Ness woke up one morning and suddenly had the urge to fool around with his friends. You know . . . that urge where you have the feeling you can possibly have the best day ever, and tomorrow would likely be a million and six times better? Yeah. To Ness, it was one of those days when he woke up, a bed head hairdo on, and the sun shining outside. Birds chirped. Wolf shot them down. Game and Watch could be heard next door beeping like mad, probably swearing at Ike for leaving the window open and letting in a rat.
So, he decided he was going to have the best day ever and got up. As soon as he was dressed, he bolted down the hallway, running over Wario and Bowser, tripping over Pikachu, and nearly running into Pit. He reached the end, and banged on Toon Link's door.
"TOON LINK. SHORTER THAN REGULAR LINK," he exclaimed, banging on his door. He didn't notice that Toon Link had opened the door by now, looking irritated. So, because of that, he punched poor Toon Link on the face.
Toon Link fell over on the ground, a bleeding nose on his face.
"OH MAI GAH," Ness yelled in frustration. "I AM SO SORRY."
"Ness, why are you yelling?" Lucas asked, suddenly there. Toon Link stood up next to him, a passive, non-bleeding look on his face.
"I DON'T KNOW. I JUST HAVE THE URGE TO DO IT TODAY," Ness said in a yell. He almost looked stupid.
"SHUT UP!" exclaimed a Snake with a nightie on and a sleeper's cap on his head. "Some of us are trying to sleep!" He threw a grenade at Ness.
It stopped just by his feet, and Lucas and Toon Link looked at each other. Then they hightailed it out of there.
Because they're smart. Ness, well, he wasn't.
.
Ness was dead. The hallway miraculously survived. Poor Yoshi that walked by, not so much.
—
"Oh no, Toon Link! Ness is dead! What on earth should we do?" Lucas asked, a dumbfounded look on his face.
Toon Link said nothing because he never did. Ever. Not even to his Grandma.
Popo and Nana, the so-not-twins that did everything together bounded up to Lucas and Toon Link.
"We heard that Ness was dead," Popo and Nana said in unison. "We came to announce that."
"But we already knew the fact that Ness was dead," Lucas announced. "So this is old news. Shall we get over it and go bug Lucario?"
"Bugging Lucario while he is meditating is suicide," Nana and Popo told Lucas and Toon Link. "We know because Meta Knight did it sometime ago and he didn't live. And we know that because no one has seen him since. He just vanished."
Lucas blinked a few times, Toon Link standing next to him appearing unsympathetic.
"Let's do it!" Lucas decided, causing Toon Link to look at him, now just blank faced.
Lucas grabbed hold of Toon Link and dragged the struggling not-an-elf down the hallway toward Lucario's room.
"Good luck!" claimed the Ice Climbers.
—
As it turns out, bugging Lucario while he was meditating WAS suicide, as now Lucas was decorating the wall (blood, guts, his liver was on the floor . . . ) and Toon Link was etching the words "Lucas, RIP" on the wall next to this dramatic display with his Master Sword.
Zelda and the other Link (just called "Link") walked by and saw this.
"Toon Link, sweetie, what are you doing?" Zelda asked sweetly, surprisingly not fazed by Lucas's blood splatter all over the place. "Is that art?"
Toon Link turned to her, a dull look on. He blinked and then turned back to his "Lucas, RIP" on the wall. He added a dot.
"You know, Toon Link, I don't think you should be using the Master Sword for something so civil," Zelda noted, kneeling down to his level. "How about we go beat up Fox and Falco?"
Toon Link turned to her and shrugged.
"Well, you do whatever you want, then. Link and I will be in the kitchen if you need us," she finished, straightening up and grabbing Link's hand, surprising him. "Come on, Link, we're going downstairs."
Link looked at her regrettably and followed her, turning back to his younger counterpart, etching out "Lucas, RIP" on the wall.
—
After Toon Link was done, he went off to the playroom and just sat there on the ground staring at the wall, listening to the last two kids existing in the Smash Bros ramble on in unison on how they hate being compared as a singular character in the roster . . . even though they do everything together including speaking and pee.
"We don't share a bed," the Ice Climbers announced when Pichu mentioned this when he wandered into the room.
"Well, duh. Of course not! Master Hand FORBIDZ the usage of sleeping in the same bed!" Pichu exclaimed.
Toon Link glared at him.
