Getting people drunk is, generally, hilarious.
Getting Sara Lance, former assassin slash Legend slash captain of the Waverider, drunk, is a fucking riot.
"You were supposed to be helping," Ray whispers-reprimands her (Zari doesn't know why, it's not like Sara can register anything anyways, what with the amount of alcohol in her system already) "This is not helping."
"She was sad," she replies, hands up "I helped her not be sad."
They both turn to look at their Captain who is now playing with two empty glasses of beer whilst singing "Ninety nine bottles of rum on the wall".
"See," she tells him "Loosen up. Everything is awesome."
It had all started when Sara finally escaped Mallus' hold, and had gone into her room with Ava, to talk it through. They had all assumed "talk it through" was an euphemism for "things" they were getting up to, which was why they had all been a little startled when Sara came out ten minutes later, already firing orders at Gideon, and looking pissed about everything and everyone in general.
A few questions to Gideon had revealed the gist of what had happened, and they had all decided to cheer her up.
"Correction," Zari says "They, including me, which really should be we, right, didn't think it through, sorry. Do-over. Either way, we decided to draw straws as to who would deal with Sara. I drew the shortest, hence I was given the responsibility of…..this."
"This wasn't….oh my God. I just need to think a moment. Okay, okay…..," Ray is still rambling when Sara cuts him off by pulling him by the back of his t-shirt.
"Ray, buddy!" she screams in his ear, once he is at eye level. Ray winces and gently tries to untangle himself but Sar is strong even when inebriated "Have a drink with me!"
"Uh," he starts, but Zari starts speaking over him.
"Yes, Ray, buddy. You should definitely have a drink with our captain. It'll make her happy. So happy."
"So happy," Sara repeats slowly after her "Please, Ray, please."
And while Sara can glare down the best of criminals and anachronisms, all of her deadly looks are nothing compared to what her puppy eyes unleash. Ray gingerly sits down on a chair, defenseless against her charm.
"Maybe one drink," he mutters, unbuttoning the top button of his t-shirt in an effort to loosen up.
Zari has another observation to add to her first two:
Getting Ray Palmer drunk is the best of them all.
It turns out that the billionaire has a very low tolerance for alcohol, which, Zari supposes makes sense since he is such a type-A personality. Two drinks in, and he gets spacey. Three drinks, throwing his hands up in the air at strange moments and going "Woo". Four drinks, bragging about his sexual exploits.
Now, five drinks in, she watches on as he and Sara do a rather loud rendition of 'Seasons of love' from Rent.
"Measure in love," Ray sings, drunkenly, face resting on his palm, and Sara tries to harmonize, but then goes suddenly quiet.
"Hey, Sara, you alright?" she asks, after a full two minutes of Sara staring off into space.
"Love," Sara mumbles.
Oh boy.
"Love," she says again, more clearly this time, and Zari feels her entire soul disintegrate into her boots because this was exactly what she was not supposed to let happen.
"Hey, Sara," she starts, trying to distract her, but the former assassin is already gone.
"Love," she says, sagely "Reminds me of Ava."
"Who's Ava, Sara?" Ray asks her, leaning in interestedly.
"This girl. This…amazing, beautiful woman."
"How beautiful?" the question comes, and Zari wants to laugh, but there is something in Sara's expression that kills the urge. Her eyes are forlorn, lost somehow, and Zari has never seen her like this before. The captain has always had a purpose. Has always known what to do. Now, she looks like a little child, one who has just been told that Santa might not be real.
"I don't know," Sara answers, frustrated (by her lack of eloquence, Zari assumes) "She's the most beautiful of them all. Gorgeous hair, pretty eyes, strong, and so, so smart. She knew all these words, Ray, okay? All these huge, complicated, wordy words. She knew the meaning of them. All of them."
Ray's eyes are wide "She sounds amazing."
"She was. Is. Are. I don't know."
"So what happened to her?"
Sara eyes grow sadder. Zari hadn't known it was even possible "She left. She left me. Because I…I was a dum-dum. An idiot. A complete imbeco…..no, that doesn't sound right. I was something."
"I just, miss her so much. So, so much. But I can't be with her because she deserves so much better. Like, a doctor. Or a cop. I'm just me."
"You know what, Sara, you're absolutely right."
And Zari, Ray, and Sara all comically swivel in their chairs to see Director Ava Sharpe standing right behind them.
"How long have you been standing there?" Zari asks, because she is the only one who has a semblance of sense left in her.
"Long enough," Ava replies, eyes still on Sara "I just dropped in to…check and…"
Zari doesn't say anything else, struck dumb by the look in the woman's eyes. There's concern, worry there, along with exasperation too, but the expression that most stands out is relief. As though Sara is her everything. All she needs to breathe.
It makes Zari ache inside a little, to have the kind of love these two idiots have.
"I'm…..right?" Sara asks, confused, and it breaks the spell.
"Yeah. Ava could never be with you because you are a dum-dum. I mean, you have to be if you can't see that you are all she really wants. Simple, two-syllable words and all," Ava says simply, stepping forward.
"You're pretty," Sara declares "Almost as much as Avie. Avon. Ava."
The director smiles at her, and the tenderness in her eyes knocks Zari away. She busies herself, trying not to intrude on this private moment. Still, in her peripheral vision, she sees Ava gently coax Sara into her arms, and pick her up, bridal style.
"I'm, uh, going to take her to her room?" she asks, awkwardly, and Zari nods.
"Okay. I'll, just take care of Drunk Atom here."
Zari watches them go, reassured that her captain, is now in good hands. Those two, she thinks, will hopefully sort their shit out soon, and she can have some rest finally.
She turns around, only to see Ray looking absolutely green. "I think I'm going to be sick," he says.
Or maybe not.