Heeey. I'm sort of new to writing, and I'm not very good at it. I'm more for drawing, but some things are more difficult for me to get down on paper than they are to get down in words, so here you are.

This story will contain boy on boy, as usual, don't like, don't read.

Character death, some gore in the beginning and possibly throughout, and I suppose it's AU. There isn't character bashing, or if there is, it's unintentional. Feel free to critique, reviews are appreciated, so on and so forth~.

XxX

I still remember that day, as if it was broad as daylight, clear as crystal. The day I saved him from his own demise. That was a day full of heartache and sacrifice. Choosing to risk my life and future with Garnet to help my brother. I guess if it were completely up to me, I'd have chosen a pretty girl. But there was this force tugging on my heart strings that day. I can't really explain it. It was just this feeling that if I let Kuja go, I'd regret it for a very long time. I took the chance and went after him that day. I waved to Garnet, burning the image of her beautiful, pristine face into my memory. Maybe it would help me go on.

Finding Kuja was difficult, but I was quick on my feet and successfully avoided getting hit or flattened. After some running about, I did find him. He was on an elevated platform, though I can't really tell what had created it. It was perhaps just a part of the tree that jutted out? Or maybe it was made especially for Kuja to die on. I pushed grim thoughts from my mind and climbed up the moss covered stump, a task harder than it sounds, trust me. With a final heave, I was able to push myself up there with him. It was difficult to look at him right then. I couldn't imagine my brother, one who was so obsessed with his own beauty, one who was once so powerful, looking like he did then. It almost broke my heart.

He was lying on his back, right hand draped over his stomach. It was apparent why, when I noticed that the sleeve clung to his skin, drenched thoroughly in blood. His hand didn't cover it completely- I swear I could see some of his organs on the verge of spilling from his lithe figure. His chin and neck were covered in blood that was still slowly cascading from his mouth at a steady rate. Those thighs I caught myself looking at one too many times were covered in scrapes and cuts. That was always my favorite part of him… His full thighs, almost like a girl's. I was guilty of looking at him with other things aside from contempt sometimes- he was right in being narcissistic, because he really was beautiful. Even I found myself enraptured with his flesh one too many times. It led to more than that, but of course, only by my own hand. Walking up to a self-infatuated lunatic and asking for a hand job wasn't something I had prepared to add to my list of sins, to be blunt. A cough lured me from my thoughts, and I felt a wetness on my hand. It was speckled in vibrant red. I crawled over to his body, giving him a once over. The disembowelment the tree had apparently tried to give him was the only real danger at the moment, although I could tell he probably had a lot of internal issues as well.

"You shouldn't have come." He was talking, but I wasn't listening. I reached for my undershirt, tearing a long piece from it by carefully shredding the shirt around and upwards. He still seemed indifferent, and the hand that clutched his own stomach tightened.

The next few things didn't go as swimmingly. Not only did he not want to remove his hand, insisting that he be left to die, but when I finally did get him to move it, every movement he had to make in order for me to situate the makeshift bandage was followed by a deafening screeching I can only assume was of pain. My guess wasn't far from the truth when I said he was holding his guts in, too. I could actually see some of his insides. I guess I'd seen worse, give or take, but it still made me a little queasy. As I made the final loop around his torso, tying the fabric tight to create pressure, he let out a whimper. It was a sound I never really figured he could even make. It was feeble, weak even, and his face was one of pure, unadulterated pain. It was kind of sad to see him reduced to this.

"Listen, you gotta get up. When you come back with me, we'll get you something to ease it. Just bear it." I continued to whisper encouragement into his ear, and I don't really think it was working much at all. I put my arm underneath his back, forcing his own over my shoulder and, counting to three so he wouldn't be too shocked, heaved him up into a standing position.

I'm not sure if I can ever properly describe the sounds he made perfectly, but it was something you really hope to never hear in your lifetime. He was sobbing hysterically and screaming all at once, his pride having completely abandoned him. I begged him to stop- I felt as though I was killing him instead of saving him. I think he tried, but it didn't work out. It wasn't as though I could just walk out of here- there was running, jumping, climbing. I even had to hoist him up onto my shoulders and push him up any elevations too steep to just help him up. I had to drag him most of the time too.

