Tearing Us Apart

By: Ginnyloveslife

Summary: It is the story of Robert's confusion and frustration as he grapples with his conscience. Betraying Stacey couldn't have been easy. But what went wrong? Even Robert doesn't know that.

Disclaimer: Based on Plain White T's song by the same name (Tearing Us Apart); I have NO claims or rights over the song and have merely used it as an inspiration for the plot. It is a brilliant song and if I may say so myself, Plain With T's, a brilliant band.

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Stacey would be gone for a week. The news left Robert feeling neither happy nor unhappy. It made him guilty. Just like everything associated Stacey these days did.

He put down the phone and looked at the wall broodingly. He had been talking to Stacey, as usual; he spoke to her every night, talking in their usual friendly, casual manner, joking and flirting as always. But there was something missing now. And that something was starting to hurt them both, causing fights, and suspicion and cold tones.

Robert Brewster sighed softly and walked up to a picture of his friends and him, taken recently at Alex's birthday party recently. They all looked so happy…nobody would ever guess that there was a traitor amidst them.

Robert turned away sharply and felt a sick nausea rise up in him; he couldn't believe he was going to do this to her!

But he knew that it was too late; the verdict had been passed. The gallows awaited him.

It all started a month and a half ago. Robert knew Andi Gentil well, so well, in fact, that they had even dated once; she was one of his closer friends and Robert knew that she was the only girl whom Stacey could stand in his group.

But he didn't realise when the old flame rekindled, when the he started feeling conscious around her again or when he started caring how he looked and behaved around her, just like he once had. All of a sudden, she wasn't just Andi Gentil, she was Andi once again. The one who made his heart beat faster and his pulse quicken, the one whom he thought about even while playing basketball, whom his eyes sought around the school campus as soon as he got off his school bus.

The strange thing was that he had never felt this way for Stacey; of course, he had liked Stacey, but THIS, this was unique to Andi, this passion and puppy-love, exclusive to Andi.

And soon, he wanted to spend all his time with Andi. When they held hands, the way she looked at him….as if he were the centre of her universe; when they kissed with that same old wildness….It was beyond amazing. It was something out of dreams, but only better - because it was real.

But that dream was bordering on a nightmare. Stacey. Sweet, kind, mature Stacey. If she had been a terrible person, he wouldn't have given a hoot but she was so…good. She really liked him; he could see it in her eyes.

Those eyes, those sparking, clear-blue eyes that made Robert hate himself. Despise his very being for betraying such an amazing girlfriend. What kind of prat did that make him? It made him wonder the last thing every night before he fell asleep and the first every morning he woke up.

What kind of monster was he?

"I am sorry, Robby. You know how important it was for me to go. I know you're upset but… you understand, don't you?" Stacey's anxious, worried voice tore through his heart.

"Of course I do, Stace. I just wish it weren't for so long. A week seems like an eternity almost…" Got to keep up the good boyfriend act. Why hurt the bird before slaughtering it?

"But it'll go by like a nanosecond. You wouldn't even know when it'll whiz by, you just see," her voice faltered through the phone, "Robert, I know that… sometimes, because of me, you don't really get to hang out with your friends. I am really sorry about that, and I hope you know that…" she whispered sincerely.

Who gave her the right to be so sweet?!

"Stacey, Stacey, it doesn't really matter. Most of them are jerks anyway. Well, maybe except for Alex and Andi."

He immediately heard her stiffen; did she suspect of something?

After a moment, after she had perhaps reached a conclusion, Stacey gave a tiny little sigh and whispered, "I love you."

Robert looked at the green cordless in his hand in bitter disbelief. Someone up there had Something against him, he was sure.

"And I love you." He said to Andi's picture.

That was the last time they ever talked on the phone properly. What followed on days afterward were series of strained conversations, asking each other what they had done when they never really wanted to know, knowing that they would both lie and anyway, if truth were told, it would hurt too much and for this pain, neither were ready.

Stacey told him (truthfully) how much she loved the bouquet he had given when she had left for New York, saying that whenever she looked at those flowers, it made her miss him so much. But then there was deceit attached to those yellow petals as well…

That day Stacey was supposed to catch her train at noon. He had stopped at Andi's before dropping by Stacey's and together they had walked to the park nearby. They had held hands and smiled coyly at each other all the way to the park, their hearts alive with young love…

Robert looked at his pale reflection in the mirror and touched his slightly quivering lips. He could still feel her there, red and strawberry, cool as ice cream, yet warming him somehow, warming him, even now…

They had both completely lost track of time and it was only by mistake that Robert happened to glance at the big Swatch on Andi's hand. It read 11:30.

