The Light

Part 1: The Hope.

"We do these things because we have to, but who are we when we're done?"

—Matteusz Andrzejewski.

Matteusz never actually thought that Charlie would use the Cabinet of Souls. Even after everything the alien had gone through, after everything he'd felt and said, Matteusz never actually believed it would happen. But he had done it anyway. To be fair, Charlie had been pushed over the edge — first by the possibility of losing Matteusz and then by being forced to murder his best friend. April was alive, albeit in Corakinus's body, but that didn't erase the fact that Charlie had pulled the trigger and watched his friend die, even if only for a moment.

The blond had left the room, unable to look at anyone. Matteusz didn't know where he'd gone. At first he wanted to follow him, but his anger, disappointment and shock were far too fresh, and he feared he would say things he would regret. So he stayed in the room, doing his best to pay attention to what was happening, but he kept zoning out, thinking of his boyfriend — were they still together after it all? — and how he had left, looking truly alone.

Eventually, Matteusz couldn't bear it any longer — the air in the room was stiff, and nobody in it could face each other. Quill's displacement gun was still glowing, still being pointed at someone — whether it was April-slash-Corakinus or somebody else, Matteusz had no idea — and he felt like he was suffocating. He needed fresh air. He needed to breathe, to calm down and just think. Or maybe he shouldn't think at all, and just wait for it to pass. Most importantly, he needed to be alone. It was the only way he'd be able to clear his head.

He made it outside the school before slumping on the stairs. The school grounds were empty, ever since the Shadow Kin revealed themselves to the rest of the world. After it had all passed, Matteusz could imagine all the students running to the only place where they felt safe: home. Those people were lucky, he thought, because at least they had a home. His parents had kicked him out, and he thought he'd found a home with Charlie — until detention. And a week later, he wasn't sure he had found a new home.

He sighed, and tried to clear his head.

When he'd gone to Charlie's house earlier, to talk, he hadn't expected things to go the way they had. He was glad that Quill had woken up, but then he found out about the murders of Ram's father and Tanya's mother. At least Ram still had his mother, and Tanya had her brothers — shit. Tanya had her brothers, and only them. And those three… they were orphans now. Because of a war they were never involved in to begin with. And Tanya's brothers… were they supposed to be the Three and Four that Corakinus had mentioned wanted to kill before him?

Matteusz took a deep breath. Corakinus was dead now, as were the rest of the Shadow Kin. Those thoughts wouldn't take him anywhere.

Instead of calming himself down, he made everything worse.

Because just thinking of the Shadow Kin was a reminder of what Charlie had done — destroyed an entire species. Charlie, sole survivor of a brutal genocide, had committed one, just now. It was the one thing the Doctor had told him not to do, the one thing Matteusz had told him not to do… And he'd done it. Yes, he'd been pushed to his limit but… It still hurt. It started with threatening Dorothea Ames, the new headmistress, with Quill's displacement gun. And then… Then he threatened to shoot Corakinus. Then he shot April. And then he committed genocide. A double genocide: the souls of all Rhodians died as well. He had to, Matteusz understood that, but… Who was he after it all? Was he a murderer? Was he a monster? Or was he a good person who had been forced to do bad things because of the situation he found himself in?

Matteusz was lost in his thoughts — so lost he didn't hear the soft footsteps heading towards him until he saw a figure sitting down on the steps next to him out of the corner of his eye.

"Matteusz Andrzejewski?" asked a soft, feminine voice. The boy in question turned his head to look at her. The woman that had sat down next to him was a blond woman with big round brown eyes, who looked to be in her mid-to-late twenties, and had a worried look on her face. Matteusz had never seen her before in his life, but he was far too tired emotionally to be scared or suspicious of this woman.

"Yes?"

"My name is Rose Tyler," she introduced herself. "I used to travel with the Doctor, years ago. I'm sure you've heard of him," she continued. Matteusz had no idea where she was going, and was too tired to try and figure it out. Instead, he nodded, and let her explain everything for herself. "During my travels with the Doctor I… I ended up trapped in another universe — an alternate universe. It's quite similar to this one, really, but there are a few differences." She paused, to see if Matteusz was still following her. He nodded once, slowly, signalling he'd understood, yet he was sure his confusion was written plainly on his face. "In the parallel universe I live in, the Shadow Kin also invaded Rhodia, and the Doctor and I saved him — well, the Doctor's duplicate. It was the result of a two-way biological metacrisis—" she cut herself off when Matteusz's confusion became even more pronounced. "Sorry, that's not important to this story.

