Chapter 1: Happy Birthday Avery
Tuesday July 12th 1978, 8:34 am
Shit.
There it was in my face, a little stick that now held my future. As I stood up and re-clasped my pants I started wishing that I was back at Hogwarts hiding in my room and being kissed by James Potter in front of a crowd and humiliating myself. Anything seemed better than this.
What would Sirius say? We have only just moved in together, our lives were just starting and we were learning how to adjust to our new surroundings. I couldn't be pregnant, it just wasn't possible.
Pregnant.
The concept was so foreign to me, I had never even thought of children, that option seemed like it wouldn't be possible until much father into the future. I guess the future decided it didn't want to wait. I am only eighteen, in fact today is my birthday, I am just eighteen by only a few hours. What did I possibly know about raising children? What did Sirius possibly know about raising children? We were in the midst of a war, no child deserved to be brought up in these circumstances.
My child.
I wrapped my arms around my torso and walked over to a mirror. I lifted up my shirt and ran a hand over my flat stomach. I wonder how long it will take until I begin to show. I wonder how long I've been pregnant for. I rack my brain for the last time I had my period and it couldn't have been more than two months ago, but then again I've been busy and I haven't really been paying attention to it. I arch my back and stick out my stomach, trying to get some vague notion on what I would look like pregnant.
I quickly shook my head and threw my shirt down over my stomach. I wasn't even sure if I would keep the baby, if I could keep the baby. Having this child would stop everything, all I was working towards, the war, my career, it would all be put on hold. What was Sirius going to say? I doubt that this is what he had in mind. At least this pregnancy explains how out of control I've been feeling lately. How my emotions were all over the place and I constantly felt hungry and I would be nauseous in the morning, although I never threw up.
A pop snapped me out of my thoughts but immediately set my nerves on edge with the realization it was Sirius. He took in my panicked expression and body language and immediately rushed over to me. "Babes, you alright?" He asked carefully, observing me with his dark grey eyes. I tried to speak but no words came out of my mouth, a strangled choking sound came out and I tried to play it off as a cough. "Does this have to do with your dad? I thought it was getting easier for you."
I shook my head and tried to calm myself. I couldn't tell Sirius now, it wasn't the right time. "Yes it's about my dad. I guess some days are easier than others."
Sirius nodded and wrapped his arms around me. "It will all work out eventually." Sirius said. His words made me swallow heavily, the problems only seemed to pile up as the days continued. "Are you ready to go?" He asked, pulling back from me and holding me at arms length. I nodded and Sirius twisted, my body feeling like it was being compressed and released as my feet landed on solid ground. The hum of machines and people hurrying around filled my ears. I waited with clenched eyes for the dizziness to pass before opening them and letting my eyes adjust to the white walls.
No matter what time of day we went to St. Mungo's it was always packed with people rushing around, frantic looks on their faces. The receptionist nodded at Sirius and I as we walked down a long hallway, the sterile smell annoying my nostrils and causing a minor headache to form. We stopped in front of a familiar door and knocked on it. A healer opened it and gave us a warm smile.
"You've come at a perfect time today Avery, we've just given him a bath. He should be ready for you." The healer said.
"Thanks Nancy," I said nodding at the healer.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Sirius asked.
I shook my head, "no, I'll be fine."
"Alright, I'll be waiting outside, let me know if you need anything." Sirius said giving my hand an encouraging squeeze and kissing me on the cheek.
I walked into the room and I heard the door close quietly behind me. I glanced around the room, nothing had changed since the last time I had been there. Tables filled with potions were scattered across the room. The windows were closed and the shades drawn, no natural light filtering into the room. I quickly crossed over to the windows and drew back the curtains, allowing the light to fill the room. I took a steadying breath before turning around and finally looking at the bed positioned in the center of the room.