By the time we had gotten out of there, he wasn't yelling much anymore. I was drenched in sweat, and he in his own blood. I lay him down on the greenery that surrounded the once Iifa tree, now more of a sinkhole as it seemed to descend deeper and deeper into the ground. I really hoped it was safe, because as I collapsed next to him, I wasn't so sure that I could get up again if anything happened.

It felt like we laid like that for an eternity. It felt good. I don't think I'd ever been so tired in my life. Neither had he. Despite myself, I had gotten up after that eternity. I leaned back on my elbows. His eyes were closed, and I nearly panicked, but his chest was rising and falling steadily, so I calmed myself. His mouth seemed to stop producing as much blood, but even with my lack of medical expertise, I knew he needed help as soon as possible. I rolled my shoulders, getting out any kinks and leaned onto my side to check on Kuja. He still looked pretty knocked out. I licked my thumb and tried scrubbing some of the crusting blood from his face. It didn't do much, and it made me feel weird and motherly, but at least I tried. After a minute or so, it was relatively recognizable. I leaned down to pick him up bridal style. Putting much more stress on him was probably a bad idea.

I took him to the summoner's village, and we got help, but not without reluctance. I never figured moogles could keep grudges, but they did. I got through to them though, and I was glad, but that's not very important right now. But what happened later that day might be.

It was around eleven at night. I had taken a nap as soon as Kuja was taken care of, but I was restless. It wasn't soon until I was awake again, and I sat up from the floor. Kuja got the bed for obvious reasons. He was sleeping peacefully, despite today's events. There was something in his face that night that made me do what I did. His eyes opened, and he smiled to me. It was a sad one, and he lifted his hand to touch my face in this brotherly way, despite the affection of such a gesture. I could tell he wanted to say thank you, but the move was drastic in my mind. Suddenly, any brotherly love I felt towards him clashed loudly and dangerously with the type of feeling that I only got around Garnet. My face was frozen in shock, and I think he could sense it. He took his hand back without a word, shifting slightly in the bed.

I suddenly got this vision in my head; one where I crawled over him, kissing his delicate face, touching his hair and body, making him emit pleased noises whenever I did. It was almost like these stories Blank used to read in Tantelus with the men, all gathered around the table, laughing hysterically. Where the woman is unable to resist the man's charm, and they have a night filled with passionate, desperate love. A one night stand, to put it into better words. It was difficult to really find the root of where these feelings were coming from, and I chopped it down to feeling lonely now that Garnet was gone. That Kuja just looked like a girl, and a scantily dressed one at that. It was what got me through the night that day, and what stopped me from bothering him further.

The rest was history, I suppose. It was only a few years later, when Kuja was feeling up to himself, and I finally found a way of transportation, that we headed back to Alexandria to reunite with Garnet and the rest of the gang. I was excited for lack of better word, and Kuja seemed distant. But during our absence from much civilization during those years, I didn't really blame him. With the lose of his servants, he had lost any and all social contact with other beings. Aside from me of course, but that's not enough for some people. I'd have figured that by a month, I'd have tried to bed him out of desperation. That didn't happen, and I'm glad. Our relationship already had enough tension as it was. That is to say, whenever I started getting hot and bothered, I excused myself and went off to a remote place to handle my problem. I always thought of Garnet as I did it, I forced myself to. There was also a time or two when we had gone to Treno, and Kuja had to disguise himself that I'd leave with a random woman and ask him to wait. It was more that I wanted to make it clear to him that I didn't feel anything towards him. A show of masculinity, so to speak. If ravaging the first willing girl could be called masculine. I doubted it. But he got the picture. Things got a little less awkward as he was reassured that I didn't feel anything towards him. He didn't seem disappointed either, more relieved. I think that he also disliked feeling that romantic pressure. Or maybe he just hid it exceedingly well. I'm not sure. But I hopped it was the former.

The plan was for me to call Garnet down to the stage, then while we did the cliché hug and kiss thing, Kuja would appear and I'd tell her he was okay now. I even made a hand signal for him to come out. Something went wrong though, and that didn't happen. I saw Kuja waiting backstage out of the corner of my eye, in a dress of brilliant lilac for his part as a stand in on the play. He didn't want to at first, but eventually gave in to wearing drag. I told him that if anybody recognized him before he announced his presence, things could get ugly. I still remember what Garnet said.

"I'm so glad! I thought you'd gone back, and Kuja finished you off! Don't even leave me again!"

