Well, this is my first actual fanfic in a while, so I hope it's not too bad. ^^; It's basically a Yugioh Abridged fanfic centering around the villains (and Ryou) and it's romantic comedy. Um, again, I hope you like it~

Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh or YGOTAS.

"Wake up. We have a lot to discuss," Bakura commanded with a slight growl. When the sleeping person in front of him failed to respond, he gave an irritated sigh and gave the figure a rough shake. "I said to wake up, you bloody creampuff."

Ryou groaned and opened his large brown eyes, only to have them grow even larger at the sight of his near duplicate. "Oh my! I say, who are you?" He sat up to get a better look at his twin, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and noting both the similarities and the differences between them. "You look a lot like me... only a bit more masculine."

"A bit?" Bakura scoffed. "I'm not the one who's mainly remembered as the 'shemale.' And I DID saw we had a lot to discuss."

Ryou pouted at the slight insult. He was aware of his little nickname and didn't need anyone to rub it in his face. "Again, I must ask, who the bloody hell are you anyway?" He looked around and noted the familiar setting. "Oh bugger, I'm in the hospital again. What happened THIS time?" he added in an exasperated British tone.

His twin chuckled. "I DO seem to get you sent here quite a bit, don't I?"

"Oh, bullocks... so YOU'RE the reason why I keeping ending up severely injured? Look, I suspected that I had an evil alter ego, especially after all the odd thing that have happened to me, but I never expected to meet it face to face!"

"Well, there's a reason why that's possible, though it sounds like some lame plot device from a god awful movie. We're not really sure why, but some mystical force caused us and two other doubles to be split into our own separate bodies after we activated some kind of magic through a children's card game. This is much more convenient, but it comes with a few inconveniencies as well," Bakura explained, sitting and relaxing into the chair beside the bed.

Ryou was the opposite of relaxed. He was speaking to his evil alter ego, the same one who had tried to kill his friends... if he could really call them his friends after they had forgotten him on numberous occasions, were a bit cruel to him and refused his screentime. He had no way of knowing if the duplicate would try to kill him or not. Anyone would have been flustered, so of course the British boy felt a bit like fainting. After a few moments of silence, he sighed. "Okay, I'll bite... what inconveniences?"

His evil side chuckled again. "Well, first of all there's the minor annoyance of my hated foe being multiplied. And of course, I can't just pretend to be you anymore. Then there's the fact that my... partner of sorts was also split, and his alter ego is a murderous psychopath."

"...Isn't that what you are?"

Bakura chuckled again. "True, but he's even worse than I am. Far worse, actually. Oh, and if he asks you for a hug, don't. Trust me, you won't even live long enough to regret it."

"Oka... wait, WHAT?" the more feminine of the two yelped. "What do you mean? I'm not actually going to meet this person, am I? And why should I trust a bloody tart like you anyway?"

"Watch it... I don't need to look after your health for my own sake anymore. Do try to keep that in mind," the evil side threatened.

"Because you did such a wonderful job of looking after my health before!" Ryou shot back sarcastically. "How many times have I been sent to the bloody hospital because of you?"

Bakura jumped to his feet and grabbed the girly male by his long white hair. In one swift movement, he pulled the knife from his pocket, flipped it open and pressed it to the other's cheek. "You're still alive, aren't you?" he asked, his point clear.

Ryou gulped and nodded, tears brimming his large chocolate brown eyes in fright. He whimpered and bit his lip to keep from saying anything that may further anger his darker side, nodding his carefully to avoid being accidentally cut by the blade. His evil side released his hold on his hair and placed the knife back into his pocket. The frail boy folded his legs and wrapped his arms protectively around himself, having been reminded of who exactly he was speaking to.

Bakura smirked. No matter what anyone might say, he knew that his host had some spunk in him, and he respected that, but he needed to establish authority now that he could no longer simply force his weaker half's soul into hiberation at will. "About your other question..." he said, getting back on topic. "Yes, I'm afraid you WILL be meeting him, along with that partner I mentioned earlier."

"Oh, double bugger," the large eyed boy muttered quietly to himself.

"It's one of the inconveniences I was talking about, actually," the evil side continued. "You see, we may have seperate bodies, but our souls are still connected in a way. I'll explain the details later, but we have to stay fairly close together. It's rather annoying, but I can't risk you running off somewhere without me knowing about it. You're going to be living with us."

"Oh, buggeration!" Ryou shouted into his knees before lifting his head. "Okay, look, I understand you... but why them? Weren't you just saying how much you despise the one guy?"

