A/N: This isn't the first time that this story is being posted! But this is where it belongs…
(Prior posted by bruninhagalle - The Brazilian half of this team!)
A couple of months ago, we had this crazy idea of writing fan-fiction together. It seemed a quite unrealistic attempt at first and none of us truly believed that we could actually pull that off… But we did!
"I watched you disappear" is our first co-fic and the introduction to this bizarre, but yet so fulfilling, collaboration… And then we realized that we want to keep going!
So, we relocated this story to our new joint account and new stuff will soon follow…
𝆕 I'm still the girl that you chased all around the world 𝆕
𝆕 I haven't changed, I've just replaced all the chains with pearls 𝆕
𝆕 I want the same things we did back then 𝆕
I watched you disappear
The elevator's door opened, just to bring him back to his ugly reality. It sounded stupid, but every time he was inside that iron box his life seemed simpler, similar to everyone else's in that building, closer to how it was before. Closer to how it used to be when she was still with him, when that insignificant elevator-apartment distance was nothing but his steps towards their life… the life she had left behind.
He now hated that distance. He would only walk it exhausted and disappointed, most times carrying the suitcase that accompanied him to yet another pointless trip. Who was he kidding… he would never find her. He would never stop, but his hopes had started to fade after more than a year of unsuccessful attempts to locate her. And his very own mind was his worst enemy every step of the way.
She's not inside, he tried to control his helpless thoughts and his rising heartbeat as the key shifted inside the lock. Those mind games would drive him crazy and that was his biggest fear; that sooner or later he'd be so drunk from his need to find her that he couldn't even trust his own self. But then his head would dive back into that pleasant madness and the only thing he'd think about while opening the door were the things he'd say and the things he'd do if she was inside. If only he could just find her inside…
The door had closed behind her, but the deep silence of the room was her only greeting. A welcome that forced her to freeze. Her eyes traveled over the place, taking it all in and her heart clenched at the difference between her life now and how it used to be when she was still living there, with him. The happy memories they'd created together in that place immediately invaded her mind and she had to remind herself to breathe. Breathe or they would swallow her whole.
It was the sight of his FBI badge lying on the kitchen counter that brought her back to the present. Her feet took her there without her even noticing and within seconds she was taking it in her hands. She opened it without any hesitation, unable to hold the gasp escaping her lips at the sight of his face. While on the run, she could only "see" his face by closing her eyes, but dreaming about him or even drawing him was never as clear as the photo she was now holding.
Her finger traced delicately his features as a few tears started blurring her vision. She never thought she'd ever miss anything as much as she missed him and she would truly give anything just to see his smile once again. If only she could actually touch his handsome face that very moment...
She finally deposited both the badge and her backpack on the counter, placing her hands on it, too, in an attempt to steady herself. She had to calm down. She needed to gather up her strengths and focus, otherwise she would never be able to think straight and coherently tell him all the things she had to once he got home.
Having herself under some kind of control, she turned around and for the first time, started noticing details in the living room that had previously escaped her attention. The couch and all the mobilia were covered with white sheets. There were a lot of boxes piled up in the corners and from where she was standing, she could see dust gathering upon them; as if he hadn't bothered to unpack at all, not even to take out things that'd be necessary for his daily routine.
Was he even living here?
The anonymous note had told her to go to NY, to go home and so she had gone straight back without thinking twice. Their apartment was the only place she ever called home in this city and she thought the same applied to him.
Her head began sending her warnings she really didn't want to hear. About how the place didn't look like someone was living in it or how his badge was abandoned in the middle of a workday. Did he want to forget their life together so much that he'd left everything behind? She shook her head, stopping that train of thought. That familiar thinking sequence that always ended with the same painful question: Did he try to forget her?
He had every right to move on with his life, she repeated to herself, like she was doing ever since leaving the sanctuary in the mountain. She was the one who'd left and she'd never blame him for trying to find happiness without her. It would completely shatter her heart, but she wouldn't blame him.
She started pacing, wanting to take her mind off this particularly distressing topic, not sure of what she should do. She could stay there for a few hours and wait for him or she could go to the FBI; although she didn't know how well she'd be received over there.
Questions and fears were now swirling in her head and she needed some air to sort her thoughts out. She had started walking towards the balcony when the noise of a key in the lock - their lock - forced her to stop cold. Her heart was hammering inside her chest as she watched the door opening before her eyes.
