MERRY CHRISTMAS! Sorry this took so long to get up. I promise I'll update more this week! Keep an eye out for my new story because NMODS only has a few more chapters left
I never watched that stupid movie 'A Christmas Carol' but from what I hear, the Scrooge guy seems to have the right idea about Christmas. It sucks. My dad's family celebrates this holiday by forcing us all into one room, giving shitty gifts, and seeing how long we can stay like that before murdering his new wife and her dumb dog. The holidays don't last long over at that house. It's more of a tradition. Something you do because everyone else does it and my dad doesn't like to look weird. Yet another reason for him to hate me being his daughter. I'm -weird-. Christmas at my dad's doesn't just suck... it bites.
It's better with my mom, I'm more used to her particular brand of annoying (or is it crazy? I swear she's off her rocker). It's still nothing crazy extravagant but I know she tries. Come on, my mother is single and raising a teenager with attitude issues (That's me by the way) and since I'm not into the holiday, we usually just exchange gifts, she forces me to sing some songs with her, and we go on our merry ways. Oh, and we get a ton of cookies. I eat them because they're there, mom eats them to try and occupy her mouth with something other than liquor. She doesn't like to drink around the holidays but I know it's when she WANTS to drink the most. Coincidentally, it's also the time of year she's around me the most. The more we celebrate and spend time together, the more she eats... But let me tell you, I'm fine with all of this. I'm fine with Christmas, SUCKING.
Beck never minded either. For the two years and ten months we dated, he didn't object to my aversion to the holidays. We got each other presents, small things mostly, but that was it. I always dreaded giving him shit though, and I'm pretty sure he felt the same. Especially the last Christmas together. We knew it was going to be over soon, and being the type of people we are, the gift just had to say something important. It's a crap load of pressure. So like I said, we kept things small.
If we can get off the Christmas track for a little, let me explain Beck and I not being together. I won't say I never loved Beck. I won't say I don't love him now. All I can tell you is that being with Beck was painful. We hurt each other more than anything else and it was time to stop. I knew the second he gave me a 'time out' over at Tori's that it was coming to an end. It's not because I was embarrassed (Even though I totally was) and it's not because he didn't side with me. What it made me realize, from the look on his face, was that he was embarrassed of ME. From that day on it seemed to get more and more apparent his image meant more than our relationship. Just like performing meant more to me than he did. The metaphorical paths of our lives just split like a fork in the highway. We didn't fit together the way we were supposed to anymore. So on December 26th of last year, we decided to start the new year off fresh... and more importantly separate. Just another reason to hate the season. Mutual or not, breaking up hurts.
My eyes tear away from the calendar on my phone and the lit up Dec. 22 that's so clearly mocking my poor mood on the screen. I sigh and try to pull myself out of my own thoughts and pay attention to what my mother is yelling from down stairs. It's very clearly directed at me, and I'm not in the mood to listen. She doesn't sound mad so it can't be that important... I was oh so wrong in that assumption. Not about her sounding mad, but about it not being important.
If I had been listening I would have had time to lock the door before my door swings open to reveal a redheaded intruder. Cat. My hand grips my phone a little harder to keep from throwing it at her as I scowl her way. Don't get me wrong, I love Cat to pieces... just not so close to Christmas time. She gets a wee bit screwy on the holidays. And by wee bit, I mean the girl looses her mind... or what ever is left of it. It isn't just Christmas either it's any and all of them. I don't have the ability to suck it up like a good friend would. So I avoid her over everything from presidents' day to Christmas. I don't want to ruin HER good mood. It just seems cruel, even for me.
"Jade!" She yells like she hasn't seen me in ages, bouncing on her heels and clasping her hands together over her chest. I saw her yesterday, at Tori's Christmas party. Cat was the only person I could stand to talk to for more than three minutes. Well, there was always Andre, but he's constantly around Tori lately... and one person can only take so much Tori Vega. So I spent a good hour or more sitting under a mechanical Santa, listening to the redhead babble about life. It doesn't bother me like it did when I was with Beck. I don't LIKE it, but I have nothing better to do and at least Cat bothers to actually care about me on some substantial level. I'm pretty sure everyone else is just faking it... Cat wouldn't ever do that.
