, Ichigo," Kuchiki Rukia interfered. "Is that we're really concerned about you, and we know that you've been helping around with the damages here, but we all can see that you don't want to be here." Ichigo was about to retort, but she beat him. "Just try to start over, for everyone."
Matsumoto Rangiku finally decided to speak her mind. "I don't think any of will forgive Taichou until we see you smiling again. What better way than to have Taichou obey your every word anyway? This way, he can things in an entirely different way than before." She smiled weakly. "Do it for us, and for you."

Ichigo sighed and looked to Toushirou, "and you? Do you agree with these ridiculous restrictions?"

Why was this carrot top the only one trying to acknowledge him—why was he the only person concerned about his feelings? What was everyone talking about; would they really alter his memories because of something he verbally said to this man? There was not many things that could make him lose his façade unless it was someone pestering him or others acting like children. However… Ichigo was very good at getting under his skin and bringing out the worst of him, but was this supposed to be the case?

His gaze lowered to the ground, then to the Commanding-General. "I accept the terms."
"You leave now then," Shigekuni looked at Ichigo. "Only you can determine it."
Ichigo sighed softly, "fine." He looked to Toushirou, "come on, let's go."
For a moment, he wanted to fight back, but followed him. "…"
"Hitsugaya-Taichou," the elder called, making him flinch.
"Yes… Soutaichou?" Said captain turned to him.
"Be on your best behavior, or else."

"That sounded like a threat, Yama-Jii." Ichigo spoke calmly, as if it did not relate to him. "If he is under my care, I should assume that he is to listen to me since you have given him the restrictions, correct?" The Commanding-General snorted and returned to writing a report. "Hey," the little captain gave him an almost hurt gaze because of the confusion he was receiving. "We'll go to your quarters to gather your Zanpakutou and any other thing that you would like to take, okay?" With a small nod, they left.

"I'm sorry we have to share a room for now. I've been trying to move out, but I'm busy with the finals that are coming up at school." Ichigo sounded as dull and boring as he did when he was talking to the cranky old man back in Seireitei. "I'll explain things to my family about your stay before I bring up a futon for you. Whether you take my bed or take the futon makes no difference to me. Please excuse—"

"What happened." The captain interrupted with a bit of attitude. No answer. "Why I lost my memories."

There was a long silence, "I said something that upset you. In return, you said something that upset me, and I lost control." He gave a curt nod. "Please excuse me, I'll be back with the bedding in ten minutes."

Toushirou watched him quietly close the door to the bedroom, but he wondered what excuse was he going to tell the family members? Instantly, he heard Ichigo's father talking in an unhappy tone about his presence in the Kurosaki residence after what happened two months ago. Ichigo remained calm and emotionless as he stated that there was nothing he could do about it because they were under the orders of the Commanding-General himself. It made the ex-captain bite his tongue, but the sounds of Ichigo's two came up the stairs, asking how long their friend was staying this time.

"He's staying here for a little longer than last time he was here, so please be kind to him." Toushirou heard him sound professional, but it was not the Strawberry he knew. "Yuzu, Karin, please don't pester him too much." There was silence amongst the family. "Anyway, did you make plans for dinner, Yuzu?"

"Yup! We're having beef teriyaki and dried persimmons! I wanted to try something new!"

The captain gagged at the thought of having to eat dried persimmons, but Yuzu was explaining to her big brother how they were the only type of fruit that they had. Listening to the family talk a little more, Ichigo stated that he would go to the store to buy some more fruits and vegetables. Karin complained about him being suspicious for wanting to do the shopping, but it was ignored as Ichigo returned to the bedroom. Turquoise hues watched the carrot top walk over to grab his cell phone and a watch before being looked at by a pair of soft chocolate brown hues.

