My musing about the end of season 5. After reading spoilers and blogs. I had this heart attack
Naturally. I don't own any part of Castle. Sorry. It belongs to those other people
Richard Castle is sitting at the desk in his study, with his laptop sitting on his knees. He has been staring at the blank screen and blinking curser for at least an hour. He has not been able to even begin with what he wants to say. What he needs to say. What he must say.
He has never in his life felt so much at a loss for words as he does right now. He must finish this message that has started in his head. He just can't seem to get it started on the screen.
Giving up on the computer, he places the electronic device down on the desk and picks up his note pad. Getting up from his chair he walks back into his living room. He sits down on the couch and turns to face his front door.
The chain of events that began all those months ago are still strong in his memory. The admission of betrayal. The argument. The anger. The tears. The confessions of his love for her. Finally his exit from her apartment expecting to never see her again.
His tears in believing he had spent four years trying to capture her heart only to be rejected. All of this was then followed by a storm
The storm of her presence at his door. The storm of her kisses. The storm of her admission that all she wanted was him. Then finally the storm that occurred together with her in his bed.
All these things were the beginning of what he had planned to be his forever. He and her together 'Always'
But evidently the universe has different plans for them. Plans he cannot change. Plans that do not include him.
Taking the pad he begins the letter. The hand written letter that will be his last communications with her. The letter where he will put all of his cards on the table so to speak.
His hand is shaking so badly that he can barely read his own hand writing. He wants to say so much, but the trembling will make it difficult to impossible for anyone to read his pinings. He writes a clearly as he can. Laying out everything he wants to tell her. To say to her. He wants to make her understand that this is the best thing for him to do.
His final line on the letter says it clear "Sometimes when you love something or someone you have to prove your love by letting them go"
He tries to remove the tears that stain the paper, but there are too many. He folds the paper, places it into an envelope and seals the flap.
Castle gets up and walks over to his study and takes his phone from the desk and dials a number in his speed dial. When the female voice answers he speaks thru a quivering voice
"Hey, what are you doing?"
She answers "Castle? What's wrong? You sound terrible"
"I've had better days. Are you busy right now?"
"No, I was just doing some laundry. Why?"
"I need you to do me a favor"
"Castle! Have you been crying? You sound like you are upset about something"
"Lanie, I need to get into Kate's apartment. Can you meet me there?"
"Castle, you have your own key to her place. Why don't you just go there?"
"Lanie, I really need someone with me. Please? Will you meet me there?"
"Sure writer boy. But you better tell me what is happening when I get there"
"I will if I can, Lanie. I'll be there in 30 minutes. OK?"
"I'm on my way" Lanie hangs up the phone and immediately dials Beckett's cell. After three rings it goes to voice mail. Then Lanie remembers that Kate had told her that she was going to be in a meeting all day today but would not tell her best friend what about until she knew the outcome
Lanie Parish jumps into her car and makes a mad dash to Kate Beckett's apartment. The entire drive has this fireball thinking of all kinds of problems that might be happening between Rick and Kate. When she pulls in front of Beckett's place she sees Castle's Ferrari parked out front. Lanie rushes up to Kate's floor. Expecting to find Castle waiting inside her apartment, she is stunned to see Richard Castle patiently waiting beside the front door. He is carrying a duffle bag in his hand. The bag is obviously empty as it is pretty much flat.
"Thanks for coming Lanie" Castle speaks
"All right Castle. I want to know what is going on"
Rick straightens up and points to the door and Lanie finally opens the lock and they step into the entry hall. After Lanie closes the door Castle turns and asks her to wait while he goes into Kate's bedroom and gets his clothes out of his drawer.
When he returns to the living room he places his key to Beckett's apartment into Lanie's hand, and then he lays the envelope on the counter. With tears in his eyes he reaches over and hugs the woman.
"CASTLE! What is going on? What is happening here?"
"Lanie. I am letting Kate go. I am in her way. I am hindering her advancing so I am letting her go."
Richard Castle. What are you talking about? Holding her back? Letting her go? I don't understand? Talk to me or I promise that they will never identify your remains"
"Lanie! Please make sure Kate gets her key back and make sure she gets the letter. Tell her that she can come by my loft anytime this next week for her stuff because I am leaving town for a while
Lanie Parish is totally stunned and a loss for words.
Before she can recover enough to ask any more questions, Castle turns and walks out of Katherine Beckett's apartment gets into his car and speeds off into the belly of New York