"Get out of my house." I say pointedly, looking away from her and over at my flickering TV. An old rerun of Drake and Josh is on, but I'm not watching. Cat's over by me in a second, she literally hops onto the bed and jostles me around uncomfortably. Her knees are pressed into my side, and her hands are on my right hip, baring her weight. I grunt loudly, about to scream at her, but she opens her mouth first. "The cops are at my house." She says non-chalantly, like she didn't just hear my instructions to leave my home. I can feel her tiny hands flex against the exposed skin under the place my night shirt has bunched up. The red and green nails prick the skin of my hip, which sinks down under the invading gasp, allowing her to make indention in my flesh without bodily protest.
I put a hand to my temple and rub as hard as I can, listening to Cat's whimper in response. She knows that means I am getting a head ache or that someone is starting to give me one. Ok West, suck it up! Cat's about the only friend you have and you should at least act like you're grateful for that! I'm gunna be nice. "Get out Cat!" I snap. Whoops... that wasn't nice at all. In fact, I sound just about as pissed off as I am right now despite my attempt to conceal it. The hands on my hip bare down harder, now physically gripping my body as hard as she can, and my eyes snap over to her. That's when I know I'm going to cave. She's looking at me with a pleading expression, her tiny hands holding onto me for dear life. Cat doesn't like it when the police come to her house. She's told me numerous times it leads to yelling, loud sirens, and most often her brother being taken away for a little while. I know that she tries so hard to just escape and pretend that isn't happening. So I fall back into the pillows and shut my eyes, unable to muster up enough malicia to make her have to face that.
"Ok... why are the cops at your house?" I grumble, peeling her iron clad grip off of me and draping her arms across my stomach. The feeling of her flesh, still cool from the outside, is a welcome one against my warm body. My hands play over the tan skin, drawing invisible pictures against the cells mindlessly. I think that makes her happy... the mindless touches I give her, because Cat smiles and makes her best effort to stay still. For what reason I don't know, but for once she isn't twitching around and making the bed shift... so I'm happy. Her smile fades into a worried look, lips twisting to the side like a child stuck in thought, "My brother went Christmas streaking again." I recoil in disgust but then fight off a laugh. Her brother isn't all that bad looking, she is clearly more attractive than him, but I doubt too many young women minded the sight. "At the old folks home." She says flatly, looking very un-Cat-like in her disturbance.
I can't help but laugh at that. My hand pats gently against her arm, "Are you surprised?" I ask, trying to understand why she seems upset about it. Cat adores her brother and whenever she talks about him she lights up, even if it's something bad. Her head shakes broadly from side to side, flinging her red hair around her face. "No... just disappointed. Today was the day we were supposed to get a Christmas tree." She says airily. It makes more sense now. Stupid shit like that is way more important to Cat than it is to me.
She picks at her nails a little until I give her fingers a gentle swat. It annoys me when people pick at or bite their skin/nails, besides I know she'll complain about it later if I let her mess them up. Maybe even ask me to do them over for her... the thought makes me shiver. Out of all of the things I dislike doing, painting nails isn't on the top of the list, but I don't want to do it. Especially not with Cat bouncing around, choosing seven to ten different colors and making me slip, ending in her having multicolored fingers because she doesn't want me to use the remover for the soul reason of 'it's smelly'. Nail time with Cat isn't a fun activity.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, waiting for her to say something. I know she wants something, because she has that embarrassed look on her face that means she's scared to speak up. Afraid I'll get mad or some shit. I sigh, "So... not to be a bi-" "BILLY GOAT!" She screams, interrupting my sentence. I feel my jaw drop ever so slightly, perking a brow in confusion as she stares at me in a wide eyed almost panicked way. It takes a good 30 seconds of me staring at her in bewilderment to realize she didn't want me to swear. "Yeah... what ever. Not to be a billy goat," I pause and raise a brow over my squinted eyes, gaging her reaction. When she seems to approve I grunt and move on, "But why did you come HERE... to my house. To me. I'm sure Vega's door is wide open with holiday cheer." Cat and I used to hang out a lot before Tori came to school but I personally think that she prefers the latina over me so maybe I'm a LITTLE bitter. She's constantly spending time over there and I'll admit that, true to my jealous nature, it bothers me. Cat was my friend first... but what ever she can do what ever the hell she wants.
