Warning: Swearing, Some triggering content such as depression, coma, car crash, cutting, crying, goodbye, M/M pairing (Which really shouldn't be a bloody warning... LET MY PEOPLE GAY, I SAY!), and a hospital.

Phillip Michael Lester. It was a name you couldn't forget. Or at least, Dan couldn't. Everyday went by with 'Phil would like that.' and 'That reminds me of a shirt Phil owns.' and 'Phil would think that was funny.' A never ending thought of Phillip Michael Lester, and thats how Daniel James Howell lived. Falling in love with his best friend.
His best friend, who had a boyfriend.
Now, Dan would never try to get in between Phil and Alex. Never in a million years, that would be childish. He was happy that Phil was happy, but he was unhappy that it wasn't with him. But Dan dealt with the 3 AM talks about Phil's relationship when Phil was feeling insecure. Or the awkward movie sessions when Phil would sit in Alex's lap. Or helping Phil choose an outfit to wear on his date. No matter what, Dan would always be there for Phil. Unconditionally.
And that rule didn't change that one sad and tragic day.

It was sunny and beautiful, and everything seemed perfect and fine. The air was clean, the temperature wasn't too hot and wasn't too cold, and everything was the way it should be. Dan was playing DDR, and Phil was filming.
"Dan? I need to go to the shop to get a wig for my video. Ours ripped." Phil called from the living room.
"Bye!" Dan barely looked up from his game at his roommates voice. He was in the middle of the only excersize he ever got, and really wanted to finish quickly, as his lungs felt they were going to burst.
Phil left the apartment and hailed a cab. He distractedly got into the cab and stated "Tescos." to the driver, then stared out the window.
As they were driving down the highway, and stopped at an intersection, Phil heard the commotion. A lot of honking, and a car coming straight for the cab he was in.
There wasn't much time to think. Places, memories, people flashed through his mind. A mix of fear, sadness, and excitement ran through his bones. He simutaneously didn't know what was happening at all, and knew excactly what was happening. His mind went into turmiol in those three seconds.
YouTube, mum and dad, Martyn, Pj, Chris, Grandma, Dan-
And it all started with a big bang and a broken cab.

The worst part wasn't getting the phone call.
The worst part wasn't hearing your bestfriend is in the hostpital, and he probably won't make it.
The worst part wasn't being told he'll have permanent scars on his back, arms, and legs.
The worst part wasn't rushing to the hospital and worrying the entire way that he might die before you get there.
The worst part wasn't walking into the hospital and being told he slipped into a coma, and wouldn't wake for a long time.
The worst part wasn't walking into the room and seeing him lying there, cold and pale.
The worst part was knowing you still love him.
And knowing he doesn't.

Dan was numb. Numb everywhere, except his head. His face was nuetral, he didn't smile back at strangers, he didn't talk to anyone except nessisary, he didn't make any videos, he didn't play any games. He just sat at home, and left the house only for food. His apartment was quiet, and dark. There was dust on the shelves and tables, and the living room was dark. The only place that seemed like it had been lived in the past week was Dan's bedroom. Where he had been spending his life for the past six months.
Six months of coma-Phil.
Six months of lonliness.
Every week Dan would visit Phil. He would just sit at his bedside and talk and talk and talk, like he would normally talk. He talked about animals, and games, and other YouTubers, and comments, and music, just imaginining Phil was listening. But he wasn't. Phil was in a coma.
Dan wouldn't call what he was in 'denial'. He was more attempting to not care, by not subjecting himself to anything, he could keep his feelings numb and dead.
He only cried at night. Every night, in his bed, he cried himself to sleep.
And those were the only times he cried. Other than that, he bottled himself up, and refused to noticed how much slower the cereal went or how much colder the house was since Phil never turned up the heat, or how much more sad Dan was.
When Dan opened the door to the hospital room and saw Alex, he got angry more than anything. Dan had always come on Wednesdays, and had only ever come at the same time as Phil's parents or sometimes grandma. And they would always smile at him and let him sit with them. But this was different. Who the hell did Alex think he was anyway?! Honestly, the asshole thinks he can just come and see Phil like that.
Then Dan became more reasonable and remembered that Alex was Phil's boyfriend before the accident and that they were together and Dan shouldn't get so jealous.
"Hi, Alex. Fancy meeting you here." Dan strolled in and grinned at the boy, who smiled back sadly. He really was attractive, dammit.
"Hey Dan. Sorry, I didn't know you'd come today..."
"I always come on Wednesdays, you know, just because." Dan had to try extremely hard to keep his voice steady.
"It'd be me and Phil's one year today." Alex muttered, looking back to the sleeping boy. "I usually come on Mondays, but today was special."
Dan nodded and watched Phil too. Still unresponsive and dead-looking as ever.
"I was going to ask him to move in with me the day of the accident." Alex said.
Move in?! What the fuck was this guy playing at?! He had been dating Phil six months when it happened, why the hell would Phil 'move in'. Plus, Phil already had an apartment. With Dan.
"O-oh. Well, I mean. Six months..." Dan muttered, fuming.
"What?"
"Well, I mean, you've only been dating six months."
"A year."
"He's been asleep, though. And you said the day of the accident, which would be six months."
"That's enough to know I love him."
Dan raised his eyebrows. "Yeah but was the feeling mutual?"
Alex glared at Dan. "Well what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!"
"Did he ever tell you he loved you back?"
Alex looked murderous. "W-what? Are you- I don't need this! I love him, okay pretty boy? That's how it is, and you can't change that. You don't know what Phil feels."
Dan gave him an amused look. "You're right, I don't. But I know one thing about Phil, and its that it takes him a long time to fall in love. And I also know how Phil acts when he is in love, and it's not how he acts around you. As long as I've known Phil, he's had three boyfriends. You, Charlie, and Arnie. You're you, and he really likes you. Not loves, but likes. Charlie was an abusive asshole that he ran away from after he hit him. And Arnie was the one who I saw Phil fall in love with. He had known him for three years before they started dating, and when I met Phil they had been dating a year. Three whole years later, and Phil told me he loved Arnie. Four years, Alex. Not six months."
Alex was in Dan's face now. And if looks could kill, Dan would be dead.
"Listen here, smartass. I know you've got the hots for Phil. I can tell, you can tell, heck, everyone can tell. No matter how many stupid stories you tell me, you're never gonna fuck Phil. Phil loves me, I know he does."
"How can you? He's asleep, see."
And that was how Dan Howell achieved a black eye in the hospital.

-Tootsie