All disclaimers apply to this one-shot.
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"Oof!"
Hermione found herself on the floor again. This was the third night this had happened and now it had to end. Picking herself off the floor, she looked at the sleeping blond and slapped him on the face.
'Smack!'
Draco immediately sat up, one hand flying to his stinging cheek. "What the hell?" He caught sight of Hermione. "What did you do that for!" he asked, outraged.
"I want a divorce! I can't stand sleeping next to someone like you! Every night I end up on the floor and we've only been married for three days!" Hermione shouted.
"It's not my fault you keep rolling off!"
"Yes, it is. It is you who rolls. In fact, you roll so much that you end up pushing me off the bed."
"I do not!"
"Yes you do, you bed hog!"
"I am not a bloody bed hog!"
"Your face is too pointy."
"What?"
"And you're so pale."
"Where the hell is this coming from?"
"These are other reasons for a divorce."
"I'm not divorcing you just because you can't stay on the bed!"
"I don't care. Unless you can learn not to roll around while you sleep, we are not sleeping together."
"What do you mean 'not sleeping together'? No same bed or no sex?"
"Both! Thank Merlin I sleep clothed otherwise I'd have bruises from falling off so much! And you're sleeping on the couch from now on!"
"You can't kick me off the bed. It's mine. This whole house is mine. And you can't deny me either."
"Is that so? Well let's see how you like your house when I'm not in it." She strode over to her wardrobe and started taking out her clothes. "Accio suitcase!" and she dumped them into the bag.
"Hermione, wait. I promise I won't be a bed hog anymore. Don't go."
"Can you guarantee that?"
"Of course."
"How?"
"A spell or two should do it."
"Fine, I won't leave."
"Brilliant. Come back to bed now." She slipped back into the covers. "So…we're still going to sleep together right?"
"As long you stop rolling around and being a bed hog."
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