Dear Readers,

If you have not yet read my two previous commercial spin-off fanfics, then please visit 1) the Series of Unfortunate Events section and 2) the Harry Potter section. You may or may not want to read them because they are extremely dumb, as is this fic. Please do not say that I'm a stinker because of these fics—I just think they're a good way to add comic relief to the original stories. I hope you enjoy this! (and yes, these "commercial fics" are becoming a inter-categorical series).

Best Regards from a Bookworm,

Miss Pookamonga

PS: It may actually be better for effect if you don't read the stage directions in parentheses. Just a suggestion.

It's So Easy

Characters: Arthur, Suzy, Leaf, Dame Primus, Caveman # 1, Caveman #2

(In Monday's Anteroom)

Arthur: Dame Primus, I'm having trouble traveling through the House. It's so difficult. Isn't there an easier way to get from place to place without performing some complicated spell, or wearing artificial wings, or having to imagine an invisible staircase?

Suzy: Yeah, all that stuff's got me an' Arthur an' Leaf goin' bonkers.

Dame Primus: Well, there is…but it's not exactly allowed within House rules.

Suzy: Oh, forget the rules, Arthur's the Big Kahuna anyway. He could practically make the rules!

Dame Primus: (angrily) Suzanna! I AM THE RULES, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

Suzy: (shrugging it off) Yeah, whatever, you're the Will.

Leaf: (genuinely surprised) "Big Kahuna"? Where'd you learn that expression, Suze?

Arthur: (annoyed) Can we get back to the subject?

Dame Primus: Ah, yes. (Speaking extremely fast) You were speaking about Intra-House transportation, were you not?

Leaf and Suzy: Huh?

Arthur: Umm…yeah, sure.

Dame Primus: I may be able to bend the rules a little bit—

Suzy: (chuckling) You mean bend yourself? Ha, ha, ha—

Dame Primus: (glaring at Suzy) —in order to allow you to drive a car.

Arthur, Suzy, and Leaf: WHAT!

Dame Primus: Yes, there are some cars on reserve here that I can allow you to drive. The get around the House quite quickly.

Arthur: Cool! I'd wish I'd known that before. (suddenly hesitating) But…Dame Primus…I don't have insurance.

Leaf: There's car insurance in the House?

Dame Primus: No worries, Arthur. Geico online is the most efficient way to get car insurance. It's so easy a Caveman could do it! (laughs)

(in adjacent room)

Caveman #1: Hey, what's that supposed to mean?

Caveman #2: (with ear pressed against wall) Who do they think they are? Homo sapiens?

Caveman #1: (grabbing Caveman #2 by the arm) They are Homo Sapiens, you idiot.

See, I told you it was stupid. This is the dumbest one yet. They just keep on getting dumber.