He knew he had to run but not before one last peck, and in that balmy morning, in an eerie Romeo and Juliet-like scene, it seemed as if it were the fear of Stacey that kept them both apart. As they both dwindled away from one another like shaking magnets when stretched too far, Robert hastily wiped off Andi's lipgloss from his cheeks and lips and ran out of the park, kissing and saying goodbye to Andi hurriedly.

A florist had a stall outside and his guilty boyfriend conscience decided to give itself a bit of exercise and so kicked in. He thus picked up the costliest bouquet he could lay his too-white hands on and rushed to his other girl, knowing he was hurting her as much as he was the love of his life.

When would Robert ever stop hurting all those who loved him, he would wonder in the time to come but at that moment, with a pretty, blonde young girl near him, he did not think of it. All he thought of as he bade kiss Stacey goodbye, feeling her chocolateness mix with the strawberry, perhaps for the last time ever, was of Andi and her strawberry-ness. And utter, total guilt. Despicability too, for himself. It was present like an overprotective parent on the first day to guitar classes, making sure their kid held the instrument properly, knew that tune and was doing well at it.

Self-disgust was present ominously and telling him, whispering to him tauntingly, that it wasn't as fun and easy and cool as it looked in the movies, this risky business of juggling two women. And Robert was caught at the wrong end; whoops, the juggler's about to let everything fall apart, there wouldn't be any point in giving him money now. He didn't do the stunt properly. Let's leave, mama, he sucks.

"Rob?"

"Yeah, An?"

"When are you going to tell Stacey about our relationship?" Andi asked quietly.

Everything was still except for the hammock on which they both lay. But louder than anything materialistic, it was the fear that rang out loud, scary as the redness of the Devil's eye.

"Soon." Robert broke the silence shortly. "As soon as she comes back."

Andi wrapped herself around him and burrowed her nose in his hair, "we aren't horrible people, are we, Robert?"

"What makes you say that?"

"Well…Stacey…"

"She'll understand."

Andi said nothing but instead hugged him even closer, as if seeking protection. Not from Stacey's wrath but from her hurt and tears. That scared both of them much more, more than anything in the world: Stacey's heartbroken face.

Robert stroked Andi's dark soft hair with his shaking hand, hoping that she would indeed understand. It was their only way out of this guilt-hell.

Robert wished, he truly did, that Stacey could understand how he felt about Andi. He wished that she could get how wonderful he felt when An talked to him, in that chirpy way. When she smiled at him. How they could talk about everything, anytime, in the dead of the night to the wake of the morning. And her laugh! That thrilled him more than anything. But that was it: he loved Andi. He was sure. She was the one. He could do anything for her, his young heart told him that and he believed it. But the problem was, how could he tell Stacey about all this? Should he even…? This was just one of the many questions he didn't have any answer to…

"Robert, why weren't you picking up the phone? I have been trying since the past two hours!" Stacey's frustrated voice clearly gave away her fears.; she knew it, of course, every woman does, she simply doesn't acknowledge it, preferring to cling to hope's thin white spidery strands. Everything will be all right, it would have said behind the car if Hope had one.

"I was busy." He said indifferently.

"Doing what?"

Fighting with Andi - over you. She was convinced that Robert should call her up and tell her before she heard it from somebody else's. Robert was too much of a man to do so; he had neither the courage nor the guts to tell a loving female that he had betrayed her.

"Must I tell you everything?" he said instead irritably.

"But…Robert, I am your girlfriend."

"Oh,sure you are!"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Girlfriends don't abandon you for a week to go off and BABY SIT some tweens, for crike's sake."

"But they are very close to me. I thought I told you that!" She now sounded very near tears.

"That's the problem! You tell me everything. So you expect me to tell you every frigging thing! Well, I can't, OK?"

"Robert, if you just want to fight then I guess I'll call later." Stacey slammed the phone down.

Robert mutely looked at the cordless into which he had been so nasty with Stacey.

She didn't deserve that. He knew that.

He groaned in frustration and he slammed his own phone down on the table.

Alex dropped the basketball and gawked at Robert, his mouth wide open.

"What?" Robert asked defensively.

"Nothing! Just, well, what about you and Stace?" Alex asked bewilderedly.

"What about Stacey and me?" Robert demanded irately.

"I thought you two were happy…" Alex's voice trailed away.

"We… were. I just…I can't explain it when, and how, it happened. I didn't even realise it myself. . I--Andi--it…" Robert sighed wearily and threw up his hands in despair; when he couldn't even explain it to his best friend, how could he possibly hope to tell her?

"Andi is extremely close to Stacey." Alex ventured again, hinting nervously to the cruel.

"Cheating with girlfriend's friend?" Robert laughed callously.

