His father, whom he had always considered a wise man, would always say that the value of a man could be measured by his determination. In the opinion of the older-much-less-wise brother, determination - and strength of will following, was measured by how many vices a single person could abstain from. The best definition according to Karkat Vantas, however, simply boiled down to how long a person could ignore things.
So when a shrill rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" screamed out of his phone at no later than six on a Saturday morning, Karkat knew the time to prove his worth had come.
Minutes crawled by and he waited, counting the seconds with gritted teeth beneath his pillow. A single, tired eye glared out at the mobile device mere inches away. The capability to reach over and silence it was there, the effort it would take miniscule. That would be the same as admitting defeat, the bastard on the other end would somehow know. Karkat wouldn't submit, he was going to win.
Despite the struggle stubbornness prevailed and his bed room was silent once again. Satisfaction filled him as he replaced his pillow beneath his head, and he fluffed it for good gloating measure. He laid back down, pulled up his comforter, and closed his eyes. Victory had been his this day.
A heartbeat later and his eyes flew open as the hellish tune began again somehow louder and higher pitched than before. Despite his best efforts at self control he seized the phone in hand, preparing fully to chuck the thing out the window when it mercifully stopped howling. Unable to comprehend his salvation, though completely willing to accept it, he changed the ring to silent and tossed it onto his nightstand instead. The clatter it made was loud enough to make him flinch, but his exhaustion counterbalanced the regret of having to possibly replace it.
He hadn't managed to lay down again before the buzzing started. It vibrated along the wooden top violently, bouncing off the hard surface and magnifying the noise as it danced in manic circles. A more patient person would let it go, shut it down and let the matter be. Karkat Vantas however, was not and had never been anything other than a tired, frustrated, and angry little man. In this moment as in every moment before, patience was not listed within his virtues.
"Please tell me Captor, since I absolutely have to talk to you right now, what in the name of sanity's ever loving suspiciously phallic shaped fuck you finger do you want?" was his greeting.
"Thuck my dick athole. Where do you think you get off taking that tone of voithe with me after what I've gone through today? Do you know what time it ith? I hope you goddamn do by now but I'll tell you anywayth. It'th thix-thirty and I've had to deal with thith for two hourth. Bathic math Vantath, how long have I already been awake becauthe of you?"
"Fuck you Sollux I haven't done a thing. I've been here, in my bed, all night. Do you know what kind of night I've had, by the way? Here in my bed? This hangover you are so graciously aggravating should be enough of a hint to a so called genius such as yourself. Of course it isn't because you are actually the biggest moron the universe ever decided to spawn. I've had a god-awful night, thanks for asking."
"No I know exactly what kind of night you've had. I've been fixing it for, oh, an hour now? Did I mention I thtarted tranthlating your drunken gibberith code at five-fucking-a-m? Becauthe I really need to thay I am almotht imprethed at the dumb-fuckery I thee here. Drunk KK maketh thober KK'th coding thkills look nearly competent."
"Holy fuck you dick munching douche waffle that was seven levels of uncalled for."
"I will thhow you theven levelth of uncalled for! Why the hell were you drinking in the firtht plathe?"
"Since you apparently feel entitled to my personal business and life choices..."
"It'th no longer your perthonal buthineth when it fuckth with mine."
"It's our business remember? My publisher called yesterday evening, and, fuck." It was too early to deal with the wave of anger and disappointment that washed over him, and he rubbed at his forehead as he recalled exactly why he had taken to drinking in the first place. "He rejected my manuscript. The final one, told me to scrap it and give him a new one. I have thirty days or the company isn't going to renew my contract. I'm sorry I fucked with the coding, I wasn't thinking straight and that wasn't cool of me."
"And now I'm an athhole. I'm thorry KK, talk about being a thuper unreathonable thhit bag."
"Takes one to know one you hypocrite."
