Hi everyone,
So, I've decided to re-write ENTIRELY this story. This was my first story ever and it holds a special place in my heart but when I read it... God, I cringe. Haha. I was so young and I couldn't really speak English, I don't know how you guys put up with me !
Anyway, I am re-writing it so I think it will be easier to read for you AND I've added SO MANY new scenes... ;)
I can't wait to see what you guys will think of it !
I love you all so much!
Chapter 1:
In Camelot, a Royal wedding was about to be celebrated.
The King was marrying the love of his life, a servant girl named Guinevere.
After everything they had been through, the King and the servant would finally be able to be together forever.
Gwen was at her house, and she had not slept all night, she stayed on her chair, thinking.
She didn't understand.
She loved Arthur, she truly loved him and she wanted nothing more than spend the rest of her life with him...
Had wanted nothing more for years, actually.
So why on earth couldn't she stopped herself thinking about Lancelot?!
Why?
The young woman shook her head, trying to chase down all those thoughts out of her mind.
It must have been seeing him again while she thought he was dead...
He sacrificed himself to save Arthur's life, and she had always felt guilty because he did what she asked him to.
It had to be that.
Knocks on her door startled her and she got up to open, fixing her hair which looked like a real mess.
She opened and found herself facing two of the most beautiful eyes she had never seen, as blue as the sky itself.
Arthur.
He reached behind his back and held her a pretty flower, with lavender petals and she couldn't help but smile,
He was always so thoughtful.
So far from the tough soldier people saw in him.
The King leant in and kissed her cheek tenderly before whispering in her ear,
"The most beautiful flower for the most beautiful Queen..."
She slightly laughed et laid a hand on his chest, while he got up to stare into her eyes,
"I'm not Queen yet..."
"Not yet." he smiled before leaning in again and kissing her as tenderly as before, on the lips this time. She stroked his cheek gently and shut her eyes, enjoying his kiss, enjoying not having to hide themselves anymore.
She loved him so much.
He pulled apart slowly and laid his forehead on hers before whispering against her lips
"I love you so much Guinevere..."
Again, a smile spread on her face and she brought him close to her once again.
When he finally receded from her and she opened her eyes, she had to prevent a horror shout from her lips.
During a fraction of second, it wasn't Arthur in front of her,
It was Lancelot.
She shook her head and saw the concern look on her fiancé's face,
"Everything's alright Arthur," she managed to whisper
"Are you sure?"
"Yes..."
She wanted to be alone.
Think about what just happened.
Her heart wasn't wrong, she wanted Arthur.
So why did she just see someone else?
"Just a little tired that's all."
This time, he took her hand and stroked it gently,
"Me too. I haven't slept." she looked up at him and found his eyes twinkling with joy. "I can't stop thinking about us and the fact that finally, after all we've been through you and I, we are going to be together forever..."
She smiled weakly and squeezed his hand before he returned to his duty.
Gwen shut the door and leant on it...
What was happening to her?
The wedding was in two days...
Why couldn't she get Lancelot out of her mind while she didn't even love him anymore?
It didn't make any sense.
After a few minutes, she managed to resume and after dressing herself, she went to the castle.
Arthur had tried to convince her that she didn't need to do this anymore but Gwen really needed something to keep her mind as busy as possible.
Returning to the castle, she met Merlin, who smiled at her, before quickly getting closer,
"Gwen! "
"Merlin," she smiled gently at him,
"Can't wait for the big day huh?!"
She forced a smile but Merlin didn't notice, too preoccupied as he was with his ramblings,
"I really can't wait because he wants everything to be perfect for your wedding and guess who has to put up with his different moods? POOR ME." he laughed, "I really can't tell which one of the three of us waits more for this wedding to be done!"
He laughed and at this moment only, noticed that Gwen's face didn't lit up the way he had expected it to...
He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder and she jumped.
"Gwen?"
