Note from the Author: First time giving a Katawa Shoujo fic a shot. One of the endings that resonated most strongly with me was Hanako's bad ending. I understand why the game ended where it did within that ending, but I've always felt that there was so much more room to grow, expand, and tell a compelling story in the established scenario. I'm honestly always eager to improve, so if there are any questions, concerns, or criticisms, always feel free to let me know! Aside from that, please enjoy!
Frankly, things couldn't have gone worse. I'm not one to fantasize too much about "worst case scenarios" despite my cynical tendencies, but this goes leaps and bounds beyond what I'd expected. "I hate you more than anyone" certainly isn't a sentence I'd ever expected to hear come out of Hanako's mouth. Not towards anyone, least of all me. Not to mention her harsh words towards Lilly. How much of it did she mean? I can't help but chuckle dryly at the thought. The look of anger on her face contained the answer already; all of it. She meant all of it. Without a doubt.
I stare blankly at my cell phone, as I have for the last few hours. Flipping it open, going to Lilly's number, putting my thumb over the call button, and…
"Dammit." I sigh, flip it back shut, and repeat the process. This is getting me nowhere, but I'm at a loss as to what else I should be doing. I haven't exactly done a great job of reaching out to people here; Lilly, Hanako, and God-help-me, Kenji are the only people I've really developed any kind of a relationship with here. I've clearly burned some bridges with Hanako, that much is horrifically apparent. Lilly would have better insight into this than anybody else, but how can I bring myself to tell her about what Hanako said? Hanako clearly stated that she hated Lilly too. Her heart would shatter. Then there's Kenji…
"Absolutely not…" I'm desperate, I'm hurt, angry, and confused. But I will never be desperate enough to willingly reach out to Kenji about this. I can't imagine he would have anything useful to say. Probably would assume that Hanako was some "enemy that must be defeated" and take some kind of action against her. That's not what I'm after here.
I flip open my phone. Scroll to Lilly. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut. It's like I'm stuck in some kind of a mental feedback loop, repeating this action being my only choice. My gaze falls over to my desk, and I'm reminded of a letter I'd received not long ago. I walk over to the last bit of communication from Iwanako to myself, and skim through it again. I don't know what I'm looking for. Maybe nothing at all. Could very well be that I'm just clinging to something to keep my head busy for a minute. The words all blur together and pass through my skull like a pile of mush. I'm reading the words but nothing is sticking. My head's really a mess right now, isn't it?
I flip open the phone. Scroll. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut.
I flip open the phone. Scroll. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut.
"I need some air." I crumple Iwanako's letter and toss it into the corner of my room. I don't want to just trash it outright. It seems like that would be disrespectful somehow. Really though I have no interest in seeing it at the moment. I step out of my room, my head still in a daze.
I step outside into the chilly evening air. It's later than I thought it was. I don't think students are supposed to be walking around at this time, but I just can't bring myself to care. I walk down the stairs and gaze up at the stars.
"Man, you look awful." Well this is one of the last people I expected to see on my little walk. For all my thoughts about avoiding discussing this with Kenji, it seems he's found his way to me. What are the odds?
"Where'd you come from?" I ask, without turning my gaze to meet his. "More than that, how do you know what I look like?" I can't keep the venom from dripping into my words. I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth. Giving him grief about his vision is pretty low. He's got nothing to do with this.
"I was in my room. Heard you stomping around for a while, then you just up and left. It's past curfew you know, so I wanted to see what you were up to." At least it seems like he's unphased by my comment. It's not super common for Kenji's answers to make this much sense. For all the nonsense that spews out of his mouth, there are a handful of times when he speaks with surprising clarity. Looks like this is one of them. A thought briefly flashes through my mind; Kenji isn't a bad person. I can't help but think his eccentric behavior probably is something a lot deeper than him just being weird. He probably could benefit from some professional help. Of course, the stigma attached to that pretty much guarantees a significant bit of damage to the rest of his life as a result. Would that really be any more damaging then his current behavior though? I decide to keep my thoughts to myself.
"Just getting some air, Kenji."
"Bad day?" The question is pretty direct.
"Bad day," I whisper with a small nod. He stares at me in silence for what could be a minute. I see him shrug out of the corner of my eye, before he turns to walk off.