"I'm sorry that I have to ask, but will you please come with me to the store in case my father wants to give you grief." Even though he asked, it was more of having no choice due to his restrictions right now.
"Yes, I will go." Having sensed the man of the house listening in on the conversation, he had to make nice with his caretaker. His head turned away as Ichigo pulled his shirt off—only to turn to look back.
"Dinner will be in about six hours. We can get you some clothes first and get groceries later." He tossed the shirt in a laundry basket in his closet under the shelf before getting a new shirt out of the dresser.
"Whatever you want to do, I have no say in it, remember?" The words were not thought through since he was distracted by the fresh cuts and bruises on the Strawberry's body, and the scars… "Kurosaki…"

Having heard his name being called, Ichigo turned to look at the captain with a curious look while still unfolding his clean shirt to place on. "Yes?" It was then that he noticed how Toushirou was observing the wounds he had—now staring at the faint circular scar on his chest. "Oh… sorry," he placed his shirt on so that he would not have to see the disgusting markings that he bore from the incident awhile back.

"When did you get those wounds?"
"We should go if we want to make time."

Toushirou watched him open the door and wait for him, giving him enough time to realize that for a brief moment, Ichigo showed an expression on his face. By the time he was able to register this fact, he looked at the carrot top to see that he was unreadable once again. He grabbed his cell phone and went through the doorway first as Ichigo had motioned him to do so he could close the door behind them. It was odd to say in the least. Ichigo was being a gentleman, whereas at the same time, he was not so much as a person at all—more like a robot of some sort.

Not even halfway down the stairs did Toushirou start to ask. "What did I do has everyone hate me?"
"Please do not ask about anything that relates to the incident that you have no memory of. Please."
What was worse… this man begging him to stop, or the fact that he was being quiet? "I apologize—"
Ichigo suddenly stopped near the end of the stairs, looking up at the captain who followed him. "Don't."
"Well it's obvious that I did something that caused this change in you, right!" He saw him flinch at this.
"From here on, you are not allowed to mention the incident two months ago. Do you understand?"

The captain's jaw mentally dropped as he heard those words.

Ichigo took the stunned silence as a good time turn head for the exit of the house to go to one of those clothing stores for a spare attire for the captain to wear. However, luck was against him as his eyes rolled at the sight of a tattooed man with long red hair and a scowl across his face. With Renji in front of him and Toushirou behind him, he gently pressed a hand against Renji's chest so he would back up for them to leave the house. There was an intense glare between the captain and the lieutenant while the Strawberry closed the door to the house before having to stand between them as they all walked off.

"What is it Renji?" Ichigo asked quietly. "He's abiding by the rules."

"I don't care about him, I'm checking on you. Also, Soutaichou says that you don't have to help with the rebuilding while dealing with Hitsugaya-Taichou." He growled unhappily, "now that the plan finally went in motion, I can't believe I agreed to what Hinamori suggested. I should have voted for him to go to—"

"You and the others don't know the full story, Renji." Ichigo was tired of the subject.
"Then what aren't you telling me?" He tried to think about it. "I know that when you—"
"No, what I said in public does not entirely revolve around the issues before that."
"Yeah… he was hotheaded before his appearance." His arms crossed. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't answer that." The Strawberry looked at him. "Please don't try, either."
This gave the lieutenant a small clue, so he glanced at the captain. "That must mean it's a—"

Toushirou's phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket, read the Caller ID to see that it was Momo, and he wanted to talk to her so badly. However, orders were orders, and gave the phone to Ichigo like a good boy so his title would not be stripped from him. Ichigo opened his hand out to receive the device before flipping it open and putting on the speaker so Toushirou could communicate with her.

"Hinamori, you're on speaker so that Toushirou can communicate with you. Renji and I will be able to hear the conversation, are you okay with that?" Once again, he sounded professional. It was sad to hear.
"Of course Kurosaki-kun!" She chirped. "I was calling for you anyway since I don't have your number." A giggle was heard through the phone. "Although I'm upset with Shirou-chan, I'm glad you're giving—"
"Don't start that," he quickly removed her from the speaker and placed the phone to his ear. "Listen, I've had enough of this. I need you to go to Rangiku-san to have her go to Yama-Jii for another favor."
Renji smirked, "you're going to have them ban passage because you're tired of hearing about the—" As soon as Ichigo looked at him, he became quiet. "I'm staying in this world then. My mission is watching."

"If you're trying to rile me up, then don't bother." He began walking away. "We're leaving."