I hear a tiny giggle escape her red lips before she silences it, trying not to provoke my bad mood. "Tori has a Christmas tree." She points out, now moving to lay across my lap, seeing as there is no other space on my bed for her. I don't mind. Ever since Beck and I broke up I haven't had much physical contact, so I'm a little more relieved to feel the weight of another person pressed against me. "Good. Go see it then." That sounded mean, but I swear it's an honest suggestion and not a caustic remark about their friendship. Now she laughs at me, her sweet, light, almost contagious laugher that usually brightens my mood only confuses me more. I haven't the slightest clue how to respond to this woman!
"Why would I want to see Tori's tree? I came to -you-." She says, like that answers any of my questions. When I let my head fall back into the pillows and don't say a word, she realizes she isn't making headway. "I knew you wouldn't have a Christmas tree either, and so we could get-" "No." I snarl, totally interrupting her with a tone much more harsh than intended. Her face falls dramatically. "Why not?" Her lips tremble as she speaks, eyes watering a little as they follow my finger that's pointing out the window. "It's cold Cat. I don't like to be cold. If I liked to be cold, I'd live in Alaska... but I don't live in Alaska, I like in Hollywood. I am not dragging my a-... my butt outside in the cold to go pay for a stupid, spider infested, fire hazard and spend half of my day letting you electrocute me while you attempt to help me put lights on it. No thanks." I snap hatefully, "You're welcome to stay Cat but do me a favor, forget about this stupid Christmas sh-... shirt. Yeah. I was totally gunna say shirt."
She doesn't pull off of me, but she does face away now, tiny tears prickle at her eyes and drip down her cheeks like melted snow flakes. Told you I'd make it worse. Her hand drags across her nose with a loud sniffle and I wonder how long this will last before one of us breaks. I have to admit, a crying Cat is even worse than a baby talking one. The gentle shaking of her chest against my knees is annoying... and a little heart breaking. When did I become such a bitch that I can sit here and let my best -no my ONLY friend cry over a stupid Christmas tree. I mean, sure she's totally over reacting... but aren't I? It isn't THAT cold outside. I suppose with a jacket and some gloves... Yup. I'm breaking, right before your eyes I'm chipping away. There's no use to fight it, because the longer she lays solemnly against me, the worse I feel about it.
"Alright! Alright! Get up before you ruin my sheets." I snap, flicking my fingers against her skin. Within seconds the tears (which I'm now fairly certain were fake in an attempt to get her way) are dry and she's bounding down the stairs like a golden retriever who just heard it's time for a walk. I jerk at my drawers, tossing clothes this way and that before finding something large and black to wear. If I can pair that with some sunglasses or a ski mask maybe no one will recognize me. I pull the black long sleeve shirt over my head, followed by a light, partially see through purple sweater that hangs off of my shoulders. After adorning pair of black studded jeans and an argument with my boots about getting onto my feet, I'm thumping down the stairs, searching for my keys and my debit card.
Cat is literally jumping up and down, holding onto my mother's arm to tell her all about it. "And it's going to be so much FUN!" She finishes loudly, giving the older woman's arm a rough shake. Mom looks wide eyed, and a bit jarred but I know she's always had a liking for Cat... or anyone who bothered to befriend me. I know it's constantly worrying her that I couldn't care less about socializing outside of school, but her worries and cares don't concern me too awful much. She gives a bright smile to Cat, then a less happy and more fearful look at me. I'm not sure why, maybe she thinks I'm going to rip Cat's head off for being so freaking insane. With all of my efforts combined I throw her a tight, uncomfortable smile for a split second, then drop it and snatch my keys and card off of the table. "We're leaving Cat."