"Try and get more sleep. I'll need you at your best when the time comes. Can't have you looking like roadkill." Well shit. If Kenji is saying I look terrible, I guess I'm quite a mess, huh? I appreciate his concern, and try not to worry too much about what he means by "when the time comes." I take a few steps forward before instinctively checking my phone.
I flip it open. Scroll. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut.
I know I have to talk to Lilly, but I can't seem to bring myself to tell her how badly I've messed everything up. She's already got enough going on as it is with her aunt. I sit on the steps and close my eyes. They feel hot. An unfamiliar sensation burns them, and I feel wetness stain my cheeks. I'm crying?
I can't help but laugh. I haven't cried once since my heart attack. I didn't cry when I was told about my condition. I didn't cry when my friends stopped visiting. I didn't cry when Iwanako left for the last time. I didn't cry when my life was upheaved and I was shipped off to a school so very far away from my old life. I think somehow, I needed an outlet for… This. All of this. It just sucks that the breaking point had to be something this terrible.
"Hanako… I'm sorry." I whisper my confession to nobody in particular. I know she isn't broken. I can't deny that I've messed a lot of things up, probably beyond repair. I can clearly see that I've hurt her, and despite not knowing exactly what I could have done differently I never once thought she was broken. I only hope that I can get the chance to tell her that.
"Hanako, huh?" Kenji's voice sounds out next to me. "Some chick break your heart? Women are like that you know. Least you didn't end up with a knife in your side." Ignoring the last part of his comment, I respond.
"I think it's more like I broke her heart actually. Didn't you go back to your room? I saw you walk off."
"Well yeah, I walked off for a minute. Then I got thinking though. Can't leave a fallen comrade behind, y'know? Brotherly bonds and all that. It's what keeps us going through the rough times." He sits down next to me. "So I'm here to pick your ass up and get you ready for battle again."
"No battles, Kenji. I don't think I have that much fight left in me." The words hang between us like a premonition. That was a curious choice of words, I'll admit. Could be that I was just playing off of Kenji's talk of battle, but somehow I don't think that's it. "I don't think I have much fight left in me?" I repeat again, a bit more quietly, questioning what I meant by this. I don't like the way that sounded. I shiver a bit.
"Would a bit of liquid courage do you some good?" A genuine question. Liquid courage? He can't possibly mean…
"Kenji. I know that you can't possibly be asking what I think you're asking. What do you mean by liquid courage?" I eye him curiously. He leans in with a smile.
"Whiskey. The drink of men." I reel backwards, taken aback by his suggestion.
"Kenji, what the Hell? We're at school. I can't imagine the staff is very forgiving about that kind of thing. We'd be expelled on the spot."
"Big talk from the guy who came home reeking of wine the other day." I furrow my eyebrows in frustration. It couldn't have been that obvious… Could it have?
"Fair point, but I'll still pass. Maybe some other time. Don't think drinking is great for me right now." I stand to my feet. Glance down at my phone. Flip it open. Scroll. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut.
"Need to call someone? Will they even answer? It's pretty late you know."
"Not where she is. Time zones and all that."
"Another she? You're setting yourself up for pain, brother. It's good that you're going so far for the cause, deep cover and everything, but you keep surrounding yourself with women and it's bound to catch up with you. They're crafty you know."
"Noted. Thank's Kenji." I reach out to him in an attempt to help him to his feet, but he ignores it and stands up on his own. I don't know if he didn't want the help, or if he just didn't see my outstretched hand, but I quickly retract it to keep from looking silly either way.
"Going back to your room?" He asks indifferently.
"I guess so. You coming along?"
"Nah. Was planning on being out tonight anyways. Got some things to take care of, and the cover of darkness is my best bet to do it."
"Didn't you say that you've been in your room until you heard me leave? Certainly doesn't sound like you were out tonight." A moment of silence passes between us.
"Night, man." Kenji says with a wave as he walks off. That seemed like a very deliberate move to avoid my question. I give a small snort hiding some suppressed laughter before making my way upstairs, feeling… Lighter, I guess, than when I came down. I'm still just as hurt. I still don't have any answers. I have no clue where to go from here, and I certainly don't have the guts to give Lilly a call right now. But at least he got a laugh out of me. I don't know what to do next, but in my brief moment of clarity, all that reverberates in my head are Kenji's words. "Try and get more sleep." I give a small, grateful smile.