" Everything's alright!" she replied quickly, seeing Lancelot a little far away from them, wanting to go as soon as possible. " I... I need to go. "
Merlin turned around, searching for what she was looking at, and his look fall on Lancelot, waving slightly at him. Merlin responded to him in a distracted way, the pain of discovering this man wasn't his friend, wasn't even a human, too real for him to bear.
But he had to recovered, he had to find the reasons why Morgana had brought Lancelot back to life and to Camelot...
Arthur walked in the corridors ready to join a new Counsel's reunion, when he caught a glimpse of his fiancée, he slowly approached her and laid his hands on her waist, making her jump, before whispering in her ear,
"I thought I had succeeded to convince you to stop doing this…"
She smiled and closed her eyes a few seconds, enjoying his proximity and warmth.
"You may be a King, but I don't always have to do what you tell me to,"
He chuckled tenderly while nuzzling her hair, remembering this sentence and then kissed her neck quickly before gently turning her in his arms to stare into her warm chocolate eyes.
God,
He loved her eyes.
He could have stayed here hours, just lost in her eyes and just telling her again and again just how much he loved her, but he had to go.
And that was still a marvel to him, that he was now so unashamed to voice his feelings to her.
After everything they had been through, they were past being shy about what they felt for each other.
He had grown up and she had made him so.
Soon, they will have time, all eternity...
This idea made him smile and she stroked his cheek tenderly, smiling at seeing him so happy.
Seeing Arthur happy was the most beautiful sight she had ever seen, it always warmed her heart so much she felt she could glow.
"You seem awfully happy Sire,"
He smiled before getting in her game,
"That's because I'm marrying soon, my Lady," his eyes twinkled and he leant in, whispering the rest of her sentence, "to the woman I love."
She slightly blushed and in a display of public affection that was still pretty rare for her to have, she clutched his shirt and brought him to her for a fierce kiss that earned a slight groan from the King, one hand getting lost in her hair.
But when she receded from him, her mind played tricks again.
She shook her head and saw her beautiful Prince concerned about her, he laid a tender hand on her cheek and she closed her eyes, leaning on his hand.
"You should rest..." he breathed tenderly,
"Arthur, I'm fine. I promise..."
"You should go and rest in my Chamber, it'll be safe for you and no one will bother you there."
She smiled again in front of his desire to protect her whatever happened, even when all was well. She looked into his bright blue eyes and sighed,
"Fine. I'll get a nap. But only if you join me after."
He smiled before kissing her cheeks and walking away.
"I will be here soon, my love,"
And he left, a lovesick smile spreading on his handsome face,
They were already acting as if they were married.
Walking towards the King's quarters, Gwen saw Lancelot coming in the opposite way.
She turned around, panicked, and realized that she couldn't back down. Deciding to just ignore him she proceeded, but he caught her arms,
"Gwen"
"Lancelot"
Seeing that he was not letting go of her arm, she continued,
"Can I have my arm back please? This is hardly appropriate."
"Sorry." he answered, dropping her arm, he came closer and for an incomprehensible way, her eyes fall on his lips,
What was wrong with her?
"You're avoiding me." he continued, slowly,
"No."
"Gwen..."
"I... I have to go"
She wanted to go but again, he caught her arm
"I know how you still feeling things for me..."
"You're wrong." she shivered, "I love Arthur."
"Why are you lying to yourself Gwen?"
Gwen didn't move for a moment, before she felt Arthur's ring on her finger, getting away quickly of Lancelot, who was ready to kiss her.
Without a word more and very much upset, she left.
She almost cheated on Arthur.
Oh God.
What was happening to her?
She was more afraid than she had ever been.
She entered her fiancé's Chambers, and collapsed on the bed, tears falling from her eyes.
This time, she had been able to stop Lancelot, but what about next time?
And the time after?
Arthur didn't deserve that.
And he trusted her so completely...
He deserved a woman he could trust and quite clearly, she was realizing she may not be such a woman after all...
