The Bonfire Song
Disclaimer: I do not own Super Smash Brothers. That goes to Nintendo. The only characters I own are those from the Golden Land, angels from Skyworld including the royal bodyguards, Angel Assembly and archangels along with all the other angels and of course the witch hunters. I also don't own Queen's Blade as that belongs to Hobby Japan.
Summary: Palutena had another prank for the Smashers. Dark Pit was one of the people involved this time around and many others would be involved indirectly for a huge scare. Shulk wasn't exactly thrilled at the end of the day.
Pairing: None
Rated: T (for teen)
Genre: Parody, Humor and Friendship
Warning: Swearing, underage drinking and unintentional OOC
This is day 19 of the writing version of Inktober. Today's theme is "bonfire". I kind of feel like I'm going to hell for this one. Enjoy!
Shulk was going to kill Pit when that motherfucker came back from Skyworld. Sure, this was the month of October but the angel had gone too far this time!
What did Pit do this time, you might ask? First, he gave certain Smashers the ability to break the 4th wall. You know what that implied? That meant the Smashers could sit on their asses and call out the readers who dare read this fic. Only the Kid Icarus characters could reach out to the target audience and make sarcastic quips. Give someone else that power and shit was going to hit the fan.
Second, Pit somehow got Palutena AND Dark Pit into his prank on the Smashers. Palutena had made a potion that could not be traced by normal taste buds. It was an alcoholic potion that once consumed, your judgement would become impaired. The more tolerant you were of alcohol, the less of an effect it had on you. Dark Pit distributed the potion during what would be at the evening bonfire.
Peach wasn't exactly in on the prank like the other three. She was just the one who suggested that the Smashers got together outside of the mansion. Besides decorating the mansion for Halloween and preparing for the Halloween Party, Peach felt that the Smashers needed to get to know each other outside of battling. They have done this in the past, but the mushroom princess did bring up how the first Halloween party lacked the newcomers that came later on during the season.
Robin was up to the idea and suggested that they camped outside of Smash Forest. The Smashers could have that entire area to themselves without anyone interrupting. The Smashers had ideas what to do. Instead of a campfire, it would be more of a bonfire with bonfire stories and food that fit a bigger flame than that of a campfire. It wasn't mandatory to attend so unless the fighters didn't have a match tomorrow, they were free to participate. Fortunately for Peach and Robin, many Smashers decided that a get together wouldn't be all that bad. It was also why it was easy to conceal the would be prank that the angelic trio had in store for them.
Peach, Chrom, the Robin twins and Sheik were out of the mansion first to set up the bonfire. It required gathering wood and setting up a fire that wouldn't cause a forest fire. Chrom had joked that Frederick could be called to gather firewood for the group but it was not necessary. Peach got the Villager children to participate by asking them to chop up wood and bring it to the entrance. By doing so, they would be rewarded with candy for their good deeds. It did not mean they had to stay for the bonfire as well. At the end of the day, only Pink, Ed and Ace had decided to stay. The rest of the Villagers had gone back into the mansion to do who knows what.
When the fire was done, the food would be next. That was when Dark Pit decided to pour the potion on all the food that would be consumed. The dark angel made a mental note not to eat anything that Peach made while outside if he wanted to see the full force of the chaos.
The one thing Dark Pit was not amused with was how Palutena dodged the event entirely upon hearing that Bayonetta decided to go after Corrin convinced her to. Bayonetta didn't like being near fire (and for good reasons). Dark Pit rolled his eyes at how petty Palutena was. She couldn't even go see her own prank succeed if it meant being in the presence of the Umbra Witch.
Dark Pit named off all the people who attended and planned accordingly. Just because he already put the potion in the ingredients didn't mean that there would be enough. If Palutena was around, she could duplicate everything and everyone would be too drunk to stop getting pranked.
Okay, there is me, Luci, Peach, Sheik. Then that idiot Chrom, the nerd twins...the dragon twins...Shulk, Samus, Cloud, the witch, Pink, Ed, Ace. Oh, there's Lucas, Mario, Dr. Mario, Red with his Pokemon, Calum with his Pokemon and Marth.
Samus didn't want to go but Peach convinced her roommate to tag along. Zelda refused to go and made it clear she didn't approve of Sheik going. Rosalina was off patrolling around the galaxy. And Palutena dipped...
Dark Pit chose his words carefully when he volunteered to help Peach make the food. Normally, Rob would do it but if Dark Pit wanted in on the action, he needed to be the one serving everyone. The dark angel also made a mental note to avoid serving Bayonetta food sprinkled with Palutena's potion.
The Smashers gathered at the designated spot outside of Smash Forest later in the evening. Peach had set up a table with all sorts of food, drinks and desserts. It was almost sad how she would indirectly be involved with the pranks.
Because Peach already had some food cooking and other food prepared in advance, it was easy for the dark angel to grab what he needed and deliver it to the unsuspecting Smashers. Not counting Bayonetta, Dark Pit tried to make sure that Smashers like Shulk and Lucina had very little alcohol in their system. Shulk might not be able to taste much but he sure as hell would notice the tingling sensation on his tongue. Meanwhile, Dark Pit didn't want to lose a companion he could talk to in the evening. He needed Lucina around. Everyone else could become Palutena's new guinea pigs.