"Thank's Kenji. I'll do that." Before drifting off to sleep, I can't shake the feeling that something is missing. Like I'm forgetting something important.
I wake from a dreamless sleep feeling more tired than when I closed my eyes. The instant I'm conscious of my surroundings, my mind returns to one subject. Hanako. What have I done? I lay, staring at my ceiling feeling a special form of self-loathing. I don't know what time it is, but the sun is still barely up so it must be pretty early. I guess I didn't get much sleep. I glance over at the alarm clock: 6:13. Leaves me with a little over two hours until class. My stomach gives a small growl, reminding me that I must have skipped dinner last night in my daze. I give a contemplative frown, before deciding to head down to the cafeteria and grab a bite to eat. I'm not particularly hungry, but I probably shouldn't skip two meals in a row if it can be helped, and if my stomach is growling it's probably a sign that I need some sort of nourishment. But as soon as I decide that...
"Ugh…" The thought of eating makes my stomach churn. Something light then. A quick shower later and I'm on my way. I can't help but feel like I'm forgetting something...
The cafeteria is mostly empty this early in the morning. Students don't usually start filing in until closer to 7:00, but frankly I'm not in the best of moods so this lonely atmosphere suits me just fine. I pick apart at the perfectly average breakfast before me absentmindedly. For all that peace of mind my talk with Kenji gave me last night, it seems that was only temporary. Everything I was feeling is back with a vengeance. Something else is mingled in there too, but I'd rather not think about what that unpleasant emotion hovering in the back of my mind is.
"Hiichan~!" I need to get things with Hanako sorted out, and soon. I'd rather have all of this blow over before Lilly gets back if that's possible, but… "Hiichan~!" But I just don't see a way. Honestly, I don't think this is one of those things that can just "blow over." Her feelings on this were made pretty clear, but still… "Hiichan~?" Still, I just-
"Ow!" A sharp pain jolts through my forehead, snapping my thoughts back to my surroundings. I glance around, confused, and see Misha standing in front of me, her finger outstretched. "What was that?"
"I flicked you~!" She gives a laugh that seems to echo even louder than usual in the emptiness of this room. I don't think there's a student in the building that wasn't just made aware of Misha's presence.
"No, I get that. I mean, what was that for?" I rub my forehead. That hurt! I swear, I wouldn't be surprised if her nail drew some blood with that one.
"Well, I tried getting your attention just by talking to you! But~! You just kept sitting there looking like somebody told you your pet dog ran away." She takes a step closer to me and pokes her nail into my forehead again. Ow. "This is unacceptable, Hiichan! You can't just ignore a cute young woman like myself!" I grimace, before giving a quick glance around us.
"Where's Shizune?" I blurt out the first question that comes to mind. That seems to drag out a bit of a scowl from Misha, for the briefest of seconds. Unexpected, and very unwelcome. A look like that doesn't suit her usual bubbly appearance.
"Shiichan and I are two different people you know. It's not like we're together 24/7." I can't argue with that I suppose. It just seems… Strange, somehow, to imagine the duo doing anything individually.
"Right. Sorry." I give out a half-hearted apology. That's odd. I actually am sorry, so it's weird that my apology sounded so disingenuous. I frown in response to my own words. Misha simply responds with a soft, "Hmm~" and sits across from me. "Really, I am. That didn't come out right, but I mean it. I didn't mean to imply that you two were codependent or anything."
"You wouldn't be the first person to think so. We are together most of the time, so I guess it's fair~." Her voice maintains that usual up-and-down tilt that's so characteristic of her, but despite that it strikes me as being almost somber. I hope I'm not the cause of it just because of some off-handed remark I made. Not wanting to push my luck and upset her further, I glance back down towards my food and continue poking around at it, and consider what I should say to salvage this conversation.
"You're right Misha," I say as I glance back up to her. A look of confusion briefly crosses her face.
"Huh?"
"I shouldn't have ignored a cute young woman such as yourself. Sorry I didn't notice you sooner. I was just distracted." I look her in the eye and force out the best smile that I can. It's the most sincere way I can apologize for my last blunder. A moment of silence passes between us, before-
"Wahahah~!" Her laugh echoes through the room again. "Hiichan, you smooth talker!" I glance back down to my food, consider taking a bite, and my stomach churns again. I mostly end up just mashing it together on my tray. "Um~... Hiichan, you probably shouldn't play with your food~." She flashes a grin at me, at least letting me know that she's just poking fun.
