Annie

Even now, years later, I can still remember everything about my Hunger Games. It all came in a blur. The reapings, talking to my family for what I thought would be the last time, Leo holding his arm around my mother, who just looked at me with her helpless, glassy stare, and then, pushed out of the building and onto a train. I tried to remember who the other tribute was... but that day, my mind wasn't functioning properly. Miles Roseland? Miles Rosieland? No, it was Miles Rosalund, the boy that had been in most of my school classes since he was a boy. He was tall, with muscular shoulders and stern eyes the colour of hazelnut. One of my best friends at school, Lila, had liked him. His father was a fisherman and he lived just down the street from me. I chatted to him often in school. He was kind, and very honest. He was the same age as me - seventeen.

Memories of district four used to hit me when I wasn't there. The houses, or huts as most people called them, lined up against the shore. The small children playing there in dusk, when everything was illuminated. I always thought that if I ever had children, they would love it there. Now, I guess I'll never know. On the weekends, my mother used to take me and my older brother, Leo, there to swim. He is nineteen now. He cannot be touched.

I try to think of my mentors, Mags and Finnick. I've never met Mags before. She won her Hunger Games a long time ago, even before my mother was born. I try to do the Maths, except I've never been any good at schoolwork except for art. If she was sixteen in her games, she must be, what, at least in her late seventies now?

And Finnick. I have known him for almost my whole life, ever since he became friends with Leo, and when I became friends with his little sister, Lila. She's the same age as me, and Finnick the same age as Leo. We've been around the Odairs ever since I was young.

The four of us used to swim at the ocean pool near the beach. It was just a simple, rectangle concentrate area filled with salt water, but we loved it. Lila and Finnick's mother would supervise us. We woke up early, even before my father and way before the birds were awake, and used to walk down to the pool and swim until school started.

That all changed when Finnick was tribute in the 65th Hunger Games. I remember it, when he was fourteen and I was twelve. Even then he was prepared for battle; tall, muscular and handy with weapons. And he had all the girls in district four, and later, all the girls in the Capitol around his finger. I remember his games, how he ran towards the Cornucopia, grabbed three packs, killing four people in the process. He was determined. His triton, a gift from the sponsors, is rumoured to be the most expensive gift that anyone received in the Hunger Games, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was.

When I entered the district four room with Miles, I can see Mags and Finnick sizing me up, seeing to check if I have any potential. I knew I had a tiny body for a seventeen year old, even though I am tall, but it's obvious I have been hungry almost all my life, and yet in good shape physically. I can perch on the tips of my toes and move from place to place quickly, I can run fast in short distances, I am handy with a knife and I can swim very well.

"Okay; hello Miles and Annie," Mags says to us, her voice soft and gentle. I struggle to see how she won her games, "I am your female mentor, Mags Bach and this is Finnick Odair. Annie, I'll be coaching you today and you'll have Finnick tomorrow, just for general talk, like tactics. Miles - vice versa. Now, what are your strengths? Miles?"

I look over at Miles to begin. He starts in a shaky voice, "I can run quite fast, I guess... and I am good with sharp objects. I cant swim alright." I suddenly remember that Miles' father is a fisherman, like mine. He probably has to skin and gut the fish like I do at home.

"And you, Annie?"

I look down and twist my hands uncomfortably. When I answer, I expect to see nervousness in my voice, but it's calm, almost like I know I am about to die. "I can run fast, and like Miles, I'm okay at swimming against rough currents. I'm not very good at heavy things."

"Well, everyone from district four can swim alright," Mags begins, but Finnick cuts her off. "She's a very good swimmer, Mags." he says, with no emotion in his voice. He hasn't been the same friendly, funny self since he was in the games. Now, instead of the lively, sparkling emerald eyes he used to have, the things I look into are cold, harsh jabs of jade. "I've seen her. She's fast." Mags nods to what he says, but searches for something more in his face. She walks over and takes my arm, "Alright, let's start to coach you."

I wake up in a panic and hear Miles screaming. My therapist would say to block him out, but how? He is in my own mind. My bed sheets are covered in sweat. I stay lying down and memories come flooding back to me of that year. The costume for the interview. I thought I looked beautiful. My dark hair in shiny, soft curls that looked gentle like waves, with tiny flickers of silver and midnight blue running through it. The outfit, a baby blue, emerald and indigo coloured, mermaid inspired dress, full with scales that beamed with small sequins of light pink and crimson. I had a long skirt falling elegantly down to my ankles and a cropped top pushing up my chest - we had decided against seashells. My mind flashes to the interview with Caesar, me being humble, kind and gentle, the way Mags and Finnick wanted me to act. Saying good things about the Capitol, how nice everyone was, giggling at the right moments, pulling off a small, innocent girl act, talking about Leo and the rest of my family. My mentors wanted to make sure I didn't come off as a threat too early in the game.

