Da Sezzy Advenchurs of Balla an Ewdard

by TheCarp

Bella an Ewdard hav a chanse at Roemanse! It is vrey sezhual so u wil get five thousand bonners if u read it! Edward is our god we must sex him gud! xoxoxxo 3

1. Chapter 1

Da Sezzy Advenchurs of Balla an Ewdard Cullen

Chap 1

OMGWTFSPARKLES!SLKDJF:SLDFSDFH:Lkj-oh…..

Sunlight poured through the open drapes onto Bella's sexy manburger. The sparkles from his toiletbowl-colored skin shined straight into her eyes. The brightest part was from his vampire nips. His nipples were so long (5 inches, to be exact). They were so succulent magical unicrons dat she wanted to tickle them with her eyelashes and pretend that she was the statue of liberty, but that could wait. Tehre were more sezzier tings that she wanted to do.

But THEN! (omg the suzpenxe!) she had…TO POO! (omg rising actionomg!) The gurgling in hree tummy was unbearified! She accidentally pooed a little on Ewdread but it was in his mouth so she didn't really care, so she ran off the the bathroom while Jacob sexually molested their daughter in the other room. She sat down on the toilet and shitted for what seem like twenty thousand years, but was actually one second. OH NOOOOOOO! In her extreme hurry, Bella accidentally mistook the bathroom mirror for a toilet! The smears from the feces cascaded down the mirror and filled the sink, to the point where her reflection made her look like a negro man like Nikki Minaj. Then she looked over and saw that Edward was standing in the door staring at her in whoreror, then she looked down and realized she was still squatting on the sink with her ass pressed to the mirror.

Edward looked to the mirror and screamed "OH MY GOD BELLA YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE BLACKER THAN AUNT JEMIMA!" "Edward you don't under-staaaaaannd…." Bella said in the bland way that obsessive mormon females talk. "I am notblack I am white" to prove this, she flashed her nipples at him, which her saggier than a plastic shopping back with a little bit of yogurt in it. "Oh that was a relief, because I owned slaves in the South and I hate all black people". Edward was an immortal vampire who has lived for hundreds of years, so it made sense that he had lived before the civil war, had slaves, and hated negro men like Nikki Minaj but listened to their music.

To cheer him up from this shock that I had almost been a negro, I took my excrements from the sink, lathered them all over my body, and, while dancing to the sound of my daughter being sexually exploited on video camera by a werewolf, pretended to be a rich woman's curtains.

End of chapter 1