Author's Note: Just read it. Review if you want.
Ichigo and Rukia had finally hooked up. Through their short history, relative to shinigami years, they'd had many spats and shared many experiences. So it was no surprise when they finally did get together.
Renji was happy and sad at the same time. He was happy for Rukia and Ichigo, the latter who he had become a sparring partner and Renji would even go as far as to say, a friend, despite the amount of brawls they'd gotten into was nearly on par with Rukia. So he was happy for them in a sense.
But he was also sad. He felt jilted and left out. It's not like he had heavy feelings of deep love for Rukia. He just had the silly notion that it would just be the two of them against the world. When she joined the Kuchiki clan, that dream had been shattered. However, after the entire Rukia execution and Aizen debacle, he felt things would return to as they were meant to be. Of course, he'd completely forgotten about the humans at that moment.
It had taken some time before he himself had accepted. Of course he didn't let it show. He was way too manly for that.
So here he was sitting in one of those human bars, minding his own business. Unfortunately, minding your business would quite difficult when you have red hair and tattoos all over your body.
"Hey, punk, you lookin' to start something?" A faceless man asked.
"Piss off; I'm not in the mood." Renji snapped back, ever the delegate.
"Why you little shit!" The man raised his fist to strike down but Renji was much too fast for him; he was out of his seat already and spun to avoid the punch, elbowing the man across the face with the momentum gained. As if that wasn't enough punishment, Renji took hold of the man's ponytail and slammed his head onto the counter.
"Hey, you did not just"- A shot was heard followed by some dust falling down.
"Calm it boys or I'll bar you all!" The owner warned, wielding a shotgun. The men were positively pumped up, but even the extra adrenaline did not cloud their judgement so that they would attack. They retreated for the moment.
"Another beer, mate, and sorry for the damage," Renji apologised.
"'s no problem. Those guys are always causin' trouble. If they weren't such regular, well-payin' customers, I'd've barred them long ago. But what's up with you? You seem awfully down." The barman made polite conversation.
"Nothin' much, jus' a shattered illusion, s'all." The barman had filled the mug and placed it in front of Renji.
"Don't worry; there are plenty of other fish in the sea." Renji looked up. These barmen were a hell of a lot more perceptive than ones back in soul society. Then again, he was normally way too drunk with his mates to notice back home.
After a few more beers, Renji decided he may as well head home; home being Urahara's store, where he was currently staying. He exited the bar and went about through a dark alley, which was a shortcut. He stopped when he saw a group of men in front of him. He recognised one of them as the man he'd elbowed earlier.
"Don't feel so tough now, do ya?" Renji smirked. He took out a soul candy and was lifting it up when it was shot out of his hand.
"You aint gonna take no pills to fight us boy!" Another man said, hidden in the shadows. He was holding a strange piece of metal, shaped funnily. Renji did see a strange, small object come towards him, but could not dodge, not in his gigai in any case. What was more pressing was the wound in his shoulder now.
"Whatcha gonna do now, huh?"
"You boys want to play with me?" The gang turned around to see the source of the female voice to see a dark skinned young woman.
"Yourichi-san, what are you"- she raised her hand to silence him and smirked. The gang sniggered and chortled.
"She your girlfriend? Perhaps we can come to an arrangement…" He sneered as they began ogling.
"You bastard, I'll"- Yourichi cut the fiery red head off again.
"Let me play for a little while." She grinned. Within a flash, of which Renji's eyes could barely keep up with, the gang were now lying on the floor, humiliated and thoroughly beaten. They couldn't comprehend what had just happened. One of those who still remained conscious murmured.
"What the hell…aint no bitch gonna down me like that!" He attempted to get up, only to have Yourichi's foot stamp down on him.
"That's not a nice way to speak to your elders." The man did not reply as he passed out. Renji looked around to see that none of the men had kept consciousness. He suddenly remembered the wound in his chest, via the pain.
"Shit, he got me somehow," he cursed. Having a wound like this inflicted on him by a mere human certainly was an embarrassment, especially in front of the prodigious Yourichi.
"Aw, can't a vice-captain take a little scratch?"
"Shaddap!" He snapped at her, even if she was Yourichi.
"Someone's in a bad mood," she paused slightly, "in any case, we should get away from here." She walked up to him, and took his arm over her shoulders.
"Hold on tight now!" She warned, before taking off onto the roofs of buildings. Not long after, they arrived on the roof of Urahara's store. He could hear the sounds of a party going on downstairs and recognised the drunken slur of Ikkaku followed by Yumichika hushing him for making such an 'ugly remark.'
"Havin' a party without me?" He almost spat out. The encounter with those thugs and subsequent stripping of his pride by Yourichi 'saving him' combined with alcohol he'd had brought about a bitter attitude.
"Just stay here, I'll get some bandages." She ordered. A few moments she reappeared with said item and began taking off his shirt. He pulled away.
"Oi, the hell d'you think you're doing?"
"Aw, is the big Vice-captain embarrassed?" she cooed.
"Damn right I am, you didn't need come in there and trample all over my pride! I could've handled them myself!" He was being rather irrational.
"You're so much like Ichigo! In any case, you shouldn't let that wound stay there! You'll have to get a new gigai then." He grunted in response and allowed her to remove his shirt. Taking some ointment, she began rubbing it into the wound.
"Oi, ouch, that hurts, woman!" She just gave him a belittling look which kept him quiet.
"So, how'd you feel about Ichigo and Rukia getting together?" She said out of nowhere. He flinched, causing the pain to increase.
"You don't like it? Aw, is the big Vice-captain jealous?"
"Of course not! In fact, I'm bloody happy for them!" He proclaimed. He was; he truly was.
"Not what you expected?" She took out the bandage now and moved to his side, unravelling it.
"I didn't think she'd just fall for a guy like him." He admitted.
"Because he's a guy like you." He turned to face her, anger filling hisexpression.
"I aint anything like that dandelion head!" She suppressed a giggle. She didn't do giggling, unbefitting of a woman of her stature. In place, she chuckled. He could be as dense as Ichigo. She'd finished bandaging up his wound and got up, turned around, and began walking away.
"Don't aggravate your wound. It'll only hassle you." Then it occurred to him.
"Hey, why'd the hell you turn up when you did anyways?" She laughed heartily before replying.
"Does it really matter that much?"
"Just answer the damn question." He flatly demanded.
"As you wish," she walked up to him, slapped her hands either side of his cheeks, and kissed him. After his initial shock, he went with it until she pulled away as suddenly as she kissed him. With a wink and without a word, she walked away, leaving a dazed Renji.
Author's Note: The end of my Renji x Yourichi crack-fest. If you didn't expect that, then you haven't been reading my other very short Bleach one-shots.