There is just enough Christ in me
To make me feel almost guilty
Is that why God made us bleed
To make us see we're Humans Being? -Van Halen
***
Hatred was a human emotion, and he was not human.
There were more of them than he'd thought. Six, seven. No, eight akuma total, grotesque weapons wearing doll faces, tortured souls that couldn't lay to rest and were forced to kill. He supposed he should hate their makers: the Earl that orchestrated this whole affair, or the stupid fucks who thought they could see their lost loved ones again. Kanda could sort of relate; this made him hate the akuma all over again.
Hatred was a human emotion, and he was not human. Part of him used to be, though. He charged forward, blade drawn, falling into his hate as he battled on. They had killed him once, he was fairly sure of that. Then the Order had brought him back, given him a new body - one that wasn't human. But what was being human anyway? He breathed. He ate. He bled and he felt pain, but people died as long as they remained human. That, he could not do. Not yet, anyway.
The drive to see her again, this nameless woman who might already be dead, was the only thing that kept him going. He knew it was stupid, but what else did he have, really? He hated that he'd fallen to these wretched things before. He hated that the humans were so desperate for weapons against them that they couldn't leave him to rest. They had to bring him back, set him out against the Earl again. But what he hated most were the ghosts of memories that haunted him. It would have been kinder to leave him dead, but there was no room for kindness in this war to save humanity. It was sort of funny how that worked.
So, he let himself hate, because it was better than feeling empty without her.