Author's Note: So I started watching Agent Carter and I just really like Howard and Peggy's relationship. Like I know that he probably doesn't end up being her husband but there is just something about that relationship that is so great. It's like they complete something in each other. Anyway I was thinking about that and then I got to thinking what if he really liked her, even though they don't end up together. So this fic began. I love letters and letter writing is certainly a lost art and so I thought that it'd be cool for Tony to find these letter's that his father wrote but couldn't send to Peggy telling his feelings. I have another fic I set up in a similar way, where we jump from the present where the letter is being read to the time that the letter is being written about. I've only written Peggy and Tony in very short piece in my Steve/Natasha fic Just Another Day In Paradise and I've never written Howard before so I am so sorry if anyone if too OOC. Do remember though that Howard is supposed to be different in his letters because these are the inner feelings he can't share. Anyway, here is Chapter 1: "October 5, 1946."

Howard Stark was a pack-rat. Of that much Tony Stark was sure as he began going through boxes upon boxes of his father's things. Tony had been looking for more of his father's papers about alternative energy sources that he was thinking about using to fuel his newest project: the Ultron project, a group of peace keeping AIs that he wanted to use to handle some lesser threats and give the Avengers some time off.

"Why couldn't they have had computer filing systems then?" asked Tony as he heaved a box upon the table. He carefully began taking out old, half water damaged folders with different labels on them. Flying automobiles, arc reactor, molecular nitramene. Then one caught Tony's eye. He pulled out the large file that read "Project Rebirth: Vita-ray testing, Subject: Rogers, Steven." Tony thought that he'd pulled all of these out before.

He flipped the file open and was surprised by what he saw in it. They weren't any folders or reports or charts. The file was filled with letters, all yellowed and faded. They had to have been written years ago, the oldest in at least 1950 if not a little before. Tony gently pulled one out and looked at who it was addressed to: "Dear Peggy," was how it began.

Tony remembered Peggy Carter moderately well. If he thought his father talked about Cap a lot then he talked about Peggy 10 times as much. She would come over a lot when he was just a kid to talk to his dad about whatever work related problems were going about in S.H.E.I.L.D. She would also sneak Tony sweets all the time, much to his mother's frustration, and he would always get excited for her visits. He also remembered when she attended his parents' funeral. She told him that she didn't know his mother well but that his father was one of her dearest friends.

Tony laid the first letter out on the table, smoothing it to the best of his ability. He began reading it:

Dear Peggy,

You're probably wondering why I'm writing you. Let me start out by telling you I'm not drunk while I'm writing this. I barely drank any of that bourbon you gave me. Three glasses, four tops. It's just that I'm just sitting here by myself and I got to thinking about some things.

Do you remember that night in New York, at your hotel room? After we came back from a talk with the SSR about...some bullshit I can't even recall. I think I was drunk that night. I don't really remember a whole lot of it. I just remember I asked you: You think we could've ever had normal lives?

XXXXXXXXXX

"You think we could've ever had normal lives?" he said as he titled his head to look at her.

They were sitting on the couch in her hotel room in New York after meeting with the SSR about some of Howard's inventions that they were studying. Howard has ordered a bottle of bourbon be sent up along with dinner and now they were sitting around drinking for a bit.

She didn't know where this question suddenly came from. "Why do you ask?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe I'm just a little drunk already. But I was just thinking, could we ever have had normal lives?"

"Define normal, Howard. Normal as in me marrying a nice English gentleman and raising children forever? Normal as in you remaining on the upper east side selling fruit like your father, finding a young girl to marry and have child with? I believe we have missed the chance for a 'normal' life," she said.

He just burst out in laughter and she jumped a little. Just how much bourbon had she poured in his glass? "You're right, Peg. I know we missed the chance but do you think we could have had it? Do you think that we could have stayed out of all this mess?" He took a swig of his glass and laughed. "Ha ha, who am I kidding? Our natures would have never let us have been normal. The minute the SSR came to us we could have never refused."

He turned back over to look at her. "I think about it sometimes, though."

"About what?" she asked.

"Just being that simple guy my dad was. I know I always wanted to climb that ladder and be better than him but he did have some things I don't. He had that little apartment with a pretty wife and a little boy running around. Sometimes I think I want that too. I think I'd name him Anthony," he said. "What about you? You ever think about it?"

She stared down at the drink in her hand. She didn't really want to tell Howard this, though he seemed to be drunk enough he'd probably not remember, but sometimes she did. Sometimes she would catch herself wondering what life would be like if she had just gotten married and became a mother. Of course in those dreams it was never a nice English gentleman who she married. It was always Steve and if she had lived a normal life then she would have never had even met Steve. "Sometimes," she admitted in a whisper.

"You think about life with him, don't you? Steve?" he said.

She jerked around to look at him, wondering how he could tell. That's when she noticed something she hadn't really seen in his eyes. It was an almost sad look as he started at her, a lonely look. It was unusual for him, definitely different than the normal, playful spark that was always in his eyes. Maybe it was just from the alcohol. She didn't say anything. He turned away from her and looked up at the ceiling.

"He was something. He was the perfect guy, the guy who stole your heart," he said.

She thought she heard some resentment in his voice. "Howard, are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine, Peg. I just feel a little buzzed," he said.

"I think you are more than 'a little buzzed'," she said. "Perhaps we should go to bed. Come on and I'll take you to your room."

She got up and he grabbed her hand. Her first instinct was to grab his wrist and break it but she stopped herself, wondering what he was doing. He opened his mouth like he had something to say but then closed it and let go of her hand, shaking his head. "You're right, Peg. It's time for some shut-eye."