He only needed one foot inside the apartment to realize something was very wrong. That familiar gut feeling he knew far too well from all his years as an FBI agent: he was not alone. A soft rustle in the corner of the room made him twitch and his first instinct was to reach out for his gun. But of course he didn't have one anymore, so he just stood there, in search of the intruder.
He blinked several times trying to erase her image from his eyesight, certain for a few seconds that it was his mind playing tricks on him again. But as the ghost wouldn't shatter, his breath found slowly its way back to his body. He didn't move. He couldn't move. He just fixed his eyes on hers, watching her stepping hesitantly towards him.
She closed the distance between them, feeling the tension in the room growing bigger and bigger with every step she made. And he was still awfully silent.
She was now standing right in front of him, inches away from his touch, trying to hold herself back from crashing into his arms. But then it was his eyes that gave him away. Those fiery, burning with desire, eyes were her cue to ignore his ice-cold posture and invade his territory.
"Hey" - She whispered softly as her hand moved uncontrollably to his neck. She felt him shiver under her caress and she could almost count the crazy beating of his pulse. Her thumb brushed his cheek as her other arm moved to his torso, bringing her body in almost absolute touch with his. "Say something?" - She pleaded shyly to his ear.
And that was his cue. All of a sudden the soulless statue of Kurt finally started responding. Still unable to utter a word, but his warm and tight hug was speaking for itself. He buried his face on her neck, his arms sealed around her body, trying to take her all in. He could finally hold her, feel her shape inside his embrace and fill his lungs with her scent. He closed his eyes and pressed a slow, soft kiss right under her ear; the only conversation he was willing to have for now. She was finally back to him.
Her body shuddered under his overwhelming touch. Her hands fisted his shirt tightly, certain that her knees would buckle if she didn't hold on to him. There wasn't any amount or combination of words for her relief to be described. He was there, alive and whole inside her arms, returning her hold with the same agony she did, kissing her like someone who never forgot a thing about her.
His lips were still resting on her skin when she pressed her own kiss against his neck. She intended for it to be brief, a chaste kiss, but as her mouth sensed his warmth, she couldn't help herself from lagging to taste him a little longer after all those months apart.
Lost in him as she was, she almost didn't realize his sharp breath intake, or how his hand cupped her face, while his other arm remained securely around her, not letting her move an inch away from him.
He delicately drew her face back searching for her eyes. But her gaze was stronger than he thought, so vulnerable and full of hope, stealing the last of his restraint forcibly away. He leaned forward, desperately capturing her mouth with his. The touch of their lips, like a fire igniting and spreading through his body, brought his entire being back to life. After 18 long months without her, he was suddenly living in his dreams; kissing her helplessly, driving his tongue to meet and taste hers.
She responded stroke for stroke, kissing him with everything she had, everything she'd always have for him. She felt his hand abandon her face and tangle in her hair, angling her head to deepen their kiss. His arm left her waist, moving now to her hip, pushing her backwards and holding her trapped against the wall. With his body pressed against hers head to toe, none of them could hold back the escaping moan. The familiar sensation of coming close to each other started menacingly taking over and everything around them tuned out. She was there and she was safe and he needed her more than he needed his next breath.
Within moments her hands were moving under his shirt. "I missed you so much"- she mumbled, panting into his mouth, and that was what snapped him out of their sweet craziness. The reality crashing down on him as she got ready to move things along. They had to stop this or soon logic wouldn't have any say in the situation. He grabbed her arms and pulled away taking a decisive step back. They needed to talk.
Now.
"Where have you been, Jane?" - He started right away. There was a mix of questioning and anger rising inside his head, steadily replacing his previous relief.
She stared at him in silence, still tasting their powerful reunion. It wasn't unexpected, but she wasn't exactly prepared for his sudden outburst, at least not after the dizziness he'd caused her.
"How did you know where to find me?" - He went on, his eyes returning to his first cold approach.
"I… Someone told me to come here instead of Colorado" - She decided to be absolutely literal.
"There's nothing left in Colorado, Jane!" - The line came out as bitter as he was. "Wait… what do you mean someone told you to come here? I thought… What are you doing here, Jane?" - He was confused, angry and sad, all at the same time. The day of his dreams had come, but it clearly wasn't about to be any dreamy.
"You weren't safe anymore. I had to come back..." - This was getting harder and harder for her to explain. She could see it in his eyes; her truth was about to crash him even worse.