My dad, a man who was once familiar to me, had changed so much that if I were to pass him on a street I would think him a stranger. His once dark brown hair, so much like mine, was now streaked with grey and had bald patches were scattered in odd places around his head. His once familiar laugh lines were now etched into his face like scars. His eyes remained open but they were so empty he may as well have been sleeping. If he noticed my presence he didn't make any motion towards it. I moved closer to his bed and noticed his hands were incessantly twitching, I grabbed them in my own, hoping to cease the involuntary movements.
"Hi dad," I said starting in my usual awkward introduction. This never came easier to me since they'd found him three weeks ago. He was being held in a death eater's house, Mulciber was the families name. For the past few months he had been tortured beyond recognition, trying to extract information out of him. When they found him he was barely alive, his appearance had changed so drastically that they weren't even sure it was him at first. They had to call in my mom and I to confirm his identity. When I saw him I was so determined that it wasn't him and I clung to that relief. But my mom had one confirming fact that would forever change the dynamic of our family. My dad had a mole on his chest in the shape of a boot, when they stripped off his shirt to check for the mole I held my breath in anticipation. When the boot shaped mole was found on his chest I had broke down crying, unable to believe what had become of my father.
"Today's my birthday," I said trying to think of the easiest thing to talk about. "After this Lily and James are throwing me a party, it was supposed to be a surprise of course but Sirius has never been very good at keeping secrets from me. Can you believe I'm eighteen dad?" I waited for a response, anything to indicate he could hear what I was saying but nothing changed. "I'm now considered a legal adult in every country, a lot of responsibility comes with that usually, doesn't it? I guess that I've landed myself in more responsibility than I can handle. I really need you here with me dad, I need your help. I need your advice. I don't know how I'm going to get through this without you." Tears were falling down my face and landing on my arms, the sensation of the tears sliding down my arms was electrifying, as if opening up all of my senses and leaving me vulnerable.
There was a slight twitch of my father's head and I held my breath as I waited for something else to happen. Slowly he turned his head towards me and looked up at me. For a second I saw something flash in them, I hoped that it was recognition, but it vanished far too quickly for me to ever be certain.
"Who are you?" He asked suddenly, his voice sounded so foreign, so unlike him that for a moment I thought someone else had spoken. "Who are you!" He declared more loudly, assuring me that it was he who had spoken. "You'll never get information out of me!" He said his entire body roaring with life as he flailed violently in bed. Shocked, I dropped his hands and backed up into the room until my back was pressed against the wall. I watched in horror as my father writhed back and forth on his bed, his screams tearing through me and making me shake. Nancy the healer quickly entered the room and shoved a potion down his throat. His entire body stiffened as he relaxed back into his bed, his body going limp except for his constantly twitching hands.
"What happened?" I whispered. Nancy jumped slightly as if she had forgotten I was there before she looked at me with sympathetic eyes.
"Your father has fits once in a while, it's quite common for a person who has undergone serious traumatic events. I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Your father needs rest and from what Sirius was telling me outside you have a party to get ready for." She offered me a warming smile, as if to take my mind off of what had just happened. But underneath her encouraging smile laid the truth of my father's condition.
"Let me know if there's any change, no matter how small." I said as I passed by my father's bed, unable to look at him again, fearful that I'll cause enough disruption.
"Of course," Nancy said in a soft voice. "Happy birthday Avery."
I gave her a weak smile before exiting the room and meeting up with Sirius who was instantly by my side. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked.
"No," I said firmly.
And with a pop we were gone.
"Happy birthday!" A loud cheer sounded once I had entered Lily and James' apartment. Twenty familiar faces greeted me when I entered. I put on my brightest smile and laughed, acting shocked by the party. I made my rounds in the room, thanking everyone for showing up. I ended last at Lily and Cassi who were both beaming at me. Cassi's outfit, like usual, was louder than the party itself. She had on her favorite orange boots with a yellow dress.
She wrapped her arms around me neck, "happy birthday Avery! Now that you're eighteen let's get you a tattoo! I think the word Cassi on your bum is a great idea."