The car ride is surprisingly less painful than the rest of my morning, despite the activity going on in the vehicle. Cat has the windows down, blaring a horrible Christmas station and singing at the top of her lungs to the unsuspecting people in their yards, on the street, or in their houses just trying to have a moment of peace. She calls it 'speed caroling'. It should really be getting on my nerves, and I remind myself of that fact every second that passes... so I don't know why I'm smiling like a moron. Every once and a while (if there is a Christmas song I actually KNOW) I'll pipe in. I'm a lot quieter than she is, but I know she hears me because she turns with an ear to ear grin and laughs loudly over the blaring music.
For a moment, I'm a little captivated by her. Her long red hair is in large, loose waves around her shoulders, and partially held back by some appalling Santa hair clip. The windows are down, and the cool air is reddening the tip of her button nose, turning the tan skin to a soft, rosy color. Her eyes are brighter than the sun, the molten chocolate pools are in tiny crescents and they practically smile all by themselves. I can feel the smooth, unmarred skin of her hands gripping my elbow as her small but womanly body leans over the gear shift and arm rest to try and get closer to me. My eyes are glued to her, watching the thin strands of escaping hair whip around in the wind, stroking her face in a way that I suddenly have the urge to do.
"Jade!" She practically screeches, her hand going from my arm to the wheel to jerk us back straight. I peel my eyes off of her in time to see a mortified dog, practically peeing itself from where Cat narrowly swerved to get out of it's way. Once she's sure I've got it, she leaves my steering wheel alone and resumes acting like a total fool. She doesn't notice, or she pretends not to notice, that I'm swimming in a world of thoughts. Since when do I think of Cat as beautiful? Why did I want to touch her? WHY THE HELL AM I SMILING WHEN SHE IS MAKING A FOOL OUT OF ME? I slump back into the seat with a sigh and try to wipe the grin off my face. It's difficult, seeing as Cat is literally hanging out of the window, yelling at the top of her lungs to a field. We're way out of the city now... and it strikes me I haven't a clue where we're headed.
"Uhm... Cat?" I grunt, gripping onto her pant's waist in concern. I don't want her falling out of the damn window. The red head looks my way, not getting back into the car. "YEAH?" She shouts, her entire face covered by a blanket of red hair. Again, I find myself forcing the smile away. Sometimes it's really hard to NOT encourage Cat's bad behavior because she is so innocent and sweet. Honestly, it's like cousin It got into a barrel of red hair dye. Well... ya know if cousin It was a totally gorgeous teenage girl. Wouldn't that put a twist on the show? I shake my head for the millionth time to try and get it on straight, "Where are we going? All you said was 'Take that road and don't turn'... and that was an hour ago?" I'm shouting too. Between the music and the air zooming around her head I don't know if she can hear me.
The redhead flops back into her seat and thumps her hands against her legs like she's thinking about something. Her lips twist to the side as I put the window up and turn the radio down to a less than ear splitting level. My ears are ringing it was so loud. I think hers are too... because she's giggling and adjusting her jaw like she's trying to pop them. "We're going to get a Christmas tree." She says finally, rummaging through her purse for some unknown item. I nod stiffly and slow the car down, "Yes. I've gathered that much. But WHERE are we getting a Christmas tree." In all honesty I was hoping she'd drag me to Walmart or Target to buy one of their fake trees and force me to put it in my room, then drop the subject. I highly doubt that is going to happen now that we are in the middle of no where.
Cat pulls her pearphone out of her purse after much searching and taps her tiny fingers against it. The gentle thumps of her finger tips are muffled by the much louder taps caused by the nails in my now silent car. Her lips twist to the side like a child in contemplation, brows furrowed down over her eyes. "It isn't much farther. In about a mile you're going to turn left." She mumbles in a fashion that's not particularly enthusiastic. I frown when I can hear nervousness in her tones. I've never been the world's greatest friend to Cat and I've never been even a half assed comforter/protector but I worry about all of my friends, and in truth there's not much I wouldn't do for them if I HAD to. Not to mention I know how fragile Cat is. So her discomfort isn't something that goes unnoticed or under thought. I don't say anything to her about it though, I figure that would make it more awkward than it already is.