The first people Dark Pit gave his food out to were the Villager children. They had to be satisfied for completing a task, and Dark Pit did not want to be on the other end of their dangerous axes. Then, Dark Pit served Lucina, Chrom, Marth, Shulk and the Robin twins (who were all bundled up together). Next, he made his way to Mario and Dr. Mario, Lucas, the Pokemon trainers and their Pokemon and finally back to the Salt Trio and the rest of the Smashers that Dark Pit chose not to list. He was thanked by each and every Smasher for helping Peach out. The dark angel just nodded his head in acknowledgement before arriving at Mario who was far from pleasant.
"Thank you, princess-oh! You are not Peach!" Mario complained as Dark Pit handed the stick on a marshmallow to the Italian Smasher.
"She's fixing the food, so she's giving me all the s'mores to pass out," Dark Pit explained. "Be grateful."
"Hey, Mario, don't be so harsh!" Dr. Mario exclaimed. "We're getting free food before the main event."
"I would rather have Peach serve me with love."
Dark Pit rolled his eyes as he went over to Red and Pikachu next.
"Thanks, Pittoo~"
"It's Dark Pit or Lived Twilight. Only Pitstain can call me that. You call me that again and I will roast Pikachu."
Pikachu looked up confused why he was brought into the conversation. Mario and Dr. Mario looked at each other and laughed.
"Oh, you don't have to do that, Dark Pit," Dr. Mario started. "We Marios can roast the rat for you."
Pikachu shivered. "Pika-pika. Pika-pi-pi!"
The electric rodent detested the idea of being put on a stick and roasted on an open flame. Then again, he didn't like fighting Mario all that much in battle and was often burned.
"Please don't bring Pikachu into this…" Red grumbled. "Pikachu is my friend."
"Pikachu is like his trainer. He has bad opinions," Mario said with a chuckle.
Dark Pit grumbled as he moved on and kept passing the food onto the other Smashers. He had to specifically avoid giving Bayonetta anything with the drug. She probably sensed something was off.
It wasn't just s'mores that Dark Pit had. Peach had brought corn on the cob, yams and other things that could be cooked on an open flame. The black angel wondered how Corrin would be affected. The idiot was proving the stereotype of his name by eating the corn on the cob presented to him. Even if Cloud warned him to not spoil his appetite, the dragon prince scarfed down the cob and almost ate the whole thing.
As the night went on, the drug started to take affect. Some Smashers had flushed cheeks. Others started to slur their speech. Lucas had passed out almost after finishing his food. Dark Pit at least didn't have to worry about Lucas getting involved.
"Corrin, you okay?" Cloud asked. "You look out of it."
"Huh? I'm fiiiinnne," Corrin hummed. He wasn't fine if his horns and tail decided to pop up despite not being in danger or horny. Then again, it was hard to tell if he was even aroused. "The corn was soooo good."
"You sound drunk," Cloud told him.
"Huh? How can I get drunk on corn on the cob?"
"I would like to know that…" Cloud looked over to Corrin's sister and wondered if she was faring better. He sighed when he realized she was just as fluttery as her brother. "How does corn do this…"
"Probably alcohol in the butter," Bayonetta said. Dark Pit flinched at the idea. It was close to the truth but not really. The raven haired witch had her eyes set on Peach who was making the food. However, she did not fail to remain cautious around the red eyed angel.
"Hey, instead of roasting s'mores and rats, how about we sing a song around the bonfire?!" Rob suggested. He too did not sound like himself. His voice had a higher tenor, making him sound rather feminine. That wasn't what Shulk was concerned about. He became pale at the horrible implication at Rob singing. The tactician didn't have the resources to pull that off...right? He wasn't serious...right?
"I got the guitar right here," Dark Pit announced as he handed the guitar over to the drunk tactician. "Corrin, you sing along with him, won't you?"
"Oh, I would love to," Corrin hummed. "Rob, you ready?"
"I was born ready," Rob said with a cute smile. Lucina glanced over to her father in worry, noticing how far gone their friend was. "Why do we need a campfire song when we got a bonfire song?!"
Bayonetta might have been the only Smasher to miss the reference. It was for the best. Without context, what she was hearing was completely new to her.
"Let's gather 'round the bonfire and sing our bonfire song.
Our B-O-N-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song. And if you don't think that we can sing it faster then you're wrong! But it'll help if you just sing along!"
"Dreadful…" Bayonetta mumbled. Not helped by Corrin adding his own soundtrack to the terrible verse.
"Bum bum bum~"
At least Corrin's cute about it. Bayonetta thought. Why do I have a feeling something is completely off.
The Umbra Witch looked over to the reaction of some other Smashers. Dark Pit was disinterested despite offering the instrument. Mario and Dr. Mario found it hilarious. Robin had joined along, making her own mix-tape. Chrom wanted the tactician twins to stop singing. Cloud wanted to know why Corrin got drunk by eating corn on the cob. Not the way she wanted to spend the night.