I laughed loudly, the action shaking us both with her arms wrapped around me. "I'll think about it Cass." I pulled back from her and hugged Lily, "thank you for throwing this party."
"Were you surprised?" She asked hopefully.
"Completely," I said hoping I was convincing.
"Liar," Lily said swatting me away. "Sirius Black," she yelled into the crowd, her hands on her hips and her lips pursed. She looked eerily like McGonagall, it was slightly frightening. "I asked you to keep one secret from Avery for two weeks, two weeks!"
Sirius looked sheepish as he made his way over to us. I didn't realize until now how gorgeous he looked. Once we had left the hospital I started getting ready and felt so all over the place it was almost like a dream as I went through the steps of dressing up for this party. Now I was taking in Sirius and I could fully appreciate him. He had on black slacks with a white button up shirt and a black vest hung open over the button up, a black tie laid loosely around his neck and his hair was brushed back, a few stray strands falling into his eyes. He carried himself in his usual confident stride as he approached us, a stride that people could spend a lifetime trying to copy without ever succeeding.
"Sorry Lils, but I can't keep anything from Avery. She always knows when I'm hiding something and it's quite scary when Avery tries to get information out of me. She always threatens castration, who knows if she'll go through with it one of these days." Sirius threw his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. Today he had on cologne and the smell was overpowering, a wave of nausea swept over me and I pushed Sirius away from me, afraid I was going to throw up.
Sirius looked hurt that I'd pushed him away and I smiled trying to be light hearted about it. "Did you bath in cologne today Sirius?" I laughed.
"I think he smells lovely," James said coming up from behind us and throwing his arm around Sirius. "Don't worry Pads, I appreciate your musk."
"Thanks James, at least some people appreciate me."
"When are you two going to get married already?" Cassi laughed at James and Sirius.
"I'm trying to convince Lily to do a double wedding, so that I can marry both her and Sirius. Currently she and Sirius are having disputes over what season to hold the wedding. Lily wants a spring wedding but Sirius is hell-bent on having a fall wedding." James shrugged and wrapped his arm around Lily and Sirius. "Come on family, why can't we just get along?"
"This is ridiculous," Lily said pushing James away from her. "I'm getting a drink, anyone else? What would the birthday girl like?" Lily asked looking at me.
"Fire-" I had to stop myself mid-word realizing that I couldn't drink alcohol. I accidentally touched my stomach, hoping that no one noticed the odd gesture. "Pumpkin juice is just fine Lily, thanks."
"Pumpkin juice?" James scoffed, "it's your birthday, let's get you a real drink."
"No," I practically shouted causing them to look at me oddly. "I mean, no thanks. I'm trying to lay off alcohol for now, I can't afford to be hungover tomorrow, I've got to work."
"Fine killjoy," James sighed. "Pumpkin juice for the little girl."
"You okay babes?" Sirius asked, wrapping an arm around my lower waist and pulling me towards him.
"Yeah I'm fine," I said in what I'd hoped was a reassuring tone and smile. "It's been an eventful day," I said in what I hoped was light-hearted as I smiled at Sirius. The effect was positive and he smiled at me and kissed me on my forehead.
"James has a new toy to play with, is it okay if I am absent from the party for a bit?" Sirius asked, forming his lips into a pout that was so perfect I wanted to kiss him. He looked so incredibly handsome no matter what expression his face was contorted into.
"Yes, you boys have your fun." I laughed before Sirius kissed me on the lips and scurried off to find James.
"You're acting odd," Cassi said, coming up to stand beside me, neither of us looking at each other, gazing at the party.
"I saw my dad today and it didn't go well," I said hoping that was enough of an excuse. Truth be told, half of my behavior could be attributed to my father and the other half could be contributed to my newly discovered pregnancy.
Cassi turned towards me and eyed me curiously. "There's something else going on, and if you're not going to tell me you'd be a fool to think I'm not going to find out."
I locked eyes with Cassi, her powerful stance intimidating me. I shrugged and tried to act nonchalant but I could tell Cassi wasn't buying it, I couldn't get anything past that girl. "It's nothing," I finally said.
