THE NEW NEIGHBOR
Story by CAJeannieFan57/Donna
Approximately Season 5 Bob Newhart Show (76-77)
Bob Hartley entered his apartment and stopped short in surprise. The place was decorated with pink, blue and yellow streamers and balloons, and a big sign that said, "Welcome, Baby!" He thought back to his wife Emily's comments at the breakfast table that morning, and her actions the past few days, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary to him. As he hung up his jacket on the coat rack and deposited his briefcase, he continued to look at the decorations in amazement.
"Emily? Emily, I'm home!" he called, as he went down the steps into the living room and found the newspaper sitting on the back of the sofa.
Emily came from the bedroom. "Oh, Bob! You're home early!"
"My last appointment was a cancellation, so I sent Carol home and came home early myself," Bob explained, still looking around the room. "Emily, is there something I need to know, that you haven't told me?"
"Oh, I wasn't expecting you for another hour. I'm sorry you had a cancellation, but at least it was at the end of the day," Emily went on.
"Emily -," Bob tried to get her attention, but Emily seemed distracted. "Is something going to happen very soon?" Bob went up to her and gave her a kiss.
"Yes, I meant to tell you, I really did, but it just - slipped my mind," Emily said.
"Emily, how on earth can something like - that - slip your mind? I mean - doesn't it get your attention every day?"
"Why would it get my attention every day? It just happened yesterday!"
"Yesterday? Then how do you know about it already?" Bob was shocked, then thought. "Oh, you mean you just found OUT about it yesterday!"
"No, I mean it just happened yesterday," Emily said as she went into the kitchen. Bob followed her. Emily started to fill little bowls with candy mints and nuts. Bob reached in to help himself to some nuts and Emily slapped his hand away. "No, not yet. Those are for later."
"Later? Wait a minute, if this is …"
"Bob! It's JUST a baby shower!"
"Emily, baby showers are ... generally ... for people whose babies are due within the next few weeks."
"Yes, of course."
"And you usually give them for a friend."
"Well, of course, who do you THINK this is for?" Emily looked at Bob for the first time and saw the worry and concern on his face. "BOB HARTLEY! Did you think I forgot to tell you something?"
"Well…..didn't you?"
"Yes and no. No, Bob, you aren't going to be a father! Karla Wallner is going to be a mother, and I'm the hostess of the baby shower."
"Karla … you mean the woman you teach with? The one who teaches 4th grade?"
"That's the one, Bob. Did you think I was pregnant and this is how I was telling you?" It was Emily's turn to be sheepishly surprised. "Bob, I would have told you right away if that had happened. And I certainly wouldn't throw myself a baby shower!"
"Well, you forgot to tell me about hosting the shower…"
"Oh, that! The party was supposed to be hosted by Jill Van Arden. But yesterday, a pipe burst in her house and ruined her carpet. So she asked if anyone else could hostess the baby shower, and I volunteered our place. In about a half hour, 25 women teachers will be arriving here."
"Oh, great," Bob said, sarcastically. "You mean, I get to show the new tenants around all by myself tonight?"
"New tenants?" Emily was puzzled.
"Yeah. Remember that the Johnsons moved out of 521, right? There's new tenants in there now, and the manager just asked me if we could show them around this evening."
"I'm sorry, Bob, you know I'd help you if I could."
"Well... is Howard home? Maybe he'd like to help me," Bob said.
"Howard won't be back until later this evening, Bob. Remember last weekend, he said he was flying to Madrid and had a layover there." Emily chuckled with the thought. Their neighbor, Howard Borden, was a navigator for a cargo airline. Divorced, he enjoyed layovers overseas where he could expand his "women shopping territory".
Within an hour, the baby shower was in full swing in the Hartley apartment. Emily ensured that Bob got something to eat from the full array of finger foods at the party.
"Emily," Bob said privately, in the kitchen. "There's something missing from this plate."
"No, I don't think so, Bob. Let's see, plate, silverware, napkin, food - it's all there."
"Honey, what are the four food groups?" Bob eyed his plate.
"Breads - there, fruits - there, vegetables - there, milk - there's cheese there," Emily stated. "That's four."
"Where's the BEEF, Emily?"
Emily sighed with exasperation, finally understanding. "Oh, meat group. Well, there's nuts on the table. Shall I get you some?"
Bob shook his head in exasperation and trotted into the bedroom. "Guess I CAN'T have my cake and eat it too," he said, looking at the baby shower cake he had on the tiny plate in his other hand.
