The Completely Random 7th Year Parody Chapter 1: I Don't Hate The Irish!, a harry potter fanfic

A/N: This will make you laugh...and DIEE!

Hermione took her luggage out of her new car and straightened her miniskirt that could be mistaken for panties. Hermione was so glad to get away abusing/drunk/chain-smoking/beats her mom/self-hating stepdad named Ryan. She bounced about 3 feet in the air at the sight of Harry and Ron, but before we get to that, let me desrcibe her dramatic changes: Hermione's hair was now straightned, even though straighteners weren't invented in the 90's. Her boobs were exaggeratingly big, and she was a slut, obviously She had curves in all the right places, just like every other girl that was at Hogwarts.

"Hi Harry and Ron, who I coincidently are supposed to be with," Hermione squeaked. "You of course Ron."

"Hello!" Ron and Harry squeaked because Hermione's voice is still deeper and huskier.

Let's descibe them now: Harry was built, but still a midget, and Ron was built, and about 8 feet tall and did I say he was built?...just like every other guy at Hogwarts. They skipped all the boring goodbyes that adults in this fanfic, and found a compartment in the train. Hermione saw him then.

Draco Malfoy had long hair that fell in his eyes, kind of like Sawyer from Lost, so he almost blind. He was built, like all writers say, thanks to Quidditch. There was nothing else intersting about him, like his personalitly, so let's move on.

"Hello, Hermione, my beautiful- er...I mean, get out of my way Mudblood!", Draco said.

"How are we in your way? You standing in our compartment!", Hermione noted as he looked around, realizing he was standing in their compartment door.

"Oh...er...away!", he said, sprinting out. "Okay then,"Ron said, temporarily slipping out of the fanfic. Then, somehow, they were already at Hogwarts. They all, once again, skipped out and got there. Already. Draco watched as the skimpy hotness went inside to join her friends. They sat down as the OC theme song started playing as Ginny the Slut and Harry the Emo Midget gazed at each other and immediately started making out. They got up on the Gryffindor tables.

"UGH!" Ron said, slipping back in. Then Dumbledore, who is dead, came to life and made a speech no one actually listened to. The food appeared so Ginny and Harry, covered in corn and pumpkin juice, got off of the table.

"They make me sick-" Ron stopped when he saw Hermione and Draco staring at each other, licking their lips for absolutely no reason. Ron sighed as he slipped out of the fanfic. Hermione got up and walked over to Draco. She pulled Harry's invisibility cloak out of no where as she led them to a random broom closet. They snogged thier eyes out.

"I'll act like the little bitch who secretly is in love with you," Hermione said.

"And I'll be a hard-to-get bastard!" They shook hands and left. Hermione saw Snape as he sneered. He then grew wings, had gothic makeup, and flew away.

"Ooh, pretty!" Hermione said as she walked into a wall, shook her head, then walked to the Gryffindor commons. Harry and Ron stood there as Hermione walked up to them. Harry then left after an akward 20 minutes. Ron screamed,"I LOVE YOU HERMIONE!" Hermione stood there as Ron panted.

"Ron," Hermione said with a serious face,"I am not in love with you."

(the voilins from Psycho plays and zooms in Ron, then shows random pictures of kittens and puppies)

"WHAAA..", Ron cried as Hermione walked away to her next class. She found that semi-blind Draco was there, so she sat next to him instead of Harry. Harry mouthed, "WHAT THE HELL?!" but later realized he had shouted it. He blushed and sat down.

"50 POINTS FROM GYRFFINDOR!" , a gothic Snape yelled. "AND ANOTHER 50!"

"What was that for??" Harry whined.

"BECAUSE YOUR MOM IS HOT!" winged gothic Snape said. Hermione turned to Draco and pet him on the head and gave him a bone, which he chewed on happily.. Why? I'd tell you if I knew.

"Now, Hermione and Draco, Pansy and Harry, some random Slytherins and random Gryffindors, PAIR UP!" Snape yelled as he flew out the windows yelling , "W00T!"

"What happened to Ron?" Harry asked.

"Eh, he's making out with some random Slytherin in a broom closet to boost his self-esteem.." Hermione said.

"Ok, you hot Mudblood, let's get to work." Draco said, doing some random potion thingy. Hermione nodded and got the ingredients. They put an onion, a Rolex, Neville, a pair of boxers (complents to Draco on his evil green snaky boxers) and a bottle of Propel in the cauldron. Then Draco pulled out a bottle of double vodka wine, took a sip, and poured it into the cauldron. The cauldron exploded and everyone gasped 16 times. Then Seamus passed out.

A girl wearing a black miniskirt, a red tube top, and black go-go boots walked out of the cauldron. Hermione gasped one more time, as did Draco.