"There's no point in trying to rile you up because Hitsugaya-Taichou broke your spirit when he spat in your face and humiliated you in front of everyone." The lieutenant knew that he was close to making Ichigo snap, he just needed to push the right buttons. There was no way the captain would interfere because he wanted to know about what happened. "You wanted to drop the subject that you were fighting about something before you turned into a Hollow—before he hit below the belt. I know that it's something to do with protecting him, or something that he thinks is important or worth protecting—"

Ichigo stopped in place. "Renji." It was still a bored tone in his voice. "If you continue to press me, I will force you to return to Soul Society. You alone, know that I protect with me life, this situation is not any different." Although he sounded uncaring, he was dead serious. "I'll have Hinamori replace you here."

"You wouldn't." His smirked. "She wants nothing to do with Hitsugaya-Taichou. That will only hurt him, and I know that's the last thing you want to do—especially after what happened two months ago."
"The only reason why everyone is scolding him is because everyone believes that they owe me for taking care of Aizen. I don't mind the respect, but I don't enjoy the thought of dealing with debts from them."
"Yet you used it to save his life." His head shook softly before lightly grabbing the Strawberry's shoulders in a friendly manner. "I'm still here if you decided to give up. Forget what he said, you're not weak."
"Thank you," Ichigo whispered—almost letting his guard down for him. "I just need to figure out when I should start over and come clean with everything again. It was my fault that everything happened."
"Well, are you going to tell me the story?" Ichigo stared at him, and Renji stopped joking. "You do what you think is right. We can always erase his memory again if it is too much to handle, right? See ya later."

Renji left finally, and Toushirou approached Ichigo. "I don't like being talked about in front of my face."
"You're right, I'm sorry." His apology was sincere, but sad. "We're near the store, choose whatever."
"Kurosaki—" The carrot top walked into the clothing store, leading him to follow quietly. "You're not…"
Ichigo looked at him quietly, wondering what he mumbled to himself. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"
"I said you're not weak." He turned away defiantly. "If I said you were, then I don't know why I did."
"It was—" his tongue was bit to keep quiet, but decided to give him an answer. "It was out of fear."

"What?" Toushirou watched as he entered the store to sit on a bench by the fitting rooms.

It was obvious that Ichigo was not going to explain anything to him. Looking around, he browsed through the clothes that were shelved and hung on the racks. There were many shirts that looked nice enough to make him look mature and not a child. He started to notice that there was nothing childish in the store—there was something familiar about it, too. The more he looked around, the more it started to jog a little bit of his memory to tell him that he had been there before. His attention went to Ichigo whose eyes stayed glued to the ground. Now it was obvious that he was here before with him, so he looked around and saw a familiar shirt, and long sleeves behind it. Something made him want to try it on, but he felt Ichigo pat a pair of folded pants on his shoulder. When he glanced over his shoulder to take the pants, there was nothing there—Ichigo was still seated on the bench. Gazing farther away, he saw the pair of pants that matched the outfit, so he grabbed them before looking at the carrot top who now seemed visibly troubled. Was there a chance that he was beginning to remember what happened?

"Kurosaki, have I been here before?" The other nodded. "Why would I forget something like this?"
"Please search for any clothes you would like, and try them on." Ichigo tried hard to fight back on this.
With a soft nod, the captain walked to the fitting room. "Maybe I was here that day or something."

"I can't believe you brought him here." He heard his lieutenant's voice.
"Not you too, how many of you are here?" Ichigo tried to stay calm.
"You're being too nice for someone who claims to hate you, Ichigo."
He tried asking again. "I'll ask again, how many of you are here?"
"Just Renji and me. I left after giving the message to Soutaichou."
"You shouldn't be here, please leave before things get out of hand."

"Ichigo, Taichou might not care about you or your feelings, but I do. What he said was hurtful and cruel." She squatted down and held his hands. "If he hurts you again, I don't want to see that pained look on your face again." There was silence, Toushirou tried to listen in. "I know that's why your hiding yourself."