A little later, Bob had changed into some more comfortable clothes - a pair of dress pants and a solid yellow polo shirt. As he walked into the living room, he noticed that the women were all playing baby shower games. There was a lot of female giggling going on, and he was glad to be going down the hall to meet the new neighbors.
Bob went out into the hallway just as the elevator doors opened and Howard, still wearing his khaki-colored navigator uniform, stepped out.
"Oh, hi, Bob. I just got back from Madrid," Howard said, still seeming like he was about 9 hours jet-lagged.
"Welcome home, Howard."
"Did I get any mail or phone calls?"
"You have a very small stack of mail, but if I were you, I'd wait about an hour and a half before going to our place to get it. Emily's got about 25 women in the apartment."
Howard's eyes lit up. Jet lag or no jet lag, that many women in one place sounded like heaven to him. "Twenty five women? All at your place? Would she invite me?"
Bob smirked. "Howard, it's a baby shower. I think all of them are married, and SEVERAL of them are pregnant."
"Oh. Instant fatherhood isn't my style. Howie's enough for me," Howard nodded, referring to his 9-year-old son, Howard Jr., who lived with Howie's mother Lois in Evanston. "Where are you going?"
"We have new tenants that moved in next door to you in 521. I'll bring them down a little later to meet you. You look - beat."
"Yeah, long flights do that. Especially when we hit about 5 air pockets flying over the Alps."
"Howard - you flew east to come west? Isn't that ... backwards navigation?"
"We flew from Madrid to Zurich to Paris before we flew to Chicago. It was a very roundabout flight. Even the pilot was turned around!" Howard patted Bob's shoulder with his large hand and went off to his apartment, while Bob went towards Apartment 521.
At the new tenant's apartment, Bob tucked in his shirt and straightened his collar before he knocked on the door. A woman answered the door. She was pleasant looking, probably around 40 years old (Bob guessed), with long brunette hair and big brown eyes hidden behind stylish glasses.
"Mrs. Barnett?" Bob asked. "I'm Bob Hartley, from down the hall."
The woman smiled. "Well, it's Ms. Barnett, but since you're my neighbor, you can call me Laura. The manager said you might be calling on me this evening."
"It's usually my wife and myself on this floor, but she made other plans tonight and forgot to tell me about them. I'd like to show you and your husband around the apartment complex and introduce you to some of your neighbors? We're more congenial here, than others you might have looked at." Bob was somewhat uncomfortable without Emily there to do this duty with him.
"It's just me. I no longer have a husband. I've been divorced for a little over a year now," Laura said. "I just got tired of taking care of a house all by myself."
Now Bob was even more uncomfortable. He didn't want any of their other neighbors getting the wrong idea about him showing a single woman around their apartment complex! But he knew he had to make the best of it. Bob and Laura headed downstairs first, because the first person Bob liked to introduce new tenants to, was their Community Association president.
Meanwhile, back at the Hartley apartment, there was a shower game going full swing. Four women were diapering baby dolls while blindfolded and it was a tight race. There was a knock on the door, and despite all the happy laughter and excited female squeals, Emily heard it and went to answer it.
"Howard! I wasn't expecting you back for a few hours!" Emily exclaimed.
"Oh, you know, sometimes we hit a good tail wind and it just BLOWS us into the Windy City!" Howard explained in his usual, airy way. "Bob said I got a little mail?"
"Sure, Howard, come on in and I'll get it for you. Pardon the noise, this is a baby shower going on here."
Howard followed Emily into the apartment. It was obvious that he came over on purpose to check out the females in the Hartley place, for as soon as Emily disappeared into the den to find Howard's mail, he went up to some of the women and made small talk. Most were surprised to see a man there.
As Emily came back into the room bearing a stack of mail for Howard, one of the teachers said, "Emily? Is this your husband? I've never met him!"
Emily chuckled. "No, Ann, this is Howard Borden, our neighbor. He just came to get his mail. He's just leaving, weren't you, Howard?"
"Actually, I was going to ... " Howard started to say, then noticed the look on Emily's face. "I was just going to get my mail and leave. Thanks for collecting the mail. Did you water my plants?"
"With the special liquid nitrogen, Howard. They're healthy as could be," Emily stated, sweetly smiling at Howard while trying to lead him out the door. But Howard wasn't moving too fast, still checking the female territory.
"Emily," Howard whispered, "are there any single girls here?"
"No, Howard, or I would have invited you," she replied. Disappointed, Howard headed across the hall to his own apartment, 523.