"I'm trying extheptionally hard to be nithe right now, don't puth your luck." The line was silent for several moments and then Sollux sighed. "Look I'm thorry I harathed you thith early, I wath lathing out becauthe I wath pithed. Not cool of me either I know. Are we thtill friendth?"
"Yeah, we're still friends." Karkat replied. "I was just... I don't think I have another novel in me right now."
More silence and then Sollux sighed again, deep and long as if he carried the weight of the world on his scrawny shoulders.
"Go back to thleep for a while. I am, at leatht for a few hourth. When I wake up I'll head over there around noon, one o'clock. I'll bring thome cheap thitty beer and burgerth alright? We'll talk about a new novel and everything."
"Yeah that thoundth fine I gueth. I'll have the cooler and the grill ready for you, tho thee you then."
With the call ended Karkat attempted valiantly to return to sleep. As the minutes passed and the room gradually lightened with the progression of dawn he knew the futility of the pursuit. From there he naturally decided screaming into the pillow was the next best course of action before flinging it across the room. It's best efforts aside, the dullness of the plush's thud against the wall left Karkat's rage unabated. With the blankets thrown off with an attempt at violence and the manliest stomping he could muster, he reached the bathroom and slammed the door with a satisfactory bang. The crash that followed was alarming enough to abate his rage and encourage him to face the day like the adult his twenty-six years claimed him to be.
The following ablution and dressing was performed with a level of calm he didn't feel, and with the time still hovering before seven he descended the stairs to the main house. A cursory glance at his living room gave a glimpse into more details of the previous night then he wanted to remember, and shame burnt his cheeks as he stepped around scattered paper and empty beer bottles on the trek to the kitchen. The disaster in there was less encompassing, but with pounding head and irritation rising he moved straight to the deck and down into his yard.
With destination in mind he snagged a nearby pool chair and pushed the gate open, stepping onto an empty beach. Red was bleeding heavily over the gray horizon, oranges and yellows muted in the vibrancy of the crimson shade. He dragged the chair onto his dock, settling it just past where small waves lapped onto the sand, tips whitened with foam.
The wind that blew inland was just on the comfortable side of chilly, helping his sluggish brain into a more attentive state. The tension bled from his shoulders as he relaxed as his headache abated. As dock rocked gently from the movement of the ocean surrounding it he reflected on the raw power that lay around him. A small portion of his mind wondered about what monsters could be lurking out past the end of the structure, what horror was waiting with teeth or tentacles to drag him to his death.
Feeling more awake he pushed himself to his feet, forcing himself to wander further out along the planks. He distracted his discomfort by inspecting where wood had gotten worn and rotten and what needed repair. As he strayed closer to the end he fought to calm his racing heart, the water deep enough on both sides to have no sign of the bottom. The darkness of the depths before him left the question if the shelf dropped off here.
The sound of breaching water came from behind and he turned, a shout escaping his lips as silver raced at him. A fish landed squarely at his feet flopping around helplessly, seemingly confused at its predicament. As he struggled to get his heart rate under control Karkat coudn't stop himself from feeling a bit sorry for it.
A nudge from his foot had it plunged back into the depths with enough timing for him to know that everything hated him. A great shadow passed beneath the waves, and Karkat felt the nope rise hard and fast as it moved back beneath the dock. The only thing that prevented him from sprinting back to land was the thought of somehow falling into the water with the monstrous shadow. Nonetheless he moved as quickly as he could, stopping to look back only when he reached the sand. Only then did he dare pause to look back to see a dark fin pierce the surface and vanish again.
"Survival of the fittest, dumbass." he told himself, and retreated to the safety behind his fence.
When Sollux finally arrived Karkat had taken to swimming laps to curb his boredom. The grill was sitting to the side, smoke wafting from the coals that had been burning too long. The once well iced cooler was now stocked with the kind of vaguely warm water that only the heat of the sun could supply. "Do you know what time it is?" Karkat asked when Sollux appeared at the railing above him. "To be fair you just might not own one of these contraptions that can answer my question, but if that's the case you should really fucking look into getting one."