"Lily's right, you're a horrible liar. You're lucky its your birthday so I'm letting it drop for now." She flipped her hair over her shoulders and smiled, a sign she was done questioning me. "Now come follow me, I invited Robyn Abraham and I'm trying to corner her and Remus in a room together."
By nine o'clock my birthday party was in full swing and half the guests were drunk. Nial was probably the most drunk out of all of us and had spent the last thirty minutes telling stories of he and Cassi's adventures while living under the same roof.
"And Lelani walked in and Cassi was walking around the apartment in just her knickers and bra. Lelani freaked out but Cassi was calm and couldn't figure out what was wrong." Nial said laughing, his arm wrapped around Lelani who was wearing a tight smile. "Lelani doesn't realize that Cassi walks around like that everyday, she actually thought we shagged."
"Now whenever I come over Cassi dresses in three layers of pants and a hooded sweatshirt with a scarf wrapped around her neck and head." Lelani said, laughing despite herself.
Laughter peeled out in our little group and I honestly had found myself enjoying the party. Despite the things that were plaguing me I found myself infinitely grateful for my friends. From behind me I felt an arm snake around my waste and looked to see Sirius whose eyes were glazed. In his free hand he held a drink and he smelled strongly of alcohol. The smell was bringing back the nausea but I tried to keep it down.
Sirius leaned in close to my ears so that his lips were brushing against them. The sensation had it's desired effect on me and I shivered. The feeling of Sirius's touch never wavered since the first moment we had kissed. Anytime he came close to me it was electrifying. "What do you say we leave this party?" He whispered in a velvety voice.
"Sirius we can't," I hissed back at him, trying to ignore the circles he was drawing on my hips.
"I can think of better things we could be doing with our time," he said in his most seductive voice, his hand slowly trailing down and grazing my butt. My body involuntarily shook and I tried to keep my breathing steadied, hoping no one was paying close attention to our interaction.
I was about ready to agree with him and apparate away to our house but our moment was broken by Lily who shouted loudly, "present time!" Lily grabbed my arm and steered me towards a table where all the presents were stacked up. Behind me I could hear Sirius cursing Lily's name.
Presents were being shoved at my in every direction. I tried to hurriedly tear through them, knowing people would rather be drinking right now than watching me open my presents. I thanked every person as I quickly looked at what they had gotten me. Cassi had gotten me clothes and an corset with a garter belt that I did not want to show to the crowd. Lily had gotten me a book on dueling and a plate set for the apartment since Sirius and I had been using Styrofoam plates and plastic forks and knives. Remus had gotten me a muggle radio which he told me he would teach me how to use later. James got a framed Screaming Banshees poster and had somehow acquired our tickets from the night Sirius and I had gone to the concert and put them in the frame.
When the last of the presents was opened I thanked everyone but couldn't help but notice that one particular person was missing a present; Sirius. I looked around for him but there was no sign of Sirius. I hugged everyone, my annoyance growing with every second that he didn't appear. Had he forgotten to get me something and was now rushing off to a store to get me a last minute gift?
James seemed to know something I didn't and he kept glancing at his bedroom door expectantly. "James Potter," I said marching over to him, determined to extract information from him. "Where is my boyfriend?"
He put on his bed innocent face, "what are you talking about Muze?"
"You know something," I accused.
James gave me the trademark Marauder smirk as he ruffled his hair with his hand. "I always know something you don't know Muze." I swatted him with the back of my hand and tried to give him my most menacing look. Oh look there he is now!" James said pointing behind me.
I turned around and Sirius was standing in front of James and Lily's bedroom door with a smirk on his face. He walked over to me, slightly stumbling as he did so. "Avery, I believe its my turn to give you your present."
I crossed my arms over my chest and quirked an eyebrow at him, if it was another set of earrings I was going to smack him. "Where is it then?" I asked, noticing his hands were empty.
"Close your eyes," Sirius demanded.
