If you walked up to 1313 Mockingbird Lane at Mockingbird Heights you would find an ancient Victorian style three story house surrounded by large trees and shrubs and a wrought iron gate. The wind is constantly blowing around this house and the paint is chipped and peeling, most of the windows are cracked with cobwebs at each end. Rats are often seen scurrying along the front steps leading to the great double doors, and just as often eerie howling, and loud roars, and ghoulish laughter can be heard coming from within.
If you had the nerve to get up to the house and get passed the entrance inside you find a loving and fully functional family called the Munsters. The head of the household is Herman, he was made in Germany by Dr. Frankenstein around 1850 and he eventually came to Transylvania where he met and fell in love with his wife Lily who is the daughter of Count Dracula. Together with the Count they moved to America where they had their first son, Edward Wolfgang. Eventually their niece Marilyn came to live with them when she started attending an American college. All together they are a proud and happy family.
This afternoon on this particular day Grandpa was sitting in his favorite chair reading Stephanie Meyers' novel Twilight. He often found himself laughing heartily at the absurdness of the author's descriptions of, and the lifestyle of his race.
Grandpa had long ago retired from being an actual vampire and had resorted to the art of magic and casting spells which he mainly used to benefit the family although his spells and potions only worked about half the time. Still Grandpa loved to turn into a bat every now and then and fly around town at night and also hang out with his fellow vampires in graveyards and such.
Suddenly he heard the sound of a school bus arriving outside and he quickly put down his book and rushed outside to greet his grandson.
Edward Wolfgang Munster, once past his pointed ears, fangs, severe widow's peak haircut, and Fauntleroy suit, was really a typical all-American kid, aside from the fact he liked to howl at the full moon. Today as he jumped out of the school bus he ran up to his Grandpa beaming and waving a slip of paper out to him.
"Grandpa! Grandpa!" he cried out. "I got all A's on my report! I aced science!"
Grandpa beamed as he looked over the report card and found this to be true. "I knew you could do it, Eddie!" he said proudly. "You're a chip off the old block!"
Eddie and Grandpa then joined hands and began to dance in celebration on the front lawn for a while. Grandpa truly loved Eddie and believed there was no finer grandson and he knew that although Herman had coached Eddie on all his school's sports he himself had taught him everything he knew about science.
"Grandpa, there is something I'd like to talk to you about," Eddie said as they went inside.
"Then do tell me," Grandpa urged.
They sat down together on the sofa in the living room as Eddie began.
"There is a junior dance contest being held at my school this Halloween and there is a girl I want to ask to the dance. Her name is Penelope."
Grandpa smiled lovingly. "Why Eddie, you're growing up so fast!" he said as he wiped a stray tear away from his left eye.
"Except," Eddie continued, lowering his gaze. "I don't know how to ask her. I'm afraid she'll say no and laugh in my face, and there is no one else I want to go with other than her."
Grandpa smiled understandingly. "Ah, I see. Quite common for when it's your first date. Well, you listen to some good old-fashioned advice from you good old-fashioned Grandpa. First, you mustn't be shy, you must open yourself up to Penelope, and you must see if she enjoys the same things as you do, that is how you will know if she is the right one for you."
"Got it, Grandpa," said Eddie. "Is there anything else?"
"You must charm her, impress her with your sharp rapier wit which runs in your blood," Grandpa went on, "and you must give her sincere compliments.
"Okay, I think I got it," said Eddie. "I gotta open myself up and sharply impress her."
"Right!" exclaimed Grandpa. "And just so you know, when you open yourself up you mustn't bite unless she's ready for it."
"Okay," Eddie chuckled as he hugged Grandpa closely.
Just then there came a heavy thumping up the front steps and the door was nearly thrown off its hinges as it burst open and in came Herman.
Herman was all of seven feet tall and his dark clothing contrasted his bright green skin. His head was somewhat square shaped and flat on top with protruding eyebrows, and a large jagged scar across the left side of his forehead. Anyone who saw Herman was sure to see his inventor had done splendidly at perfecting his creation. Herman worked at Gates and Goodbury Graves Funeral Parlor he was immensely helpful as he could lift coffins singlehandedly.
"Honey, I'm home!" Herman called out.
Instantly his wife Lily rushed in to greet him, as did his niece Marilyn, Grandpa and Eddie also got up from the sofa.
"Hello, it's good to be home to the best wife in the world!" he declared happily as he gave Lily their quick routine welcome home kiss. Then he turned and and kissed Marilyn on her cheek, "and the best niece in the world," he added. Then he reached down and picked up Eddie and hugged and kissed him as well, "and also the best son in the world," he said. Then finally he turned to hug Grandpa saying, "and the best father-in-law in the world, too!"
