Chapter 1

Emily

I had been sitting in the same fetal position for two hours now, biting furiously at my nails and rocking slightly. My phone sat next to me, face up, and I couldn't help but stare at it as the hours ticked by, slowly, painfully. I knew my girlfriend would soon walk through that door, and I'd have to rehash everything I just went through. The call, the news, the actions I'd have to take. I didn't want to break down again. Even after two hours of waiting, I didn't have my speech ready when I heard the fumbling of keys in the lock on the front door. Paige stumbled inside with bags of groceries in her hands, throwing them down quickly. I didn't make a sound.

"Em, you ok?" Her voice was laced with concern, which didn't surprise me. She was used to getting an animated welcome whenever she got home. I sighed before starting to speak.

"My mom's in the hospital. They said she had a stroke." I could already feel tears starting to sting the back of my eyes but I kept my gaze trained on the floor, my entire body starting to shake. Paige rushed over to the couch I was perched on, wrapping her arms around me as fast as she could.

"Oh my god Em I'm so sorry," she cooed, stroking my hair. Tears silently slid down my cheeks, but I wasn't crying for my mother.

"Paige… I have to go back to Rosewood. Alone." I managed to get the words out in a calm, single phrase, not daring to look at her. She seemed to flinch as I said the words, her body tensing against mine. After I took the job at Stanford almost three years ago, I knew it wouldn't be long before I ran into Paige. When we finally began to rekindle our relationship, all she wanted to ask me about was Alison, the twins, and Rosewood. I had built walls around those times of my life and refused to let her in. It became the one thing we never talked about. I knew that going to Rosewood would break something in her. She only seemed to trust me when I was outside the small town, and was too afraid to ask me questions anymore. I knew that was my fault, but I couldn't. I hated myself for what happened after the twins, and didn't want to ruin any more relationships with my mess.

"No, you don't. I'll come with you…" Paige looked at me intently, lifting my chin so that she could lock her eyes with mine. "You know that I would never leave you when you're going through something like this, even if it means facing that hell of a town." Her last words were laced with venom, which I saw her instantly regret as I winced a little bit. How could I tell her that I didn't want her to go with me? That I needed my life in Rosewood to be completely separate? That I couldn't let her in to all parts of my life? A pang of guilt hit me as I realized how little Paige knew about my life in between high school graduation and Stanford.

"Paige, it's not that… I just need to do this on my own. I have some loose ends I need to tie up…" she cut me off before I could finish.

"Let me guess, Alison is one of those loose ends." I couldn't help but clench the couch a bit harder, my stomach flipping upside down at the mention of her name. I composed myself quickly before speaking.

"No. I need to pack up my mom's things and make sure her will is in order. They don't think she will live more than a month, and is for sure stuck on major life support. But thanks for doubting me," I snapped, my face contorted with anger… at least, a good portrayal of anger. Before I could stop myself, I was lying to my girlfriend again; "I promise, I have no feelings for her. I'm the one that left." I cringed internally at the words that had just left my mouth, knowing how inaccurate they were. I would have to see Alison, the town was too small not to see her. And my heart skipped a beat every time I thought about it. Her light blonde hair that fell effortlessly around her head, framing her face perfectly. Her soft yet ice cold eyes that lit a fire inside me. I woke up from my day dream when Paige nudged me. Hard.

"Em, I'm sorry. But don't space out on me right now. Just let me come with you, I can help."

"No, this is final. And I have to go, my cab will be here any minute." I stood and lightly kissed my girlfriend on the forehead, purely as a formality. I couldn't get Ali off my mind. Which was crazy. I left her because I was afraid. Because I was lost and broken, and didn't know how to cope. Paige didn't know that. All she knew were the lies I told her, about how I realized I was in the wrong relationship. It wasn't true, and I knew it never would be. Paige eyes were cast to the floor when I walked to the front door of our 4th floor apartment, grabbing the bags that were set up carefully by the doormat. Paige looked back at me with pain in her eyes… she knew I wasn't telling her everything but I couldn't bear to hurt her anymore than I already had. So I stepped out the door, dragging my bags behind me, and walked out of the apartment that never felt like home.

Alison

I groaned as I woke to a furious banging on my front door, a knock so forceful it shook the floors. "I'm coming!" I yelled groggily, pushing myself off the couch and rushing to the door. When I pulled it open, I saw Spencer panting in front of me, a look of panic clouding her features. She looked as pale as a ghost and out of breath from the flurry of punches she just threw at my door.

"Spence, what's wrong? Jesus, you look like you just got hit by a train." I ushered her inside, already missing the comfort of my couch and the lull of the TV.

"Ali, there's been… well… it's Emily's mom. She had a stroke." Spencer was fidgeting with her hands and had her eyes glued to the floor, not daring to look at me. She knew what affect her name had on me. After Emily left, I was a wreck. I had lost my two twin girls and the love of my life in the span of six months, and I drowned myself in alcohol, refusing to leave my house. Spencer and Aria, my only close friends left in Rosewood, spent months piecing me back together again, slowly and carefully.

"I… when did this happen?" I croaked, trying to keep my mind off the gorgeous girl I once loved.

"Early this morning? Late last night? I don't know for sure, some time in the last twelve hours. But I thought you should know. Emily will be back in town tonight I'm sure, so if you want to see Pam, you'd better go today." Spencer seemed more flustered than usual, which touched me a bit, knowing how much she had grown to care about me. After everything we had been through, I never expected to call Aria and Spencer my best friends. After all that I had done to them, they were the last people I expected to latch on to. But they had been so amazing to me these past three years, and I knew Spencer was right. I had to visit Pam.

"Yeah, ok. Can you come with me?" I practically begged, a slight hint of fear floating to the surface.

