(This has mentions of yaoi all over the place. If you don't like that you can click the back button ok! I mean seriously this has implied consensual sex between men through the whole fic so if that isn't your thing, leave now! Oh and as much as I wish i did I don't own Hetalia. I am just a fangirl who had a great idea for a companion fic to another story she wrote! This can be read seperately without the other fic though. You should still understand it!)
I am the United States of America. I am the best whole freakin country in the whole damn world. I also have the best ideas, ever. That's why after the annoying G8 conference, I decided that getting absolutely wasted was the best idea. You know relieve tension, and keep a hold of good relations ,even if I just cussed England out. He called me a wazzock. I have no idea what that is, but whatever.
Anyway, I am a classic whiskey drinking cowboy. That's my poison of choice. Across the bar I saw Russia, the damn commie, sauntering over with a bottle of vodka in hand. He claims it's Russia's gift to the world. I think it tastes like hell! He's like ,on his third bottle or something.
"America, why you hurt me so bad? I just want to become one, da?" He said with a thick stupid Russian accent.
"I don't wanna be one with a stupid commie!" I replied. Well I thought I did. I think it may have came out a bit slurred.
I won't say this again, but I was a bit whiskey wasted.
Wait, I am the ol' stars and stripes! I know how to hold my liquor, forget I said that. Really!
Russia was leaning close to me! I could literally smell the vodka on his breathe. Do you know what he did? No, or you wouldn't be reading this. I am talking to you fangirls! Oh, and maybe fanboys. I don't judge. Whatever, it's your choice. He started whispering dirty things to me. I am going to claim in my inebriated state, that what he said to me sounded really nice. I could have any one I want, but I've been ankle deep in work, and knee deep in hamburgers. I haven't really had time to satisfy my manly needs. You know what I am talking about. You know, satisfy those urges, choke the chicken, stroke my meat…have sex. Alright I was horny. Ivan was saying all the right things in this husky Russian accent, and I have to say it made my member twitch in anticipation. I was freaking seduced by Russia. Maybe it was the whiskey talking. Maybe it was the horny talking. Whatever it was talking, I agreed to go to a hotel with Russia and become "one" in a whole different way.
I'm going to skip all the dirty details. I'm sure I just heard a collective "aww." Sorry but there has to be some limit on how low I will let my self worth go. Plus, I really don't remember, much.
I woke up in sunflower sheets, and surrounded by sunflowers. Oh holy crap, Russia loves sunflowers. I started searching around for Texas. I am kind of blind without it. I reached up on the nightstand and found them, thank God! Then I saw Russia come in running a towel over his head.
Shit!
He was shirtless and still dripping water from his albino hair. I needed to yell at him for blatantly seducing me! I jumped up and pointed my finger at him. I also ignored the pain rippling up my backside.
"You commie bastard! You drugged my whiskey didn't you?"
Ivan shook his head "I did no such thing Fredka. If you are unhappy you may wish to cover up with sunflower sheets you look so beautiful in. You are naked."
I looked down and blushed heavily. How did I not notice I was naked? Oh did we cuddle naked last night? Wait, that's not even the big question. I bottomed? I am America! I bottom to no one!
Why is Russia leaning in close to me?
I fell back into the bed, and covered myself promptly in ugly sunflower sheets.
"Fredka you came willingly with me last night. Multiple times, might I add."
He was leaning in close to me with those sparkling violet eyes, and minty fresh breathe. I couldn't help what came out of my mouth next
"Vanya…" I was feeling drugged all over again, maybe it was those eyes.
"Yes, Fredka?" his lips were ghosting over mine.
"Trakhnut' Menya, Vanya." I wanted to know why I just asked for that, but once that Russian mouth was devouring mine, too be honest I didn't care.
Maybe a Russian America Alliance won't be such a bad thing. Let the Cold War go, and let bygones be bygones. At least when he does that with his tongue.