That couldn't be possible any way I played it, because I scored a ten in my session, alone with the Capitol officials. I didn't tell my mentors I was handy with a knife. I only told them I could run and swim. I walked into the room, spelt out the words: 'I AM ALREADY DEAD INSIDE' with white ink, and proceeded to throw knives so they hit the dots of the I's in the words.

Everyone asked how I did it. Of course, you can't get a ten from swimming and running; even a child can do that. Finnick and Mags began to look at me with a new hope. Miles had only scored a seven. I remembered that moment that Finnick had scored a ten also.

But I didn't tell them. I didn't show anyone until the arena. At the Cornucopia, I collected a pack with five small and large knives, bread, a sleeping bad and night glasses. I could survive from there - I didn't even have to kill anyone. So I grabbed Miles, thinking I'd rather him an ally then anyone else. Being from district four, you grow up around water, and you could sense where it was the moment you ran into the forest. We went up into a tree the moment we had filled up our canteens with water. We shared everything, until Kace came.

I was sleeping next to Miles, moving in and out of a doze. We had, that night, cleaned our faces and our bodies, treated our wounds we had collected from a fight with people from district two, had eaten our fill from the fish we had caught in the lake, and were drifting off to sleep when I heard the scream of a teenage boy, right next to me. I looked beside me and I saw Kace sitting on top of him, the boy who I had grown up with, who still had colour on his face... the canon hadn't gone off yet, but there was a knife in his chest, although not close to his heart. Then, Kace took the knife from Miles' stomach, and put it to his neck. I scrambled to my pack to bring out my own huge, knife, which was almost an axe, as Kace continued to cut the skin from his neck. Screaming. So much screaming.

Then I turned around as something fell from the tree and I saw a body follow. Wait, where was Miles? Then my mind registered with the fact that that was Miles. Kace was staring at me, his eyes seeming almost red in the humidity. He looked ravenous, I could sense he hadn't eaten for days. I could hear the capitol watch a small, seventeen year old girl trembling with an small axe against a fifteen year old, well built boy with a huge knife. The canon sounded. Miles was dead.

"You pretty, pretty girl," he said, in a strange accent I noticed from watching people from district ten being interviewed. He reached forward to touch my hair, which I had pulled into a simple ponytail. I couldn't tell why. His smile looked as if he were insane, then I thought, he probably is. Kill him now. I took my chance. When he leaned in, I put my arm in his arm that wasn't carrying the knife. It looked like we were hugging. I look the axe from behind my back and plunged it right in the middle of his chest. I knew that it had reached his heart, because I heard the scream from him. It was a low, loud and rough scream, and with all his last efforts, he leaned forward to touch my hair, which still contained the traces of silver and blue. "Pretty... pretty..." he said in a lower, softer voice and I felt so guilty. I laid him to rest in the flat surface in the middle of the tree, up above the ground. I took the knife from him and cleaned his wound, and laid him down on pine leaves. I wanted his family to see him dead without blood. They could pretend he was only sleeping.

That night, I heard the music and looked up. An image of Miles made me cry. I heard his scream again and blocked my ears, saying over and over to him how sorry I was. I'm sorry, Miles, I'm so sorry, Miles, I repeated that night. Even now, I can still hear his screams and that noise blinds reality from me and I think of burying him in a coffin lined with silk, and with him floating down the ocean near his village. He would've liked that. Next, there was August, a male from district eight and then Kace from district ten. That was all for tonight. I worked it out in my head. There were only five more people.

That night, I had the longest sleep I had had in the games, except most of it was intruded by nightmares. I kept seeing Miles floating in the ocean I swim in in district four, a knife in his hand and blood pouring out of his wound, with him repeating, "Annie... Annie..." very slowly, "Help me, protect me, anything." I woke up and it was dawn. The sky was peach, baby blue and a soft ivory. I couldn't help wondering if Finnick and Mags were at the Capitol, silently betting for me to win or betting for me to fail.

Suddenly, I saw something flutter down to my lap - a small parachute. There, sitting in my lap, was my second gift from a sponsor. My first, shared with Miles, was a pot with food, but when I opened mine, all I found was a set of goggles and a note, saying: "Show them what you are made of, little fish. - F." I smiled small. Leo and Finnick used to call me little fish. But the goggles...? Why? Then I heard it. Water. I looked down from my tree, where I was about ten meters up, and saw water flooding through the branches of my tree, about halfway down. The arena was flooding.

Flooding! I couldn't help but become excited. I hadn't swum in more than a month. Then I heard it, the sound of two canons. Two tributes had drowned. This wasn't any water, this was hard currents. Slowly, I crept down the base of the tree and into the water. I swum until I saw the other two remaining tributes, both from district seven, clutching each other for help. Why couldn't they swim?