Completely unfazed at the outburst, the other descended the stairs as Karkat hoisted himself from the pool, drying himself with a towel. Huge dick though his best friend may be, Karkat was really glad to see a giant bag of ice clutched in his hands.
"Two o'clock, and yeah I know I'm late. EQ and NP were having ithueth with their thatellite equipment and they called to athk if I could help them thort it out. Plot twitht, I didn't manage before I realized the time and left."
Together they dumped the lukewarm water from the cooler, and as Sollux hoisted the fresh ice he motioned back up towards the kitchen.
"The grill ith ready, right? I left the beer and food up there, care to grab them? I tried to put them in your freezer but there wathn't any thpace."
"Of course it's ready it's been ready for an hour. And what do you mean no room? I haven't been out for groceries all week."
The only response he received, aside from an unconvinced 'if you say so' was a pair of raised eyebrows. Inside he found the items requested sitting on the counter, and with his curiosity peaked he opened the freezer door to see what his friend had been talking about. His following cry of dismay was followed by obnoxious barks of laughter below.
"Where the hell did these things come from?" Karkat demanded when Sollux appeared in the doorway.
"Fuck if I know, I jutht got here." he snorted, taking the burger packets. "I didn't even think you liked fith fingerth."
"I don't." Karkat protested, following the other back down into the yard with the drinks. "Fish fingers are as much fish as I have horns growing from my head. Nada. Satan himself would not feed them to the most deserving of damned assholes out of pity for their palates. They are a personal insult to the deliciousness of fried foods everywhere."
"One box frozen fried fith fingerth, two ninety-nine." Sollux recited, a long strip of paper appearing in his hands.
"Where did you get that?" Karkat asked.
"Your living room. By the way that very thame thing is written here, twenty-four more timeth. The total, if you mutht know, ithh jutht over fifty dollarth. Charged to the credit card of a Karkat Vantath, whom altho made uthe of the coupon 'buy twenty-five boxeth of frozen fried fith fingerth for two dollarth and ninety-nine centh and get twenty-five perthent off the total.' Thith wath clocked in at four-fifteen in the morning."
Karkat buried his face in his hands and groaned as his friends calm facade was betrayed by increasingly hysterical giggles.
"Are you saying that I got so drunk that at some point before four in the fucking morning I saw a coupon with the lousiest deal possible displayed happily across it's misleading face, for a thing I despise passionately by the way, and felt that it was perfectly rational to leave the house and walk a mile to the store and buy these things. Then in that stupor I just forgot about them until just now, upon their rediscovery?"
"Yeth it theemth that way."
"Past me is a fucking idiot."
As the day wore on Karkat and Sollux got down to the hard job of relaxing and enjoying each others' company. When the burgers had been started and the beer on ice Sollux announced the decision to swim and began stripping himself of his clothing.
"Where is your shame?" Karkat demanded, handing his friend his trunks. He averted his eyes as the boxers went. "We're outside for fuck's sake, this is indecent and I for one have very little desire to see your pale ass."
"For one thing you have thith ridiculouthly tall privathy fence," Sollux motioned to the tall wooden barrier surrounding the property with the hand holding his trunks, and Karkat buried his head with the embarrassment his friend didn't feel. "Tho no one can thee a damn thing from the road. You don't even have neighborth to make thith argument underthtandable. For another, if there ith very little dethire it meanth you thtill want to."
"I have neighbors, and no ew don't you fucking dare flash it anywhere relative to my direction."
"Thure, but you have to drive a few minuteth before you reach one. The only real purpothe of your fakey thafety fenthe ith blocking off the thecond only redeemable feature of thith place. My trunkth are on tho you can thtop covering your eyeth like a fucking baby now."
"I'm not a baby! And what is this oh so great feature I am literally dying to know."
"The fucking ocean view that celebritieth routinely ruin themselveth over."