I am England. Hail Britannica! God save the Queen and all that. After insulting America, forgetting about oh what's his name…Canada, and calling France frog more times than I care to count, I decided America's idea of going out to a pub together was a really good idea. I don't care what anyone says ,I know how to hold my liquor and party! So what if a few times I have my whole "Am I catholic or protestant?" spiel. In all honesty, I would rather sit at home, and drink a nice cup of tea, and relax with my fairy friends, and flying mint bunny. My boss has been on me about fortifying relations and what not, so this was a great opportunity to do that. Until that bloody frog decided to come and sit with me.
For the record, I don't hate France. He just bothers me. At the most inconvenient of times. Like when he wants "relations." I don't have time for that every minute of every day. I don't care if he is amazing in bed. I have things to do, and a country to run. I can't go cavorting off at the first offer of a good time.
Of course ,time after a meeting is my time to do with as I please, but if he wants some of my (to steal a line from America) "sweet British ass" he will have to do a lot more than wiggle his eyebrows and smile sensually at me. I want him to work for it.
"Mmm…Angleterre you are looking quite delectable tonight. Perhaps you would like to join me in my room tonight, non?"
"Stuff it frog. I have a quiet evening planned for myself tonight."
I gave my normal smirk as I saw his froggy face fall in a slight frown. I could literally see the gears in his brain working as he chose a way to seduce me. This will be quite interesting I do believe.
"You are so mean to me Arthur," he feigned hurt by clutching at his chest "why will you not grace me with your presence in my room?"
"You really are daft," I replied "I refuse to subject myself to your needs and desires."
"Not even for a rousing game of pirate, Captain Kirkland."
That one comment, sent blood rushing right into my pants. Damn him for knowing my weaknesses. My pirate days were my Glory days. No one could resist the British Empire, and it ever growing state! It was amazing! I always felt a thrill when I put on my old pirate hat!
"What are we waiting for then Francis? I have booty to plunder!" Not my best sexual innuendo, but you have to give me some credit. It was done well.
The night was full of lewd sounds of moaning, groaning, sounds chains clinking together, and a snap of a whip. Things got increasingly hot and sweaty, but that's all you really need to know. Imagination is a wonderful thing!
I awoke with a rare smile on my face. Francis was walking in with a tray full of breakfast. I won't ever admit it, but his cooking is delicious. Francis was a strong believer of "Breakfast is the symbol of I loved what happened last night, and I am glad you stayed."
"Bonjour Angleterre." he said sitting the tray down in my lap.
It surprised me he was even up and walking. Not that I wish to toot my own horn, but really I whipped him good. The whole being a country thing really comes in handy when you really like to be dominated. Fast healing and all that.
"Good morning, Francis." I said to him.
I saw his face light up in a smile. He loved when I used his name which really wasn't often. Couldn't have him getting too attached to me saying his name, but certain times call for it. You know like sex, that requires calling someone by their name. Dear God, think I have been spending too much time with Alfred.
I picked up my teacup and took a long drink from it, savoring the taste. God how I loved my tea. I looked over my cup, and noticed the look he was giving me. How I loved that look. That look of smoldering lidded eyes, the way his pink tongue dragged across his bottom lip, and the way his breathing looked almost strained.
"Would you mind having to make breakfast again, Francis?" I inquire, quirking a brow at him.
"For you Arthur, non." He said almost a little too eagerly.
"Then come here, cabin boy. Captain Kirkland wants you to top." I said while tossing the tray of food to the side. Big mess be dammed.
I didn't even hear it hit the floor ,because in an instant, Francis was acquainting himself with inside of my mouth.
I am the totally awesome Prussia. Please everyone hold your applause. I know you must not come into contact with this much awesome everyday! So after I went to check on Ludwig I decided to go back and find mein birdie. We had recently been hooked up by mein bruder's new little boyfriend. I was forever in that sexy little Italian's debt. Don't tell Birdie I called him sexy!
Now him and I have already "consummated" our new found relationship. Today though, under the influence of a few German beers, he whispered something so absolutely awesome in my ears, I almost passed out from immediate blood loss from one head to another. If you know what I mean. Oh you want to know what I was. Well the awesome me will share he said,
"I want to pour maple syrup all over your body and take my time to lick it all off."