"He hurt me because I hurt him first." Ichigo whispered. "You need to leave, now. He remembers being here." The captain heard rustling, and assumed he stood up. "He's still your superior, Rangiku-san."
"You don't even know what he's done to you, do you. Ichigo, you haven't said his name once since that day. You haven't smiled, you haven't laughed, you haven't felt anything, and that hurts us all Ichigo—"
"I asked you to leave." His tone was slightly elevated and firm. "I don't want to ask you again. No one owes me anything, not you, not Renji, not Yama-Jii, and certain not… him." He could not say his name.
Toushirou chose now to walk out of the fitting room in the new outfit. "Matsumoto, I understand that I had a fight with Kurosaki. But until I know what I did, or what happened, I can't atone for my actions."
She looked at him, then to Ichigo, "he really scarred you." With a gently peck, she kissed his cheek before pulling away. "I hope you get what you want, but try a different approach than last time."

"…ah."

"Let's see, which is best." Ichigo picked up a watermelon and knocked on it. "Hmm…" His attention went to the staring captain. "How about you determine which ones are good to eat. I'm not an expert at this."
Confused by this, the little man came over and picked one up, felt its shape, glared at the coloring being slightly off. "Not ripe." He picked up the next in the pile, checking it. "Why are we getting watermelon?"
"Because you don't like dried persimmons," he answered thoughtlessly as he was knocking at mango to see if it was good or not. "I can get three of these if I get five melons… but then carrying it back… hmm."
At first, he wondered why he knew that he did not like the dried fruit, but it was obvious that he knew he loved watermelon. "I'll carry the mango if you carry the watermelon. Or I'll carry the watermelon."
"It's fine, I don't need mango. We only came for the watermelon." His attention went to him. "Have you picked out the good ones?" Toushirou nodded. "Go ahead and put them in the basket. " He did as told.

Ichigo began to walk away after collecting the fruit. "Kurosaki," he turned to look. "I don't hate you."
"You will." Brown hues glanced to the flooring. "After dinner, I will tell you what riled you up before."
Something caught his attention, "if what you said to me caused havoc to Seireitei, why tell me now?"
"Because I've been keeping this secret from you for two years, and it's not why I turned into a Hollow."
"It's surprising to think you can keep a secret." He mused. "You've known me for almost three years."
"The secret is not mine to tell. I was shown, and told about…" His head shook. "Let's go, we're late."

Toushirou watched him begin to walk away. "…you're not going to address me by anything, are you."
"You were the one who told me that, if I could not address you properly, to not address you at all."
"But I don't remember." He received a look of 'but I do,' so he sighed. "You can address me, Kurosaki."
"What would you like to be addressed as then?" The captain glanced at him with a dumbfounded look.
Being asked the question took him by surprise. "Hitsugaya-Taichou, of course." However, would he?"
Ichigo bowed his head softly, "the family is waiting for us. We should get going, Hitsugaya-Taichou."

The feeling was cold and lonely. Although he finally received the titling that he so desired by this young man, it was not as he had imagined it. It was not how he had imagined it. Once they went in line, paid for the fruit, and walked out of the store side by side. Toushirou was looking at the situation differently; noticing that Ichigo was the only person treating him kindly without glares or looks of disgust. Why would he say that he hated the man, or consider him weak for that matter. As they were on the last block on the way home, a group of twenty men surrounded them, all of them grinning.

"Looks like we get to finally pay you back, Kurosaki." The gang leader stated cockily before looking over that the Strawberry's side. "Hah, well look at that, Kurosaki Ichigo has a little boyfriend." He snapped his fingers to have them attempt to grab him. "We can take him and have a little fun with him, right boys?"

Ichigo sighed. "You should not have said that." He cracked his neck as he offered the groceries bags to the captain. "Hold these for the moment, please. I have to take care of business right now." After the bags were taken away, he beat the crap out of any who got near Toushirou. One almost got close until he punched him in the face. "Never a challenge." Just as he was beaten up the last of the group, the leader was just about to put a hand on the little men's shoulder, and Ichigo pulled out a gun to point at the man's face. "You lay a finger on him, and it will be the last thing that you will ever do. Now get lost."

"Tch… let's go." The leader called out, not trusting the stoic faced carrot top.

