I sat in my chair, hearing, seeing nothing. My chest felt empty... Hollow... incomplete.... it ached and throbbed, all at once. The ache thudded and reverberated through my arms, like the pumping of my dormant heart. All my thoughts were on 'him'. As his face appeared in my mind, the aching intensified. Last time we were together, this feeling had vanished. I wanted it gone now. The ghost of his kiss still lingered, a whisper of his hand on mine remained. I curled up in a ball, wrapping my arms around my knees, holding myself together. The aching seemed to pull at the edges of my heart, threatening to overwhelm my senses. A shiver traveled down my spine and I buried myself further under the pile of blankets that swamped me. Poor substitutes for his arms that could stay the deepest cold. I longed for that embrace now, when the cold seeped into my skin unchecked. I wanted to be released from its cruel grasp.
I felt sick. Not I am going to vomit sick, but lonely sick, as if they had removed my heart and put empty despair in its place. I felt empty though I had eaten. Lonely though I was surrounded by my loved ones. Cold though I was wrapped in blankets next to the fire. All I wanted was his arms wrapped around me, his presence to protect and hide me. The desire consumed me with single minded intensity. It hurt me as I walked away from him yesterday. Sent actual physical and emotional pain ripping through me. All I wanted to do was turn around and run back. Now as I lay pathetically on my leather arm chair, I regretted leaving. I imagined when we would meet again, a shiver of anticipation running through my very being. How he would look up eagerly. My eyes would roam his face, saving his eyes for last as my thought processes were likely to go lala the minute our eyes connected. I would stumble over thin air in my haste to reach him and he would half smile, smirk even at my vulnerability and clumsiness. The smile that I loved so much.