Sollux dived headfirst into the pool, surfacing quickly to start his own set of laps. With him occupied and the food without need for tending, Karkat wandered to the door leading into the garage. It was mostly empty since he didn't own a car, and the only real thing that occupied it was a shelf covered with junk and a worn old Sunfish. Ignoring the boat he took a radio from the shelf and returned to the grill.
Sollux swam over to greet him as he fiddled with the tuning knob.
"It's a damn novelty you have thith ath thalt water inthtead of that chlorine thhit."
"It'd be more hygienic if it were chlorine."
"Yeah but the chemicalth alwayth burn my thkin until I have nothing but a thcratchy red epidermith. Beauty like thith ithn't eathy to maintain and your pool ith a nethethary part of my thtruggle for the ladieth."
"I'm glad I know why you come here. I'm sure the nerdy, hunchback twig is definitely the epitome of sex appeal."
"Actual fucking adonith, that ith me. No muthic today?"
"Nothing's coming in I can only get static." Karkat scoffed, giving up on the radio.
He returned it to the garage before going back to the grill. He gauged each of the burgers, flipping the ones that were ready. Sollux climbed out of the pool behind him, handing him a beer before sitting nearby to dry off. Karkat took a swig, grimacing at the flavor. He set it down not wanting to contemplate the implications of drinking more beer while suffering from a lingering hangover.
"This is really shitty beer."
"Only the betht of the wortht for you, KK." A pause. "Can I athk you a quethtion without you completely flipping your thhit?"
Karkat gave him a dubious look and shrugged.
"Why the fuck not?"
"When wath the latht time you cleaned anything, becauthe that ith not the houthe of thomeone who taketh that into habit. I've known you thince we were ten, I am the complete thlob between uth and you don't get to take my title."
"I don't remember." He admitted quietly. "I didn't have a lot of time trying to finish that fucking manuscript and when there was a moment I never felt like grabbing the broom."
"The manuthcript that'th thcattered in pieceth all over your living room? Yeah I thaw it don't give me that look. I thought they thigned you on for five bookth."
"That was my fifth book, way to keep track of my publishing achievements you shitty excuse for a best friend. They said it wasn't up to my standard quality, and if I couldn't prove I was still good then they were going to find fresher and better talent coming out of high school."
"Harth," Sollux offered. "and complete bullthit. I mean I've never read any of your work but I bet it'th fantathtic."
"Worst best friend ever."
"Hey I fully thupport you! I'm jutht not into that romanthe genre bull crap, never have been."
"But that's the thing!" Karkat erupted, and he felt as though a plug had been pulled on his emotions filling him with an anger he couldn't control. "That's the most fucked up part too! First they tell me I need to broaden my reader base with a different type of story and I do! I pour my goddamn heart and soul into a new subject and suddenly it's not good enough? 'Go back to what you did kid,' they told me. "Old dog's don't learn new tricks.' Apparently trashy romance novels are all I'm good for!"
He kicked at his chair in rage, aim off and sending it into the grill instead. The cooking apparatus wobbled dangerously as a few of the meat patties fell to the ground.
"Damn it!"
"Hey now calm down KK." Sollux said, forcing him to move away from the grill. "Not only are you inept at coding and writing but let'th throw not having temper tantrumth onto the litht. Jethuth fuck I thought you would have grown out of thith by now."
Barely had the words come from his mouth that Sollux knew he had overstepped his bounds.
"Fuck you! If you were only coming here to be an ass and rub my issues in my face then you should leave."
"Hey, hey KK." Sollux breathed, arms on both Karkat's shoulders, attempting to lock eyes with the other but he stubbornly looked away. "Look I'm fucking thorry, I know I thay all the wrong thingth and I'm not patient enough to help you with your thit, but you really do need to fucking calm down and thtop flipping out after thethe thorts of thingth happen, alright? Not every bad thing ith the end of the goddamn world."