They fled the scene instantly, so he placed the fake gun back in his pocket before turning to Toushirou to see that he had an emotionless face that he tried to keep strong. Ichigo looked away for a moment before turning to him again, offering his hand to collect the bags of watermelon. Snapping out of a trance, the captain returned the bags to him, and they headed home where they made it time to have dinner. Ichigo allowed Toushirou to eat in the bedroom while he ate with the family so there would be peace amongst the household. No one questioned this, either. Once grabbing Toushirou's plates and taking them downstairs to wash, he returned to the room to see the captain still sitting on the chair.

"Would you like my bed or futon tonight?" Although Ichigo wanted to keep his own bed for his recent back pains. "My bedding has been changed, and the bedding for the futon just finished drying earlier."
"I have no complaints taking the futon. Right now, I'm more curious as to know what it is that you said you would tell me." He had been edgy for a good hour or two after hearing about a 'secret' from him."
With a small nod, the teen locked the door and sat on the bed. "It will be hard for me to tell you this time because of what happened before." He paused. "I can't risk you running away in a panic this time."
"Are you implying that I ran away when you told me this?" Ichigo answered with a hesitant nod. "Does anyone else know about this secret?" Turquoise hues watched him debate on the answer to give him.
"I suppose the ones involved know the secret. However, I just don't know where to start—if you leave the house tonight, you can get in trouble." Ichigo explained. "You were so angry and so terrified that—"

"Does this involve Hinamori?" The Strawberry shook his head at this. "Then what can 'terrify' me?"

"T—Hitsugaya-Taichou." In the very least, he wanted to respect him as he told him this information. "I know…" his voice died down. He had to start over in a different why. "Do you know—do you understand that what I do is protect my family and friend, you included?" Toushirou nodded once to encourage him to speak. "My methods of protection is normally through fists, but in this case, it was keeping my mouth shut. The secret that I carry isn't my own, but yours." The captain looked amused at his words, as if to claim that he was lying. "I found out about it in segments, one by accident, and the other… I don't know how to explain except that the person told me." Ichigo's brows knitted tightly together.

Toushirou could see past the façade to see that he was having a tough time with this. "Well?"

"I know about Kusaka," the captain raised a brow. "I know about Aizen, too." This time, Toushirou had begun to realize what he was getting at. "…I know that—" they were receiving a message on the screen that was placed against his wall. It was Momo bidding them goodnight. "Goodnight Hinamori." Momo looked to Toushirou who did not look at her. "Hitsugaya-Taichou," said captain slowly looked at him. "Hinamori is saying goodnight to both of us." Toushirou looked at the screen to see the sad girl.

"…goodnight Hinamori."

The screen went blank, and Ichigo looked to Toushirou. "You know what I was going to say, right?"
"I know what you know." His fists tightened before shaking violently. "You've known for two years?"
"Sort of. Hyourinmaru showed me while I was fighting him, and then Aizen told me when we fought—"
"Showed you?" Immediately he was on his feet. "What did you see you bastard!" Ichigo looked away.
"I saw enough." He could not look him in the eye. "It was against my will. I had no control over it."
"But you could have told me as soon as you found out. That would've been the right thing to do!"

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't. I don't know, I was still trying to register the information that I hoped was a lie. You dealt with Kusaka, so I tried to deal with Aizen for you, but he's immortal. I hate betrayal, just like you." Toushirou stood up to turn and leave the bedroom. "I know that I betrayed you, Hitsu—"

"Stop calling me that." He tensed. "I need a moment to think."

"You're not allowed to leave at night, it was one of the rules that Yama-Jii added at last minute." Ichigo stood up and walked past him to the closet. "I'll sleep downstairs to give you space." He grabbed a blanket from the shelf and one pillow before opening the door to leave. "Goodnight…"

Toushirou opened his mouth to stop him, but nothing came out of his mouth. He closed the door before coming over and sitting on Ichigo's bed to think about things a little more thoroughly. Nothing was going to help after he drove his host out of his own bedroom. The captain took in a deep breath before lying down on the bed without thinking about the scent that lingered in the air. His eyes closed for a moment, but there was no chance that he could sleep, so he ended up tossing and turning throughout the night.

This really sucked…