Before you read on, I need to warn that this isn't any conventional GSR stories I normally write. It is borderline sad. I have not been writing a couple of weeks – been busy at work – and I apologize for my absence. This just comes to my mind and I need to write it out before getting my muse back on my other stories. Hope you enjoy it still.

Dwindling Love

Their marriage was unique. Unlike most married couple who needed to be in each other's sight to remind them they loved each other and being faithful, they were different. Both had absolute trust for each other. They could function as individual. They need not be to be physically together to get their marriage working. They were able to connect mentally and they were satisfied with the long distance relationship arrangement. They both thought that nothing could shatter their foundation. Their foundation was rock solid and they could handle this aspect of the marriage.

Sara had always believed in her marriage. Their marriage just worked, regardless of others had commented. Greg told her she needed Grissom back in her life, both physically and mentally. Grissom needed to be back to give her support after what happened in Frank Diner. Her mother-in-law told her blatantly that for a marriage to work, they had to connect physically and intimately. She tended to disagree with Betty. Grissom and she had a great and healthy sex life when he was back in Vegas or she went to visit him in wherever he was in. They made love and it was not just plain ol' meaningless sex.

However, lately, she could not remember when the last time they made love to each other was. He was too busy to take a few days off to visit her in Vegas. She could not go to his campsite because the place he was in now needed visas and extensive clearance. He could not bring his phone with him when he was at work. When she called, his voicemail greeted her and she could memorize his voicemail message word-to-word. She understood that he was busy and could not always be a phone call away but she resented that he did not give her a call back when he was resting. Picking up his phone and dialing her number was not difficult or time consuming.

She did not know when they started having problems.

Perhaps it started when they left Costa Rica and travelled to Paris. He was a famous, highly respected entomologist and he did not have problems in finding a job. University professor openings, research lab and book deals were readily available. He decided to take out the guest lecturer opening and adapted easily. She was unknown outside of Las Vegas Crime Lab and could not find a job in Paris. She lost her identity and footing when they came to Paris. She was Grissom's wife and that what she was only. She cooked for him, breakfast and dinner, washed his laundry and cleaned their small apartment. She turned into a domestic goddess who watched Martha Stewart on cable. But she was happy being just Grissom's wife. Cooking for Grissom became part of her. It was her hobby until she got bored with the routine. Her workaholic nature started to bother her. She wanted to work but could not find one without appropriate permits and her French was not fluent. She could manage a simple conversation and that was it.

When Ecklie called, she was baking chocolate chips cookies for Grissom and his colleagues and she just jumped at the chance when Ecklie needed replacement for the Crime Lab. She was sick of baking, cooking and being Grissom's virtuous wife. She wanted to be herself again.

When he returned to their home, he seemed to be able to detect something changed in their home. She did not know how to tell him she was going to leave him and back to Vegas. She was the one who left Vegas, citing Vegas was too bleak for her, leaving her unable to breathe. He came for her, shortly after Warrick's death. She was excited, exhilarated and happy to see him in the rainforest without nothing but a duffel bag and a GPS. She knew Warrick's death prompted him to leave Las Vegas. Park's case was what sealed his decision. Although the reason of why he left was never about her, she was still happy. She willingly overlooked the fact that he treated her as a backup plan. She loved him too much to mind.

They had their first huge couple fight after she told him about her decision. They said hurtful things to each other. They cried, screamed and fought. He could not understand why she needed to go back to Vegas when she was the one who ran away from there first. She yelled at him for not being able to see she was losing her identity. She was not Sara Sidle in Paris. She was Mrs. Grissom, Grissom's wife. That was it.

That night they slept on the same bed but the distance between them was huge, like there was an amazon river between them. He never cuddled her and she slept with her back facing him. The next few days before she due to return to Vegas were spent in silence.

He worked late, taking a few more projects under his wings and decided that his office was his home. He came home to get fresh clothing and never gave her a second look. Her pride stopped her from apologizing. She stopped cooking, cleaning and being domestic. She prepped herself for returning to the lab, deciding on a comfortable story to tell her friends in the lab and even prepared for the ultimate divorce.

She was sitting in lime green sofa they chose, a forensic magazine on her lap and drinking a glass of red wine when he walked into the living room drunkenly. She could smell the alcohol on him. She looked up and met his sad gaze. Momentarily, she was guilty about leaving Paris, leaving their home and leaving him.

She remembered their conversations vividly.

"Do you have to go?" he asked, or rather slurred. Alcohol had impaired his senses and ability to talk sensibly.