"Sorry Misha. Just not very hungry." She frowns.
"Why are you here so early then? I thought you came down here so you could have breakfast?" I think about it for a minute, carefully picking my words so I don't let the wrong bit of information slip out.
"I had a busy day yesterday and ended up skipping dinner by accident. But, you know, I need to eat to live. So even though I'm not very hungry I figure I should probably get something in my stomach."
"So, Hiichan~... Something kept you so busy, so late in the evening that you could even forget about dinner~?" I don't know what she's thinking right now, and can't help but frown at whatever she might be insinuating. "Shiichan and I saw you walking into the girls dorms yesterday, you know… Lilly's gone so there's only one person you might have been visiting… Whatever could have kept you busy with her so late into the evening~?" She grins playfully at me. I scowl back. She doesn't seem to notice. "Once you two got some alone time, you finally decided to make a move, huh~? Hiichan, you romantic you~!"
"Somehow I don't think this is appropriate, Misha." My words come out sounding cold and distant, even to myself. Her grin doesn't fade. She still doesn't notice? She can't be this dense, right?
"I'm just teasing, Hiichan~. Still, Hanako's a lucky girl you know." My eyebrows furrow in frustration upon hearing her name. I don't hold any ill will towards her, but I really wish Misha would stop talking about it.
"I think you're mistaken, Misha. Might be a good idea not to talk about things you don't know about." My throat is feeling a bit tight. I loosen my collar a bit. I grimace at the unpleasant sensation.
"Oh?" She frowns a bit, finally sensing that something is amiss. She looks at me hard for a moment, before folding her arms, seemingly arriving at some conclusion or another. "What did you do?" I look into her eyes, scanning them for a moment. What's her angle here? Why does she keep pushing this. I feel that I've made it clear that I'd rather not discuss this.
"I'm sorry?"
"What did you do? I saw you two together after the incident in class, and you looked really great. But now you're sitting here looking all mad now that we're talking about her. I don't think Hanako would have done something that bad, so it must have been you, right~? Right~?" Despite that strange tilt in her voice, she seems very serious with her line of questioning. She knows me much better than she knows Hanako I would think. Her and I are better friends than her and Hanako I would think. But instantly when she hears the situation, she assumes I'm somehow at fault? She's not wrong I guess. I look away, irritated at her, at myself, at the whole situation. The more she pushes it, the more she brings it up, the more raw everything seems to feel. Things seem almost ordinary when I'm not thinking about her, but as soon as Hanako crosses my mind...
"I think maybe I should go back to my room. Today's… Not a good day. Have fun in class. Apologize to Shizune for me, and let her know I won't be making it." I stand up in an attempt to excuse myself.
"Wait a minute, Hiichan!" She stands up as well. I ignore her and take care of my tray, leaving the cafeteria. "Hiichan?"
"Misha, let it be."
Why is she following me?
"Hiichan!"
I make my way back to my dorm, walk up the stairs, and head back to my room.
Stop. Following. Me.
I say nothing, opening the door, and walking inside. Before I have a chance to close it, she walks in behind me. What the Hell is this girl doing?
"Hiichan, didn't we just talk about it being improper to ignore cute young women?"
"I'm not ignoring you. I just left the discussion."
"I'm not hearing the difference." My head is starting to boil now.
"I'm not really sure how many different ways I can tell you that we aren't talking about this." I'm trying to stay as even with this as possible. My chest aches slightly from… Anger? Anxiety? Stress? I feel like I remember being told to avoid all three of these things. Blowing up is only going to aggravate this so I'm doing my damnedest to stay relaxed here. I sit down on the bed and close my eyes. She stands there, staring at me, looking very uncertain of what to do next. I think she's finally realized that this is too raw for me right now. "You're done here, right?" I spit out at her. "You wanted to talk about this. You followed me here to talk about this. We aren't going to. So leave." I really just want her to go. I don't want to say anything that could permanently damage my relationship with her. She doesn't know when to stop prying, but she doesn't mean any harm by it, but she's just so damned insistent.
"Hiichan~" she starts with an unsteady tone in her voice. Considering how much I was just advocating self control, I guess it's a little stupid for me to allow my name to become the tipping point, but there it is.
