How To Train Your Two Year Old
It was Mickey's favorite part of the morning. The hazy time between being in a deep sleep and partially awake, constantly rousing to check the clock on his phone because part of him knew the alarm clock would be blaring soon. Ian slept like a rock-on his stomach, his mouth open with a constant drawn-out snore emitting from it.
Around six-fifty, Mickey heard something dip onto the bed, and he knew it was his two-year old son, Yevgeny. Yevgeny could have been Ian's son since he was tall for a two year old and breathed just as loudly. Mickey was still in and out of consciousness when the toddler finally screamed, "RAWRRRRRRR!"
Right in his ear.
"FUCK!" Mickey startled, wincing. He sat up and stared at his son.
Yevgeny grinned, up on all fours. Ian stirred beside him, turning his head to look at the pair.
"I'm a dragon," Yev said and then roared again.
Mickey shoved the side of his son's head roughly.
"Little butthole," he muttered as Yev laid down in between his fathers, kicking his long legs.
"Hi, Ian," Yev said, touching his nose to Ian's. "I'm a dragon."
Ian smiled sleepily. "I heard you. Gimme kiss."
Yev kissed him. Ian sat up then, stretching, and Mickey stared at them, blinking drowsily.
"I'm throwing that stupid movie away," he muttered, referring to How To Train Your Dragon.
Ian only laughed softly and then pulled Yev into his lap, shoving his hand down Yev's pajama bottoms, feeling the front and back.
"Your dry," he told the toddler excitedly. "You stayed dry all night."
"Yeah, I'm a big kid," Yev said. "And a dragon."
"Yeah, well go potty right now so you stay dry," Mickey said, pointing to the bathroom attached to the bedroom.
Yev pouted and said, "Mmm!"
It was his sound of defiance. Mickey's eyebrows touched his hairline, daring his son to keep scowling at him.
"If you pee on yourself Imma bust your ass," Mickey said. "GO."
Yev knew his father was about as threatening as a teddy bear. In his whole first two years of life, Mickey had only spanked him once and that was for throwing a giant fit at the grocery store because he couldn't get Skittles. All of his spankings came from his mother and Ian.
He moved from Ian's lap to Mickey's and idly played with his father's calloused fingers. Mickey looked at Ian who just shrugged one shoulder.
After several minutes, Mickey finally got up, setting Yevgeny on the floor and prodded him to the bathroom. Yev obediently pulled his pajama pants and Ninja Turtle underwear down and sat on the toilet. Mickey waited patiently.
"You done?" He asked. "I have to go too."
"I'm pooping," Yev said casually.
Mickey sighed. His son was the world's slowest pooper. When about a minute had passed, he prodded him off the toilet.
"Get up. Let me pee really quick," he said.
Yev watched him go.
"I can pee like that?" He asked. "Standing up?"
"Not until you quit going all over the place 'cept the bowl," Mickey said, finishing up. He set Yev back on the toilet and waited.
When the toddler was finally done he said, "Wipe my butt, Daddy."
Ian walked into the bathroom at that moment, and snorted at what Yev had said.
"Yevvie," he asked. "What do you want for breakfast, Buddy? Pancakes or Eggs?"
"Lucky Charms," Yev said.
"You ate all the Lucky Charms last night," Ian said.
"He ate Lucky Charms last night?" Mickey asked. "When I got home from work you'd made Hamburger Helper or some shit."
"He wouldn't eat it," Ian said with a shrug.
"Fuckin' spoilin' this kid," Mickey told him. "Remember when we were growin' up if you didn't like it you starved?"
He wiped Yev's butt and helped him to wash his hands. Yev made a growling face at the mirror before Mickey put him back down on the floor.
"I was tired," Ian argued. "I'd just gotten off work, I wasn't about to force-feed him."
Mickey didn't say anything after that. They did both work and he knew what a pain in the ass his son could be when he wanted to be. The kid was stubborn as all get out.
"You're eating eggs," Mickey told him, gently kicking him in the seat of his pants with his foot.
Yev turned around and roared at him again before running out of the bathroom calling, "Catch me, Daddy!"
Mickey groaned and jogged after him, making Yev squeal with laughter when he scooped him up and held him upside down, tickling him.
"You're a brat, you know that?" He laughed too, turning Yev right side up so he could give him a kiss.
"No, Daddy," Yev said. "I'm a dragon."