The boy, Ryder, was clutching the girl, Eden, for life. I remembered them now. Both from seven, Ryder was eighteen and Eden only fourteen. Ryder has scored an impressive nine in training, and Eden an eight. He had cropped black hair and wide, lovely eyes that were a very light, greyish blue, like the colour of sky very early in the morning. She had long, wavy black hair and the same sleepy eyes. There was something I was forgetting. Then, I remembered; they were siblings. I kept my head down low and watched them from afar. I had the axe in my pocket of my pants. I could kill them, but somehow I couldn't. I didn't want their family to lose two of their children in these games. Slowly, I got out and they stared at me. How strange I would look to them; a girl appearing out of the strong waves, dripping with water, with my hair crawling down my back, straight, and my green eyes narrowing at them.

Their minds signalled to them that I was the only other tribute left. Eden's eyes grew huge as she bought out a bow and arrow, although we both knew she wasn't a very good shot.

He however, looked strong enough to kill the whole of Panem. Crap. I should've thought this through carefully, I said to myself.

"Hello." I said to them. I could almost see the audience leaning into their screens, seeing if I was going to continue being friendly or kill them right there and then. "It's gotten a bit wet overnight, hasn't it?" I imagined the entire Capitol laughing; however, then, I thought of my mother at home, crying, or their mother, crying even more. Two of us had to die. And if I wanted a victor, I wanted one of them. They didn't see the wave until it was too late.

It came and knocked them off the ground. We were standing on a huge bolder, lodged into the tough ground. I could hear the boys' bones crush as he hit a tree, then the canon sounded. "Eden!" I shouted. I had only heard one canon. She had to be still alive, somewhere. "EDEN!" I heard her scrambling on the rocks and ran over to her. She dragged herself in to the centre of the rock and lay down, her names over her chest. The water streaming around us become still, and the flooding stopped. I would've found it peaceful if she wasn't gasping for air.

"Annie," she said quietly, her lips barely moving, "Is Ryder dead?" Clearly, she had not heard that gun shot. She would've been underwater. Instead of killing her, I chose the next worst thing. I lied. "No, he is swimming over here now." I replied, and I looked down at her body. It was straight and thin - she had always had perfect posture. Her black hair was spread across the rocks in a beautiful way, bur tangled in there were flashes of read. Blood. She must've hit a rock with her head. "Tell him I love him," she said, and grasped my hand, those piercing blue eyes locked on me, her breath already slowly down.

"Don't worry, Eden. I'll let him kill me." I could hear the words coming out of my mouth, and it was true. If he was alive, I would've let him kill me then and there. "I won't let both siblings die in a game. He'll go home, living a long life, as will you. If you close your eyes, I wash your wounds. You'll be going home in no time." I could hear my own voice shaking. Tears were streaming down my face and I swallowed them.

"Would you, Annie? Thank you. Thank you so much. Tell Ryder how much he means to me. Tell my family." she said, and grabbed my hand even tighter. I wanted to get her to sleep, when it was much easier to treat someone. I truly did believe I could heal her. At home, you see people treating sailors who reared their boats into rocks, with their faces and bodies bleeding everywhere. I could save her. She closed her eyes, then opened them straight away again and said, "Annie? Annie?" She could probably already see the light.

"Can you sing for me? You have such a lovely voice. I heard you singing to Miles." I nodded, even though the wound was bleeding fast. Her last words were "Thank you." Then, she lifted her head up to the sky, probably to make sure the last thing she saw was the beautiful, beautiful dawn. I needed her sleeping to treat her and if she didn't she would be dead very soon.

Her hands kept on mine as I opened my mouth.

"Sleep, sleep, hush now...

let the waves rush around you, a pearl in between your fingertips,

a wishing unfurling in your hand, let me sing you this vow,

just please, darling, angel... go to sleep now."

Only people from district four know that song. When I sung it to Eden, I used it as an apology. An apology to Eden, one for Ryder, another for Kace, and the last one, for Miles. And then the canon sounded. She was dead, and I didn't get to heal her. She died while I stroked her hair. I found the spot on her head where she was bleeding, and held my palm to it. The colour drained from her face, and I hunched over her body. Her eyes were closed, and her hands were across the heart the way saints are coffined. I cried, but no tears were there. I had lost all my compassion. And then, I hear screams. Miles.

I sit up in bed, but Finnick is already awake before I am conscious. I hear screams, and realise only now that they are coming from me. His arm is around me pulling me into him.

"Annie, you are safe," he says and I rest my chin on his bare shoulder, "you were victor. Nothing is going to hurt you, I promise."

"There are no victors, only survivors." I say, but my mouth is open and the words coming out sound hoarse, and hard to make. I rest my head on his shoulder. I want to sleep forever in his arms. We stay that way until morning, when he has to leave to his "Capitol business." He has never told me what that is, although I never ask, purely because it is the reason his eyes look haunted and lost. I pull him into me and stroke his golden hair while I hear him murmur into my ear, "Remember, I love you so much." We pull apart and I give him one last kiss.

"I love you too, Finnick."