Disclaimer: I don't own Ray, Neela or ER in general. They belong to NBC and all the other people who have something thing to do with this show. Pressure belongs to Paramore.

Tell me where our time went
And if it was time well spent
Just don't let me fall asleep feeling empty again

It takes her a total of 5 days to give in to her overbearing guilt. 5 days of basically no sleep and watching late night infomercials before it all because just a smidge too much. 5 days before she finds herself standing in front of his door. 5 days before Neela Rasgotra decides it's time for an apology.

Ray, judging by the look on his face after he opened the door, was not terribly excited to see her. Which was understandable, given that it was 5 in the morning. But she wanted to do this as early as possible, so she could spend the rest of the day trying to figure out what to do if this fell through.

"Ray," she says, her heart pounding in her chest, "I know it's really early but…"

He sighs and motions her to come inside. "Wow me with your explanation."

"Right." Suddenly she realizes she has no idea what she wants to say. "This was not a good idea. It's just…"

"Neela…" He rubs his temples, weary of what she's going to say.

"…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you."

"You didn't hurt me." He says, wanting to say the opposite, but unable to.

She says it for him. "Yes, I did. I hurt you with Michael and with moving out. I hurt you last week, with Tony."

He scowls at the name and lies: "I don't know what you mean."

"I know you saw us." She sounds like she wants to cry. "It's why you asked Katey out, don't pretend it isn't."

"So what if it is?" He can feel himself shaking. "It's not like it matters."

"Of course it matters. We don't talk anymore. Remember when you said I was your best friend? I've ruined it all." She blinks, trying to hold back her tears. "And I don't know what to do about it."

"Neela," he chokes out, "I can't tell you what to do to fix…us. But you can't…you can't just keep playing with me like this. You can't pretend there was nothing between us, even if it was just friendship, and then come here and tell me that you're sorry. It doesn't work like that. It's one or the other." He looks away, surprised that he managed to actually tell her how he feels.

She's surprised too and takes slight offense. "It's not that easy!"

Now that he's done it once he finds he can speak his mind again. "Yes, it is! The ball is in your court. It has been for a long time. You know how I feel. You keep pushing me away. I can't – I won't keep doing this. This is not a game!"

"I know it's not a game!" She yells.

"Then stop treating me like a damn toy!" He tells her.

This shuts her up. She looks at him, stunned, and stammers: "I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep messing up." Tears start filling her eyes. "I keep doing things I regret and I don't know why I'm doing them. I feel like those girls in school that I used to hate. The kind that takes things for granted." She takes a deep breath and looks at him, eyes pleading for him to help her. "And," she continues, tears now full on streaming, "that's not who I am. I'm not that girl; I'm not slutty, snog-people-in-the-hospital Neela." He opens him mouth to respond, but she keeps talking." I know you saw. But you know me better right? I'm prepared and organized and responsible. I don't lead men on, I don't…I don't hurt people. I don't hurt you."

She's wiping her tears and he's staring at her with wide eyes. It takes them both a moment to take in what she said. He's the first to say something.

"I don't…know how to respond to that." He says, not looking her in the eye.

"You don't have to respond. You don't need to say anything." She takes a deep breath and continues: "I'll leave. I won't bother you anymore, but I just want you to know that you're my best friend too, and I really am sorry. So, so sorry."

It's only after she's gone that he says: "I'm sorry too."