"No."
"Avery, please," he practically begged. "Close your eyes, love."
"If anything explodes I'll kill you," I said obliging by squeezing my eyes shut. I heard some shuffling going on around me but no one was talking, everyone was curious as to what Sirius was up to. I heard a door open and close in front of me and footsteps creeped towards me.
"Alright open," Sirius said.
I opened my eyes and Sirius was standing in front of me with a puppy in his arms.
How could he!
How could he get a dog at times like these. I was pregnant and we were fighting in a war. I had so many other things to concentrate on, I did not need a dog to be added to the list.
"Meet the latest member of our family," Sirius said holding up the puppy proudly. The puppies light blue eyes stared at me and a little bark came out of his mouth. I could feel tears pricking in the back of my eyes, completely overwhelmed by everything. Sirius was beaming but once he caught site of me his smile fell and he held the puppy to his chest. "Babes?" He asked.
For some reason that set me off, tears burst from my eyes and I fled to James and Lily's room, closing the door behind me as the tears fell down my face. This was too much, way too much for me to handle. A dog was the last thing I wanted, I could barely keep up with myself, now I had this animal that would need extra attention not to mention a possible baby if I chose to keep it.
I sank into a corner and laid my eyes in the palms of my hands, trying to slow down the tears from falling down my face. I'm only eighteen, this was too much responsibility for me to handle. I heard the door open but didn't look up to see who it was, however the shriek that followed after it was enough indication for me to know who had entered.
"What the hell is going on with you?" Cassi exclaimed. "You've been acting off your rocker for the past few weeks now. Sirius just got you a puppy and you burst into tears and leave your party. What is going on with you? You've been acting odd all day, you aren't drinking, you push Sirius away from smelling too strongly, no one can predict your emotions anymore it's like you're-" Cassi broke off and I looked up at her. Her eyes were huge and her mouth was open as she stared at me. "Oh my god-" She said, "oh my god," she repeated. "You're pregnant!"
"Keep it down!" I hissed, jumping up from the floor and glancing at the door hoping no one listening.
"I'm right!" Cassi screamed. "I'm going to be an auntie!" She wailed, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tightly. "How long have you known? Does Sirius know? Are you going to name it after me?"
"I just found out today, right before I saw my dad. I haven't had enough time to tell Sirius the information, let alone process it." I said, relief suddenly flooding me now that someone else knew.
Cassi raised her hands to her mouth and her eyes were watering. "You're going to be a mummy."
"I'm not even sure if I'm going to keep it." I said in a low voice, unsure of my decision.
"What!" Cassi declared. "Of course you have to keep it! I'm going to be an aunt, I want to spoil this kid rotten with toys and clothes and booze, once they're of age of course."
"As lovely as that all sounds this isn't some kid you'll have for a weekend here and there and get to spoil it. This child will change everything, I will have it for the rest of my life and everything will be put on hold."
"It sounds like you've already made up your mind on the issue."
I wrapped my arms around my stomach, "I haven't given it much thought, I've hardly had any room to breath."
"Well you need to tell Sirius soon, he's as big of a part of this as you are."
"I know, I will tell him soon."
Cassi nodded her head and walked up to me, wrapping her arms around me comfortingly. "Some birthday you've had, isn't it?"
I couldn't help but laugh, no matter what I could always count on Cassi. Our embrace was interrupted by a knock on the door and Sirius was peering his head in, looking worriedly at me. "Is it okay to come in?"
Cassi nodded and let go of me, "I'll leave you two at it." She said, giving me an encouraging smile and leaving the room.
"You gave us all quite the scare back there Avery, is everything okay? If you don't like the dog I can take it back, I doubt he'll like it much but if it's that big of an issue."
"No, it's not that," I said shaking my head, trying to build the courage to tell him. "I know I've bene acting really strange the past month or so."
Sirius nodded, "you could say that."
"At first I thought I was just stressed but-" the words got lost in my mouth and refused to fall from my tongue. The pressure was building and I knew I had to tell him, I couldn't keep it from him any longer. I needed him here to support me more than I needed anyone else.