"Didn't you leave to keep me safe? And now..."
"I did! That's the only reason I left." - She cut him off immediately. That needed to be clarified between them once and for all. - "But things have changed. Something happened to me and… you need to know."
"Are you OK?" - And there he was… the good old Kurt back to his worrying, protective mode, checking her head to toe, making sure that nobody had hurt her.
"There's something I need you to see" - She didn't let his change of emotions affect her, otherwise this would never end the way she intended.
She quickly reached her backpack on the kitchen counter, working fast to locate something hidden in it. But once she found the metal disk she was looking for, her moves started slowing down. She took a big breath and turned decisively to him. She removed her blouse and placed the disc against the bird tattoo on her neck. And she waited, watching his impatient expression rapidly morphing into an absolute confusion.
She let her new set of bioluminescent tattoos shine for a few seconds and then put her shirt back on. He was shocked and clearly unable to completely process the new information, but that wouldn't stop him from bombarding her with questions right away. So she waved him to pause his thoughts for a while and started explaining everything she could.
She told him she had been in Kathmandu, Nepal, where an anonymous package had been sent to her. The disc she was now holding and a piece of paper were its only contents. The note, among the new tattoos information, was giving her full instructions on how to lift her bounty. She'd spent a few days knowing who and where the person who'd requested her killing was, but ignoring everything seemed the best way to avoid another trap.
He was listening carefully to her every word, frowning more and more with every new detail she was giving him. He tried to speak wanting to fill his missing points, make sure it was safe for her to be there, but she wasn't done yet.
There was a phone, too, hidden inside the box she'd gotten. When she hadn't moved against her hunter, a single message arrived with a couple of pictures attached to it. The message was forcing her to go back and solve the new tattoos otherwise Weller would die. The photos were of him, clearly taken without his knowledge, as if someone was following him around. At the end of the text, the address of their apartment in NYC and a last sentence: Go home.
"I ended the bounty and I took the first plane… home."
Who was behind the bounty? Who was behind threatening him? Was she really safe now? And what about the new tattoos? Who did this to her? And how? When? His questions were running with the speed of sound, spreading their burning all over his head. He was half-seated on a kitchen stool, staring painfully at her, trying to realize everything she'd told him.
"So, if it wasn't for the message, you'd be still in Kathmandu…" - God, out of all the questions he could have asked, was that really his first priority? Good job, Agent Weller! - He thought and tried immediately to pull himself together.
"We must inform the FBI. We need to know what we're dealing with here. They might even have to re-open the whole Jane Doe case…" - He started processing the data, while avoiding his heartbreaking conclusion. The more he was interacting with her, the clearer he could see it: building a life without him wasn't that difficult for her.
"That's exactly right!" - She pulled him aggressively out of his thoughts. - "I would still be in Kathmandu."
A clear devastation finally started reflecting on his face. He kept silent, his eyes wide open and his breathing slower, waiting for her next confession.
"And I'd stay there forever, if that guaranteed me your safety!" - She lowered her voice then and went on. "You should have known by now. I'll always do whatever it takesto protect you..." - She took one step closer to him.
His eyes closed momentarily and his head fell slightly back in an instant move of disapproval. That had been the main reason for all of their big fights and it was also what had eventually driven them apart.
"… even if it means leaving you behind." - She finished her cruel truth, moving her hand towards his chest.
"Damn it, Jane!" - He jumped off the stool, forcibly grabbing her wrist in order to avoid her touch. "You have to stop doing that!" - He yelled while holding her tightly, trying to talk some sense into her. - "You don't get to decide about us without me."
It was clear by the look on her face that his reaction came out way harder than he actually intended. For a few seconds she stayed still, staring at him in shock. For those few seconds he let her taste the fear of rejection. And then he used his grab to pull her back into his arms.
"I don't want to be just safe." - He whispered in her hair, keeping her glued on him. "I want to be happy, too" - He admitted, joining her in a relieved exhalation.
Happy. One word that triggered dozens of memories. Being away from him had eventually given her some kind of freedom, a fresh prospect of life. In many ways, leaving him had been an opportunity for her to actually discover the true Jane, a self she'd never met before. But was she happy? That was the question she had been avoiding for the last 18 months. Kurt had stopped defining her, but he had also stopped fueling her happiness; a feeling that had been always signed by his name. She had lost that. And she had taken that away from him, too. He did deserve to be happy.
