It kind of bugged me the way that McCoy kept appealing to Kirk's good half as if the other one wasn't also Kirk. This is my attempt at Kirk's thoughts on the matter. Star Trek is not mine.
The Enemy Within: Captain's Log
I'm stuck in my quarters for the next two days, on my doctor's orders, to try and sort out any kind of inner turmoil I might be experiencing as a result of my transporter incident. Any member of the crew aside from Spock, Bones, and, unfortunately, Yeoman Rand, believe that my dark half was simply an imposter. Poor Rand is requesting a transfer. Any possibility of keeping things professional between us is gone now. She is an excellent crew member, and whoever gets her will be lucky. I'll be sure to include a personal recommendation. I am still having a little difficulty separating who did what in my head. On the one hand, I can remember going along with Spock's suggestion and warning the crew of an imposter. On the other hand, I also recall being in my quarters, enraged by the sound of someone else using my voice and claiming my title. Before the truth was revealed, even my two halves each believed that they were the real Captain Kirk, and that the other was an imposter. I also remember how the dark half was restrained and ignored, while my gentler half was treated as Captain. But while my good half possessed the ability to listen and reason, my bad half was the one with the initiative and drive to act. Bones acted as though the bad half was only me in form, that it was a phony copy of his good friend. He only thought of the good half as me, as James Kirk. Though Spock knew better, even he could not bring himself to treat the bad half as someone he knew, but rather a negative copy. I didn't have the heart to tell them the truth, that both of them were equally me. In some ways, I don't want to admit it to myself. To know what my dark half is capable of, without the influence of my good half to stop it. I'd never felt the impulse to attack a woman before, but my bad half clearly had no problem with it. Imagine what might have happened if he had come across someone I truly cared for, and not just felt a passing attraction to. I feel a great deal of respect for Yeomen Rand, but she is not a truly significant part of my life. What if Bones had refused my dark half the brandy he demanded? He was willing to hurt him, in spite of years of friendship. I might have damaged an irreplaceable relationship beyond repair. I've never really deluded myself by thinking that I don't have a darker side. Really, who doesn't? I know I have a temper. I have a tendency to leap without looking. Both of those qualities were prominent in my dark half. I suppose the best I can do is hope that my negative half's behavior was what it was because that's all there was to him. Just like my positive half could only stand by and not feel fear or anger at his helplessness to save the landing team from being stranded in the cold surface below. Yes, I suppose all I can do is hope, and take comfort in the fact that as long as my two halves are united, that darkness does not lead my decisions and rule my life.
I want to give a big thank you to all the people who've given me nice reviews on my first story. You guys really made my day! Merry Christmas everyone!