I was looking at some things in my trash and found this. Probably not even going to look at it after I post it. Just thought you would find it funny to read.
There once was a stupid soul that thought it was done with being in black, that it ran to a god forsaken world to catch some entertainment. It started out with just trying to pet a dog, then it went on to other small things. Like take over the world. And eat ice cream. Stuff like that. Well, anyway, after eating ice cream it decided to go to a magical school that had a young dark overlord that would one day fail to kill a baby, who was going to learn in it. So, why not go there? So it went there with its new german shepard to make friends with the young psychopath, that was really a baby compared to the soul, and eat out the souls of all those that would be vanquished.
Once it got into the school and convinced the headmaster- the question was what did he think he was a master of- to let the soul go to the school. It had taken on the form of an eleven year old human, though forgot that there was such a thing as gender, so it left it off. The headmaster- though it was not really a master, just a lame excuse of a human- looked on at the soul with slight amusement.
"Here is your acceptance letter and supply list. I will assume that you are an orphan" The old human handed the soul pieces of paper at the souls nod. "Now, what shall I put your name down as?" The soul looked up in confusion. What was any use of a name?
"I have no need of a name." It watched the human.
"Why, everyone has a name."
"I don't."
"Come now, of course you do."
"Nope."
"You do too."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Do not."
"Do too."
"Fine." The soul huffed and crossed its arms. "I am No Nam." The old man smiled before he suddenly got it.
"That's not a name!"
"Then what about Fannysink Wanglematch?" The old man puffed up his cheeks and pouted.
"That is not a name either!"
"Crumpetbatch Tangleslum."
"No!"
"Crumplefink Umbersnort."
"No!"
"Enda Mon."
"No!"
"Doltdoof Twitknockclot."
"No!"
"Ankleskull Puffshank Wadsnarklump Boneairmunch Bumbledumb." There was a moment of silence as the old man seemed to think about it. All the portraits on the walls seemed to think it was perfectly reasonable name. The soul quite liked it, but the old man seemed to think different.
"No! I think I am going to have to name you." He got into his thinking pose and crossed his eyes for better concentration. This lasted for a few minutes before he shot up in triumph at having discovered a name. "I know! Your name shall be Than Asalie!" The soul thought over it. It did sound like a good name, so it nodded.
"When does school start?" The newly named Than Asalie said.
"Tomorrow," sang out the old man. "I will let Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, or Professor Dumbledore as you will soon be calling him for the next seven years of your life, take you to Diagon alley to get your school supplies. Will your dog be coming to school as well?" The old man looked at Than's german shepherd. Than nodded happily before the old man called for Dumblebee or whatever his name was.
"You called, Dippet?" Another old human walked in, though this one actually had color in his hair. Than assumed that this was Dumblebee.
"Yes, you are to take Than Asalie here to get his school supplies. He is a new orphan." Than was confused. His? Than was not a gender, it kind of forgot about it until the old man said something. Than will have to worry about that later. Than looked at Dumblebee and saw that there was literally glitter in his eyes. Than wondered if the glitter hurt from time to time. Than would have to try it sometime.
"Follow me, my boy." That sounded kind of like a pedophile to Than. Than would have to keep its distance from the man. It was in an eleven year old boy after all. They walked to the fire place and went through what they called Floo. It just looked like a green flame to Than. A pretty one, but still just a green flame. Once in what was assumed to be Diagon alley, Than and Dumblebee went to something called Griddots. No that was not it. Maybe Gridotts?
"Welcome to Gringotts. We will open an account for you. All orphans get a starting money for their account, come my boy." Than inched a little away from the man as it followed him. When they got to a counter where a goblin sat, Than greeted it happily in its own language. It assumed that the goblin did not know the human tongue.
"Hello! Can you help me? I apparently need a bank account to go to school." Than looked at the goblin with a smile. Than really liked the goblin more than the humans. The goblin itself was in shock before it nodded and talked back.
"Yes, well. My name is Zkabon, and I will be your manager it would appear." Zkabon smiled a sharp smile that Than loved instantly. Than nodded happily.
"I am apparently Than Asalie. The old human beside me is Dumblebee. Can you tell me all that I will need to know?" Zkabon happily nodded, liking Than.
"Come with me." Zkabon and Than walked away from a confused and surprised Dumblebee. Apparently he did not speak the goblin language. Stupid human. Once Than and Zkabon were in an office away from the old pedophile, they started on business.
"Vault 714 is open for you. Usually new orphan bank accounts start out with 500 galleons and a vault key. You will keep this key with you at all times and never lose it. Do not give it away." Than thought about it for a minute.
"Can you make me an earring that opens the vault instead? It would be easier, and pretty. Or somehow something that is less conspicuous? " Zkabon paused before he nodded and left the soul in the room for at least ten minutes. Than waited patiently with its german shepard for the goblin to get back with whatever would be replacing its vault key. It was not disappointed when Zkabon came back with a giant teddy bear. Zkabon gave the teddy bear to Than, and upon closer inspection Than found that the teddy bear had straps that would allow it to carry the bear on its back.
"This bear is not only your vault 'key', it also has a built in bag in the back that leads straight to your vault so that you can access your money without coming here all the time," Zkabon said proudly.
"This is perfect! No one will ever suspect this!" Than smiled happily at Zkabon, who smiled a nasty smile back that Than absolutely loved. They discussed more about the vault and other pleasantries that Than wanted to find out about. It was two hours later that they finally stopped talking and decided that they needed to both go to what was scheduled for that day. Than happily put the straps on, making the teddy bear lay on its back like a backpack. Zkabon opened the door and they both stepped out to a very annoyed and sleepy Dumblebee, who stood up from where he had been taking a nap on the ground at the sight of the door opening.
"Finally! I was supposed to be in there as well, my boy." There was an absurd amount of glitter in his eyes as he looked on at Than. Than really wanted to know how he managed to add that amount into his eyes. Than was a little annoyed that it had to switch back to the human tongue but not too annoyed.
"I'm sorry you feel that way Dumblebee." Than tried to look sorry, but it really was not going to happen. Dumblebee just looked confused for a moment before even more glitter flew into his eyes and he started to crack up.
"My boy, my name is Professor Dumbledore." He thought that Than had messed up his name? He somehow sounded and looked more like a pedophile with just that one sentence.
"No, I am pretty sure it is Dumblebee." Than hefted the teddy bear snuggly onto its shoulders before getting out of the room with its dog coming after. Dumblebee just stood there in confusion before quickly following after. They made their way out of Gringotts soon after Than said goodbye. Than then let Dumblebee take it to all the required stores. They quickly got every thing that Than would need besides its robes and wand. When Than was in the store for robes, it got both girl and boy robes. It never knew what gender it would feel like on random days. Dumblebee, of course, did not realize this. No matter. The last store was the wand store. Than really did not need a stick, but everyone insisted on it, saying that it was important.
With a sigh they walked into Olivewanders. Was that the name? Oh well. Than was quickly annoyed with being given so many wands and then having them taken away. After what felt like forever, Olivewand or whatever finally ran out of wands. Than decided that just using a pencil would do the same thing, and just left without a wand.