"That one looks like an elephant!" Ben exclaimed pointing his little hand up to the glass of the car window. It always amazed me. How much wonder and anticipation a child could have for the world. A world they have yet to experience, a world that will leave most of them wanting more. "Don't you think Dana?" I looked down at the five year old next to me and smiled. Life was so simple at five. Even now he believed this whole thing to be an "adventure", when in reality it was nothing more than an escape.
"Yeah Ben I see it," I said softly tracing the glass with my fingers into an exaggerated elephant.
"Honey please I have a headache," my mom said from the passenger seat of the old Buick we'd traded our Jeep in for. She had aged rapidly in the past three months. No longer was my mother's face free of wrinkles, but now it had developed several lines along her forehead and tracing her mouth in the shape of a frown. She'd always had golden honey colored hair, just cut under her chin. Now it was almost completely gray and just touching her shoulders.
"Sorry mom," Ben and I replied quietly. We knew not to test her; she'd been through a lot. Fighting would only make things a lot harder on all of us.
"Sweetheart, do you want me to drive?" My mother asked looking at my father, whose eyes were carefully glued to the road.
"Maybe after we get over the boarder," my dad answered in a flat tone. He didn't mean to sound so unemotional; it was only the way he'd grown up. His father was in the military, and been in Vietnam for most of my fathers early years. So in order to fit in with his four older brothers, he had to grow up fast. By the time he was eight he was more like an army recruit, I guess it just never wore off. Yet sometimes at night, I'd seen him clutch her picture and just cry. I always wanted to join him, let him I know I missed Kerry too. But it never felt like the right time. It wouldn't have been normal either, me and my father just never had that type of relationship. Most girls adore their fathers, but I always found it easier to relate to my mother. I know he loves me, and I feel the same way. It just doesn't have to be said.
The 200 miles signs faded into 20, until finally in the distance I saw a line of cars. I felt like we'd been driving forever. My life before we got into the car wasn't much too be remembered, in fact I technically wasn't allowed to speak of it ever again.
"Passports please" A tall Canadian mountee asked my father as we pulled up to the booth. I instinctively grabbed my little brother's hand and watched my father give the man the documents.
"Richard Wright?" He asked my father looking down at the picture in his hand. My father nodded. The name sounded so foreign to me. It was really the first time I'd heard it, except at the bureau. But now it was real. The guard leaned in and took a look at me in the backseat. "Dana Wright?" I responded with a nod as well. I swallowed the lump in my throat and wondered if he could tell how nervous I was. It was my entire fault anyways. They didn't have to come with me. I could have made it alone. But after Kerry my parents wanted to remain a family. I understood this, but I knew we were all on our last limb. It would have been better for them if I had left by myself. Better for Ben at least. He'd always had trouble in school and it seemed he'd finally started to fit in with the other kids. I felt horrible for taking him out of his natural environment, away from his family and friends. Several people explained to me that it was possibly the best time to do this. He wouldn't remember most of what our lives had been like before. So maybe it was better this way, still I was relieved when the guard didn't ask Ben any questions. Five year olds can be brutally honest. We couldn't explain our situation to him anyways. He wouldn't have understood if we'd even tried to.