"HERE! TURN HERE!" She shouts, practically jumping in my lap to point out the window. I whip my car down onto the street, and the tires spin as the gravel beneath them flies before my breaks slam on. The car continues to fly sideways, skidding wildly. Gravel is popping against the sides of the vehicle and I'm seeing more mud that I am sky whipping through the air. In a split second it's all over, and we're sitting tensely in the seats, trying to recover. My arms are wrapped around Cat and locked into the wheel at a weird angle in a desperate attempt to keep her safe and get the stupid car under control. "Well... that was fun. New rule. You don't get to give directions Cat. You almost killed me." I chuckle, attempting to show her that it was only a joke. She smiles and slides back over the seat, buckling back in. "I'm in my seat. Promise. Come on! We're almost THERE! Hurry!" She urges, slapping my leg in a fast but painless fashion. After a few moments of catching my breath to soothe my frantically beating heart, I put the car back in gear.
The road quickly turns into a large forest of pine trees, green and vibrant, sustaining life where other trees have not managed to survive. Their heavy sent floats in through the open windows and Cat smiles with a deep inhale. We drive for another 10 minutes before I start to get a little worried. She assures me it's legal to be here, though I don't care much about that, and says it's only a little farther... but the rows of trees aren't methodically planted, they don't look managed and cared for, there's no sign of anyone else here, they aren't even exclusively pine trees. I'm pretty sure we're just driving through a forest. Cat taps my arm, letting me know this is where she wants to stop and while I'm not a timid woman, I am no where near comfortable with this situation. It may be broad daylight, but this is an ax murderer's dream. Yet, for reasons I can't fully explain to you, I stop the car and slip out of the seat.
Cat is already running around to my side, smiling, albeit a bit nervously. I twirl my keys around my fingers a few times before shoving them into my pocket. Her cool hand grips my wrist, tugging me into the trees off of the path. I'm sure that I look hilariously out of place here, maybe she just did this for giggles. Right now I'm not too certain of anything. Cat's acting awful odd right now and it's putting me on edge. I'm not enjoying our time together as much as I was 30 minutes ago, pretending to be annoyed at her hyper nature. My feet stumble over the rocks and low hanging or snapped off branches, causing me to brace on her hand. She does the same, but I'm fairly sure it's only because she's attempting to both run and drag me across the ground at the same time. My feet simply refuse to give way to the pace she's demanding.
She whirls on her heels suddenly, causing me to slam into her as she stops to look up at me. The only thing that saves us from hopelessly falling to the ground is the tree that catches Cat's back. She stared up at me curiously, like I'M the one that is doing anything peculiar. Her big eyes are watching me with hopeless excitement, and her hands have now slipped around my waist. My chest lightly puffs in and out, quickly trying to get more oxygen to my brain in hopes to understand just what's going on with my body right now. In a way, I could tell you I've always been attracted to Cat. It's stupid when women can't appreciate a beautiful woman when they're looking at them, and I'm anything but stupid. Cat is stunning, but I've never thought of her that way as strongly as I do right now. I actually am starting to think she's TRYING to get my attention. Sure, Cat's a touchy woman, but I've lost count of how much her hands have 'randomly' brushed against my skin or she just blatantly makes contact.
I shake my head and pull off of her. That's stupid. Cat wouldn't ever think like that. She only dates boys... and I'm not a boy. I shouldn't think so highly of myself. It isn't anything like that. I'm just lonely. Yup, a year without a boyfriend will do that to you. I glare at her and cross my arms with an indignant glare, "What?" I snarl in a confused tone. There's no way I'm apologizing, she's the one that stopped in mid-run. I never would have hit her other wise.
The red head smiles broadly, unaffected by my sourness... as always. Her shoulders bounce up and down in a shrug, "Close your eyes." I've never heard her boss me around before, or anyone for that matter. I perk my eyebrows up curiously but I suppose I trust her enough, so I close my eyes. As the darkness clouds my world and traps my vision behind my eyelids, I start to get nervous. I wasn't doing so well with them open and my sudden trust in the redhead is waning. Her hands gently take mine, guiding out a course before me in an almost methodical way. She's making sure I don't trip, but I'm still unsettled and a little annoyed.