"Well, my partner, Marik, managed to acquire a place for us to stay using his army of mind controlled Steves," Bakura tried to explain. He paused for a moment and then rubbed his face. "Hmm, that sounded a lot less... odd in my head... Look, he can use mind control, but only on people named Steve. We don't know why. He used this ability to find a place to live because he's decided to stay in Japan and is aware that he can't just live on a boat. We already spend a majority of our time together, so he offered to let us stay with him."

Ryou simply stared for a few moments, his expression blank as he tried to take in all of the knew information. "Um... I still don't quite understand why..."

"Oh, just shut your buggering mouth and get up. I'll try to explain better later, but for right now you should just follow orders. We need to leave before some bloody fool shows up to check in on you," Bakura grumbled, grabbing Ryou by the wrist and yanking him from the bed.

Somehow the clumsy boy managed not to fall flat on his face as he was dragged out of the room and down the hall by his darker side. "Um, I'm sorry, but where are we going exactly?"

"To go get your things. You do want them, don't you?" the white haired villain replied sarcastically.

"W-well yes, b-but I don't want to go!" the doe eyed boy whined as he was dragged out of the hospital. A few people passing by on the street stopped to watch, wondering what was going on. "B-besides, what about my father? And..." he was cut off by a pale hand being placed roughly over his mouth. He gave a muffled whine and tried to pull the hand away, but his evil side was stronger.

"I'm afraid you don't really have a say in the matter, little brother," Bakura replied, trying to pass it off as a family dispute so as not to arouse suspicion from the bystanders. He turned his head to glare at them. "What are you looking at? Never had a bloody arguement before?" he snarled, making them continue on with their business as the irritated bishonen stared daggers at their backs. "Bloody wankers..." He returned his attention to his squirming host. "Now please, just cooperate for now. Things will be a lot easier on both of us that way and I don't need you to get bloody hurt again right now, okay?"

Ryou heaved a muffled sigh and nodded, knowing that it probably was for the best to just give in for the time being.

Bakura smiled and uncovered his mouth. "Good, now let's go get your things."

-ooo-

"Well, this is the place," the evil white haired male said, looking over the building in front of them. "Hmm, not bad actually. If Melvin wasn't going to be staying here too, I might actually like it," he commented as he dragged his host to the front door.

There were sounds of a commosion going on inside. Bakura was able to identify Marik's voice shouting orders, as well as some psychotic growing noises that had to be coming from the Egyptian male's maniac of an alter ego. He sighed and put the suitcase he was carrying down, needing to free a hand and knowing better than to release his hold on his frightened host.

"I say, what's with all the ruckus in there?" Ryou asked. He'd already been afraid to meet these people that he was supposed to be living with and the sounds of a fight were not helping.

"Oh, that's probably just the psychotic twit I mentioned earlier, Melvin. I called ahead to let Marik know we were coming, so he's probably just trying to control the bloody psycho so that he won't murder you," Bakura replied before knocking on the door.

"M-murder me? Oh my..." the more delicate male whimpered, turning to run, but being held in place by his darker side. "Let me go! Let me go!" he cried in a paniced voice, his cries being completely ignored. He coule hear someone running towards the door to answer it, as well as a bit more growling.

"Oh, hello Bakura! I was wondering when you'd finally show up!" Marik exclaimed cheerfully as he through open the door.

"Well, I would have been here a bit sooner, but my host here was giving me a hard time," the white haired villain replied with a sneer, nodding his head towards his captive, who was still trying in vain to escape from his iron grip.

The effeminate Egyptian glanced at the terrified boy. "Well, you can't really blame him, Bakura. I mean, you're basically a male version of Cat Woman. You're even wearing leather... Hey, aren't those the same leather pants that we stole from the pharoah?"

Bakura fought down the urge to object to being referred to as a cat once again. He chuckled instead. "Yes, indeed they are. These pants are one of the only things that actually belong to me, so I decided to wear them." He smirked. "Besides, you said so yourself that they look good on me."

"They DO look good on you!" Marik agreed with a smile.

Ryou finally stopped trying to run as his energy ran out. Now thouroughly exhasted from his efforts, he collapsed on the ground, wheezing and gasping for air to sooth his burning lungs. He glanced up to examine the male standing in the doorway, still breathing heavily as he stared at the vaguely familiar features of the tanned male. "Um, h-have we m-met before? he panted, still trying to breathe.

Marik blinked and brought his attention back to the nice half, much to Bakura's dissappointment. "You know, I think we did meet once before... When Bakura gave your body Wanker's cramp, remember?"

The frail boy nodded his head weakly and rubbed the spot on his arm where he had previously been injured, recalling foggy memories of the whole ordeal.