"But..." he said hesitantly, sensing my nerves and becoming nervous himself. "Avery, you've got to tell me. You've got me worried." He stepped forward and took his hands in mine. "Whatever it is you can tell me, we'll get through it, okay?" His eyes were locked onto mine but I couldn't bare to hold his gaze. I dropped my eyes to the floor as tears pricked in the back of me eyes.
I was suddenly worried he would leave me, that he wouldn't be able to take the pressure of having the decision of what to do with a child. I couldn't bare to lose Sirius, the thought of going on in life without him literally made me sick to my stomach. He was the love of my life.
"You see, the thing is," I stuttered, grasping for the words. "I'm a little bit, with a child." The words made no sense but Sirius understood enough for his eyes to widen and a panicked look to cross his face.
"You're pregnant?" He asked. I could only nod my head. I refused to meet his eyes and was surprised when his arms wrapped around me. "You're pregnant!" He declared in a voice that surprised me, the voice was of joy, not fear. "I'm going to be a dad," he said happily.
I could only stare in shock as Sirius danced around the room shouting 'I'm going to be a dad.' I had expected him to run away, to faint, to throw up, any of the above seemed more plausible than his current reaction. "Wait, Sirius, slow down. We need to talk about this."
"Talk about what? I'm going to be a dad, I've always wanted a child, show my parents how actual parenting works."
"So you want to keep this baby?" I asked not quite believing what I was hearing.
"Of course, what other option is there?" He looked at my face and seemed to understand the other option. His mouth formed into an O but no sound came out. "Is that what you want?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "Our lives are busy enough as it is, throwing a baby into the mix is just more added pressure and responsibility. And we're only eighteen Sirius, what do we know about raising a child?"
"Does anyone ever know how to raise a child? It's not like you can exactly prepare yourself for this kind of thing." Sirius came up to me and wrapped his arms around my back, holding me close to him and resting his forehead on mine. "I imagined at some point this is where our life would go, no I didn't expect it to happen so soon but I did expect it. This is ours," he said taking one hand and resting it on my stomach. "Our baby," he whispered.
I stared at Sirius, a million thoughts running through my head. We were financially set to raise this baby, that wasn't an issue. We had a spare bedroom that we could turn into a nursery, all of our friends live by us and could easily help. My mum...oh sod, my mum. I hadn't thought of what's going to happen when I tell her. She'll probably go mental. She's already on the edge of a mental breakdown because of my dad.
I would still be able to work at the VRS, but my work at the Order would be limited. Was I willing to sacrifice my contributions for this war for my child?
My child.
The sound had an odd but satisfying ring to it. Mine and Sirius's child. Maybe we could do this, we could figure it out. Like he said, everyone goes into parenting blind, whose to say we'd be any worse than other people? I looked up at Sirius who was staring at me expectantly, his face was so full of hope.
"Are we really going to do this?" I asked.
"I'm in if you're in."
"That's what got us here in the first place," I said try to lighten the mood. The effect had it's desired effect and Sirius let out his bark-like laugh.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"We're going to be parents." I couldn't help but smile, for the first time I was happy about what was happening. I felt certain that this was what I wanted. "I'm going to be a dad!" Sirius shouted, throwing his arms in the air. "I have to tell James," he declared. He pulled away from me and threw open the door and yelled at the top of his lungs, "hey everyone! I'm going to be a dad!"
Well, that's certainly not how I expected we were going to break the news.
A/N: Alright first chapter of Thin Ice! I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, I liked the first part but the second part kind of fell flat. Considering I've never been pregnant I don't know the inner turmoil a person goes through so I had difficulty writing this. Also, I know Sirius is all happy so this seems completely unrealistic but I have plans laying ahead of us. The next chapter will be better, there was just so much action in this one that it felt like just one thing after the other, introducing everyone back into the story 2 months later. Anyway tell me what you think! :)