Um… not much to say about this… I was bored, and I wanted to write some more crack/non-crossover stuff, so here you go. I think it's rather self-explanatory.

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Edward Elric was dreaming. He dreamt about elephants on skis and speedboats and jam and some guy named Jeff and a transvestite with an accent who kept saying that God was some guy named James Mason. He was enjoying his dream, because Ed had been stressed out and was in desperate need of a laugh.

Sadly, his amusement ended when there was a loud knock on the door. Ed sat up and rubbed his eyes as his brother Alphonse opened the door to the small hotel room they were staying in. Their visitor was none other than Colonel Roy Mustang, the Flame Alchemist.

"Sleeping in today, Fullmetal?" he asked as Ed brought his legs out from under the couch. Yeah, it had definitely been a weird night. Stupid me and my inability to type the words I want to type.

"Yeah, I figured since we got in late last night I'd give myself a break. What are you doing here?"

"I have a request for you."

Ed raised an eyebrow in suspicion. "Really? What kind of request?"

"Get dressed and come with me."

"To headquarters?"

"Yes."

Ed looked at Roy's face. It was dead serious. Ed decided it would be a good idea to listen to his superior and got up. He pulled on his clothes and followed Roy out of the room.

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"A personal ad?" Ed asked, a look of sheer disbelief on his face. He was sitting on a chair in Roy's office, facing the Colonel and also Second Lieutenant Havoc.

"That's right, Fullmetal. You see, Lieutenant Havoc has been having troubles with his love life lately, so I suggested that he place a personal ad in the newspaper. However, he doesn't believe that it'll do him any good. He says those things do nothing other than give content couples something to laugh at."

"So you want to have a way to make fun of me."

"No. I want to prove that anyone can get love from a personal ad, even a fifteen-year-old pipsqueak."

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PIPSQUEAK?"

"Calm down, Fullmetal. You shouldn't speak to a superior officer that way."

"There's no way I'll do it."

"It's an order."

Ed moodily sat back down as Roy handed him a piece of paper and a pen.

"Go ahead. Write it out."

Ed grabbed the pen with a very angry look on his face. He began writing the ad with both of the men watching him. Roy read every word as he wrote it, occasionally telling him to change a sentence.

"Put down your height, too."

"Why?"

"So that they know what to expect when they meet you."

"What, you don't actually expect this to work, do you?"

"That's what I'm trying to prove. Now write it down."

Ed thought about it for a moment before writing the word height on the page. Next to it he placed two numbers. Roy looked at it and looked back at Ed.

"I thought I said to be honest."

"I am."

"You're not 5'4" at all."

"How would you know?"

"I'm in charge of you. I have access to all your records."

Ed crumpled up the paper and threw it at Roy. "Well, if you know so much about me, then why don't you write it?"

"I thought about that, but then I realized that it would be unfair to do this without telling you first."

"Don't you mean asking?" Ed asked, his eyes narrowed.

"If I had given you a choice, we would have gotten nowhere with this, and Havoc would be at a loss."

Both Ed and Havoc glared at Roy for this comment. Roy picked up the paper and flattened it out. "If you want me to write it, I will. I'll be sure to describe all your redeeming qualities in detail."

Ed snatched the paper back and finished writing. Once he was finished, he handed it back to Roy and stormed out of the room.

"Oh, by the way, Fullmetal," Roy began as Ed opened the door. "You're not allowed to leave East City until we get at least five responses."

Ed glared at Roy. "You have got to be kidding me."

"I'm not. You're stuck."