"I'll go get my shoes," she said as she headed into the bedroom. Howard watched as she walked away. Maybe it was the alcohol fogging his brain up but he'd never seen anything so beautiful as Peggy. Forget all the models and actresses he'd been with; none of them had anything on Peggy Carter.

He would always say that Peggy was just his colleague and his friend but sometimes she felt like more. He wouldn't call it love per se but it's like he needed Peggy to complete something in him. They were more alike than either would admit but they also were different enough to complement each other. There connection had always been strong and maybe he just didn't want to accept it but she was the one girl he always needed as a constant in life. Maybe that's why he constantly flirted and messed with her. Maybe that's why he knew to call on her when his name needed clearing. Maybe that's why he was here sitting in a hotel room with her, drinking, asking her about if they lived a different life.

She walked back in and noticed he hadn't moved. "Howard?" she said, taking a seat beside him. "Are you sure you're alright?"

He shook his head as he stumbled up. "I told ya, Peg. I'm good. You're right though. I should be getting back to my room."

"How about I help you back?" she asked.

"Nah. I can get there," he said as he slipped his coat on. He startled toward the door, swaying a bit.

Peggy sighed as she got up and went over to him. "Howard, you've obviously had too much to drink tonight. And here I thought Howard Stark would have a better tolerance built up after all your times gallivanting around."

"Maybe I'm just getting too old," he said as they started off down the hall.

"Maybe we all are," she said.

They were silent the rest of the way to his room: the presidential suite on the 20th floor. It wasn't a weird silence, just one that showed how tired they both were. Not just from the day but from all that had been going on as of late.

When they arrived in his room he turned around in the doorway to look at her again. "Well I guess this is my stop. Want to catch breakfast together tomorrow though?"

She smiled. "Sounds wonderful. I'll be seeing you about 7 then?"

"I'll be there knocking on your door," he said, "Well, if I don't have too much of a headache in the morning."

"Next time we'll be sure to cut down on the bourbon," she said.

"Ah taking away all the fun, Peg," he said.

She just shook her head. "Have to take it away if you end up like this every time. Stumbling around, acting all strange, asking out of the blue questions."

"I know, I know," he said. "I'll be more myself in the morning. Good night," he said.

"Good night, Howard," she said as she turned to leave.

Just as he was about to shut the door she turned back to him and said "You know, Howard, while a normal life does sound like it would have some benefits, there is something it probably wouldn't have had."

"What's that?" he asked.

"You," she began, "If I had just married some man in England I'd have never meet you. Or Steve or Angie or Jarvis. So many of the people who are important in my life now would've never have been apart of it and I just don't think I can accept that. Maybe one day we can have a normal life if we stay alive and ever decide to get out of all this. But for now I'm fine with this crazy life we live." She smiled at him. "I'm keeping you up; I apologize. Good night."

"Good night, Peggy," he said with a smile as he shut the door.

XXXXXXXXXX

I remember you saying that you didn't want a normal life because you'd miss all of your friends and I understand that. But you also said you think about it sometimes.

You imagine a life with Steve, I can tell. Well Peg I imagine a normal life with someone too. That's why I'm writing. I imagine a normal life with you.

I think about what if we had a little son named Anthony together, lived a happy life, you and me. Raising him, growing old together. It's just a fantasy though.

You know, Peg, I could have literally any woman in the world and I want you. I guess it's true what they though we only want what we can't have.

I know I can't have you. Your heart will always be Steve's and if by some chance you do ever give it away and try to have a normal life with someone I know it won't be me. We're just friends and perhaps that's all we are ever meant to be.

Why did I suddenly decide to pour all this out to you? Maybe I am drunk. I should really keep myself busier so I won't have time for these kind of moments.

Peg...I'm really thinking about not sending this but in the off chance that I do I just want you to know that I mean everything I say, even if I'm drunk or not.

You'd expect me to say I love you here but I don't know if that's really what I can all this. I was never good at understanding what love is. I tell too many woman I 'love' them. But I need you, Peg.

Sincerely,

Howard

Tony stared at the letter again, still contemplating what all he had read. This certainly was a part of his dad he'd never seen or even thought would have existed. He would have never thought that his dad would've been in love with Peggy Carter. Though when he thought about it his dad did always seem a bit happier when Peggy came over to visit, and she was one of the few people he'd drop work for to do something with.

Tony also knew that his parents' marriage had never been perfect. His dad stayed cooped up in his basement working and his mother usually was out with her girl friends or just around the house. They never really were around each other much unless they had to make some public appearance. Maybe this was part of the reason why. Maybe his dad really never got over Peggy.

Tony couldn't help but laugh some. His dad was known for being such a womanizer and there was one girl he couldn't get to fall for him.

He glanced over at the still opened folder. There were more letters inside. Was Tony really going to go through his dad's personal thoughts like this? Go through these letters that his dad tried so hard to hide? He looked at the one in his hand and then at the folder again.

He laid the one he had down and pulled out another.

So there it is. Tony has decided to check out the other letters. I don't know when I'll have the next chapter up or what the next letter will be about but it will be up sometimes, hopefully in March. I'm working on three other stories (but I couldn't stop from adding another) and school keeps me busy so updating is slow. Anyway I hope you all will enjoy this story. Don't forget to follow to keep up with when it updates. Also check out some of my other fics if you want. I mostly write for Steve/Natasha when it comes to the MCU but I also have some different anime fanfictions. Also reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! They tell me if anyone is liking the story and what can be improved. They also make me really happy and fuel my want to write so chapters usually get posted faster! Anyway, see y'all next chapter! ;D