Up for debate at that evening's meeting of the Order of the Phoenix had been using silver to get information from werewolves thought to associate with Voldemort; in other words, whether or not to use tortureon werewolves who might have something to do with the Dark Lord.
The idea made Remus sick to his stomach. Some of these 'known conspirators' were children or teenagers who simply had the bad luck of being bitten by Greyback. Kids like he had been. Little ones who had seen their parents and siblings slaughtered in front of them; babies who did as they were told to stay alive.
It had been a long debate; he mentioned how if he were just a civilian it could easily be used against him. Sirius reminded them they didn't use torture on humanDeath Eaters, even if they had proof the person knew more than they let on.
Lily had added it would make them no better than the Death Eaters themselves and James said aside from that, they could be hurting children, children like the ones Alice and Lily would soon be having.
Peter gave a speech about the stupidity of even discussing this; after all, if the silver used was too much or used too long it could kill someone, possibly someone innocent. Remus had showed them the marks silver had made on his skin when he had been tortured by Lucius Malfoy.
It made no difference; everyone had already made up their minds before the war even started. It was passed, in a vote of twenty to six. Benjy Fenwick had suggested everyone go out for drinks to celebrate this historic vote, his treat. Before Remus or anyone else knew it, Sirius had Fenwick pinned against one of the walls of the headquarters. He had his wand to Fenwick's throat. The whole room froze.
"Let go of me!" Fenwick shouted, terrified, looking like he was about to cry.
Remus Lupin quickly crossed the room, his shoes barely making a sound.
"Pads," he had said in as calm of a voice as he could muster. He placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. "It's too good for him. Let him free. Let's go home."
Sirius let Fenwick go, the short brunet falling into a heap on the floor. The other two left the building, walking rather quickly. The noise of the front door opening had been heard and then two loud pops one after another. The rest of the Order simply stared at one another.
At their flat Sirius was still angry. He frantically paced back and forth as Remus made tea, ranting about Fenwick's stupidity; about how some of the members of the Order were morons, still wet behind the ears and shouldn't be allowed to vote. Then he turned to Remus, his eyes stabbing into the other man.
"You didn't get angry at him. Why not?"
"He thought it was a good thing and wanted to celebrate. Why should I stop him? I wouldn't join him, but I have no right to stop him from doing figurative hand-springs. Neither do you."
Sirius walked closer to his friend and shook his head, "That's not why. I know it isn't Moony. It's because you're such a fucking people-pleaser! These people are talking about torturing people like you, but they're your only allies, so despite this, you don't speak up." Sirius was barely three feet away from him now, face still angry.
"That's not true," said Remus, but his throat was dry and there was a knot in his stomach that told him it was.
"Just like in fifth year; you were still livid about the prank when James told you to forgive me. You didn't want him or Pete to hate you so you did. Or when we pranked Snape after our O.W.L.S. and I could tell you wanted us to stop, but you were the only one who felt that way and didn't want to be an outcast." Sirius' face was so close to his own.
"I… um…," his body was starting to tense up in case Sirius started to turn this fight physical.
"You let people treat you like you're they're doormat most of the time, hiding under that mask of calm. I know you feel angry but you have to stick to the…"
Sirius didn't finish his sentence; instead he pulled his friend close.
"Whole bloody meeting, I pictured them doing it to you," he murmured into Remus' ear, "pictured you in chains, screaming; one of those fools pressing it into your skin. Knew you were thinking the same thing, waited for you to say or do something after the vote, when James, Peter and I stood up and left the table, after watching the Prewitts high-five, but you just sat there."
"What did you want me to do? Pull out McKinnon's silver tea kettle and push it into my skin? Storm out of the meeting? Punch Gideon in the nose? Flip over the table?"
"Anything would have been better than sitting there, Moony. You broke my jaw in first year because I called your mother a slut and called you a bastard. What happened to that boy? The boy who stood up for himself instead of letting other people fight his battles? The third year that got into a duel with a seventh year because the seventh year was picking on a lilun? The fifth year that spent all night looking for his mother, who was trying to kill him, because he wanted to make sure she got home safe? The man who killed nine Death Eaters with a single spell in order to protect a child?"
"I only fight when it is needed," Remus stated not looking Sirius in the eye.
"This was needed, Remus. They could kill people."
This he knew; this he felt horrible about. But he tried to pretend he didn't, "It's a war and people will die."
Sirius let out a dry hollow laugh, "You aren't that cold, Remus, and you can't fool me for a moment into believing you are. I know you'll feel it every single time you hear it's been done to one of your own. I know because I feel the same way." Then Sirius kissed him.
Kissing wasn't unusual for them. They were lovers after all, but this was a different kind of kiss. It was a kiss of solidarity, a kiss that showed they felt the same. A kiss that said they stood together.
"We should go off on our own. You, Me, James, Peter, Lily, maybe Shacklebolt, after all he stood with us; fighting Voldemort. The war is changing the rest of the Order. I heard Fabian say to his brother that he had enjoyed killing Death Eaters." Sirius' voice was raw.
This scared Remus. "Taking a human life? He found taking a human life fun?"
Sirius nodded gravely. "I couldn't believe it. Remember when this all started he cried because he had to kill Lysandra Blishwick in order to save Alice?"
Remus nodded, "The world is going to hell in a hand basket. By war's end the Order will be no better than the Death Eaters."
"You will be; I will be."
"I hope you're right Padfoot." Remus rested his head on Sirius' and sighed.
"I will be. I'm the famous Sirius Black and I'm right 'bout damned near everything. Including the O.W.L.S. Remember my answer to question ten 'give five signs that identify the werewolf'?" He smiled at his friend.
"I do indeed. But you can tell me again, I always enjoy hearing it."
"One, he's one of the most handsome people I have ever met," Sirius brushed the fringe out of Remus' eyes and then kissed him on the forehead.
"Two, he's the only one who can calm me down when I get angry." He joined his hands with his friend's and kissed him on the lips.
"Three, he loves his mother and will sock you in the jaw if you insult her. Trust me, I know this from experience. Four different experiences actually, my mouth still hurts from it." Sirius rubbed it absent-mindedly.
"I hope I didn't hurt you that badly."
"You didn't. Every single time I deserved it. Four, his love of soppy idealist books like Les Miserables or The Princess Bride."
"I wouldn't call Les Miserables idealistic; after all every one of the students die, with the exception of Marius, and I guess, Cossette, if you consider her one of the students."
"The Revolutionaries are seen as an ideal, therefore, idealistic. Five, one day he and I will own a house in the countryside where we'll spend all day every day together, until my presence starts to annoy him, then I'll go off and get a job for once."
"I still can't believe you had the balls to put those down for answers. I also can't believe they gave you ten points out of ten for that question." Remus pulled him into a deeper kiss, putting his tongue into Sirius' mouth, rubbing the small of his lover's back gently through the thick robes. Each moment their lips pushed and pulled together was a reassurance to both that they still had their humanity.