Halloween: The Homosexuality Of Michael Myers

written by

Ben Dover

...The Night He Came!

Disclaimer: I do not known all of the characters included in this story. They were created by John Carpenter and Debra Hill.

Chapter One: The Night Before Halloween

It was the night before Halloween in Haddonfield, Illinois. Dr. Sam Loomis was sitting in his wheelchair at the Haddonfield, Illinois retirement home. He had been in the home for several years. He was placed there because he was left paralyzed by stab wounds inflicted by Michael Myers. But now he has dementia as well.

Dr. Loomis was silent until he caught a whiff of something horrible. He looked to his left and saw his friend Tony Dean sitting there. Tony was an elderly black man with irritable bowel syndrome.

"Jesus, man. Did you shit yourself?" Dr. Loomis asked.

"Yes I did. And there is plenty more where that came from," Tony said, laughing.

"Tony, I don't know why I'm friends with you," Dr. Loomis said, shaking his head.

"It's because you have dementia and can't remember that I have irritable bowel syndrome. At least not until you smell my shit. Ha ha. Hey, do you know what tomorrow is?" Tony asked.

"I have dementia, remember. I don't know a damned thing, anymore," Dr. Loomis said.

"Tomorrow is Halloween, man. The night where the gay boogeyman comes out to have some fun," Tony said.

"Oh, yes. Now I remember. It's the night when that gay psychopath Michael Myers prowls Haddonfield looking for a fresh piece of man ass to rape and slice," Dr. Loomis.

"That's right. But he ain't gonna get my ass. My ass is anything but fresh. My black ass is old and sour. And it smells like doo doo," Tony said, cackling.

"I think I just remembered something. Michael Myers is the bastard who made me like this. He's the reason why I'm in a wheelchair and can't feel my 96-year old penis," Dr. Loomis said bitterly.

"Hey, man. You might can't feel your dick, but at least you still have one. Bruce Jenner sure can't say that," Tony said.

"Who is this Bruce Jenner you speak of?" Dr. Loomis asked.

"He's that dude from the show Keeping Up With The Kardashians. He got himself a nice little sex change, and now he wants us to call him Caitlyn Jenner," Tony replied.

"I see," Dr. Loomis said.

"So, what are you gonna do if ol' Michael Myers decides to drop by tomorrow?" Tony asked, a glint in his eye.

"It will be his bloody funeral, for I shall mow him down with my wheelchair," Dr. Loomis replied.