"What's up with elfie?" Pichu asked, looking at the two twins . . . I mean, friends.
"Lucas and Ness are dead. Haven't you heard?" the two told him. "Ness was defeated by Snake and Lucas interrupted Lucario's me-time."
"That's suicide."
"Exactly. And that's what happened. Now they are dead and Toon Link is bummed."
"It's kind of hard to tell with Toon Link. He's so . . . quiet."
"All Links are," Nana and Popo chimed. "Young Link was a loudmouth, though. Every hour, on the dot, he would yell 'REDEAD' for an unknown reason. It's the reason why he was cut from Brawl."
"Ah, now that makes sense . . . I forgot about that. I usually was outside all the time, so it kind of makes sense," Pichu thought out loud, tapping his chin with his finger.
Suddenly, a lightbulb went on over his head.
"OH MAI GAH," Pichu exclaimed. "I know what we're going to do today!"
"We're going to have the best day ever?" Nana and Popo asked.
"No," Pichu answered. "What we're going to do is we're going to find out if Mario and Dr. Mario is the same person."
Toon Link turned his head sharply in Pichu's direction, intrigued by this.
"Have any of you ever noticed that whenever Dr. Mario is needed... Mario is never there?" Pichu asked the three people in front of him.
Nana, Popo and Toon Link thought about it, and then nodded.
"Well, let's do this: I'm going to get hurt, Toon Link is going to follow Mario, and Nana is going to help him. Popo, you're with me!" Pichu announced.
Of course, the Ice Climbers were disappointed, and even after begging Pichu with everstones, pokeblocks and even their place in Brawl, Pichu was fixed on his plan. So, Toon Link ended up dragging a crying Nana out of the room, and Pichu was dragging a sniffling Popo down the hall to the library.
—
Nana sniffed as she followed Toon Link down the hall.
"I... Popo... Miss!" she yelled, making absolutely no sense to Toon Link as he walked begrudgingly to where Mario was last spotted.
They had asked five Smashers all together on the whereabouts of the plumber. Ike said he was in the training room, so they checked out that place first. They asked Roy, who was there, who said Mario was heading to the kitchen. Zelda told them that Mario had grabbed a plate of spaghetti and rushed off to the dining room. Peach told them that Mario was off at the library. Mewtwo told them they were wrong and that he was off talking to Dr Mario in the infirmary.
Well, this ought to be worth seeing, Toon Link pondered as he led the sniffling Nana down the hallway towards the infirmary.
By the time they reached it, Nana had sniffled exactly 1,500 times and showed no signs of stopping Toon Link opened the door to see a devastating sight.
Mario was hooked up in a chamber filled with green liquid, butt naked and had tubes and all kinds of stuff hooked up to him it wasn't funny. Nana almost screamed, but Toon Link blocked her mouth and the two dive-bombed underneath a nearby table.
"What have I told those jerks about opening up this door?" Dr. Mario asked himself as he approached the door and closed it.
He turned back to his strange machine, pressing a few buttons. Mario in the chamber twitched a little.
"Good, he responds well," Dr. Mario observed, a smile on his face. "This clone, with all the memories of the one preceding it, will be the perfect replacement."
"Cl... one?" Nana whispered to Toon Link, who blinked, unfazed.
Dr. Mario pressed a few more buttons on his computer. A curtain that blocked one area of the infirmary opened up, revealing clones, thousands of them. There were clones of every single Smasher that Toon Link had interacted with: there were five Wolfs, over thirty Game and Watches, two Warios, three Bowsers, five Pikachus, ten Pits, there was a nearly completed Ness with an incomplete Lucas next to him, a Popo, a dying Young Link, four Ikes, six Roys, twelve Zeldas, one Mewtwo, and eleven Peaches. They were all butt naked. There were possibly even more, but Toon Link couldn't tell.
Dr. Mario approached the nearly completed Ness and pressed a button on his chamber, resulting in a strange liquid to be ejected into it, the Ness inside absorbing it. He approached the Young Link and pressed another button, the liquid keeping the Young Link alive flushing out almost immediately.
"Now, then, Ness," Dr. Mario started, turning to the clone inside. "You're almost ready to replace the Ness that was blown up this morning..."
"Dr. Mario!" exclaimed a voice, causing Toon Link and Nana to turn to the source. It was Master Hand. "Dr. Mario, I hope you have a Pichu handy, the Pichu we have now decided to injure himself with the help of Popo."