The high strung Egyptian noticed that he was still breathing heavily and tilted his head to the side. "Hey, are you alright? I mean, you look like you're about to die... You don't have like, asthma or something, do you?"

"Oh, don't worry your pretty little head about him, Marik. He's just a pansy is all," Bakura interrupted with a sneer.

"H-hey!"

"Well, alright, if you say so..." Marik said with a shrug, apparently either not catching or not caring for the remark about his pretty little head. "Well, I think it's about time we introduced him to the psycho," he said sarcastically, earning a groan from Bakura. "Odion! Go ahead and bring him here!" he called to his adopted older brother.

"Yes, master Marik," the tall bald man called back in his usual gruff tone. He appeared a moment later, dragging another person along behind him.

"How did you manage that?" Bakura inquired, obviously a little impressed with what he was seeing.

Marik beamed. "Well, even though we have separate bodies now, it seems that Odion still has some control over Melvin's mind or power or whatever. He can basically pull a Kagome and be all 'Sity boy!' and Melvin will be forced to sit! It's pretty cool actually... so long as you ignore that Kagome part."

Ryou was a little shocked at what he was seeing. Thse two men were completely new to him and actually looked intimidating, unlike Marik. One was tall and bald except for a ponytail in the back. He was clothed in a long, dark purple robe with a golden chain on his chest. He also had piercing yellow eyes and facial tattoos. Despite this, the white haired boy's attention was mainly on the man that this one was holding on to.

The other man, Melvin, he assumed, was a vision of insanity. One of his eyes was squinted while the other was bulging out of his head a little, matching several veins that also bulged out all over his face. He had a glowing eye on his forehead and his hair was a wild mess that kind of reminded Ryou of Dragonball Z. He was wearing a leather muzzle with a few slits in it, allowing him to breathe. A few lines of saliva ran down the front through these, enhancing the male's deranged appearance. He was also wearing a straightjacket that restrained his arms while also driving home the overall image of insanity.

Talk about a first impression.

Melvin stared right back, pleased to be meeting a new future victim. He allowed his face to revurt to a relatively calm expression, but he still retained a crazed glint in his deep purple eyes. "Hello there! Nice to meet you. Say, would you mind undoing the arms of this thing so that I can give you a big, nice, welcoming hug?"

"Oh, just ignore him, Ryou. This lunatic is nothing but trouble," Bakura sighed, already irritated by the presence of the madman.

"Oh, come now, Florence... I was only trying to be friendly."

"Like hell you were," the evil white haired male shot back angrily.

Melvin smirked beneath the muzzle. "I don't know why you hate me so much, Florence. All I did was ask for a hug."

Bakura simply growled in response.

Ryou gulped and stood up shakily. "U-um, hello. "I-it's nice to meet you all... I think..." He glanced at the wild haired male. "And I was already warned not to hug him by... um..." He turned his head to look at his darker alter ego. "I'm sorry, but what exactly am I supposed to call you?"

"Bakura, I guess."

"But... it just seems a bit odd. I mean, that's what I'm usually called by my mates at school," he said, earning a laugh from Melvin when he said 'mates', making him blush and look away.

"Yes, well they can all just learn to call you by your first name, can't they? Bakura is the only name I've got."

Melvin laughed. "That's a lie. What about Florence?" Melvin pointed out, expression displaying calm, smug malice.

Bakura shot him a glare. "That name isn't official. It's just something that my parents wanted to call me. Then you found out about it and decided to use it just to irritate me, you bloody psychopath."

"Well, what about Fluffy?" Marik spoke up cheerfully, sly expression gracing his face when he caught his partner in crime's eye twitch.

Marik, you're the only bloody one who calls me by that ridiculous nickname," Bakura growled, prefering that it stay that way.

Melvin laughed again. "And you said he wasn't your girlfriend... You two make such a cute couple, using petnames," he siad in a teasing voice before cracking up into another fit of psychotic laughter.

Bakura couldn't help but crack a smile at the flustered, enraged expression on Marik's face. Neither could Ryou, but at least he tried to hide it with his had. Both couldn't help but laugh a little as the girly male went on a rant about how he wasn't gay, only to get even angrier as his more masculine counterpart continued with his teasing.

After Odion shut Melvin up and got Marik to calm down, the girliest of the three Egyptians turned to the two white haired males and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sorry about that. Melvin was just being such a friggin jerk that I kinda just lost it there... Hehe, I suppose I should show you two to your room now, huh? Follow me!" he instructed, turning to lead them into the house. "Oh, and Odion, get their things, won't you?"

"Yes, Master Marik. Just as soon as I lock Melvin in his room."

"Make sure to remove any chainsaws first!"

"Yes, Master Marik."