Arthur got out the Council chamber, after some matters of state to resolve, and he walked immediately to his chamber.
And oh he couldn't wait for a time when he would go back to his Chambers because Guinevere – and why not a baby of theirs? would be there waiting for him...
Arthur shook his head, getting out of his day dream.
One day.
The young King got in and smiled in front of the scene in front of him,
Gwen was here, cuddled in his bed, deeply asleep.
He got closer and stroked her cheek slowly before removing his own boots, and laid beside her, against her back, surrounding her in his embrace to bring her to him, burying his face in her neck, soaking up in the smell he loved above all.
God, he loved her.
Like he had never loved anyone and more than he ever would.
When Gwen woke up, she felt somebody against her back and panicked slightly before turning herself and catching a glimpse of Arthur, deeply asleep, his mouth half open, his hair falling in his eyes...
He was so cute.
She rarely thought of Arthur as cute, he was a fierce warrior, handsome, reassuring and so... manly.
But right now in this innocence she didn't know he had,
She found him so cute her heart actually stuttered.
With one hand, she tenderly pushed away some blond hair from his forehead and stroked his cheek tenderly before move it down to his chest and cuddled herself a little more against him.
He moved a little but tightened his grip against his fiancée, before his eyes slowly opened
"You are very comfortable," she smiled, nuzzling her face in his chest and he laughed.
"I'm glad you find so, because you are going to sleep there for a long time to come..."
She looked up at him and saw his eyes shining with joy and love for her, and, right away, she felt guilty.
She didn't deserve him.
Arthur gave his entire self to her and however, Lancelot wouldn't quit her mind.
Why?
She loved Arthur, more than anything in this world and more than she ever thought possible to ever love someone.
All those years, she had waited to be his wife.
She had dreamt of nothing more for as long as she could remember.
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, closing his eyes again,
"I'm thinking about the fact that we are in the middle of the day Arthur, people will start asking where you are."
" I'm spending time with the woman I'm about to marry." he breathed, burying his face in her neck again, and leaving a small kiss here. "I'm sure they can understand that."
She cuddled against him, feeling his heart beat against her hand,
"Soon, my love." she breathed, "Soon, we will be together forever,"
With Arthur's face in her neck, Gwen felt the smile that formed on his lips and she stroked his hair tenderly.
She had to find a way, she couldn't take the risk to have him hurt.
Not when she could prevent it...
She was going to ask Lancelot to go away, to let her live her story with the King.
This was the only way.
Merlin was pacing in the space he shared with Gaius,
"Merlin, sit down please, you're making me nauseous."
"I can't."
The old physician laid down his glasses and stared at his apprentice,
"What's in your mind?"
"It's Lancelot.' finally sighed the young man before finally sit,
"Lancelot?"
"Yes." he ran a hand over his face, "I don't understand why he is here. Not to kill Arthur... So why? Why did Morgana sent him for?"
"Merlin, you will not resolve any problems by pacing like that..."
"But I don't get it!" shouted the young warlock, getting up to resume pacing, "Why did she send him now?"
Instantly, he paled and stopped, Gaius raised an eyebrow, worried,
"Merlin?"
"Gwen." he only breathed,
"Gwen?"
"Morgana sent Lancelot for Gwen..."
"What?"
"She wants to cancel the wedding! "
"Excuse me? Merlin, what you are saying doesn't have any sense! Why would Morgana want to cancel the wedding?"
"Think about it Gaius! If Gwen left Arthur the night before their wedding, he will be broken, you know he will. But if she left him for Lancelot... he will be devastated." He closed his mouth for a second before said again, " a devastated King is not a King who can govern. Morgana knows that."
Gaius seemed to think before saying slowly,
"You can't be sure about that Merlin."
"But it's obvious! Morgana knows Gwen, she knows her past with Lancelot..."
"Perhaps. But Morgana also knows that Gwen loves Arthur. This plan would not work out."