Karkat breathed out through his nose in a way that made Sollux's hurt, but he finally met their eyes and nodded slightly. Sollux smiled at him in return.
"Are we still friends?" Karkat asked quietly, cheeks burning at his own outburst.
"Of courthe we are. If we weren't I wouldn't have brought burgerth to thave you from your fith finger obthethion."
Karkat opened his mouth to retort but was silenced by the sound of the Nyan Cat theme. Sollux released his shoulders and moved to get his phone from his pants pocket.
"Hey NP did you get your equipment working?"
While Sollux spoke to Nepeta, Karkat busied himself with cleaning up the spilled burgers and tossing them into the trash. By the time he returned Sollux had was frowning and glancing out past the fence. He motioned at Karkat, mouthing at him to not bother with any more burgers. Curious he sat with his feet in the pool as the other spoke with increasing speed.
"Uh huh, yeah, no, I'm with him I can tell him. Are you sure? Yeah that's fine one second," Sollux held the phone out to Karkat. "It's NP she wants to tell you something."
"Hey Nepeta." Karkat greeted. "It's been a while. How's it going?"
"Not very good at this moment, Karkitty." Her voice was the same as he had last remembered, high pitched but not unpleasantly so with a girly playful quality to it. "You need to go inland tonight. We are tracking a really bad storm right meow and it's turning to shore, we think it'll land early in the evening."
"How bad will it be?" Karkat asked, Sollux was already throwing unused lawn chairs into the garage, turning on the grill to get the food off of it. He could hear her hesitate before answering, as if gauging how honest she should be. In the background he could hear someone gruffly asking for the phone.
"Hello Vantas." the new voice was deeper and more rough then Nepeta's, an air of superiority underlying in the tone.
"Hey Equius. Tell me straight, how screwed over am I going to be if I stay here tonight." Sollux has started dragging the grill after the chairs, he knew it had to be something serious.
"Your house may not be there in the morning, you may not be either if you decide to stay." Leave it to Equius to be as blunt as possible. "On stilts or not the estimated flooding means it won't be safe. I would suggest you take shelter with someone in the city. Preferably not with me, or Nepeta."
"You're so pawful sometimes!" Nepeta shouted in the background.
"Don't dally there long either." Equius resumed, the first tint of concern bleeding into his voice. "You know how quickly these spring storms can arrive, and how violent they can be."
"Thanks for the warning, I'll figure something out." The call ended and Karkat handed the phone back to Sollux. "It always amazes me how quickly you can put your clothes on, like you have a lot of practice doing so... I guess I need to check into a hotel tonight."
"Can you afford that?"
"If I don't care about having power for a few fucking days I could." Karkat took a deep breath to steady himself, but when released it sounded more like a scream. "Fuck!"
"Why don't you call your dad, or Kanaya? Thtay with them for a night or two?"
"My dad would drive me fucking crazy. Ever since the incident he acts like if I leave his sight I'll vanish off the face of the Earth. I'll be smothered if I go there, and fuck if he will let me leave again without a huge fight. Kanaya has finals coming up, so does Rose. They don't need me fucking their shit while already so much pressure."
"Alright then, there ith the obviouth tholution. Thtay at my place. It'th thtill near enough by and far enough inland that the thtorm won't be tho bad, and we come by and make thure the plathe ith thtill inhabitable in the morning. I'll even throw in free pizza and a thhitty rom-com movie, to thweeten thith already rad ath fuck deal."
"I need to pack a night bag, and I need to secure the storm shutters. You sure you want to deal with this level of train wreck for a whole goddamn night?"
"I've dealt with worthe. Did I tell you about the time I had to unthcramble a drunk guyth attempt at coding at five in the morning?"
"For that you're buying real pizza," Karkat felt his spirits brighten, actually laughing with Sollux as they secured the house together. "and I mean with real toppings and not any of that fish or pineapple shit. Just good old fashioned pepperoni and sausage."
"Fine you culinary panthy princeth. I will buy boring vanilla pizza for you."