That's pretty awesome right? I mean, not as awesome as me, but still pretty awesome! You can imagine it took everything in my body not to take him right then and there. I wanted to drag him to my house, but the maple syrup was at his hotel room, so I had to walk such a long way with a raging hard on in my pants. My awesome five meters was feeling awfully constricted in my jeans. I wanted to give it all to him.
Apparently I am not supposed to get to terribly hard into details so I will give you a few awesome keywords to go off. I will let your imaginations run rampart with them. Maple syrup, handcuffs, roleplaying, Canada bottomed (while somehow still topping), and awesome. That should be enough to send your wild fangirl (and boy) thoughts going right?
The next morning ,as much as I love being stuck to Matthew. I was actually really stuck to him. The combination of syrup and copious amounts of bodily fluids, was enough to keep us really close to each other.
"Birdie." I tapped his shoulder very softly. A sleepy Canadian is like a sleeping bear. If you have to wake them, do so gently because they have a habit of waking up angry.
I was so lucky because he stirred at just that.
"Not now Gilbert. I am still tired." He whined. He is just so cute sometimes.
"Birdie. I vanted to get up but ve are stuck together." I said. I was still whispering. Not that the awesome me was scared or anything, but have you ever been hit with a hockey stick? It really hurts!
"Must be the maple syru-Wait…what?" He suddenly snapped awake.
"Ve are stuck together Canada. The maple syrup, and I am sure there is probably a lot of bodily fluids you know because the awesome me made you cu-" he cut me off quickly.
"Shut up!" He was blushing heavily. That adorable red across his cheeks was almost too much.
"I think ve should either pull apart, or move together and take a shower."
"Gilbert, we can't move as one entity. We will have to pull apart, but we are both going to take a shower. I also need to change the sheets."
I couldn't help but to whine. This wasn't going to feel good at all! There was nothing awesome about having to pry apart from your lover.
"Great Prussia. I can't believe you are here whining like a child over a little pain! I will strike a treaty with you. If we pull away from me, and give me amazing shower sex, I will go and make you the most amazing pancakes you have ever had in your-ow holy shit that hurt!"
Make me pancakes was the magic word. I pulled myself off of my birdie's back in the most awesome demonstration of my strength ever. Oh, and the promise of shower sex just sweetened the already maple induced thoughts in my head.
I helped Matthew out of bed, and pulled him in the direction of the bathroom.
"You could have warned me you know." He said to me his bottom lip sticking out. He is so seductive like that.
"I vanted to get it over with, like a band aid ja?" I said with a smile.
"You are so lucky I love you Gilbert."
"And you have the awesome me to love you right back Matthew."
It's me the amazing narrator to wrap up what just happened here. Isn't it sweet how everyone tries to improve relations with one another? Except Prussia since technically he shouldn't exist. America did have on heck of a plan to get everyone wasted, but I am sure he didn't make plans for it to be such a pain in the butt. England may try to deny it all he wants, but he loves him some seductive France. Especially if it means his old pirate self gets to plunder a booty. Prussia and Canada found out that sometimes, love can sometimes be a little too sweet. This has such a happy ending for everyone. Including the unmentioned Germany and Italy.
Well maybe not for everyone ,because sitting there in the corner of Canada's room was a poor little white polar bear who was shivering in horror. Oh ,he wouldn't be forgetting who Canada was anymore. Not after hearing Gilbert moan and scream it for over half the night. Oh no Kumajiro would remember, with absolutely certainty, who Canada was.
A/N) I am so sorry this took so long! (For those of you who were waiting for this) It has taken over several rough drafts for me to come up with the perfect way to set this whole thing up. To be honest this one was my favorite. This (for those who don't know) is a companion fic to my story Do You Remember Me? Anyway, I tried to stay in character, but I know I probably failed miserably! I also tried my hand at some humor, but I know I am no good at that. I hope everyone enjoyed this none the less!