My Uncle Sonic left home when I was twenty,
And he left a lot to the kids and Amy.
Like a nice big house and lots of money to invest in.
Well, I don't blame him, 'cause he run and hid,
But the meanest thing that he ever did,
Was 3 years before he left, he betrayed my heroine.
He divorced my Auntie Sally and then she died,
Which left me with lots of tears in my eyes.
Seems I had bad luck my whole life through.
Some gal would pity and I would smile,
And some guy'd curse me and I'd gouge out his eyes.
And I also changed my name to Blade Eastwood.
Well, my heart grew dark and I grew real mean.
My fists got hard and my wits got keen.
Roamed from town to town to hide the pain within.
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars,
That I'd search the honky tonks and bars,
And kill that man who betrayed my heroine.
Well, it was Adabat in mid July,
I just hit town and my throat was dry.
I thought I'd stop and have myself some gin.
At an old saloon, on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealin' stud,
Sat the dirty mangy hog who betrayed my heroine.
Well, I knew that snake was my Uncle Sonic the Rat,
From the worn out picture that my parents had,
And I knew those wrinkles in his face and his green eyes.
He was big and bent and blue and old,
And I looked at him, and my blood ran cold, and I said:
"I'm Blade Eastwood! How do you do?! NOW YOU GONNA DIE!"
Yeah, that's what I told him!
Well, I hit him hard, right between the eyes,
And he went down, but to my surprise,
He came back up and bit off a piece of my ear.
But I busted a chair, right across his teeth,
And we crashed through the wall, and into the street,
Kickin' and a gougin' in the mud and the blood and the beer.
I tell ya, I fought tougher men, but I really can't remember when,
He kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cussin',
He went for his gun, I pulled mine first.
He sat there looking at me, and I saw him smile, and he said:
"Blade, being king ain't something for me, and it ain't easy, for you to see,
That Amy is my true love.
Sally died, and we can't do shit,
But I'm sure that one night, when the moon is lit,
She'll come to visit you in the form of a dove."
Yeah, he said:
"Now you just fought one helluva fight,
And I know you hate me, and you got the right,
To kill me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you do.
But consider this, before I die, to the gravel in your guts, and the spit in the eye,
That one day, you'll find a new hero or two."
Yeah, what should I do?
What could I do?
I got all choked up and I threw down my gun,
Called him an uncle, and he called me a son,
And I come away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then.
Every time I try, and every time I win,
And if I ever have a daughter, I'm gonna name her Sally.
Yeah, I'm naming my daughter after my heroine!
Something wrong with that? Fuck you!