Grandpa flinched and quickly backed Herman off. Grandpa wasn't particularly fond of being touched by Herman, come to think of it he had never been particularly fond of his simple-minded and childlike son-in-law at all, but then when Herman married Lily it gave him Eddie so he could live with it.
"Not so fast there!" Grandpa exclaimed. "Herman why are you in such a festive mood today?"
Herman smiled a very broad and wide smile as he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out what looked like five tickets.
"Look at these!" he exclaimed as he brandished them before everyone's faces. "Tickets to the new Groovie Ghoulies concert tonight!"
Everyone's faces instantly lit up joyfully, especially Eddie's.
"That's great, pop!" he exclaimed howling with joy.
"But how did you ever get these, Uncle Herman?" asked Marilyn wonderingly.
"They must be awfully expensive," added Lily.
"Weren't nothing to it," Herman said giddily. "One of our customers at the parlor today had these and now she said she couldn't go because of the loss and so she gave them freely to me for my kindness, she said."
"Well," said Grandpa. "I guess it's just as they say, another's loss is another's happiness!"
So then soon Grandpa put on his cape, Lily and Marilyn put on their coats, and Herman put on his hat, and they all went outside and drove to the concert.
As they entered the concert hall they saw that every seat to be taken and the concert had sold out well, and what's more was that every single person who had come had taken on the appearances of vampires, witches, werewolves, skeletons, and other such ghoulish figures. Grandpa was especially pleased with this sight as it seemed to him every vampire in town had turned up tonight.
"I haven't seen a splendid gathering since before we left the old country!" he exclaimed gaily.
Just then the red curtains parted and the performing band appeared from behind them. They were a vampire with a white pale face and thin black hair wearing a night black tuxedo and cape and he was playing a calliope, and a werewolf wearing a yellow shirt and ripped blue jeans and he was playing an air guitar, and a witch with green skin and long red hair wearing a long purple dress with matching shoes and she was playing the keyboards, and there was also a very large and tall fellow with pale green skin and a flattop head wearing black clothing with a gray jacket, he looked rather like Herman and he was playing the drums.
As soon as the applause had ended they all bowed and began their opening song.
"Everybody shout!
Come on now, sing out!
It's time for the Ghoulies get-together!
They got songs for everybody
Join the Ghoulies,
They're do their thing for you.
They're kinda strange,
They're real funny,
You'll be glad to know
They love you, too!
Everybody shout!
Come on now, sing out!
It's time for the Ghoulies get-together
You're gonna see
How funny they can be
'Cause it's time for the Ghoulies get-together!"
As they played and sang many of the audience members leapt out of their seats and began clapping their hands to the rhythm, including Herman and he jumped up and down and waved his fists and even started singing along in a few places.
As the applause gradually died down a new song began.
"If you're not busy for the next few days,
Come along with me and throw some time away
Bring along a blanket and something to drink
Living in a blackout living on the brink.
Fun in the dark.
Driving in the darkness piling in our cars
Sleeping in the swamp and counting all the stars
Running 'round on rooftops and through Forest Lawn
Having people wondering what the hell you're on
Fun in the dark.
If you're not busy for the next few days,
Come along with me and we can blow this place.
Nobody is sure how this is gonna end.
All you need is nothing so come on my friend
Fun in the dark."
Throughout this song Herman had been singing along with it happily and at the end verse he had gotten so caught up in it he had begun to sing loudly and to stop his feet in rhythm heavily, making the whole place shake. This was noticed by the band on the stage and they looked down at him and the witch pointed a long finger at him.
"You! The handsome green one!" she exclaimed, causing all eyes to turn on Herman. "Come on up here and sing with us!"
Herman looked stunned as he pointed to himself and gasped and suddenly seemed to be very shy.
"Come on, Pop! You can do it!" encouraged Eddie.
His family and the rest of the audience began encouraging him to go up on stage, and so he did, feeling many hands pat his back as he went forward.
Now with Herman on the stage with them the Ghoulies began another song which Herman sang and stomped along to.
"You feel funny, like no one cares.
When you walk down the street, everybody stares.
The same people that beat you up listen to your friend's bands,
And when you ask a question, no one understands.
You and me are Ghoulie Family, dealing with dysfunctionality.
Like the branches on that one kid's Christmas tree
You and me are Ghoulie family.
Living in a world that's gone inside.
Living on a completely different plane.
Flushing our futures right down the drain.
Making the same mistakes with no one else to blame.