"I really wish I could, but Toby already booked a time for us to tour another venue for the wedding. I would totally skip, but he says they're full for the next couple months. Call Aria, I'm sure she's free." Spencer said, her words tumbling out quickly. "I really have to go, but I wanted to make sure you heard it from me and weren't surprised if you saw Emily around." She pulled me in for a tight hug before bounding out the door faster than she came in it, making me chuckle to myself. Even in the darkest situations, Spencer had such a joy about her, one that Toby brought out even more. Their engagement was amazing, but not unexpected, news to us a few months ago. Hanna even came in from New York with Caleb to celebrate, bringing their 2 year old daughter Macy with them. The only one that didn't know was Emily. Ever since our break up, the girls seemed to ice her out… everyone except Hanna that is. Spencer and Aria stood by my side like guard dogs, furious at Emily for leaving. Before I could get lost in thought, Jacob wandered out of our shared master bedroom and smiled at me, his eyes still cloudy from his deep sleep.

"Babe, why are you up so early? And why were you on the couch last night?" He came over to me and hugged me from behind, his scent filling my lungs. I smiled and leaned back against him.

"I fell asleep watching TV again, I'm sorry. You know I would've rather been in bed with you." I chirped, turning my head to give him a light kiss on the lips. He smiled down at me and spun me around before heading off to the kitchen.

"Was Spencer here? I thought I heard her voice." He yelled from across the house, opening the fridge in search of his favorite morning juice blend.

"Yeah, apparently Pam Fields had a heart attack last night and is in the ICU." I said, trying to remain calm. Jacob, my boyfriend for the past year, didn't know much about Emily. He knew that we dated for a while, but didn't know about the twins or the engagement. I thought it would be better to keep that time in my life to myself. To him, Pam Fields was just a neighbor and the mom of an ex-girlfriend, not an ex-fiance.

"Wow, that's awful. Are you planning on going to visit her?" He asked, looking at me from the breakfast bar.

"Yeah, I was just about to go call Aria and shower. Call you later?" I asked him, walking over and putting my hand on his arm. I knew he would be long gone by the time I finished showering. He smiled at me and pressed his lips against mine, pulling away only to look at me.

"Of course. I love you, Alison." I smiled and headed off to shower, shooting Aria a quick text.

Hey, I really need you to come with me to visit Pam in the hospital. I can't bring Jacob and I don't want to go alone. Meet at your place in 20?

I hopped in the shower before I could get a response, trying to take a few minutes to think before my full panic attack came on. Emily, my Emily, was coming back to Rosewood for the first time in three years. After the twins, Emily became so distant from me. She was so depressed and couldn't get off the couch half the time, causing her to lose her coaching position at Rosewood High. I thought maybe I could pull her out of it, remind her of what life had to offer. But she had other plans. The memory burned hot in my mind.

"Emily, it's been two months and you haven't left this house in weeks. You lost your job and seem to have forgotten that you share this house with someone. What is going on?" I said as calmly as I could. I sat next to her on the couch, trying to wrap my arms around her, but she tensed at my touch, scooting away from me. "You can't ignore me forever, and this is no way to be starting a life together." She looked up at me with sad, empty eyes, eyes that screamed for help but refused it at the same time.

"We were supposed to start our life with two twin girls. Alison, I can't help but feel trapped. We rushed into this relationship because you were pregnant, and now that they're gone…" I could feel her body start to tremble and it killed me, it killed me knowing that she was hurting so much and wouldn't let me in.

"Em, baby…" I tried to pull her close but she froze again, pushing me away this time. "Why are you doing this?" My heart was breaking into a million pieces as she shut me out, her eyes glossy and emotionless. This wasn't the Emily I had known for years, and it surely wasn't the Emily I proposed to almost 6 months ago.

"I can't look at you without thinking of them, Ali. The girls. The two baby girls that we were supposed to raise. I know their conception wasn't ideal but it didn't matter. They were mine, they were yours, and they tied us together. We don't have that now." I couldn't breathe and it felt as if the whole world had stopped. Suddenly, Emily didn't even seem to care that we were engaged or that we loved each other. All she could see was the past and the ways I had walked out on her before. Without the kids, she thought she'd lose me all over again.

"Listen, Ali. I got an offer to go to Stanford and coach. I'm going to take the job. And I don't want you to come with me." Her words cut deep into my soul as I watched her stand and climb the stairs. I was frozen, hot, silent tears rolling down my face. I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. She had promised to stay by my side for the rest of our lives. But I didn't chase after her. I sat there, my entire world falling to pieces, and I let her walk away from me. I thought, this is what it must of felt like for me to walk away from her. But this time, I knew there was no going back. I was nothing to Emily anymore, nothing more than a reminder of what we had lost. And when she walked out the door the next day, I didn't fight to stop her.

I found myself crying as I finished my shower, the memory of Emily pouring salt in an open wound. Every time I heard her name, all I could think about was her long wavy hair flowing behind her as she walked away from me and all the things we had planned for our life. The honeymoon to Paris, the Sunday night dinners with Pam, the Christmas decorations we were going to get for the house, all of it. All the little things we planned that made my heart soar meant nothing to her. Before another round of tears could leave my already puffy eyes, my phone buzzed on the bathroom sink.

Yeah Ali, I'll leave here in 5, just need to finish the dishes and make sure Ezra's fever isn't too high.

I sighed in relief as Aria's text came through, quickly pulling on my favorite blue dress and a nice pair of flats. Waves of sadness kept washing over me as I got ready, realizing that this might be the last time I see Pam. More importantly, I wasn't ready to see Emily again, at least that's what I told myself. But if I were to see her, I know it wouldn't be hard for me to pull her into my arms and never let her go. If only she knew just how much I loved her, and just how much it hurt.