"Yeah, I'm late, sorry to disappoint," I muttered to the staring students as I entered, angrily sitting in the back row of Sikowitz's class. While this was my favorite class of the day, it also happened to be my first class of the day. And every class that happens to be the first earns a big demerit in my book.
Yes. My book of life. That's what it is. You all should read it and learn the way things are supposed to be.
"Where were you?"
Cat. The little red-headed girl was normally whom I would vent to. Normally I wasn't this angry in class. The fact that I could sit and stir over all the happenings of the day – or the happenings that may or may not come – was surprisingly pleasant. I could just sit and absent-mindedly take all the notes I need while in the meantime, I'm also thinking of perfect comebacks for whenever the need may arise.
"Late," I replied simply, pushing a strand of black and blue hair behind my left ear. It occurred to me as I straightened my black skirt over my fishnet tights that I had put my shirt on inside-out this morning. I'm sure it wasn't noticeable, of course. Anything can pass as grunge in this school. But I still had to wonder how I had let that pass.
I saw Cat lean back in her chair. She seemed mildly disappointed by my blunt response. Maybe a bit upset, even. I sighed and moved my chair closer to her, enough to whisper in her ear. "I'll tell you at lunch."
I saw her smile lightly and turn back to the head of the class. I admired Cat sometimes. It seemed strange coming from my mouth. Or rather, my head. Those words would never leave my mouth. But that didn't change how I thought. Cat was so simple-minded. If people around her are happy, she's happy. If people around her are angry… She tries to remain happy.
Not that I enjoyed being happy. Although, a little happiness in my life couldn't hurt. But maybe I enjoy my life the way it is. I'm just a masochist. I've known that since I was seven when I had decided to see how red my toe would get when I dipped it in the scalding water. Mild signs, but they were signs, nonetheless. And it's not like I go around sticking my toes in boiling pots anymore. I'm not stupid. But… I don't know. I just can't seem to be happy with, well, happiness.
"Nice of you to grace us with your delightful presence, Jade," Sikowitz said nonchalantly, turning his attention to a student of higher importance. I was just a prop.
I felt a feeling of utter tiredness come over me. I could feel my eyelids drooping, and it took an awful lot of might to keep opening them. Way too much might. These occurrences got to a point where my hand was the only thing propping up my head. My aching neck was useless. I was tired. That much was clear. Now if only I knew why.
"Jade. Jade," I heard a voice say.
The voice was clear, and easily recognized as Cat's. I just couldn't see her. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I reached for whoever's hand it was and ripped it off forcefully, not in the mood for games. My eyes, which I was unaware were closed, instantly popped open at the sound of a whimper. The first thing I saw was Cat inspecting her hand, a sad little pout on her face.
"Sorry, Cat," I muttered, turning my attention back to Sikowitz.
"It's okay," I heard her say, but my sense of hearing was only half-awake.
I stole a glance at the clock above the window. It was only 8:43. The window. What I would give to just stand up and take a leap out of that window. Just land in the grass and lay there for a while. Unfortunately, the obnoxious school bells disturbed my beautiful fantasy of the moment.
Something was wrong with me. It shouldn't take this much effort to stand up and walk to my next class. But it was. My feet were wobbly. My vision was blurry. I tried to remember how much sleep I had gotten last night. I remember going to sleep at ten. I assume four or five hours were spent tossing and turning, per usual lately. And then I woke up at 7:05. Oh. So that would make… Around four hours. That wasn't so bad. I sleep like that all the time. But I've never felt like this.
What is this?