"Maybe..." he conceded before sitting.
But something was still bothering him.
Gwen walked on the corridors, in search of Lancelot.
She finally found him in the armory, removing his armor.
She got closer,
"Lancelot?"
He turned around and she froze.
She wanted to kiss him.
Why?
He smiled and showed her his chainmail,
"Can you help me removing it?"
"I don't think it's a good idea."
She heard him laugh,
"Why are you here for Gwen?"
"I came to ask you to leave."
He locked his eyes onto hers and she backed away, just to be sure.
What was happening to her?
'Impossible." was his only answer.
"I beg your pardon?" her eyes widened.
And somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized how different he was from the man she had once known, but her mind was too blurry to really care.
"I won't leave." he walked toward her and took her hand, this time she didn't have the courage to remove it.
God, no.
"I let him take you away once, and another time, not this time."
"Lancelot." she began, hoping her voice is firm enough, "You already lost me. In two days, at this time, I will be Arthur's wife. And nothing else on earth could make me happier. So, if you really care about me, you will do what is just and fair."
He got a little more closer and she could feel his breath against her lips,
"I can make you happy Gwen..." he closed the gasp between them and she couldn't stop him. MOVE GWEN. "If you would only let us a chance..."
Gwen still didn't know how, but she found the strength to turn her head slightly and the young man's lips fall on her cheek rather than her lips.
She wouldn't be able to do that a second time,
It had already taken all of her strenght.
Instead, she ran away, as quickly as she could.
Lancelot was smiling, his mission was almost achieved.
Gwen spent the next day in her house, trying to avoid Lancelot, Merlin, Arthur.
The young woman wiped a tear that was falling from her eyes, she spent the whole night thinking, and then the morning, and the afternoon...
There was only one way.
She had been able to think about only one way to make sure the worst wouldn't happen.
She stroked the ring on her finger and immediately, a sob took her while the thought was clearly formulated in her head for the first time.
She had to leave Arthur.
She couldn't do that to him.
She knew she was going to break his heart, he who was so happy with this marriage but she rather do it now than cheating on him later...
And she obviously couldn't be trusted, even with the happiness of the one person she loved more than anything in this world.
"I'm sorry Arthur." she whispered before she buried her head in her hands, sobbing.
The wedding was tomorrow, she had to tell Arthur tonight.
Gwen got up and put her cape on before walking to her fiancé's bedroom.
She knocked and when she saw Arthur's eyes shining at her coming, she almost turned around...
Almost.
"Guinevere!" he exclaimed, approaching her to take her hand and kissed it tenderly," What are you doing here, my love? I thought it was bad luck for the groom to see the bride the night before the wedding," he smiled, his eyes shining.
She just couldn't find the words anymore.
Instead, she looked in his bright blue eyes and he smiled tenderly at her before kissing her so very gently,
"Something's wrong, my love?" She looked up at him and he said again in a worried voice suddenly, "You've got red eyes, Were you crying?" She didn't answer, enjoying his presence, enjoying having him so close to her, enjoying him.
"Arthur..." he kissed her lovingly again, stroking her cheeks before let her speak again, "I cant... I can't be your Queen."
"Gwen" he breathed tenderly,"you know what I think of you, you're the best thing that ever happened to me and you will make an amazing Que..." she shook her head sadly and he stopped, realisation of what she had truly said hitting him at the despair in her eyes. He felt his heart stop right away, praying for a misunderstanding.
And what else could it be?
They had spent all of their time together since the proposal.
Why would she want to do what he thought she was about to?
The King looked up with his wide blue eyes and seeing the fear in there made Gwen's heart sink. "Guinevere?" he only ask with a rough voice who made her kneels turned weak.
"I'm sorry..." again, she felt tears pricking at her eyes,
Arthur was suddenly very pale, frowning slightly.
"Don't start your answer by 'I'm sorry', not now..." he begged her,
"Arthur..."