Between the singing, the guitar, the laughing and other Smashers talking, they all failed to notice that they were about to be ambushed. Cloud yanked at Corrin's ear to get him to stop singing along with Rob. Meanwhile, Chrom tried to take the guitar away from Rob resulting in a tug-o-war in between him, Rob and Robin. Robin joined in to help her brother seeing that Chrom was trying to ruin the fun. Dark Pit glanced behind him where the rustling bushes were before looking back at the idiotic group of Smashers.
"Little one, are you hiding something?" Bayonetta asked Dark Pit.
The dark angel shrugged his shoulders. He didn't have to answer to her simply because the people hiding in the bushes decided to strike.
The first thing the shadowy figures did was pour water on the fire thus eliminating the vision of most of the Smashers. Then, the shadowy figures made horrible noises. If you were a child or drunk or both, you most likely screamed. That was the reaction they wanted and it wasn't helped when someone had decided to sneak up on Rob and embrace him from behind.
"Boo."
Rob's scream was cute and terrible at the same time. He cried out for Shulk to save him and, ignoring the odd looks people would give him later, struggled against his assailant. This meant that the guitar he had was released in favor of hitting the person behind him in the back.
"Owwwww!"
The voice allowed the not so drunken Smashers to cease their actions and realize what was going on. The shadowy figures gave themselves away as well as they struck a pose.
"Waaaaaaahhhhh!"
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"MY NOSE IS BLEEDING!"
If anyone had a light, it would have helped the group at this point. The good thing about the Villager children was that they were always prepared. Pink pulled a leaf out of her pocket and threw it on the ground. This turned out to be a bright lantern that lit up the whole area. The Smashers were far from pleased with who scared them.
"Wario, Waluigi, Roy, what-the fuck are you doing?!" Mario questioned in rage.
Wario and Waluigi were up to no good. Now that they could see who they scared, they started laughing maniacally. Roy did not get the leisure as they did as he rubbed his nose.
"Dammit, Rob! You didn't have to hit me that hard!" Roy shouted.
"Maybe you shouldn't have snuck up on him," Marth snarked.
"Oh, shut up! This was a perfect opportunity for a jumpscare! It worked, didn't it? Come on! I know we did a good job."
Besides Dark Pit, Bayonetta and Sheik, the rest of the Smashers either jumped at the sudden darkness engulfing the area or screamed when the shadowy figures made their appearance.
"Being one with the darkness prevents one to lose to fear," Sheik said poetically as he played his harp like nothing happened.
"You need to do better," Bayonetta told Roy, "I'm more concerned about the food. Did you do something to it, Dark Pit?"
Again, Dark Pit shrugged his shoulders. It might have looked suspicious with how he wasn't shocked in the slightest but he still got a good reaction like Palutena promised him. He couldn't help but smirk seeing as how Lucina did jump into his arms upon the bonfire being put out.
The problem was Shulk. While he was taken by surprise, he was angry at the prank because of what happened to Rob. The poor tactician passed out after he hit Roy with the guitar. He had huge black X's over his eyes, and they weren't going to go away anytime soon.
"You idiots! Rob fainted because of you!" Shulk cursed as he tried to shake his friend awake.
"Serves that loser right," said Wario. "He should have seen it coming."
"Wah-haaa-haa!" Waluigi laughed. "If you want to blame anyone, blame the one who came up with the idea."
Shulk already knew who it was. The people who participated in the prank were not at the bonfire. Palutena wanted nothing to do with the idea after she learned Bayonetta tagged along. Pit just avoided the place altogether because he probably would have been fingered the mastermind of the whole scheme. That just made it worse. Shulk could not point the finger to Dark Pit. Even if he was involved, there were no evident hints of it. Bayonetta could accuse him all day but if he kept his poker face, he couldn't be labeled the culprit. Pit was another story. He might have an alibi but seeing as how Roy deliberately targeted Rob, Shulk suspected the brunette put the redhead swordsmen up to it.
Shulk clenched his fists like the meme with Arthur. He needed to make Pit pay for what he has done.
Oh, you think you can just watch from the background and be free of abuse? Just you wait, Pit. I'm going to tell the author to abuse you for all the shit you have done during this entire month! Heh heh heh...mwah mwah mwah!
"Uh...Shulk...I can hear your thoughts...and they're not pleasant…"
Shulk didn't care if Alvis was in the Monado and calling him out on his dark thoughts. He needed to have an evil laugh for himself seeing as how he was going to be indirectly responsible for Pit suffering very soon.
Me: Done with 3142 words. I'm surprised I'm not in hell. Notes!
1 As you know, the Kid Icarus cast are notorious for breaking the 4th wall. What would happen if they bestowed someone the ability to break it with them like what happened with Chrom? This is the result and you should feel bad for Rob.
2. Mario and Dr. Mario roasting Pikachu is kind of an old Smash 4 player meme. Mario mains roasting Esam for his opinions and that translates to Mario and Dr. Mario wanting to roast Pikachu on an open flame. Call PETA.
3. The Bonfire Song is just another way of saying Campfire Song from Spongebob.