"Damn it Cat, what are you doing? I said I'd get a Christmas tree with you. If you think covering my eyes is an ingenious plan to get me to drag some big honking tree home, you're sadly mistaken... and you know I don't like being surprised so why can't I ju-" "You'll like this surprise" She cuts in rudely, jerking my wrist for good measure, I can see her shadow passing back and forth in front of me, making sure that I can't see. "Please Jade! Just a few more minutes!" She's begging me now and it doesn't sound fun anymore, it sounds desperate. Almost like she's depending on my approval. I dramatically squeeze my eyes shut tighter to show I'm still participating in her weird little game.
After a couple of more minutes she stops me and claps her hands loudly, "OPEN!" She demands. With a tiny chuckle and an inward roll of my eyes I slowly peek out from under my lashes. What I see completely stuns me. We're standing underneath a huge pine tree, and from it's lower limbs, all around us, are colorful ornaments. Inside of the ornaments are pictures of us, smiling, laughing, just enjoying the feeling of being together. Some of them are just of me. Black and whites, and sepia tones at different angles with different expressions, like old fashion beauty photos. When were half of these taken? I mean... maybe Cat has had that damn camera around her neck more than usual... but I can't for the life of me remember her taking picture of me. Just... around me.
"Cat... what... the... hell?" I ask, a little bit more breathy than I wanted. Part of me wants to think this is creepy, but in reality I'm flattered. I've never been more flattered. Did she plan all of this? Did she do all of this? "I made this for you!" She exclaims, throwing her arms around my waist. My breath catches in my throat. "Yeah but... w-why?" I whisper, touching a frosty blue globe with my finger tip. I'm holding up a pair of scissors, swirling them around my fingers, and Cat is smiling behind me with adoration. A type of adoration I've never seen from anyone else I know. Her fingers tickle my sides as she fumbles with her hands ever so gently, "Because you're special... and I don't think anyone tells you that anymore. You need to hear it Jade. It'd important you know. That you mean something..." She whispers back, her cheek pressed against my arm.
I can't believe it. I mean... maybe I've been a LITTLE more melancholy than usual but nothing that would constitute doing something so extravagant. Especially not for someone like me. Am I even nice to Cat anymore? Am I even nice to anyone anymore? My hand snakes behind me to grab her waistband and pull her around to look at me. The disbelief is evident on my disapproving face as I stare at the beautiful redhead. "To who?" I ask sincerely, sure it seems a little dumb for me not to know, especially after this but I at the time, I just can't see how I could mean anything to Cat or anyone else. Her face falls into a morbidly beautiful frown and for once, I'm not so happy with the disastrous beauty that I normally rejoice in noticing. I don't want her to frown. "You mean something to me Jade. Me. You'll always mean something to me... because you're in here." Her tiny finger presses into the covered skin of her chest over her heart.
I think I'm either smiling or crying, I can't tell. All I can see is her, and for the first time I feel like I'm really seeing ALL of her. All of the woman that has stuck by me like a loyal companion, even with all the times I've kicked her away. Not even Beck could do that for me. How much do you have to love someone to stick by them the way Cat has stuck by me? My heart clenches and swells in a painfully happy way. "I don't understand." I mumble, her lips are getting closer to mine, she's advancing on ME. She wants me... and she's seen all of me, which makes it even more astounding. "You don't have to Jade. I don't either... but maybe if we just let go, and not understand together, our hearts will figure it out... together. I want to be together with you Jade. I can't think of anyone else I feel secure and safe enough to not understand something with." The statement is a bit jumbled, and it's so very un-understandable in a completely understandable and profound Cat-like wisdom.
My head nods, onyx hair blowing in the wind covers us as my lips collide with hers. My arms wrap around her desperately as I loose myself in the feeling of her lips. They gentle move against mine, reassuring me that I'm not alone. We're together in this. We're both a little scared. We're both excited. And I didn't know it in that moment but looking back on it I can tell you that we were BOTH falling in love as she leaned into my ear and whispered, "Merry Christmas Jade." And I'm not ok with Christmas sucking anymore... because I have Cat and in order for Christmas to suck I'd have to loose her. After 20 years and Christmases, I can say without certainly, Christmas can never suck again... I simply couldn't live if it did.