DISCLAIMER: One Life to Live is the property of ABC; no copyright infringement is intended.
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"I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may, uh, kiss the bride!"
Rex Balsom hadn't waited for permission. The former Gigi Morasco was already in his arms, and their kiss was epic.
It went on so long the wedding guests erupted in laughter, then cheers. Cheers that were almost deafening, with two dozen people crammed into the living room of Llanfair. The newlyweds didn't come up for air till they were almost buried under buckets of confetti. Bridal escort/best man Shane led the assault, aided by maid-of-honor Natalie and a good-humored Cutter Wentworth. A beaming Bo and Nora pitched in as well, looking and acting half their age.
Then the crazy, hastily arranged wedding morphed into a reception, with drinks flowing freely - alcoholic and otherwise, depending on the tipplers' ages and states of health.
Clint Buchanan's eyes were suspiciously moist as he told Rex, "I can't thank you enough for agreeing to have the wedding here."
Rex squeezed his father's hand. "Thank you for letting us know you wanted to attend! It means a lot to me."
"Rex?" Viki had been delighted when Gigi deliberately tossed her the bouquet. But she looked anxious now. "You will let Echo know she would have been welcome? Tell her Clint and I both wanted her here."
"Yeah, I promise I'll tell her. Thank you!"
Clint said, "She's still on that cruise ship down in the Caribbean?"
"Right."
Cutter had heard that. "Hey, I thought someone was missing! Your mother is off taking a cruise, while you're getting married?"
"Rex lied to us!" Roxy Balsom said indignantly. "He let me spend Christmas Day with my son Schuyler Joplin - he's in prison, long story - an' Echo go on this cruise, with each of us thinkin' the other would be with him an' Shane for Christmas. Neither one of us woulda done it if we'd known the two o' them expected to be alone!
"But then -" She grinned. "They wound up not bein' alone after all."
Rex patted her on the shoulder. "Sorry I fibbed. But Echo isn't just taking a vacation! She's working on the cruise.
"The first thing she told me was that some group was having this wonderful holiday cruise, and they wanted everyone to have a great record of it, on DVDs. So they wanted to hire her as a photographer - she'd get a free cruise, plus payment. But she intended to say no.
"I got the sense she was holding something back, so I kept at her till she told me. Guess what? She's not only a professional photographer, she's a darn good singer! They wanted her as a photographer and a performer. I got her to sing for me, and she's terrific! Blew me away."
"Grandma Echo's a singer?" That was Shane. "Awesome! Like Blair Cramer?"
"Ah, more like Ethel Merman." Rex didn't notice Shane's face had gone blank. (Ethel Merman was way before his time.) "But come to think of it, it'd be cool to have her belting out songs at Ultraviolet, while Blair's over at Capricorn...
"Anyway, I talked her into taking the gig on the cruise ship. It'll be good for her. To be earning some money, and, uh, having a life again."
Several people had the same thought. Because she's been depressed since Charlie walked out on her. No one had the temerity to say it aloud.
Rex continued hastily, "I've told her Gigi's alive, of course! She was thrilled. But I haven't told her about the wedding yet. I was sure she'd rush home for it, and walking out on a job would hurt her reputation."
Now Gigi joined in. "You'd better tell her now, though. With the wedding over, you'll be able to persuade her to stay with the cruise. She'll know we won't need her on our honeymoon!" They really were planning one, and Shane was going to stay with Roxy.
"You're right. But we'll have to send her a wedding photo. Can you snap one for us, Shane? Show Grandma Echo you've inherited the 'photography' gene!"
After ten minutes of raucous hijinks, a photo was taken, and approved by all. Rex retreated into a corner to send photo and text.
Then he kept standing there, staring at his cell phone. "Oh. My. God!"
A dozen faces turned in his direction. "What?"
Rex focused on one of them. "Cutter!"
"Yeah?" Cutter blinked like a deer caught in headlights. His What have I done now? look.
"You're the only one who can really appreciate this... Echo was texting me at the same time. Both of us sending messages and photos. My birdbrain mother just got married, too!"
There was a chorus of gasps. Viki blurted out, "Charlie? Was Charlie on that cruise?"
"No. She married a guy she just met on the cruise! Like, three days ago! But..." - bemusedly skimming through the text - "she's like an excited little kid. Says she feels like she's known and loved him for thirty years.
"Here, Cutter. Look at the photo. Their wedding photo."
Cutter walked over to him. Took the phone, looked at it - and almost dropped it. "Yikes! Talk about a 'small world,' with not the classiest of people in it...
"Echo won't be doing her singing at Ultraviolet. She's been snapped up by that creep Theo, the owner of The Spotted Pony!"
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The End
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Author's Afterword: For any reader who doesn't get the joke, the role of Theo was played by Kim Zimmer's real-life husband of thirty years, A. C. Weary.
When I wrote this, I forgot Cutter had been arrested for that "murder" in Kentucky. But I've always thought that would turn out to be "much ado about nothing." The photo proved only that he'd found the body and hadn't reported it. Moreover, I've guessed the police would belatedly learn that while the "victim" had been drugged, the dose wasn't dangerous, and he'd died of natural causes. For this fic, I'll assume that's what happened, and Cutter was only "detained" for a day or so!