"Oh my God, hiiiiiiiiiiii, I'm Kate Evangeline Amber June Elizabeth, but you can call me Courtney," the new skimpy hotness said with a giggle. She had blonde hair, blue eyes, and was medium height with cute clothes like every girl at Hogwarts. Except for Eloise Midgen. Harry got up on the table with her and made out with her, naturally. Hermione pouted.

"It's okay, Hermione, I'll love you!' Draco said. "I,er, mean...I hate you!" Hermione smiled gratefully.

Then Ron came out of no where and lunged at the hotness yelling, "MINE!"

"But Ron, what about your random Slytherin?" Hermione asked.

"He had to leave...I mean, she did...AWAY!" He got an electric scooter, which somehow now work at Hogwarts in all fanfics, and sped away. At 2 miles per hour. Seamus woke up and rubbed his head to realie Ron was coming in his direction, now at less than one mile per hour.

"NOOOOO!" Seamus screamed, putting his hand in front of his face. They all waited about 10 minutes of Seamus to get squished.

"Oh my God hiiiiiiiiii Hermione, I like totally know youuuuuu.." Kate Evangeline Amber June Elizabeth said, twiriling her hair on her finger.

"YOU SUCK! HOT CATFIGHT!" Hermione screamed, pushing her into the pool of pudding in the middle of the room. They wrestled and made sure they somehow got pudding in their shirts.

"W00T CAT FIGHT, CATFIGHT!" Draco screamed. Dumbledore pulled up a chair with some poporn, watching the girls wrestle in pudding. Then, Kate Evangeline Amber June Elixabeth came out victorius, stepping over a Hermione floating face first on the pudding.

"She's mine!" Harry and Draco both yelled attacking her.

Then they accidently killed her. Hermione stepped out of the cauldron and she had a time machine in her hands, whch transported her to Marauder's time.

"Oh my God, hi James!" she screamed. They started making out. Which really fucks things up. Then James died at ther hands of a crossdressing Voldemort, now know as Voldie.

"Hi, Hermione! Where'd you get that skirt?!" the crossdressing Voldie asked.

"Oh, I got it from Sluts Deluxe." Hermione said. Then, to her dismay, she got transported back in the worst place: UP an elephant's butt.

Okay, I'm joking.

She was in her room, and she was next to Ginny, whpo was a slut.

"Hey, Gin, want to make a random dance party talent show?" Hermione asked after making out with Ginny for an hour.

"Okay!" she yelled, and somhow they were up on stage, and everyone was there. The Voldie appeared. They all took each others hands, went on stage, and started singing. Harry started.

If I was a rich girl

Na na na na na na na na na

See, I'd have all the money in the world

If I were a wealthy girl

No man could test me,

Impress me

My cash flow would never ever end

'Cause I'd have all the money in the world

If I was a wealthy girl

Hermione decided to take over.

Think what that money could bring
I'd buy everything
lean out Vivienne Westwood
In my Galliano gown
No, wouldn't just have one hood
Hollywood mansion if I could
Please book me first class to my fancy house in London town

It was Voldie's turn.

All the riches baby, won't mean anything
All the riches baby, bring what your love can bring
All the riches baby, won't mean anything
Don't need no other baby
Your lovin' is better than gold I know

Dumble began now.

If I was rich girl (na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na nah)
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl

Blaise wanted to sing now.

I'd get me four Harajuku girls to
Inspire me and they'd come to my rescue
I'd dress them wicked, I'd give them names
Love, Angel, Music, Baby
Hurry up and come and save me

Dean piped in.

Come together all over the world
From the hoods of Japan ,Harajuku girls
What? It's all love
What? Give it up
What? Shoulden't matter ,shouldent matter, shoulden't matter, shouden't matter

Malfoy decided to sing too.

What?
Come together all over the world
From the hoods of Japan, Harajuku girls
What? It's all the love
What? Give it up
What? (shouldn't matter)

A gothic Snape flew through the window, singing.

What happened to my life? Turned up side down
Chicks that blew ya mind, ding, it's the second round
Original track and ting
You know you can't buy these things
See Stefani and her L.A.M.B I rock the fetish people you know who I am

Snape and Dumbledore did the running man side to side while Fred and George, who appered about 4 seconds ago began to sing.

Yes ma'am, we got the style that's wicked
I hope you can all keep up
We climbed all the way from the bottom to the top
now we ain't gettin' nothing but love

And it ended with Harry.

Then Seamus blew up. Nothing against the Irish.

A/N:I started the idea of a parody about a month ago. I know this is unbelivebly stuid, but, hey, I had a writers block for w while, and this is my way of leting out my frustration. I hope you like it.