Title: How to Dildo for Fun and Profit
Author: Merci
For: Harmonde LJ
Pairing: Kazuya/Lee
Rating: R
Source: Tekken
Wordcount: 926

Summary: Kazuya wakes up with a sore bum, a dildo, and some questions.

Warnings: Yaoi (male/male sexual situations), incest, dildos, references to alcohol, tongue-in-cheek humour.
Disclaimer: I am making no profit from this fanfiction. I do not own Kazuya, Lee, or Tekken.

Notes: Written for harmonde as a Christmas request. She knows what can inspire me, and I'm sorry I'm late with this one as well, but I hope it's enjoyable. This is a little more serious than the mpreg crack, but not much.

The Request: Kazuya/Lee. "The morning after" and unexpectedly waking up together after a night of equally unexpected hot sex. Bonus points if the Violet Sparkler and Falcon Manrammer make an appearance./i

The inside joke is that Lee and Kazuya have their own dildos: the Violet Sparkler (http:/filefap[dot]com/public/view/20018) and the Falcon Manrammer (http:/filefap[dot]com/public/view/20021). I've provided links, but I took some liberties with the description of the sparkler.

How to Dildo for Fun and Profit

Kazuya grumbled. That was how he usually woke up in the morning; grumbling and thinking about things he hated, which was most things. While his dreams the previous evening hadn't been unpleasant, he liked to greet the morning with a noncommittal grunt that indicated he was going to ruin someone's day.

Once he'd finished grunting, he rubbed his eyes and processed the next item on his list: explaining the blank space in his memory. The last thing he remembered was getting shit-faced with Lee the moment the clock struck eleven the previous morning. Yes, drinking with Lee was never a safe thing; though it did begin explain the soreness in his bum.

Promising to murder his brother, Kazuya groped around under the silk sheets, seeking out his weapon of choice. His sore bum wouldn't lie to him, but he still hoped Lee hadn't broken out the big guns the previous night. A little ass play was one thing, but when Lee opened his trunk of toys… Kazuya's fingers grazed over a familiar rubber form, smooth and somewhat sticky against the silk bedding. He cringed at the sensation. Lee wouldn't... he never thought his brother would go that far, but as he closed his fist around the rubber phallus, Kazuya knew it was useless to hope otherwise. The violet dildo emerged from under the covers; smooth, iridescent head seeming to wink at Kazuya, while the long, veiny shaft followed, its bottom crowned with big, shiny balls.

Bile rose in Kazuya's throat as he tightened his grip on the offending dildo. Red flashed before his eyes and he lost all focus, except for one thought; murdering his brother.

"Lee!" he bellowed, clutching the dildo and flinging back the covers. He sprang into action and rushed out of the bedroom – which would have been threatening, if he wasn't hobbling the entire way.

He found Lee sitting at the kitchen table, nonchalantly sipping tea from a china cup and reading the paper. The Silver Devil looked up at him with a level of nonchalance that sent Kazuya's blood boiling hotter. "You used the dildo! After I told you no to, you used it anyway!"

Lee set his cup down - ever the prince of grace - and shifted in his seat to look squarely at his brother. His brown eyes danced between Kazuya's reddening face and the violet dildo that flopped about in his steel fist. He finally sniffed and turned back to his paper, "You asked me for it."

"What?" Kazuya practically exploded as he hobbled up to his brother, hands clenching in anticipation of getting a hold of Lee's throat. "You got me drunk and fucked me with your damn Violet Sparkler – which is a gay name for a dildo – and now you act as if nothing happened? I will idestroy/i you!"

Lee's charm melted as his lips curled up into a snarl and he sprang from the table with a familiar hobble in his step. "You did the same thing, Kazuya," he threw his newspaper aside and whipped out a beast of a dildo – all black, ten inches, with a black handle on the end for comfortable grip. "Ever since you got your Falcon Manrammer you won't leave me alone! When you were drunk and horny off your ass, shoving that thing in my face, the best compromise I could work out was I do you while you do me. Trust me; you came out a winner last night." He winced as he flopped the black dildo onto the table and rubbed his sore ass.

Deflated, Kazuya grumbled loudly smacked the violet dildo on the table beside its counterpart. "Damnit, Lee, why do we always end up like this?"

Lee sighed and ran a hand through his silver locks. "There must be a reason if we keep doing it so often..." he leaned against the table and fished around in his silk robe for a cigarette. "I should confess, though, I found it enjoyable at parts..." His eyes trailed over to Kazuya inquiringly as he flicked his lighter and winked as he inhaled a puff of smoke.

"No," Kazuya anticipated where this was going. "I'll kill you first!"

"But, it's after eleven! It's okay to get hammered and go again." Lee ignored Kazuya's glare and picked up the violet dildo and moved close to him, running his fingers over the iridescent phallus. He dragged his nails over the silicone veins and gave his best seductive smile. "Come on, Kazuya… don't say you don't want it."

"You just want me drunk enough to consent to your fucked-up fantasies." Kazuya stood his ground, even as Lee's muscular thigh pressed between his legs to convince him otherwise.

"I'd prefer you sober," Lee purred into his ear as he pressed his chest against Kazuya's arm. His fingers continued to stroke the dildo in a way that showed Kazuya he was a pro.

Fuck, Kazuya had first-hand experience of that.

He turned sharply, keeping his face neutral as he closed his hand over his brother's fingers. "I want to remember everything this time, idiot."

Lee grinned lecherously and Kazuya took control, grabbing Lee by the hair and wrenching his head back. The Silver Devil whimpered as Kazuya licked along his throat and reached for the black dildo.

As their violent lovemaking started for a new day, the staff in Lee's mansion vacated the pool area. If matters progressed as usual, someone would soon be naked, slathered in sun oil, and fucked hard into a lounge chair, all while screaming for 'two fingers'.