"All I am saying is, you are utterly mad…" Alex said worriedly, sighing disappointedly.

Stacey would be coming back tomorrow, and Robert didn't know what he'd say to her. He wasn't sure if he should do it on the phone (easier) or have a tête-à-tête with her. He gulped and squeezed Andi's hands gently; they were both at the mall, on a last date before he talked to her. Andi smiled wryly back at him and gave his hands a squeeze back. Well, at least somebody was with him. This revelation made Robert feel a lot better and just as he leaned to deepen the grateful kiss he was giving her, he felt somebody staring at them, two cheating teenagers in jeans with she in a black halter and he in red t-shirt, kissing like Romeo and Juliet at the back of the booth in the food court.

Had she seen them? Of the cruelest joke, God wouldn't play one so vile as to let Stacey's best friend see him making out with Andi. Of course not. Can't happen. Nah, Nobody can hate him that much.

Turned out He did.

Robert clasped his white clammy hands together and shivered a bit. She knew. She knew! She had called him over. To breakup. With him.

Robert gulped nervously and felt Doubt flit in the backdoor of his mind, sneakily yet boldly. Did he even want to break up with her?

He remembered what Alex had said to him as he was leaving his house…

"You can stay with Stacey. Remember, she has been the most faithful girlfriend you have ever had. More than anybody else."

True. True. Stacey had been more loyal to him than even…Andi. The last time they had broken up was because he had caught her cheating on him with a senior.

Robert twisted his finger uneasily, as if ready to mold them into clay and create a better place for himself, which held no worries. It had hurt so much that time, he remembered. Was he ready to take on the pain again?… What if Andi…

He knew that this time, it would break him. Destroy his trusting abilities and maybe make him one of those brooding lovers. She was much too precious to him, he loved Andi enough to become that. Best to stay away. Apologise to Stacey, grovel before her. She'd accept him. She was a very big hearted person. It can be alright, shouldn't take risks. His mind told him sensible things, giving him a very prudent argument, the mind which had always been more like Alex than Robert.

But…didn't everybody deserve a second chance? So if Andi was guilty of unfaithfulness, he wasn't all that innocent, now, was he? He had been happily cheating away on Stacey, not caring and indifferent until he heard her voice, so calm and quiet and cold. Waking him up as if a bucket of ice water splashed upon.

And anyway, he loved Andi too much; he was attracted to her like iron to magnet; he could deny it as much as he wanted but it was the writing on the wall. It spelt his doom.

And if he stayed with Stacey, he would never be happy. Which would make Stacey unhappy. And he knew that it would grieve Andi as well. And if Stacey and he stayed apart, Stacey would be able to find herself somebody better, somebody who deserved her, and didn't her treat like Robert had. So which was the better offer?

It would be best to clean the slate, start all over with Andi. It couldn't have been her fault. After all, Robert knew only too well how uncontrollable the matters of the heart were.

And somewhere in the mind, where two twins reside, one saying something, the other something else, Doubt was banished by Surety, beaten out by sticks and stone, never to come back, but for Doubt's sister, Guilt, who stayed. Who was a very obstinate one, not listening even to Surety or his sticks and stones.

I am sorry, Stace, Guilt made Robert say as he walked to her house, again and again, and again, like a teacher making his disobedient student in his notebook, a thousand times.

Her love, her kiss, her touch, her smile, reminded Surety desperately, darting Guilt tense looks.

Forgive me, sometimes. Maybe.

The way she looks at you, as if you are the centre of her universe.

I never meant to hurt you, I swear.

And when she says 'Rob'…better than 'Robby'…in that unique husky voice.

Remember me not as a bad boyfriend, please, but as good friend. If you can. Perhaps.

Strawberry red. Dark eyes. Dark curls. Angle smile. Adoring arms.

I am so, so, so sorry.

Her loving nature. Remember Andi, Robert. Love her. Forever.

Forgive me for tearing us apart…

And it turned white, everything in the universe did.

His heart stopped.

There stood Stacey.

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Author's Note: Oh it's been LONG! Long since I posted any story, longer since I wrote for BSC. I think this is my first betrayal-romance story. I learnt a lot writing it (like how you don't need to stick with clichéd similes; make your own!) So, I put in a lot of effort. This is one of the rare stories that I am actually feeling a bit satisfied with. Not fully, but I feel it's a decent attempt. Is it? PLEASE tell me because you not reviewing can be rather discouraging. Encouragement, that is what all authors (or wanna-be [sigh]) want.

OK, I'll stop rambling. Why don't you all say something to me? Tell me how you found the story, please?

Love and may you never have to go through what Stacey did,

Ginny