ENDGAME SPOILERSSo I just re-watched Endgame, and this piece sort of just came out so... Here you go, I guess.Peter settled down on the edge of a building, ripping his mask off his head. He swung his legs over the side of the building, as he fiddled around with his mask. The eyes lit up, indicating that it was recording. Looking down at his mask with a shaky breath, he began talking,
"Hey, Mr Stark. Just giving you my mission report for today. I stopped somebody from mugging an old lady, uh… Gave this random cat some of my sandwich. I named it Peanut…" Peter paused, his eyes staring aimlessly at the fabric in his hands.
"I also helped out a women with her groceries, and got some kids balloon out of a tree, so." Peter shuddered as he let out a sigh, his reflection visible in his mask's glassy white eyes.
"I just- I-i got a little roughed up, earlier… Nothing bad, just a few scratches… I blame the tree that was in my way. You would always come soaring down, fretting over any injury I got... I stayed there, for a while… Just, waiting for you to come. It sounds stupid… Because… Your not.." Peter stopped, holding back a choked sob, as he clasped his eyes shut.
Peter let a few stray tears roll down his cheeks. "I don't know how you did it. Five years. Five entire years you dealt with the loss of half of the entire universe, and you held together, but I can barely hold together with the loss of one person."
"I don't know what to do, how to do anything. Everyone tells me to just move on, or that it will get better overtime, but nothing is getting better, it's only getting worse. Everything I see reminds me of you, of us." Peter didn't bother trying to fight the pain that he had kept inside for so long, and the tears began spilling out of his scrunched eyes.
"I need you. I need you, so, so bad. I don't know what to do anymore without you here, I feel like I'm just being such a burden to everybody. I tell myself that I'm not the only one suffering, and that I should be grateful for actually being alive. Everybody tells me we won, but why does it feel so much like we've lost? Like I've lost? I had that gauntlet in my hand for over five minutes. I could've snapped my fingers, I could've been the one to die, not you. But I didn't, and I can't help but feel like it's all my fault." Peter's thoughts just came flying out of his mouth, and he couldn't make himself stop.
"I went onto that ship, all those five years ago, thinking I was doing the right thing, thinking I was being helpful, but in reality I was just being stupid and selfish. I was just being a burden to you."
Peter let out a few shaky breaths. "I walked past the spot where our favourite shop was, Delmar's… It's where me and Uncle Ben went all the time together. It reminds me of him, you know. It made it more special when we went there together. Now the shop is gone. All the memories that were made there… Just… Gone."
"I sometimes wonder if I just wasn't supposed to have a father figure in my life… Heh, I never told you, but… You were like a father to me. I wish now that I had told you. That I had told you how much I really cared about you, how much you meant to me, that you meant more to me then just Tony Stark, more to me then just a mentor…" His tears dripped onto the mask, soaking into the red fabric.
"I'm trying to move on. I really, really am trying, but I can't. I can't move on and just forget, and try to push you to the back of my mind, because I feel like if I move on, I will forget about you. That I will forget the impact you had on my life, on everybody's lives."
"I just wished that you realised how amazing you were… How much of an incredible person you actually are." A tiny smile graced Peter's lips.
"I remember those times that you would stay up with me all night, just to make sure I had a good sleep because of the nightmares I experienced… Or all the time in the labs we shared together. The movie nights we had, watching Star Wars, when you secretly pretended you hated the movies, although we all knew you loved them…" Peter let out a soft laugh.
"Those moments I wish I treasured more. I shouldn't have taken those times for granted… Because you never know when those times will never repeat themselves…"
"I know you will never see this recording, and I know that it will be lost, but I just needed to tell you how much I cared." Peter pulled the mask up to his face, as he stared into it's lenses.
"Thank you, Mr Stark. For everything. I really miss you. We all do. I just hope that you can rest well, knowing that you saved us all. You're everyone's hero." Peter paused.
"You're my hero."