They both did. And starting from that very moment she would make it up to him. To them.
"About that…" - She mumbled behind a mischievous smile. "I might have a few suggestions to make" - And tilted her head backwards to meet his gaze.
"Well, I think those suggestions will have to wait for a while." - He laughed playfully. "We need to go meet the team first" - He added, while trying to detach himself from her hug.
"Or..." - And she tightened her hold on him. "We could just give ourselves a few hours here, before going back to the tattoo hunting." - She kept forcing him, knowing the limits of his resistance first hand. "Besides, the tattoos are not leaving my body." - She teased him moving dangerously close to his lips.
"And I don't want to leave it either..." - The words were out before he could stop himself. But he for once was serious and she knew just by looking into his eyes that he meant it in more than one ways. He never wanted to leave her; not out of his arms and neither out of his life… never again.
"But we really should go to the FBI. We need to scan the new tattoos and _"
Her lips cut him off before he could go into a full FBI mode. The last thing she wanted in that moment was to deal with the tattoos, the explanations the team would demand and all the hours these things would take. Her kiss was slow, thorough, but she didn't let it last for too long; pulling tactically back when she felt his hands moving up to tangle in her hair.
"Sure, why not..." - She placed both hands on his chest and carelessly took a step backwards, getting out of his arms. - "Let's go to the FBI."
She picked her backpack from the counter and started moving towards the door. She was passing by him when one of his hands shot out and grabbed her shoulder, the other going for the bag and making it fall on the floor. Before she could fully smile at his change of heart, his mouth was already covering hers.
She used her free hands to frame his face, keeping him as close to her as possible, and he seemed to share the exact same need. His arm circled her waist, pressing his whole body against hers. Her fingers sneaked between them, working deftly on his shirt buttons. She was only halfway through them when her palms needed to feel his chest.
God, she had missed him.
The skin to skin contact was electrifying and she wasn't sure who moaned first -probably both of them- their mouths never breaking apart. It didn't matter. All that mattered was the way he felt under her touch; alive and whole and hers. The urgency to complete the flesh exploration she'd started intensified, but he surprised her before she was able to tear that buttons-line apart. It took him a quick and agile move to lift her in his arms and place her on the counter.
She locked her legs around him, pulling his waist close until their bodies touched again; signaling them their most desirable needs. Had they really just survived 18 months without this? Without each other?
His hands found the hem of her t-shirt and he finally tore his mouth away from hers so he could take the offending piece of clothing off. She felt the most relieving sense of freedom when he moved on, without wasting any time, leaving her half-bare in front of him. The vision of her naked torso made him pause and their eyes locked.
A shiver run down her spine as she noticed how dilated his pupils were; the blue of his eyes almost completely gone. She could see so many things in there: his underlying love for her, his desire, his longing.
"Hi." - He whispered placing his hands on her waist. He leaned forward until their foreheads touched.
"Hi." - She bumped her nose against his, a smile on her face.
"I missed you so much too, Jane."
Her smile widened, a happiness she hadn't felt in months invading her. He smiled too, that goofy, happy smile that belonged only to her. That was only for her. And she couldn't help but kiss him all over again.
He immediately hauled her to him, both shivering as their chest to chest touch lacked any fabric barriers this time. His mouth moved the sensual pleasure to her jawline and his fingers to her breast. His hand was already at her pants when she drew back.
"Kurt, wait." - Her breathing was ragged and she was pretty sure no mountain climbing had taken her breath away the way he did. - "There's something else I need to tell you."
He stopped and stared at her, not quite believing there was any other revelation she actually needed to make now.
"You are full of surprises today." - He laughed out of breath, but soon his heart dropped as he caught her serious expression.
"I love you. You do know that, right?"
Could a heart ever burst from pure bliss? He dreamed of this moment so many times but, as it was always the case with her, the reality was so much better.
"I love you too, baby." - He said softly without any hesitation, pressing a slow kiss on her temple.
She beamed at him, her eyes gleaming with tears of happiness. There were moments in Nepal she was certain she had lost his love and her place in his heart. But the absolute devotion in his eyes reassured her that he was in this forever.
And all of a sudden the 18 months they had spent around the world started feeling so insignificant… 18 months she had been running away and 18 months he had been trying to bring her back. And yet they were absolutely nothing compared to the rest of their life together.
If you came so far and read the whole story, please comment us your thoughts.