That was right. She never did find out that it was Kuja who helped us out of the Iifa tree. My head was over her shoulder as she hugged me tight, and I felt a deep pit in my stomach as I saw Kuja turn around and walk back into the ship, his expression deadpan. Please understand. I thought as hard as I could, remembering that he was able to put words into my head when I had saved him all those months ago.

It is alright.

I was startled of course, but even his words didn't comfort me. They sounded sad, though they were distant and it would really be impossible for any person to decipher his tone. I tried again to tell Garnet, but I couldn't. I was frightened of what she'd do now. If she overreacted. Not only that, but Freya, Steiner, and Beatrix weren't exactly the picture of forgiveness.

I was able to live with Garnet in the castle, and I assumed that sometime soon I 'd be expected to pop the question so that I could be her king. Or something else straight out of a fairytale. I snuck Kuja in with me, finding this relatively abandoned tower on the opposite side of the castle of which Garnet usually spent her time. There was a bookshelf filled with reading that I guessed hadn't been touched for years, judging by all the dust. I couldn't tell if he liked it or not. His expression was as usual- unimpressed. He didn't really say anything. He never did say much anymore. I'd let him open up whenever he felt ready to, I guess. I'm talkative, but not too emotionally sensitive. I'd probably end up offending him or something. He was still in that dress, which had to be the most uncomfortable thing to wear. Itchy too, with all the frills on it. The bodice looked ridiculously tight, and I made a note to get him some new clothes from the ship, or better yet, just buy some. He did complain occasionally about being uncomfortable in used clothes. I had an extra shirt, so I unbuttoned my vest and pulled the one I was wearing off.

"You can sleep in this. That thing looks itchy. I'll buy you something new tomorrow."

"I can't reach." I looked at him questionably, and I realized what he meant as he made a useless attempt at getting at the straps behind the dress. I made a noise of affirmation, and threw my shirt on the bed, helping him. I was so used to pushing back any romantic feelings that arrived for him that I no longer saw my pushed his hair over one of his shoulders as sensual, or unlacing the infamous torture device dubbed a corset. I had to practically pry the thing opened, but eventually it came off. The lacy gown pooled around his feet, and all he had on left was this nearly sheer white under gown. He turned to me.

"You can keep your shirt. I'll be able to sleep in this." I nodded my head, taking a few long strides over to pick it back up. I was sitting on the bed to pull it on again, and I nearly had my head and arms through it before I looked up at Kuja. He was looking through the window, it's glass several different colors. It was a mosaic, but I can't really recall what exactly it was a picture of, if anything. I wasn't really one for art, I guess. The moon shown through all the different colors, shining onto Kuja in this ethereal way that made my heart catch in my throat for a second. He looked sad, as always, but when he looked over at me, I could hardly control myself.

"What's the matter?"

He didn't answer me. I didn't expect much of a response anyways. I pulled my shirt on completely, straightening it before getting my vest on and starting to button it. When I looked up, he still hadn't moved. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stood up. I took a moment to realize that I was taller than him now. Not by much, but I could tell. It was a little strange, considering he was my big brother, but I shook the thought as he spoke.

"Am I a secret?"

I was surprised at first, until I realized what exactly he meant. Yeah. He was I guess. I hadn't told anyone about him except for the crew, and if he found out there'd be a lot of explaining and trouble to get through.

"Yeah… I'm sorry. I had some trouble breaking it to Garnet, and I just couldn't bring myself to tell her."

He nodded in acknowledgement, and leaned down to collect the dress at his feet. I looked away as I got a full view of his thighs. It was too late though. Dammit, not now. I can't go to Garnet like this.

"Like what?' My head bolted back to him. He had the huge dress gathered in his arms, and he looked genuinely confused for a second. Great. I can't keep my telepathy under control. Telepathy? What the hell.

"Huh? Nothing. I was thinking of something else." I waved him off successfully, and he seemed to buy it. I left with a casual wave, assuring him I'd be back as soon as I woke up to bring him breakfast and his new clothes.

That night, instead of heading to Garnet's quarters, I went straight to the bathroom for a cold shower.

AN:

I was listening to lots of stuff while writing this- music is a huuuge inspiration for me.

Heartbeats, by The Knife, Wind by Akeboshi, Dear You from Higurashi, Caring is Creepy by The Shins, and Following by Chingking. There's more, but I'll just put down some of the major stuff. Really good songs, take a listen while reading this if you can!