Therapy sessions

chapter one: the questions our therapist ask

" okay, we need to hit the big one, why did you shoot lee"

Although serious, Elle had to suppress the urge to laugh, one thing she had learned in her past 6 sessions with the doc was that she could be gentle but there were some thing's that she just asked straight up. For some reason it almost felt better the way she just asked bluntly like that, it felt nice to have someone who didn't tip toe around it

"because he tried to kill me." she answered just as bluntly. This seemed to satisfied the doc, as she moved on to ask her next question without dwelling on her patients answer.

" how do you feel about shooting lee?"

"I feel… Oddly detached about actually shooting him" she explained shaking her head" it's the aftermath and the other stuff that bothers me, I guess."

" about that, agent hotchner was in here the other day.. To see if you'd been coming" she quickly explained to a panicked looking Elle" I didn't show him anything on any of our sessions and I declined comment on your " she pinched her face with dislike at the word" progress, but he said something about your fathers grave and a confession? I think we should talk about it"

" oh, that, I suppose I should just tell you the whole story huh?" she took the docs slight nod as confirmation to keep going " right after they cleared me, I talked to hotch, he ordered a psych eval. I was pretty pissed as you can probably guess, so I skipped it." she stole a sideways glance at the pretty black woman sitting opposite her, grateful that she looked relatively unsurprised. " the next day, I took off for my fathers grave, I go there, sometimes, to think. He followed and ultimately confronted me. He thought that I was "confessing my sins"" she rolled her eyes, she could still see him standing behind her, stiff as always. Although for a moment there when he said he was listening her had seemed.. Different, willing to open, but it had amounted to nothing as usual.

"were you, you know confessing your sins?"

"yes.. But not the sins he was thinking of." she saw the look of wanting explanation on her shrinks face." this doesn't go beyond this room right?"

"right"

Elle's took in a long and deep breathe and continued on "when I started this job, I said that nothing, nothing would faze me or cause me to jeopardize it. It bothered, hell it still bother's me that I could survive a gun wound, an internal affairs investigation and taking a mans life, but as soon as I was faced with this dilemma I couldn't deal. I have feeling for someone I work with, not even someone I work with , someone I work for, I have feelings for hotch and it scares the hell out of me." she suddenly cut off realizing that she was rambling, she stole a quick peak at the doc but she could glean nothing from the woman's monotone face.

"go on"

"That's it, why do you look so… not shocked?"

"because I'm not shocked, Hon, I'm a shrink" Elle flinched slightly in surprise at the docs use of the word, she had never heard a shrink call herself a shrink before. " if I wasn't good at reading in between the lines nobody would pay me to tell them if there screwed up or not"

"so, am I screwed up?"

"no, your in love with your boss, that's not as bad as it seems"

Elle stared shocked at her therapist, that was unexpected. "oh don't get that face, people have been falling into taboo loves forever, you ain't that special. Hell, I've fallen for a patient or two, I of course referred them over to a colleague, but still."

"so I should go for him?" Elle asked, not understanding.

"oh no, I never said that." the doc paused a minute. "I mean if you want to then go ahead, but I'm not incline any way. It could hurt you or it could help you, it could do both. You get to choose if the possibility of reward is better than the risk of failure."

Later that day, Elle was sitting in her window seat contemplating those words. Was it worth it? yes replied the voice in the back of her mind, of course it was. Getting hotch would be…

Oops, there's the doorbell Elle got up to answerer it and who should be standing there but

"hotch?" okay this was getting way out of hand, why was he here??

"we need to talk Elle, I think I might love you"