"I just need more, more of you, more of us, just... more" Bucky retorted angrily. "It's not enough, whatever we have. Can't you see how I need more?" I turned away, the hurt making my face crumble and my pride making it impossible to face him while my heart was being shredded.
"Bucky, I love you. God damn I love you, but I don't have anything left to give. What you want, what your asking, I just don't have the capacity to give it to you". I meant to sound calm and in control but I couldn't help my voice cracking on the last word.
"Bull. Shit. Come on Sarah, I know you love me. What's so different between being together and getting married?" I whirled around and glared at him. Bad move, I could see the stubble on his chin and couldn't help but notice how hot he looked when he was pissed. Thankfully, I was pissed too. "Bucky, you know I love you but it's not shit! Getting married, it's a whole new ball game!" I shouted. I continued in a quieter voice, "I love you. I do. But I can't promise you the rest of my life, I can barely promise you tomorrow! I'm broken, I have a disease, I'm going to die. Get that through your head". I was whispering by the end, because it was true. I learned at an early age not to get too attached to things knowing I could leave it all at any moment. Unfortunately, I wasn't doing a good job at keeping my own rules.
I leaned back against the counter and looked around my apartment and wondered when Bucky had started infiltrating. When his t-shirts started ending up in my laundry pile and the dart-board hung from the back of my bathroom door. I suddenly had a goddamn Captain America throw on my sofa and my DVD collection included war movies like Saving Private Ryan. But then there were the subtle things like the scent of his cologne in my sheets and his smile when I woke up in the morning. The brush of his hair over my cheek and his chuckle whenever I needed help to reach the tallest shelf again. The truth was, I was attached. I did love Bucky, and I wanted to be with him.
"That's the problem Bucky, I want every damn moment with you". Bucky walked over and grabbed my wrist, he pulled me into him and I relaxed, boneless, against him. "Sarah, I love you. I want to marry you. I don't care if I get a moment or a lifetime". I could feel his voice rumble through his chest and into mine and suddenly, nothing mattered except Bucky. He pulled away and dropped to his knees with that same devil may care smirk that first made me fall in love with him. "Sarah, I want all of you, forever. And I may not get that, and that's okay with me. I love you more than I could ever love anyone so please, just tell me you'll spend the rest of your life with me" and as I bent down to kiss him, that smirk turned into the most beautiful smile I had ever seen.
There isn't too much to tell after that. He did get me a ring and it was small enough that Stark smirked when he saw it, until Bucky smirked back and said he wasn't overcompensating for a lack in the bedroom like Stark was. That put an end to that. We got married and passed up the honeymoon for a week of wild sex in the apartment. I can safely say that I got beard burn on every inch of my body and that I was never in better shape.
Too bad it couldn't last. I died 3 months after our wedding. I still keep an eye on him every day. I probably should have said no when he asked me to marry him. Now we're both miserable out of our minds remembering all of the happy times. The sun filtering through the shades while we drink our morning coffee, the feel of his lips against mine, and curve of his smile. There were bad times too, like when I was so sick that I couldn't get out of bed for a month, or when Bucky had flashbacks to the red room and was unrecognizable. It's strange how all the bad things fade when all I have left is a lifetime of waiting until we're together again. And that's what I'm waiting for, really, just to hold him again and feel his stubble and stroke his face. And for that, I'll wait forever.