I didn't know I loved him.
It was my loyalty and unwavering belief in him that kept me by his side. He was ambitious, but forgetful. That was my job. If anything I believed he has come to depend on me… like an old man to his cane. He could walk without it but why walk without a cane when you have it? Boys will be boys and I was there to make sure they did what they needed to do when they needed too, all of them. They believed in him too. We all did, unquestionably. If their loyalty was in any, any question at all, mine could never be.
Other people look at me with many looks, but it is the women's looks I notice the most. Some with eyes of admiration, what they would do standing next to a hero. Some with eyes of lust, I spend almost night and day with him, what they would do with a chance like that. Some with eyes of scoffing, I didn't deserve to be with a man like him, they did. Either ways they all look at me with eyes of jealousy. Wishing they could be here, where I am, instead of me. The answer is simple enough, they can't. So all they can do is leer at me standing in a matching uniform obediently by his side.
I never noticed the looks before. The second glance over the shoulder. The stares at my back when I'm not looking. The way his eyes linger just a little. The way his lips curve up half a second longer. I never really cared, but now they make me wonder. What is he thinking? Is he just watching me? Is he amused by me? Is he just messing with me?
I figured two can play at that game.
I did the same that he did… but I was no good at it. He would catch me and smirk. All I could do is turn away and scold him for not doing his work. He would mumble and turn back to his work. By the end of the day I would have scolded him twice as much as usual. The men though of it just that "time" and stayed clear out of my way.
It wasn't until night time before it would be just me and him doing an endless mound of paperwork. His eyes would clash with mine as I tried to get him to do his paperwork. He would just smile and nod and then announced to no one in particular that he had a date tonight.
He was just messing with me.
The looks and all the stares, they didn't mean anything. We all amused him, us women. All of them, including me. That's when I felt a twist, a painful one. I realized how much of him was my life and how much hearing that hurt. So I collected his paperwork and retreated to my desk. I didn't want to make him late. With wide eyes he gaped at me in utter shock. I collected my things for the night and headed for the door, home.
I sat at home collecting all the trust… and new found love I had for him trying to convincing myself that my superior wouldn't feel the same way. It was just a job, his dream, and I just happened to be there helping him along the way. Never noticing that he was standing in the doorway of my bedroom watching me fight with myself internally. He walked over to me seeing the confusion and hurt play all over my face. He looked at me with heavy eyes, like something had gone wrong. I knew what had gone wrong. He gazed at me with an apology that I couldn't refuse.
I didn't take my eyes off of him for the rest of that night.
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