"Look," his voice was slightly shaking now, "Whatever happened, we can get trough this together..."
He was holding his breath. All depended on what she was going to say right now. If he had known all was going to end so soon, he would have taken time to appreciate the feeling he was feeling yet minutes ago, before she came in his room.
He thought he would have all of his life to do so.
"I'm sorry..."
He closed his eyes, feeling them tingling, tears pricking at the corners.
He knew what she was doing.
He couldn't understand for the life of him why.
"I can't marry you."
Arthur felt his heart slowly ripped in two in his chest and he let go of her hand slowly, a tear rolling down his face.
Gwen didn't dare to move, seeing the man she loved, slowly broke down in front of her...
Arthur was dealing with too much feelings right now to look at her.
Hurt.
Pain.
Confusion.
"Wh... Why?" he whispered, attempting to resume. "This doesn't make any sense."
She didn't answer and he said again, with this same trembling voice,
"I..." he cleared his throat and tried to straighten up."I thought we were happy Guinevere."
"We were Arthur." she forced herself to say with a steady voice,
Arthur couldn't help but notice her use of the past and he felt his heart fall to the bottom of his chest.
"So why?" he asked and again, he couldn't hide the shaking of his voice,
It didn't make any sense.
"You wouldn't understand."
"Please, tell me." blue eyes were desperately trying to make sense of what was happening.
He was happily waiting for his wedding day a couple of minutes ago, a wedding he had waited years to happen and now… now without any sorts of heads up, Guinevere was leaving him.
It just didn't make any sense.
"Guinevere, I... I can''t believe it. You can't have faked your feelings for me."
She swallowed dryly.
"I never said that."
"Then what?"
"I just can't marry you."
His heart stopped again.
And then...
Then doubts.
Maybe she had not been ready.
Maybe he had pushed this on her too soon.
Stupid. he blamed himself.
Because Arthur had managed to ruin the only best thing that had ever happened in his life.
"When I asked you to marry me, I... thought it was what you wanted too." he looked down, trying to keep himself together. "I am sorry if I-"
"It was Arthur." she hurried to add, her heart thinking before her head because seeing him so hurt was killing her.
And she couldn't give him the answer he was so clearly craving because it would hurt him more than she could bear.
"Why are you speaking at the past?!" he exclaimed suddenly, "It was two days ago... You had this look on your face and I know you weren't lying."
"I just figured out some things."
He looked down, with a heavy heart.
And then he suddenly seemed so tired.
"Like what? What have I done this time to push away the only person I have ever loved and the only one who ever made me happy." he said so weary she froze.
"Don't say that. Please. If anything, I don't deserve you." her voice broke and their eyes locked once again.
With one trembling finger, he stroke the side of her jaw.
"I love you so much, my Guinevere." he said quietly and a tear rolled down her cheek. "And..." he took a deep breath. "And if this marriage is not what you want anymore. If..." he lost his composure a few seconds, his hand falling from her face as he cleared his throat. "If I am not what you want anymore."
"Arthur..."
"I won't force you." he said quickly, before losing his nerves and begging her to take him back. "Never."
Another tear was rolling down her cheek as she croaked,
"You're a good man, Arthur."
Arthur blinked and a few tears escaped his vigilance while he looked at her for the last time and she felt like she was dying inside.
"I... " he wanted to seem sure about his decision but he only seemed more pained, "I will summon the Council immediately and... cancel the... cancel our... the wedding." he shook his head, trying to clear his mind. "If this is really what you want?" he murmured and she chocked off a sob.
"It's what need to be done." her voice broke.
"I see." he nodded his head and walked to the window, leaning against the wall, eyes far away suddenly.
Gwen felt tears rolling down her own cheeks and for the first time since she arrived, she made attention to details...
Arthur's armor, his cape and his sword had been prepared – surely by Merlin, for the next day. She saw flowers adorning the bed and dresses exceeded the closet and her heart tightened further.