"What's important is that the Shadow Kin followed Charlie and Andra'ath to Earth. And what you've just lived through? It happened in the other universe too — I saw it happen," she revealed, and Matteusz started to understand why this woman was talking to him — she wanted to help him somehow. But how could she know what he and the team — if they even were a team anymore — had just gone through? Or was she just guessing, according to what had happened in that alternate universe. Did she even see it all go down? If so, why hadn't she done anything?

Too many questions ran through Matteusz's mind, but he decided to start with a simple one. "What were the difference between your events and ours?" She had mentioned the two universes were mostly alike, but there were differences. Surely, if the events had happened the same way, then she wouldn't be here now?

Rose smiled, as though he had pleased her somehow. That confused Matteusz even more. Was it something he said? He would never know, because she didn't comment on it, and answered his question instead, "Charlie couldn't live with what he'd done." She didn't specify anything, but she didn't have to. Matteusz understood. And the thought terrified him — more than anything else in the world. He opened his mouth to ask a question, but Rose continued, "My organisation built a dimension cannon once. We can't use it, because the walls, of sorts, between the universes are far too thick to properly go through. But we can still project our image into other universes for a few moments. Our Matteusz — the one from the alternate universe I live in — asked me to contact you and help you so that you wouldn't lose your Charlie the way he lost his."

"How will you help me?" Matteusz asked, confused, but willing to accept any help he could get from anyone, as long as he could save Charlie from himself.

"I'm helping you right now," she answered. "You see we're… we're not so different, you and I. When I first met the Doctor, he was grieving the loss of his people. You see, the reason he has a soft spot for people who are the last of their species is because he is the last of his kind too. And when I first met him, the war between his people and another race had just finished, with a double genocide. Both species were completely destroyed, and the Doctor was the only survivor." Rose paused. "It took me a while before I found out he was the one who'd caused those genocides." Before Matteusz could say anything else, she quickly added, "He had to. He had no other choice. The war was devastating to other species — they were destroying planets and other aliens and the Doctor couldn't handle it. He fought in it, and wanted to end that long, bloody war, and he used an artefact called the Moment to do it.

"After that… the war haunted him. And he was completely alone, with only his spaceship for company. It all took its toll on him — destroying his people and his enemies, being alone, having all of time and space at his disposal, without anyone to show it to. He stopped being the Doctor." A sad smile appeared on her face. "He still saved people. Of course he did. He was constantly brooding, snapping at people for whatever reason. But he was still so selfless… I still remember once I… I did something I shouldn't have, and put so many people in danger… And you know what he did? That same Doctor who committed a double genocide and was full of rage and grief? He didn't think. He jumped in front of everybody, and let those creatures kill him. He returned, eventually, after… Well, after my mistake was fixed. He was so tired. Tired of watching people die, and especially because of him. We had the opportunity, once, to save everyone who was in danger. And I don't mean everyone except for the initial deaths. I mean everyone. All those who were affected by the… plague, of sorts. The Doctor figured it all out, and he did what he always does — he saved them. He was… smiling and laughing like Father Christmas. I still remember his exact words. 'Just this once, Rose, everybody lives'."

She fell silent, and Matteusz followed her lead, unwilling to break it. He understood it better now — understood why the Doctor was so keen on saving everyone during prom night, and why he dropped everything to convince Charlie not to avenge genocide with genocide. Because he knew what it felt like, and he knew how hard it was to go back from that. In fact, Matteusz wasn't even sure how he was able to — the man he met and the man that had just been described did not seem like the same people at all, and yet… "Why are you telling me this?" he asked the blonde.

"Because I imagine Charlie will go through a similar process now, and he's going to need help. The Doctor has companions, but when these are gone… There's always going to be a period when he stays alone. And he shouldn't have to. Because that's when he suffers most. And Charlie… If he has to go through this alone, he won't make it," Rose stated, deep sadness reflected in her light brown eyes.

