Yes, I own Yami no Matsuei, that is why I am writing fanfiction and living with my parents as well as writing in English. (If you don't get that I don't own YNM, please leave now) This drabble is dripping in angst and soaked in fluff. You've been warned and if you have something against yaoi, shonen-ai, Slash, mxm, get out, get out now. In fact don't just leave this story, leave this yaoi-more-than-friendly fandom.
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"I just want you to be happy, Hisoka," Tsuzuki pleads as if it justifies this betrayal. Has he ever considered that maybe I don't want to be happy? How can I? Everyday that bastard lives, is a testament cruel and random life is. The innocent and defenseless are slaughtered and the perpetrators run free. Every day proves that those morals we're told as kids are pure bull shit. I have to try to believe, hang on to the cliches. I have to kill him. Yes, it is about revenge but people so often forget that revenge and justice, in some cases, in this case, go hand in hand.
"You don't want to be like Muraki," he continues, looking up. He thinks he's succeeding in persuading me against my dangerous ways? My eyes darken to a new level of rage. I'm shaking with it; I am it.
"Tsuzuki, I was thirteen when he murdered and raped me. I weighed less than 100 pounds; I was only 5'3. I was going up against a man with a knife, twice my size with dark magic at his side. I had never done anything to deserve it. He deserves pain, he deserves death. He is not defenseless, weak or innocent. Why should I pay him any mercy if he hasn't shown me any?"
"Because you're not like him, Hisoka you have a chance to move on past all your suffering. I don't want you to get hurt." His voice is soothing, almost tempting. He wraps his arms around me in a hug yet I remain rigid.
"You idiot, I don't care if I get hurt! I've gotten hurt many times. If you let that stop you, you're weak. If 'I don't want you do get hurt' is your way of saying that you care, thanks but not thanks." Ripples of hurt echo inside Tsuzuki which I feel first hand through our contact but at this moment all I can feel is the beast, the pain, the agony all convoluting and converging in my stomach.
"Hisoka," this is his last attempt, I can feel it, "I-I love you. Please let's just go, be free, and be happy. I know deep down that's what you want. It's what everyone wants. If you let Muraki affect you this way, he'll always have power over you. Please, Hisoka, don't you just want this pain to end. Don't you love me?" Tsuzuki's tears feel like my own. In fact they are my own. His feelings are reciprocated to the deepest level. I love this man-child for all those mushy-gushy reasons but I can't, I won't run away.
"Tsuzuki, I refuse to run away and you can't." I rise unto the tips of my toes. We're at face level. We're equals. I wipe away a tear with my thumb, "If all you think about is your pain, you're blinded. Muraki will continue to destroy lives. I love you and together we'll be strong enough to beat him but you can't run." I kiss him full on the lips to double the meaning. "But you have to tell me everything. You can't hide anymore of his killings from me."
He smiles, so true, so bright, I know exactly why I feel the way I do for one gleaming moment. "Hisoka, once it's over with then can I take you away and…" I stopped him before he could finish his less than pure thought.
"Yes."
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Author's Note: Ah God, I'm a cheese-ball.