You and me are Ghoulie family."
Then at the end of the concert the vampire approached Herman and asked quietly, "What's your name?"
"Herman Munster," he replied.
The vampire then faced the audience and exclaimed, "Let's hear it for Herman Munster!"
Then the entire audience burst into applause. Herman stood and bowed and grinned from ear to ear so much he nearly busted his bolts as he looked at his family in the front row all smiling up at him with Lily blowing kisses.
"You were really great, up there, Pop," said Eddie when they got home that night.
"Great? Why, you were sensational!" exclaimed Lily and gave him a loving kiss on the cheek.
"I always knew you had it in you to bust a move if you only wanted to," Grandpa added as he clapped Herman on the back.
Herman blushed slightly, turning his cheeks a rosy green color. "I can't think of when I've had more fun in my life!" he said blissfully. "I only hope it won't be the last time!"
A little bit later after everyone had gone to sleep in their beds, Grandpa stood looking out of the window of his coffin room and saw a beautiful starry and misty night it was. A beautiful especially in October for vampires like he. So he decided to go out and visit the local graveyard and see if any ghosts were out and about or any other such friends.
He turned himself into a bat and flew out the window. He flew through the comfortingly chilly night air and soared past the moon. Finally he reached his destination.
The graveyard was so perfectly eerie and creepy and beautifully haunting at this time of night as he transformed himself again and stood and walked around the graves looking to see if anyone was there who recognized him. However he couldn't find anyone, he figured they had all gone off to haunt somewhere. He was just about to transform and fly away again when he suddenly saw someone out of the corner of his eye approaching.
She was a tall woman with long white hair flowing down her back, and she wore a tiara in front of it which looked to have a real ruby in its center. She wore a long foot length crimson red dress trimmed along the front and sides with gold linings. Her complexion was very pale almost white, he noticed. As she entered the graveyard through the gate she brought her arm up to her mouth as if to hide something. A gesture which he knew all too well.
He smiled as he straightaway saw how stunningly gorgeous she looked in the moonlight and he had a sudden strong desire to get to know her, but he suddenly felt shy as she seemed of a royal blood clan, but then he remembered the advice he had given to Eddie that very day and so he called out to her.
"Hello there! Yeah, you! Come over here!"
She made a slight hissing sound as she uncovered her face and barred her two long pointed fangs though she eased up when she saw him smiling with his own. She walked up to him.
"Hello there!" he said jovially. "My name is Sam Dracula. What's yours?"
"I am Countess Vienna Cava," she replied in a rather stuffy way. "Now if you'll excuse me..."
She started to walk away but he quickly called out to her again. "So you're a countess! I am a count, of the Dracula clan, I'm sure you've heard of them. I'm from Romania in Transylvania, where are you from?"
She gave a low annoyed hiss. "From Bach! Now if you will just let me..."
He quickly spoke again. "I live right around the corner at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. Where do you live?"
She hissed and bent her fingers in frustration at him and replied very coldly, "I don't live anywhere, I have no home, I am just flying through here!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know," he said slightly embarrassed. Then he smiled eagerly as he approached her again. "You can stay with me and my family for a while in our house on Mockingbird Lane. I am sure my daughter, son-in-law, grandson, and granddaughter would be most pleased to have your company, and so would I most of all!"
She shook her head dismissively. "I do not accept invitations from strangers!" she said with a frightful hiss and turned her back on him once again.
"But... But I..." he stammered helplessly. And then an idea came to him.
"Hey, can I tell you about the time I almost bit Elvis?" he called after her.
She stopped suddenly in her tracks and turned around to face him, a curious and intrigued look on her pretty cold face.
He smiled and approached and began his tale, "I was in Graceland, on holiday, and I walked into a restaurant and I saw this fat man in a white tuxedo with shiny black hair shaped like a sand dune and I walked up to him and said, 'I haven't had a bite in weeks, how about you?' and he replied, "I just got my bite right here, man.' and wouldn't you know it! I thought he meant one of our kind had already bitten him and so I let him go! One of the biggest mistakes I ever made if not the biggest!" he broke out into raucous laughter.
The Countess however did not seem to be amused at all. And she frowned at him disapprovingly and shook her head and before he could blink she had transformed into a bat and had flown away.
He was left standing alone in the deserted graveyard. He looked down at his feet and sighed as he felt a sense of defeat come over him. He didn't know why, but he felt so useless if he couldn't impress the gorgeous Countess. He transformed into a bat again and flew away home again, all the while thinking to himself he was determined to find a way to win her affection if not at least he admiration of him.