The Thermodynamics of the Soul
by AstroGirl
Searching for Aeryn's spirit is like plummeting through ice. It surrounds her in layers: some formed in life, some added in death. But deep within, Zhaan knows with all the certainty of her heart, lies a flame. Aeryn's soul has always burned brightly; it is one of the things Zhaan has always found beautiful in her.
When she reaches it at last, it's a dim, flickering thing, but it's burning still. And embers that have not yet died can always be rekindled. Zhaan knows precisely how it may be done. Light gives birth to light; warmth engenders warmth. It is the fundamental teaching of the Goddess, and it is something Zhaan has always known, although it has taken her many cycles to learn how the flame of her own soul might be tuned to illuminate rather than destroy.
"Do you know who you are?"
Aeryn answers, but the words are cold: Peacekeeper rank and regiment, things of ice. No, Aeryn. You are light. You are flame. You are beautiful, and I have come to return you to the world.
They move together, merging, Zhaan's soul passing through the ice to join the flame. The cold aches and burns, but she welcomes it, knowing there is nothing it can do but melt inside her. Delvians have always been impervious to cold, Sebaceans susceptible to heat. The symmetry pleases her.
Already she can feel the transfer beginning. Warmth flows from her, warmth given to her by the Goddess and by all those who have opened their hearts to her, as she opens hers now to Aeryn Sun.
"Why are you doing this?"
You already know the answer, Aeryn. There is only ever one answer. Love. Love is the warmth melting through to the inner fire. Love is the light that guides soul to soul. Love is what makes the world outside this place of ice worth returning to.
Zhaan has known love, more love than she has ever deserved. It is shining all around her, even now. And all she need do is give some of it, and Aeryn will have the chance to know it, too. It's an easy choice to make.
Aeryn doesn't want her to make it.
"Stop resisting, Aeryn. Accept this." Please. You told me once that love meant being willing to fight and die for your fellow beings. You were right. You taught me something that, in my selfishness, I had forgotten. It was a lesson I needed to learn. Allow me to apply it now. I love you, Aeryn. Let me show you. Take this gift, in exchange for all you have given me, and do not fear what it will cost. Whatever light and warmth I give to you, the Goddess will return to me a thousand-fold. I know that now. And, oh, the ache of desire in her for that warmth is so much greater than the ache of the emptiness and the cold.
"No." The word is like a dagger of ice as Aeryn forcibly thrusts her away, and she tumbles back to her body, her heart pierced by a thousand frozen shards. Beside her, her lover's light spills uselessly into the cold, and she spares a moment to wonder if the grief she feels is for herself, or for Aeryn, or for him.
And then...
And then Aeryn emerges, radiant, to save them. To save her. And she knows she will find the light she seeks, after all.