Ian was already in the kitchen scrambling eggs and buttering toast. Mickey took Yev to his room to help him dress. After that, the two went into the kitchen where Ian was drinking coffee out of a mug with one hand, and setting a plate on the table with the other. Yev started to eat, sitting in the chair on his knees. Mickey fixed himself and Ian a plate and three sat down at the table together. Mickey got back up to fetch Ian his pills. Now that Ian was taking his medication regularly, the whole bipolar thing had settled down a lot even though every now and then Ian would have an episode where he cried for no reason or had some big elaborate idea in mind that was never going to happen, but for the most part-it was in check.
"You droppin' him off at daycare?" Ian asked.
"Yeah, I'll take him," Mickey said.
Mickey had wary about putting his son in daycare at first, but now he was perfectly okay with it. Everyone who worked there knew him by name and doted on him. He always went into the class room happy and sometimes Mickey and Ian had to drag him out of it kicking and screaming because he wanted to stay. His teacher was a young woman-maybe nineteen or so, named Patricia, and she was always sitting or squatting on the floor with the hoard of toddlers or up rushing around or dancing. Mickey considered her a saint because he had a hard enough time with one, let alone fifteen two year olds.
"Hey, Yevvie!" The director, an older woman named Bella said when Mickey entered the double doors. She smiled at Mickey with a nod.
Mickey walked him to his classroom where they could already hear Patricia singing a 'welcome to school song'. He opened the door and saw all of the children on the carpet, Patricia too. She was holding a tambourine and the kids were clapping along to the beat.
"Good morning, Yev!" She greeted. "Come join us for Circle Time!"
Yev started to go, and Mickey pulled him back long enough to crouch down and give him a hug and a kiss.
"Bye, Daddy!" Yev said, already jogging over to his class.
"Bye, Kiddo," Mickey told him.
Ian picked Yevgeny up from daycare on his way home from work and when they walked into the apartment, Yev started whining about watching a movie. Ian complied and plugged in the dragon movie while he started dinner-spaghetti and ground Italian sausage. Yev cuddled up on the couch with his thumb in his mouth a cup full of dry cereal. Mickey came home shortly after and called out, "Smells good."
"Thanks," Ian called back, followed by, "Hey, send Yev to the toilet."
"Go potty," Mickey said.
Yev got up-eyes still glued to the TV and Mickey clapped his hands together.
"Heel-toe, Kid. Move it," he said.
Yev jogged away and returned shortly, his pants around his ankles. Mickey helped him to pull his pants up and Yev climbed back onto the couch, picking up his cereal cup. Mickey traveled into the kitchen and slapped Ian on the seat of his pants.
"You're retarded," Ian snorted.
Mickey took a beer out of the fridge. "How'd they say he did at school today?"
Ian shrugged. "They never really say anything. They sent home a note saying his class is having a Christmas party next Friday. We have to send food."
"What kind of food?" Mickey asked.
Ian shrugged again. "Cupcakes or punch. I dunno."
Yevgeny wandered into the kitchen and climbed onto Mickey's lap. Mickey stroked some of his dark hair and asked, "What do you want, Kid?"
"Mmm..." Yev said, and Mickey scuffed him lightly.
"Don't 'mm' me," he told him, kissing his head.
Ian slapped his thigh and said, "C'mere."
Yev scrambled off of Mickey's lap and trotted over to Ian, who picked him up and balanced him on his hip as he stirred dinner.
"Fucking spoiled," Mickey half-chuckled.
Ian only kissed the two-year old's temple and bounced him a little.
"Who do you love more?" Mickey asked. "Me or Daddy Ian?"
"Mama," Yev said and Ian busted out laughing.
The pair had split custody with Svletlana, who now had a green card and lived on her own. She and Mickey were also divorced, and Mickey and Ian were married.
"Okay, after Mama?" Mickey asked.
"Daddy and Daddy Ian," Yev said. "I love both my daddies. 'Cept when you spank my butt."
Mickey gave Yev his bath and helped him to brush his teeth and he and Ian put him to bed together. The good thing about their son was that he was not one of those children who had issues sleeping in their own bed.
"Night." Mickey kissed his forehead, scrunching his hair. "Don't pee the bed."
Yevgeny yawned and nodded, clutching his stuffed Toothless. Ian kissed him next and said, "Sleep tight."
Mickey shut off the light and he and Ian went back to their room to prepare for bed. A few hours later after a couple rounds of sex, Mickey pulled on some pajama bottoms and kissed his sleeping husband's bare shoulder before moving to his son's room to check on him. Yevgeny was on his stomach too, his butt in the air and his comforter halfway off his bed. Mickey put it back on the bed and over the snoring toddler.
"I love you, Yevgeny Milkovich," he murmured.
When he got back to bed, he laid down and stroked some of Ian's hair.
"Love you too," he said, reaching over to click the bedside lamp off.