"Gil, I have to. I am losing myself here." She chucked the magazine aside and walked over to him, her palm splayed across his heart. She felt his heart beating and her heart wrenched. They were both so far apart. They came so far to be together but this might break them apart. He captured her hands with his and lifted her chin up.

"I love you." He loved her. He really did. She might not know that because he was never one who put love on his mouth. He showed it through his actions. Every morning, he would wake up a little earlier and brewed her favorite coffee. He ordered America newspapers for her and paid for the expansive channels on cable for her. He built their library, filling it with rows and rows of science related books. He hoped that she could spend her afternoon reading and watching television, far away from the hideous crimes in Vegas that left her with no breathing place.

"Gil," her voice was soft and tender. Wrapping her arms around his mid-section, her head cradled against his chest, she searched for his heartbeats. They were soothing and it always did its job of lulling her to sleep whenever she had nightmares. He raked his finger through her dark chocolate curls, stroking her head and pulled her nearer. "Please don't go." He begged. Begging was a first for him. He never begged for anything in life. This was the first time he felt he was going to lose something very precious to him and he could not afford it.

He bent down slightly, placing his lips against her soft lips and nibbled them gently. His hands snaked under her blouse, unclasped her cotton bra and pushed them out his way. He stroked the curve of her breasts tenderly, his thumbs brushing the hardening buds. She trembled and moaned softly.

"No, Gil. We need to talk."

He ignored her pleads, and rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He wanted to connect with her, both physically and intimately. He did not want to talk, fearing he would lose her. He knew this was manipulative of his part but he had to do it.

"Gil," she pushed him away with both of her hands, and crouched at a corner, gasping for breaths. Her tears rolled down her cheeks despite her best effort to contain them. This Gil Grissom standing in front of her was not the husband she married or knew. He was drunk, reeking of alcohol. He reminded of her father now and she was afraid.

"I am sorry." He squatted next to her, his hands hovering in the air hesitantly.

"Gil, can you please understand?" she cowered in fear as his hands moved down to caress her hairs. He nodded. He knew she was losing herself in this beautiful city and she was tired of not being herself.

"I can go back with you," he offered. Although he did not want to leave Paris and returned to Las Vegas but he wanted to be with his wife. They had been married for less than 6 months and any healthy couple would have to stay together to get their marriage working.

She shook her head gently, and smiled weakly. "No, you're happier here. We can make it work." She grasped his hand tightly in hers and kissed his cheeks. That night, they cuddled and slept in each other's embrace. They chatted, shed tears and hugged each other. They did not think that having sex that night after a huge fight was correct. They talked about how long distance relationship could work. They had absolute trust and they loved each other too much to betray their marriage. Their marriage could work without being together physically.

Sara snapped out of her reverie and wiped the tears off with the back of her hands. What was happening to their marriage? She could not help but to ask. He was distant when he did call. Their conversations were short and punctuated with awkward silence. They did not know how to talk like they used to do in the past. They were drifting apart and neither wanted to admit.

Her love for him never wavered. She knew that she still loved him and wanted their relationship to work. But he had not been putting in efforts. He was oddly withdrawn and he seemed to be hiding something from her. She could not figure out what. The best part now was he totally cut himself from her. No phone calls. No video conferences. No emails. No letters. There were no updates from him. She called regularly, despite being routed to voicemails, she left messages for him. She poured her heart out into her emails and letters. Yet, there were no replies.

She could not figure out if he was still her husband. She looked down to gleaming gold strip around her ring finger and suddenly felt offended. She pulled it off and clutched firmly. She just could not hold on any longer, without knowing that he still love her.

She needed closure. She decided to let Fate to decide their destiny as a couple. If she was directed to the voicemail again, she would be sending him her ring and a simple note telling him she could not do it anymore. Long distance relationship really sucked. She knew that this might hurt and she might never have the chance to mend her heart but it was better than staying in Vegas and clinging onto faintest hopes. She hated being hung in the air and he knew that. The very least he could do for her now was letting her know where they were now.

She picked up her phone gingerly, and tapped the numbers she memorized at the back of head. She took in a deep breath and listened to the rings.

"Please Gil, pick up the damn phone." She prayed with her eyes closed.

The phone finally stopped ringing.

"This is Gil Grissom…"

There will be a part on Gil if you all wanted – please let me know. Or I should leave you all hanging. Gil's part would have some explanation why he cuts Sara off.

There should be an update for Treacherous but I am still writing, editing and researching. I think it is a major chapter for Sara and I want it to be "perfect" before posting.

I will get my muse back soon, after all, it's xmas season.

I realize there are not many GSR stories these days. GSR writers, please continue writing GSR.

Thanks for reading!