"You aren't honestly this stupid, are you?" The words come out with a laugh, surprising even myself. She steps back, looking as if the words themselves physically struck her as they left my lips. I stand up, challenging her wavering gaze with the coldest expression I think I've given someone. "It's like you can't take a hint. I'm not being subtle about it! I'm openly saying that I do not want to discuss this! But that's just not enough for you!" I begin to pace around the room, running my fingers through my hair, trying to shake off the growing heat in my chest. "You keep pushing, and pushing, and pushing! It was like this the first week I met you, it was like this in class about Hanako's surprise party, and it's like this now! You never learn, and you never change! You, and Shizune too! You're both so damned insistent about everything! You just don't let shit go!" I step towards her. "Why don't you ever let anything go?" Every word that tumbles out of my mouth causes me to silently curse myself. I hate myself so much that I want to die. But the torrent of screams keeps coming. Honestly, it feels like I'm losing control. I hardly hear myself anymore. The more I yell, the more I hate myself, the angrier I get, the more I yell; an infinite cycle of anger and hurt. A stream of curses, condemnations, unfair blame, and misguided anger continues to pour out by the second. The seconds turn to minutes. A minute straight is a long time to deal with constant yelling. This has gone on for at least ten. An endless storm of aggression. And the only person around to bear the brunt of that rage is-
"Hi-Hichaan…" She stammers out, tears welling up in the corners of her eyes.
"What?" She says nothing, just stares at me blankly, her eyes looking almost hollow. I let out an involuntary laugh. "I'll be damned. For once even you don't have anything to say?" As the words leave my mouth, even my eyes widen in some small amount of shock to what I've said. I sit down on the edge of my bed again and bury my face in my hands. I have no doubts. This was another bridge burned. I didn't even consider Misha and Shizune last night when I was thinking about those I might be able to turn to, but as the realization that I have just destroyed that friendship sinks in, I recognize just how much their friendship has meant to me during my time here.
"I-"
I want to apologize. This isn't what I meant to say. This isn't what I wanted. I just-
"I-"
I just wanted you to drop it. I didn't want to talk about this yet. This isn't your fault, Misha. You didn't deserve this, but-
"I-"
The feeling that's been welling up inside me. The feeling I didn't want to acknowledge earlier today. I'm angry. I'm really, really angry. And apparently that was a good enough excuse to me to lash out at somebody who only wanted to help. I can't even bring myself to look at her. Her gaze is oppressive, burrowing into the back of my skull. My head remains buried in my hands as a result. I just want that oppressive gaze to stop.
"Just go," I murmur. Once she leaves, at least I'll be able to look up. Silence. Did she not hear me? Is she so in shock that she can't even bring herself to move? "I said-"
I'm suddenly interrupted by a pair of arms, gently wrapping around my neck, and the feeling of Misha's warmth being pressed against me.
"I'm sorry, Hisao." Her words wrench my stomach, a feeling of guilt so strong I can physically feel it, making me want to vomit. She's apologizing to me? This isn't her fault. After everything I just said, she's- "Hahah~..." She lets out a small giggle through a choked voice. I look at her. Tears are still running down her cheeks, and her face is flushed. "I don't like that. I thought I should call you Hisao right now because of…" She trails off for a second, choosing her next words carefully. "Everything… But Hiichan just feels better." I always hated that nickname, but right now, it seems like it feels like the last beacon of comfort in this shit-storm I've drawn up for myself.
"This… Isn't something you should apologize for. This is me." My voice sounds hollow. "I… Ruined everything. With Hanako. Now with you. I'm not-" What am I trying to say? Where am I going with this? "I don't think I'm a very good person." Huh. I'm not sure where this came from; I just said what I felt in the moment. I can't say I've considered this before. I'd always thought of myself as a good person. A good friend. But after this, I don't know anymore. Despite this, Misha hugs me tighter. I gingerly wrap my arms around her as well. I don't feel worthy of this. I'm slipping away. I'm slipping away. I'm slipping away from the people I loved. More importantly, I'm slipping away from myself, from the person I thought I was, and the person I want to be. At this moment, this hug feels like a lifebuoy, just barely keeping me afloat amidst the tide around me.
I don't deserve this.
But I don't want to let go.