"Where's Nana?" Dr. Mario asked darkly.
"We don't know, sir," Master Hand replied, turning to the Mario clone. "Ah, I see we have the Mario clone almost complete. It's a shame the other one got hit by a sudden smart bomb."
"This one is a nearly 100% replica of the actual Mario living in the Mushroom Kingdom, which I am a complete clone of," Dr. Mario announced. "He will be completely unaware of the fact that he is a clone until his DNA runs out... I am still fixing the glitches of course."
"Of course, Dr. Mario," Master Hand replied, giving him a few sheets of paper. "Crazy Hand discovered this after breaking into a DNA lab in Mushroom Kingdom. We believe that you were born there. We hope this information solves the glitches in the DNA testing."
Dr. Mario skimmed through it. "Yes... this will solve everything."
Master Hand turned to leave. "Oh... and another thing... No one can find the little Link clone, either..."
Dr. Mario's eyes scanned up to Master Hand. "I beg your pardon?"
"You know... the one you cloned a year ago? He's reportedly your best clone yet, lasted a whole year, and he's still living. No one can find him," Master Hand replied.
Dr. Mario turned his attention to the floor. "Well, someone had better find him. He's my best subject and I can't have him just up and vanish."
"Of course." Master Hand left.
Dr. Mario turned to his computer and began to input the information that he had just gained. "That blasted brat..." he muttered under his breath. "I knew there was something off about that clone... something completely off. Unfazed all the time... unresponsive. Almost no emotion... Sure, he's lasted long, but I'm..." He stopped inputting the information and turned to the Mario clone in the chamber. "Well, it's time to try this new DNA sequence... Let's see if you're up to it, huh, Mario #56?"
"Fifty... six?" Nana muttered, looking up at the blank-faced Toon Link. "There were fifty-six Marios and no one even noticed?"
Toon Link gave a quick shrug, watching the Doctor activate the new sequence, the Mario clone twitching erratically before stopping. The mad doctor gave a grin, indicating the process had gone well.
"Perfect! Time to wake up, Mario..." he chimed, draining the liquid and opening up the chamber. He went over near to where Nana and Toon Link were, grabbing a stretcher that he quickly rolled back to the Mario clone. He pushed and pulled the clone onto the stretcher, covered him with a blanket, and then rushed out of the room.
The two children waited a couple of minutes before leaving their hiding places.
"We... we're clones?" Nana asked, looking at her hands, a sad look on her face. "I... am not really 'Nana'... and Popo is... is not really 'Popo'...?"
Toon Link blinked, blank faced as always. He turned to where Mario #56 had just been. He looked at his own hands, mocking Nana's actions, also becoming unsure of himself.
A clone. They were all clones.
Now it all made sense: they weren't allowed to leave the grounds, the outside world was not right for heroes at all. They weren't allowed to enter the woods, and each time they so much as got a scratch, Master Hand would rush off to Dr. Mario.
And then there was Dr. Mario... every time someone got injured, they described him inputting some kind of serum into their body and then they blacked out, only to wake up a month later looking completely new. This also went for those that had gotten simple little scratches.
And then there was Toon Link. If anything, it was because of the fact that he was so devoid of emotion that everyone avoided him altogether, so he had never once gotten an injury. He turned to the computer, the new DNA code swimming through the screen.
That new code... did it mean that he was going to die, and be reborn into a new body, just like Mario? Would he be the same?
"Toony!" Nana called out suddenly, causing him to turn around. She had opened the door and was gesturing that they leave. "Maybe... maybe we should just go? Act like we've never been here?"
It was certainly better than the alternative of staying and getting caught.
—
"So? Did you ever find Mario?" Zelda asked him, stirring the sugar into her tea.
Toon Link stayed quiet as always, starring blankly at the refrigerator before him. He blinked before he finally looked up at her.
He wasn't going to tell anyone. Not like they would believe him, anyways. It wasn't even like he could talk - he couldn't ever since he had awoken a year ago as a clone. A distant memory from the real Toon Link told the clone that maybe he couldn't speak to begin with.
He recalled the grandmother saying something about a boating accident that killed his parents.
Instead, he shook his head, revealing that maybe he hadn't found Mario. He'll keep the whole cloning thing a secret for now. It wasn't like Dr. Mario was ever going to know.
Something told Toon Link that by the time he needed to be recloned, Dr. Mario won't even care enough to check his memories.