"I left him alone," Matteusz realised. "The me from that other universe — I left him alone."

The blonde nodded. "You — the other Matteusz — needed time to think about it all, much like you were doing now, when I found you. And… well, he took too long. And trust me, I know how difficult it is to love someone with such baggage. And I understand if you can't find it in yourself to love him after this but—"

For the first time since the conversation had started, Matteusz interrupted her, "No, I–I love him." He had made a promise, hadn't he? Of course he loved Charlie. Of course, he felt angry, hurt, and disappointed, but that didn't make him love Charlie any less. No, love doesn't go away that easily.

Rose smiled once more, pleased by that fact. "Charlie's going to need help. And not just anyone's. He's going to need help from the people he cares most about, especially you. When I travelled with the Doctor, I didn't know what I was doing, but in reality, I was helping him. I was giving him hope, that maybe, just maybe, he'd get to be the Doctor again. Charlie needs that too. He needs hope, and only you can provide that. He needs a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold. Someone that will be there for him when the days are tough and will remind him that it's not over, that, even if he will never completely make up for what he's done, he can and should try. Good people don't just stop being good because they make bad decisions. It just means they have to find the light again."

At her words, Matteusz let out a humourless chuckle. "You sound like April."

Rose gave him a small smile. "Well, she's right. The Doctor found it after all. You see, his enemies, the ones he supposedly destroyed in the war with his species, always found a way to come back. Even when he lost everything, they always found a way to come back." She paused, her eyes filled with tears, and she blinked them away. "The first time he saw one he… he went mad with grief and rage, and was about to kill the last one, with this big alien gun, even though he hates all sorts of guns… And I stopped him. Afterwards, I thought he would kick me out of the TARDIS — take me back home and leave me there, and never come back. But he didn't. He let me stay. He didn't even think of kicking me out, according to him.

"The next time we met them, however, was different. Very different. It was months after the first encounter, and… it wasn't just one of them — it was an entire fleet, nearly an empire. And he worked so hard to find a way to wipe them all out and end it all. But there was a catch: to rid the universe of them — a genocidal species that would put Hitler himself to shame — and save billions of planets and species, he had to destroy the Earth and all those who lived in it." She paused. "He didn't do it. He couldn't. I'm certain he would have done it, if it had happened earlier, whether it's before he met me, or after my first encounter with that species but… He didn't. He couldn't. He changed."

"You are telling me not to give up on Charlie," Matteusz summed up.

"It will be difficult," Rose warned him. "There was a moment where I'd lost hope. He abandoned me, trying to keep me safe. But I found my way back to him. I always do." She smiled fondly, twisting a ring on her left ring finger absent-mindedly. "Even when I was pulled into another universe, and he was forced to stay here, I found my way back to him. You have to fight for Charlie, Matteusz, because if he's anything like the Doctor, he'll lose hope quickly. But you can't. You need to be his hope. Because otherwise…" the blonde trailed off, and Matteusz instantly knew what she meant. It was hard not to, after having found out what happened to Charlie in that alternate universe. And Matteusz would be damned if he let that happen to his Charlie.

"Then I'd better start now," he decided, standing up from the steps and walking away. He stopped almost immediately, realising he was being rude, and turned around one last time. "Thank you," he told Rose, and he meant it. Then he took off, as fast as he could, to Charlie's house.

They needed to talk.

Rose Tyler watched him go before disappearing into thin air, and returning to the other universe. The Matteusz she knew was waiting for her, standing up immediately after she reappeared — the only teenager part of the Torchwood staff that ran around the room, making sure the dimension cannon was working. The blonde noticed her Doctor hadn't returned, but before she could ask about him, Matteusz spoke up, "Did you talk to him?"

"I did," Rose answered, and he smiled in relief. "He's going to Charlie's house at the moment. He'll help him, I'm sure."

Matteusz looked as though a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He slumped on a nearby chair, deeply relieved Charlie would get through it all, even if it was in another universe, with another version of himself. "Thank you, Rose," he eventually said. "You don't know how much this means to me."

Rose smiled sadly. "Oh, believe me, Matteusz, I do."