"Arthur?"
"Leave me alone." was his only answer,"Please."
"I'm so sorry..."
"Don't be." his voice was white, absent, " I should have known that I couldn't ask you to wait for me all these years and hope that nothing would change... I have been so selfish and I apologize for that Guinevere."
She began to move to comfort him, hug him, do something at least, but he cut her off first, turning around and locked his bright blue sad eyes onto hers,
"I...Thank you."
"What for?" she asked, puzzled.
"For being honest with me. Even if I would have liked if you had done that sooner.." his voice trailed off and she saw tears pricked once again in his eyes,"But thank you for not marrying me just because I'm the King. You're always honest with me and this is one of the many reasons I'm so in lov..." he stopped right away.
And it was killing him.
A few hours ago he had a right to tell her he loved her, now he just couldn't anymore.
Gwen stared at him for a few seconds and laid a hand on his forearm, she felt him tense and finally, he removed his arm gently from her grasp.
It hurt too much.
"Of course I love you Arthur," she said gently,
"Just not enough to marry me." he finished, looking down,
"I..."
But without giving her time to finish, he reached the door,
"I have to send for Merlin." he laid a hand on the door handle and turned around to her one second, as if he was going to say something, but nothing came.
He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally said in a voice barely audible,
"I only want you to be happy, Guinevere. That's all I ever wanted for you."
In the castle's corridors, one thought only was in the King's mind,
She didn't love him enough to spend the rest of her life with him.
He felt another tear on his face and wiped it angrily, he hated to seem weak and yet...
She was his weakness.
And she didn't even know it.
He reached Gaius's chamber, closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before knocking,
"Yes?"
He came in and saw Merlin and the Court physician dinning.
Seeing Arthur's absent stare, Merlin got up and walked toward his friend,
"Something's wrong?"
"Cancel the wedding." Arthur noticed that his voice was barely hearable,
"WHAT?" shouted his manservant, " Is it a joke?"But, seeing thee King's stare, the sadness of his features, the harsh truth came in Merlin's mind. "But... Why?"
"Guinevere." was all he could say without crumbling.
"She broke your engagement?"
Arthur closed his eyes, unable to stop the pain to invade him. His broken heart seemed having hard time to beat too and Arthur couldn't make a full sentence.
"Arthur I'm sorry..."
He laid a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder but this late shoved him away gently,
"Just... Do this for me Merlin. Cancel everything. And be sure that I won't be disturbed tomorrow, under any circumstances."
Gwen left the room later and she met Arthur, seeing him, she immediately stopped.
She saw how pale he was, how his eyes were red and he was desperately trying to appear strong.
She opened her mouth to speak but once again, he was quicker and spoke first, with a broken voice that made her shivered,
"It's done."
She didn't know what to answer so she let a small "Thank you" and saw Arthur became even more pale.
He felt what was left of his heart stopping, "Thank you.", she thanked him for cancelling their marriage,"Thank you."
He started walking around her but she caught his arm and right away, his blue eyes locked onto her warm brown ones,
"Arthur, please let me explain..."
"You don't have to, actually." he whispered, "I got it. I'm not even angry. All this years, my biggest fear was that something else would come between us and you'd got tired of waiting for me." she saw his wide eyes full with tears again and her heart broke at seeing him like that while all she ever wanted to do was protect him, "I just didn't expect it to happen now, the night before we..." he shook his head again.
She opened her mouth but he closed his eyes and continued with a voice so low she almost didn't hear him,
"You know what I said when my father almost killed you all those years ago, I meant it then, I still mean it now, " he opened slowly his eyes and blew, "I will always love you."
He leant in and hesitantly laid his lips on hers in a tender kiss, one last time.
Then, slowly, he got up and before entering in his chamber whispered against her lips, "Goodbye, my Guinevere."
A/N: So? I am soooooo excited to see what you thought about it! Really, I can't wait *-* Love you all !