"You aren't a bad person, Hiichan." She says so matter-of-factly, and I grimace. How can she say that after everything I've just done? "I've been hurt too. I know what it can do to you. Everybody deals with this kind of thing in a different way." Her voice sounds wistful, as if reminiscing about some far off event. "It can be hard. Especially when nobody gets it, and especially when you're alone. But that's why I'll be here for you. No matter what happens, I'll be your friend." I pull away and look her in the eyes. "You'll always have somebody in your corner~." She returns my gaze with a dazzling smile as she says so.
I don't know how to explain it.
I have nothing to base this on.
But somehow…
I feel like this is the first time I've seen Misha give an actual smile.
But if this is her smile, what about all of her smiles that I've seen before?
Before I have time to ponder what this passing thought means-
"So don't worry, Hiichan. I promise you'll be okay. I'll be here for you. We'll get this figured out."
"I don't deserve that." I say what's on my mind rather bluntly. It's not elegant, but it's the truth. "I can't possibly after-"
"If you feel like you don't deserve it, than earn it. Be better than this from now on. Be angry if you want, be hurt if you want, but know where to put it." I give a small sigh. I have nothing to say to that. I can't agree to it because I don't know if I'll be able to keep that promise. I certainly didn't intend on blowing up on her like this today. But I also can't just disagree. She's right. I just… I've never been more confused. "Hiichan, what happened?" She repeats the question that triggered this all.
"I messed everything up, Misha." That's all I can muster out. That's all I can think to say. That's… All there is to it. I glance over at my clock. "It's getting late. You should get ready for class, I think." She slowly shakes her head.
"Not unless you come too."
"No." My response is out within a second. "I just can't today. I need a bit of time to myself. I don't want to break down in class." I give a small, self-derisive chuckle. "I'm so scatterbrained right now that I doubt I'd be able to retain anything anyways. There'd really be no point." Misha gives a shrug.
"Then we'll bail you out on Student Council business. We can all go the Shanghai." I turn my head questioningly.
"We?"
"Me, you and Shizune~!" I consider for a moment why I didn't immediately recognize what she was talking about. I always sort of thought of Misha as Shizune's voice, but today I got a rare glimpse into her that I somehow don't think many have seen. Logically, I've been aware that they're two different people, but seeing it in action is something different. The gentle wistfulness, compassion, and care that she's been showing has firmly established her as a person truly separate from Shizune. The realization is somewhat jarring. Now that they've been separated in my mind, it made it difficult in my dazed and emotional state to connect the dots without actively thinking about it. Odd. She must take my silence as some form of protest. "Is that okay? Do you not want Shizune to know?" I ponder that for a moment.
"I don't see a reason to keep it from her I guess. I could use a couple different opinions I think. But somehow I don't feel that Shizune would be the most unbiased person to talk about Hanako and Lilly with." Misha gives a small giggle to that.
"Maybe not, but she likes you, Hiichan~ I don't think she'd give bad advice to you~!" I sigh.
"I'd love to go with you two to the Shanghai then, if that's okay. It could… Do me some good, I think." Misha nods.
"I'll go find Shizune. Meet you back here at 8:30?" I give a nod. It's been a while since I've spent some time with the two of them like this. My life's been so preoccupied with Hanako and Lilly that I've kind of let everything else slip by the wayside. Misha giggles. "Promise you won't ignore me this time?" My gut lurches a bit as she says so. I suppose she has every right to play on my guilt. Fair enough.
"Promise." I give her the only sincere response I can think of. She leaves the room, eyes still slightly puffy, but somehow skipping all the way. Despite everything that's happened, she looks a lot more like Misha now than she did coming in here. That cheerful girl skipping out of this room, is not the girl that followed me in here. That means something, I think, but my brain is still a mess and my thoughts can't quite keep up so the meaning is lost on me at the moment. Hopefully our chat today will bring some clarity.
I take out my phone for a moment, and hesitantly flip it open. I know what I have to do. But when it comes time… Scroll to Lilly. Thumb over the call button. Sigh. Flip it shut again. I guess I'm not quite there yet? Not quite ready to let her know what's going on? I groan a bit to myself. Despite everything, it sometimes does feel like Lilly is truly my best friend. Normally that would fall squarely to Hanako, but in light of recent circumstances I don't think that would be fair to consider her. Lilly really should know what's going on. But not yet, I suppose.